


Location, Location, Location

by Lapal



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2019-10-02 08:40:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 104,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17261072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lapal/pseuds/Lapal
Summary: Serena Campbell decides to sell her house. But she's not going to let any Tom, Dick or Harry show people around her home while she's at work. Maybe there's a Bernie out there that can help?





	1. Instruction...or the first step

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is a little shorter than I usually produce, but I need to set the scene and, if I'm honest, still not too sure the route this is going to take. So, a slow (as usual) start and I'll see where the muse takes me. Any comments are much appreciated.

Location, Location, Location.

 

 

Chapter 1 : Instruction

 

 

Serena closed the door behind her as she walked into her fairly large, leafy detached (and very empty home) and sighed. She knew she couldn’t put off making a decision for much longer. She would either have to consider renting out a room to a young professional (not certain whether it would be a good or bad idea if it was someone from work), or she had to bite the bullet and sell the house. ‘Downsizing’ she believed it was called. It was nothing she had ever thought she would be considering before retirement, and that momentous occasion was still a fairly small dot on the horizon. Which was part of the problem. She had a very demanding career as a consultant vascular surgeon, a lead consultant on the AAU ward, and was also currently the assistant CEO of Holby City Hospital. And that left very little time or energy to see to the upkeep of her house and garden which were being sadly neglected. By the time she got home on most days she was too tired to feel inclined to do any housework, and anyway she often had plenty of paperwork from her day job to work through. It took all of her strength to make sure the lounge, kitchen and bedroom were relatively dust and detritus free, and she was beginning to feel that even that was a losing battle. Once upon a time it had been worth the effort to keep the place looking good for unexpected visitors, but as she'd gotten older, and some of her friends and family had moved away from Holby, it now all seemed too much trouble.

She knew that Elinor, her daughter, would make a huge fuss about her childhood home being sold, but she rarely put in an appearance these days, preferring her social life at university to spending weekends with her mother. And when she did visit, she just used it as an hotel. Somewhere to park her luggage, cadge some free food and extra cash, or using it as a place to crash when she either ran out of money or needed somewhere to sleep off copious amounts of alcohol in safety.

 

‘ _I suppose I should be grateful that she still feels that she can show me that side of her, and know that I will still love her…and at least I don’t have to suffer watching a stream of men knocking at my door, panting after her.’_

 

When one is in the early stages of the menopause the last thing you want reminding of, is how much you see yourself in your daughter, thought Serena. Especially when she is a hotter version of yourself, but with far more confidence than you ever had at that age. And, if she was honest, Serena could think of nothing worse than being greeted in the morning by one of Elinor's many admirers draped over her scantily clad body, whilst all Serena wanted was access to the kettle to make a cup of coffee. She imagined the scenario picturing herself wearing granny slippers and a terry towelling dressing gown. She groaned out loud.

 

‘Dear _god, when did my life get so pedestrian and mundane,’_ she thought. _‘Maybe this is what I need, something concrete and worthwhile to be doing, that will benefit me for a change.’_

 

The prospect of taking in a paying guest was a difficult one. It wouldn’t be because she needed the income to stay living at the house, and it was unlikely that any professional lodger would do anything more than keep their own room tidy. If it was just about the upkeep of the place then she always had the option of employing a cleaner and gardener. No, the real truth of the matter was that this place no longer felt like her home. There were a lot of memories here, and some of them were even good ones. But recently the bad memories had been threatening to overwhelm her when she was lying alone in bed, unable to sleep.

Echoes of drunken arguments with Edward, and the anguish of knowing that he had brought at least one of his conquests back to their bedroom. Heated words and pleading with Elinor as she played them, one against the other, and the slamming of the door behind her when Serena refused to let her have her own way. When Edward had finally left it was harder than she thought, even if she no longer had any feelings of love towards him. What had really hurt her was the realisation that she no longer excited him enough, and the fact that he hadn’t cared about her feelings, had cut deep into her soul. It still meant, all these years later, that she couldn’t believe that any man would want a long term relationship with her. She was good for a bit of fun, a distraction when life was dull, but she knew that she didn’t have what most men were looking for when it came to commitment. She needed to face up to the fact that she would, in all probability spend her latter years alone, and it seemed sensible to make the necessary adjustments now, while she was fit and able to do so. Then, when her retirement did roll around she would be already settled in a smaller community where she was accepted and where she felt safe. Shrugging off her coat she made the decision to ring a couple of the better known estate agents in the morning, asking them to come and give her a valuation, so that she could start to look around for affordable places she might want to consider as her next home.

Four days later and she was already fed up and reconsidering her idea of moving. The men that had come around to look at her property had been effusive to the extreme, saying what a wonderful location it was (she knew that), what fantastic views it had (she knew that too), and how they would have no problem selling it as it was in fabulous condition and needed nothing doing to it to achieve the top price for the area. (That she knew was a downright lie). There were a number of things that needed attention, and although the majority were probably cosmetic, it had been a long time since work of any kind had been done on it. Then the figure that they had suggested she could achieve was, in her opinion, way over the top at £750,000. A carrot that she was sure was being dangled, just to lure her onto their books. She was sitting in Albie’s after a long shift, with some friends and co-workers, moaning how she didn’t trust any of them.

“I might just as well stay put and save some cash. Rethink my other idea of letting a room perhaps?”

Fletcher winced at that, and as she glared at him he shrugged his shoulders.

“Well, if you do choose that route, make sure you’ve taken some good legal advice about how difficult it could be if you decide you’re not compatible and want them gone. And there’s all the hidden costs like extra security for yourself and your tenant, not to mention having to increase your insurance to cover damage to property and people.”

Serena’s stony face told him that these were things she hadn’t thought of.

“I’m only saying... Have you thought about selling it yourself? You know, advertising on one of those websites that say you only pay a fraction of the costs of an ordinary estate agent?”

Serena rolled her eyes and sighed.

“Yes, of course I had thought about it, but the times I could be home to show people around during the day are fairly limited, and I’m not sure I’d be that comfortable about asking people I don’t know into my home after dark. It’s just sounding like too much hassle if I’m honest.”

“Well,” said a sultry voice just behind her, “I may have a solution for you.”

Serena turned around to see Fleur Fanshawe from Obs & Gynae hovering over her, and she smiled, waving her to sit down.

“Do tell,” said Serena, somewhat sarcastically, believing that this might just be a lead up to another round of outrageous flirting by her long time work colleague.

“I’m serious,” said Fleur, “I have a friend who is has recently opened her own estate agent business after a messy divorce, and her rates are a lot lower than the big guns. She has worked for a few of them herself and has as jaded view of their tactics as yourself. There will be costs, but I might be able to persuade her to consider ‘mate’s rates’.”

Serena raised an eyebrow.

“Sounds a little too good to be true to me. Are you sure you haven’t got your own agenda here? Let me guess, she’s just your type and you want her to feel that she ‘owes you one’.”

Fleur grinned good-naturedly at the chorus of ‘aye, aye’s’ that echoed around their table.

“Well, I won’t deny that she is of the sapphic persuasion, but _you_ Serena darling, are far more ‘my type’ than she is. Who knows, maybe she’ll be the one to turn you _,_ as I haven’t had much luck in that department, and it’s not for the want of trying.”

Everyone laughed at that, Serena included. She’d been on the receiving end of Fleur’s advances for many months now, and while she was not immune to her charms she had never felt tempted to take it any further than a chaste kiss on the cheek after a night out. It wasn’t even that she would be averse to the idea, especially given some of the disastrous encounters with men over the years, but she had never encountered anyone who had sparked her interest enough to really consider it.

“Oh, go on then,” she said, “let me have her contact details. She can’t be worse than the others so I’ll give it one more try. But if this doesn’t work out then I’ll adopt half a dozen rescue cats and become the crazy cat lady that local children run away from in case I put a spell on them.”

Fleur leaned in a little closer.

“I’d like to be under your spell….amongst other things.”

Serena rolled her eyes in mock annoyance as she gathered her things together to head home.

“Don’t forget to send me her phone number Fleur, I’m not going to hassle you for it.”

Fleur was as good as her word and the very next day found Serena sitting in Pulses, having a well-earned break from the ward, dialling the number that Fleur had forwarded to her. The call was answered fairly promptly and Serena found herself explaining how she needed to sell her house to achieve some long term goals, and wanted everything done and dusted in the next 12 months, if that was possible. She was pleasantly surprised when Ms Wolfe said that she would be free to pop over in the morning if that would suit Serena.

“But it’s Saturday,” said Serena. “I don’t expect any special treatment because we have a friend in common.”

When Ms Wolfe replied, Serena could hear the smile in her voice, along with a vaguely patronising tone.

“I’m still trying to establish myself in this field Ms Campbell, and I will do, within reason, whatever it takes to give my business an edge over the competition. However, I think you’ll find that it’s not unusual for those in my profession to be working for at least one day over a weekend. It is when most people have the time to look around the properties and neighbourhoods they’re interested in.”

“Really?” said Serena, “I hadn’t really thought of it like that. But yes, tomorrow morning would be just fine for me. Is 11.00am workable for you?”

Ms Wolfe agreed, and Serena was quite impressed with how professional she had been, without sounding too officious. She hoped to manage a little lie in as well as having time for a quick tidy round beforehand, or to at least have washed up some of the dishes that had been lying in her sink for the last few days.

When she answered the door the following morning, she was momentarily taken aback. She had built up in her mind a severe looking person with hair scraped back or cut very short and probably wearing a tailored suit and little make-up, a little like a head mistress. She had got the make-up correct, just lip gloss and some mascara, but the rest of the image that was in front of her couldn’t be more wrong. Ms Wolfe was dressed quite casually, although still managing to look every inch the professional she undoubtedly was, in skinny black jeans and a short grey coat, unbuttoned to show an open necked check shirt. Her hair was quite….messy,  but in a way that appeared stylish, and she was currently looking at her with a bemused grin, as Serena realised she hadn’t spoken or made any movement since opening the door 30 seconds ago.

“I’m so sorry, I assume you are Ms Wolfe,” and she opened the door wider and stepped back to allow her to enter. Once inside, the woman stretched out her arm to shake hands.

“Pleased to meet you, and please, call me Bernie.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry for the hesitation there, I’m afraid your appearance caught me off guard.”

As soon as the words were out of her mouth Serena realised how odd they sounded and was not surprised at the puzzled look on Bernie’s face.

“Oh… I see. Or perhaps I don’t, I hope I wasn’t a disappointment?”

“Good god no..far from it!”

Serena was starting to feel at odds with everything that was currently coming out of her mouth, and she blushed.

“Look, can we start again? If you’d like to come through into the lounge I’ll make us both a coffee, which will hopefully give me time to stop acting like an utter fool.”

Bernie gave a snort of laughter and nodded, and in the few minutes that it took to make their drinks, Serena managed to compose herself a little, although she still couldn’t undertand how jittery she felt. They stayed sitting and chatting for about half an hour and Serena’s unsettled nerves gradually calmed. She began to feel that she and Bernie could work together to sell her house, that they had a similar point of view on quite a few things, and Bernie was finding Serena extremely easy to talk to, an unusual occurrence for her. She managed fine when she was talking business with a prospective client, but always found the initial chit-chat a bit of a trial. Bernie put her empty mug onto the coffee table and pushed herself up from the sofa.

“Right Ms Campbell, perhaps I should start to earn my money, should you decide to use my services. Do you want to take me on a guided tour or would you rather I just wandered around jotting down my thoughts as I go?”

Serena gave a wry smile.

“I’m quite happy for you roam as you see fit, I would probably hover at your elbow trying to see what you’re making notes about, and the F1’s at Holby tell me that I can be slightly intimidating when I start peering over their shoulders. Oh, and I’d much rather you call me Serena, not Ms Campbell.”

As Bernie disappeared from sight Serena collected the mugs and took them into the kitchen. She stood for a few minutes gazing into the garden. She already knew that she was going to place her house sale in the safe (and elegant) hands of B.G. Wolfe & Co.

Bernie meanwhile was moving around this ‘ideally situated, leafy, detached residence’ with a light heart. When Fleur had told her that she had recommended her to someone living in this area of Holby, she had been quite excited because it would really help her business if she could achieve a good sale in this upmarket area. Word of mouth was everything nowadays, star ratings and reviews on web sites counted for nothing when it was so easy to fake them. But it wasn’t just that. Over their coffee she had had felt a strange sense of really wanting to help this woman attain her goals, and she couldn't deny that he brain had already registered that Serena was very attractive. Bernie had been charmed by the warmth that exuded from her, making her feel at ease in a way that didn’t usually happen in the early stages of negotiating a house sale, and in some cases not at all. When she had finished she returned to the lounge and spotted Serena just coming in from the garden with a small smile on her face. She wondered, all of a sudden, how difficult it would be for Serena to say goodbye to this house.

As Bernie walked into the kitchen to meet her, Serena felt a few butterflies flutter in her stomach as she tried to anticipate what she would have to say about her home.

“I’ve.. er..just put a few nibbles out on the patio if you have time to stop and share them with me while you give me your report. Or perhaps just another coffee, or tea, or even some wine….or water if you’d prefer, I have an extensive range of...beverages.” Serena’s voice tailed off as she became very aware that she was babbling somewhat incoherently, and she paused to take a deep breath.

“I’m sorry. I think I’m a little anxious to hear about what you think. But if you do have the time I’d be glad if you wanted to join me and have some lunch in the garden.”

Bernie smiled, and was genuinely moved by her invitation.

“It’s very kind of you, but don’t feel as if you have to do anything to win me over…your house has already done that. However if you’re sure, I would love to stay and discuss things with you in a little more detail.”

So, over the next couple of hours they sat and talked about how Bernie would plan to ensure that Serena could achieve the sale she wanted, with the least disruption to her work timetable and personal privacy. She didn’t sugar coat the fact that she felt there was a little work to be done to fetch the optimum price, but, with the exception of updating the fuse board along with an accompanying electrical check, most of it was cosmetic. She particularly hoped, that unless Serena or her daughter had a big objection, she would be willing to do some work to show Elinor’s bedroom in a more adult light, by getting rid of the predominantly pink walls, and numerous soft toys.

“It shouldn’t be necessary, but you’d be amazed at how many people who view houses can’t get past the décor. And if they have grown up children or young boys they can be ridiculous about seeing things as too girly or young.”

Serena laughed.

“Maybe I should have done it years ago. Perhaps that’s why Elinor doesn’t come back very often…it makes her feel as if she’s a little girl again.”

Bernie explained that she would draw up two sets of particulars, one reflecting the asking price if none of the suggestions she had made were acted upon, and the other what she thinks it could achieve with a little work being done. By the end of their lunch Serena had asked Bernie to act as her agent, and Bernie was more than happy to accept the commission.

It was over three hours after Bernie had arrived on her doorstep, that Serena was escorting her back to the front door. Bernie had promised that she would send a mock up of the sale details as they would appear on her website as soon as possible, as well as the contract that Serena would need to sign, along with a simple breakdown of the probable costs that would be incurred. She also asked if she could return tomorrow with her camera to take a few photos of the house, rooms and garden to help her market the propery, apologising that she hadn’t thought to bring it with her and promising that she would not be charging for something that was her own fault. Serena was only too happy to agree and both of them were smiling broadly as they said goodbye, feeling that something that could potentially change both their lives for the better had just happened.

 

 

 

 


	2. Appraisal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Bernie carries out her appraisal of the property Serena finds out a little more about her background.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken longer than I anticipated. Real life sometimes insists on coming first..

Chapter 2 : Appraisal

 

As promised, Bernie returned the following day with her beloved Canon camera, which takes far better photos that even the best mobile on the market. Serena had been ready and waiting, making sure there was a freshly brewed cup of coffee for her, only minutes after she set foot inside the door. She tried to justify the extra effort she knew she had put into her appearance as simply turning over a new leaf, to not slouch around in sweat pants on her days off. Bernie had been genuinely happy to see Serena again as well, so the beaming smiles they greeted each other with were entirely genuine.

Unfortunately, even including the five or ten minutes chat over said beverage did not alter the fact that walking around the house (inside and out) snapping left, right and centre only took just over half an hour. Bernie knew that the couple of pictures she had ‘inadvertently’ taken that showed Serena in shot, could be edited once she was back home. She could have spun it out for a while, taking extra photos from different angles, believing that Serena wouldn’t question her judgement, but it would only have extended her visit by a few minutes. So, unable to come up with a valid reason for staying any longer, Bernie promised to email a mock-up of the particulars to Serena for her approval, and they could take things from there.

Similarly, Serena was trying to decide if asking her to stay to lunch again made her sound a little too needy, a lonely middle-aged woman with no real friends of her own, and the answer her mind came up with was ‘ _yes_.’ Therefore they were both stood, hovering at the door making very inconsequential small talk as Bernie finally said goodbye and turned to walk back to her car. She was about to get in when, feeling brave, (which was practically unheard of when it came to her feelings) she stopped and retraced her steps, thankful that Serena hadn’t yet closed the door.

“I don’t suppose you fancy a quick drink somewhere do you? I was going to go for a short ride to blow a few cobwebs away before I have to knuckle down to do some work,” she said, waiving her hand at her camera and the house. “And I don’t know about you but I always feel a little exposed when I’m sitting in a pub alone, so you’d be doing me a favour if you wanted to, you know, come.”

The slightly bewildered look on Serena’s face at her ramblings, made her wish she’d just climbed straight back into her car. She hastened to back track, to give Serena a chance to say no without feeling guilty.

“But, I expect you have more than enough work to do before Monday morning, so…perhaps another time?”

“No! I mean I’d like to,” Serena suddenly blurted out. “I do have a couple more questions anyway…if you don’t mind talking shop for a little bit?”

“Oh…right…great,” said Bernie feeling slightly wrong-footed after being sure that Serena was about to refuse her invitation. “I’ll… er.. just wait in the car then..if that’s okay with you?”

Serena nodded and went back indoors, leaving Bernie to almost run down the drive. As she sat in her car, anxiously drumming her fingers against the steering wheel, she tried some deep breathing to calm her nerves before Serena came back, trying not to think too deeply about why she felt so nervous. And by the time Serena slid into the seat next to her she was a little more under control.

“Is there anywhere _you_ would like to go?” she asked, and Serena shook her head.

“Not at all,” she replied. “I’m happy to place myself entirely in your very capable hands.”

There was a moments silence, as they both read slightly more meaning into those words than Serena had intended, before Bernie nodded wordlessly and started the engine. She made the decision not to drive too far into the countryside surrounding Holby, as she was already hoping she might persuade Serena to extend the quick drink to include a some lunch. She pulled onto the car park of a little pub she occasionally used, knowing full well that they weren’t as much in demand as those that offered a Sunday roast or bistro style pub grub, and therefore were rarely overrun with families or bright young things. They more than made up for it, in Bernie’s opinion, in being warm and welcoming with a good range of bar snacks, mostly homemade.

Bernie scooted out and round the car in time to hold the door open for Serena as she pushed herself upright, where she paused for a moment, looking around her.

“This is a lovely setting,” she commented. “Is it somewhere you come often?

“Not often no,” Bernie answered, as they walked into the bar, “but I’ve found it’s a nice place to relax when you want to get away from the hubbub of the city.”

Serena smiled at her.

“Something I need to do much more often than I manage. Have you ever had a house sale around here?”

Bernie chuckled and rolled her eyes.

“I wish!” she exclaimed, and then shrugged her shoulders. “I am working towards it, and hopefully the way I handle your sale will be a big step in the right direction.”

They sat down at a small table in the corner, after ordering two plates of sandwiches and a glass of wine each..red for Serena and white for Bernie.

Bernie had insisted on paying, saying that she could put it through her books as legitimate expenses, and Serena has acquiesced after a small protest.

The conversation soon started to flow easily between them, and after asking Serena what had led her to decide to sell her home, Bernie learnt about Edward and his infidelity, which led into the trials and tribulations of being a single parent whilst juggling a very demanding career.

“I know Elinor would say that she came second in my eyes, and that I always put my job before her needs,” said Serena with a tinge of regret in her voice. “But if at times that _was_ true, it was only ever because I wanted to show her that as a woman you can be successful without needing a man to prop you up.”

She sighed. “I guess I needed to believe and prove that to myself too.”

 

Bernie looked at her sympathetically and in an effort to make her feel as though she wasn’t the only one who had made mistakes, she shared a little of her own less than perfect life. She told her how, after finishing university where she had studied photography and media arts, she met Marcus, a newly qualified GP, at a fund raising event for a local hospice. She had been volunteered by her parents to take pictures for the quarterly magazine that the hospice produced to show the work they do and how any donations would be spent, and Marcus had followed her around for most of the evening, before plucking up the courage to ask her out. They’d found each other easy to get on with, and when Marcus had hinted a few months down the line that he was falling for her she’d simply accepted that perhaps he was someone she was meant to be with, even though there were none of the fireworks she’d been led to believe other people felt. He was very attentive and made her laugh, and after 6 months of him wooing her, she had agreed to marry him. She looked at Serena and gave a her a wry smile.

“I know that sounds incredibly naïve and I suppose I was, I hadn’t had many other boyfriends and he was certainly the best of a very small bunch. I was easily influenced, always wanting to please my family, (who loved him) and I somehow felt that this was my best shot to be happy. He was kind and generous and genuinely loved me, I just didn’t recognise that I didn’t feel that strongly for him. Not long after getting engaged he got a junior position in a local surgery and so I looked around for a job that would keep me in Holby .”

She sighed, recalling how the closest she could get to using her photographic skills was working for an estate agents who wanted someone to take pictures of the houses they were selling. As soon as they realised she had a flair for arranging things in the rooms to get the best shot, and that their clients had reported how friendly and helpful she had been, they had offered her a full time post on their team. The rest she said was history. She had continued to try and produce a portfolio of her work, just in case an opportunity came up in the future, but Marcus and her family had made her feel that it was disloyal to him. That she didn’t need a high flying career now that she was to be married.

If Serena was surprised to hear that Bernie had been married to a man, she didn’t show it, but was curious to know when she had recognised that she liked women as more than friends. Not a question she felt comfortable in asking, seeing how they had only known each other for just over 24 hours.

“Any children?” she asked tentatively.

Bernie shook her head, and a slightly wistful look came into her eyes.

“No…perhaps fortunately in the long run, although it didn’t seem like that at the time. I do wonder if things might have been different if we had.”

She looked at Serena shyly, not really knowing if Fleur had said anything about her sexual orientation, but decided that there was no point in being coy about it.

“After nearly 20 years of marriage, I finally admitted that I was hiding my true self and accepted what I think I’d known for most of my adult life, that I was….gay.”

Even though this was obviously not the first time she had said this to anyone, it wasn’t something she ever found easy, especially not to someone she had only met the previous day. Years of repressing this side of her nature still made her feel she should keep it to herself, the term ‘loud and proud’ hardly applied to her. But she had made a promise to someone she had cared for, that she would try harder not to hide who she was.

Serena reached across the table and gently patted Bernie’s hand.

“That must have been hard…having to ask for a divorce after all those years. I can’t imagine he took it very well?”

“Oh...I wasn’t the one to ask for the divorce..he did. I still lacked the courage to tell him, but it seemed that my indifference to.. the sexual side of our relationship, caused him to look elsewhere, as far as the practice receptionist in fact.”

She saw Serena’s eyes narrow with disgust at hearing about yet another husbands adultery and she gave a self deprecating laugh.

“No, no, Serena, I have no axe to grind, I was relieved if anything. I’m just amazed it didn’t happen sooner. If I’d only been honest with myself when I was younger then I could have saved us both a lot of heartache. But it was different in our young days, wasn’t it? We conformed a lot more to what was expected of us by family and friends I suppose…at least I did. And I did love him in my own way, but we both grew to realise it wasn’t enough.”

The air between them seemed to thicken for a moment, and Serena found herself wanting to reach out again to take her hand into her own. The arrival of their food broke the tension, and Serena found the courage to ask another question.

“Tell me to mind my own business if you want to, but, has there been anyone else since then?”

Bernie’s eyes softened at how delicate Serena was trying to be whilst still wanting to know if she had finally dipped her toes into the sapphic pool.

“I did eventually take the plunge to explore this whole new side of me, but it’s still something I don’t broadcast from the rooftops. Not because I’m ashamed anymore, but years of burying this doesn’t go away in the blink of an eye…if ever.”

Bernie took a deep breath before continuing.

“I had a couple of brief encounters about six months after the divorce and the first one scared me half to death if I’m honest. A little time later I found myself in a steady relationship with a slightly younger woman for nearly 12 months, but which I ultimately couldn’t commit to in the way she wanted. Trying to behave like adults, we shook hands and went our separate ways. So currently I’m ‘footloose and fancy free’, and likely to stay that way I guess.”

“Really? Why is that?”

Serena thought she understood exactly what Bernie meant, that it probably wasn’t that different to the reasons she thought she would stay single, but wanted to hear it from her own lips.

“Well, at 52, I rather think that a long term relationship isn’t going to happen for me. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to find someone to share my life with, but given my track record I’m not that hopeful... What about you?”

Serena was still pondering on the inexplicable lightness that she had felt when she learned that Bernie was not with anyone at the moment, so much so, that she nearly missed the question.

“Sorry, what? Oh, erm… no, no one at the present time, or even on the horizon. I mean, I haven’t exactly been celibate since my divorce, but nothing that was likely to last. The most recent was…ooh, about four months ago. I actually thought it might go somewhere at one point, but he was…”

Serena shrugged her shoulders and sighed.

“Reliable but boring, I suppose describes him best. He was sweet and deserved a lot better than what I was using him for, if you get my drift.”

Bernie snorted with laughter, and Serena was unable to stop herself from joining in. The atmosphere between them felt relaxed and comfortable in a way neither of them would have expected given they had only met yesterday.

It was over an hour later that Bernie indicated, very apologetically, that she really needed to be making tracks, as she did have work to do before the morning. Serena agreed, she too had a staff rota to finish and should also be jotting down some notes to support her argument with the board over the lack of trauma facilities at the hospital. Bernie raised her eyebrows looking impressed.

“Wow, well that sounds far more important than me uploading photos to my website. I’m sorry if I’ve taken up too much of your day.”

Serena protested at the suggestion that she had somehow been forced to stay out longer than she wanted.

“That’s definitely not true. I’ve really enjoyed our… time spent chatting about anything and everything. And I feel far more ready to knuckle down to the reams of paperwork after having had such a pleasant lunch. As for my work being more important, I can assure you that if it’s my photos you’re talking about, I consider your task to be essential to my well-being .”

Serena winked as she spoke, and Bernie felt a warmth spread through her chest. This ability that Serena had of putting her at her ease was something to cherish. She hadn’t spent such an enjoyable few hours anyone for quite a while.

She dropped Serena home, promising to send her the details of her house sale via email as soon as possible, for her approval. When she arrived at her small studio flat that was above her business premises, she was aware as she closed the door behind her, that she still had the smile on her face that she had worn for most of the day. It was a novel experience for her, of late. Her small group of friends, mainly couples, were always telling her she was far too serious and needed to get out and have a bit of fun. She shook her head as she wandered over to switch on her laptop, thinking that this was one of the first times she was hoping that a sale didn’t go through too quickly.

 

The next day on AAU was a lot busier than normal, right from the moment she hung up her coat in the office, but that didn’t stop Serena checking her emails at every opportunity to see if Bernie had sent anything. And even though nothing appeared on the screen, she still found herself mulling over the memory of her company. It had been too long since she hadn’t spent her weekend fretting about the amount of work that she needed to do. Yesterday she had ultimately achieved a lot more than she would have done if she had sat in front of her computer for most of the day. When by the end of the day no message was forthcoming she refrained from sending a message to _her_ , acknowledging that Bernie had not promised the day or time she would have anything ready. However she couldn’t deny that she was a little disappointed when Monday had come and gone with no word.

It was Wednesday in fact, before she received any communication, and it was simply a text at 8.30am that said,

‘ **Are you free to talk for a few minutes?** ’

Burying a small worry that there was something amiss, and not wanting to waste time by texting back and forth, Serena dialled her number and waited.

“Hi Serena,” said Bernie, “I’m taking it that this means you’re not elbow deep in guts and gore at the moment?”

Serena chuckled, feeling instantly relieved to be hearing Bernie’s rather melodious voice.

“Hardly…the fact is I’m still luxuriating in my very comfy bed. I’m on a late shift, which means I’m not expected in until 2pm.”

There was a moments silence as Bernie’s brain tried to cope with an image of Serena lying in bed and was producing the very unhelpful thought of,

‘ _I wonder what she’s wearing?’_

She cleared her throat before resuming the conversation.

“Right, well…that could be good news if you have a few minutes this morning to look at what I’ve produced on your house. That way we can iron out any issues here and now, to save time. I could come over, or you could come here, whichever you prefer?”

Serena decided she quite wanted to see where Bernie worked..and lived, so she said she would get to her for about 10.30am, thinking that if Bernie wasn’t too busy, they might be able to have an early lunch together too. She took down the address, and then, with a little skip in her step, started to look through her wardrobe to decide what she would wear, given that she would probably head straight into work afterwards. (She would have strongly denied any assumption by her work colleagues that she was wearing a little more make-up and perfume than usual).

 

She found the place quite easily, nestled between a washing machine repair shop and an independent newsagents/grocery store on a small estate not far from the city centre. She opened the door to see Bernie sitting at a desk in the corner, (well _on_ a desk would be more correct) talking on the phone. Her free hand waived Serena into the premises, while a broad grin spread over her face, and Serena felt an accompanying smile develop on her own. With a slight incline of her head she indicated she was going to look at some of the properties that were posted on the walls, until Bernie was free. A few minutes later she heard her finish the call and turned to see her sauntering over towards her.

“See anything you fancy?” she asked.

Serena clamped down on her natural instinct to say ‘ _only you’_ in the flirty manner her colleagues at Holby had grown used to over the years, recognising that however much of a connection she felt towards Bernie, they didn’t really know each other that well yet.

“Well, funny you should say that,” she replied, “because that’s something else I also need help with…choosing another home. And quite frankly, I don’t know where to start.”

“I’d be glad to give you a few pointers, but, first things first,” and Bernie invited Serena to come over to her laptop to look at what she’d put together.

After a brief discussion Serena decided to ask for the higher price after being persuaded by Bernie to get the electrics checked as she was certain that the fuse board needed updating, and the amount of proof of work done that was needed these days when selling a property was vast. One of the most complex was the Property Information Form which had to show that any disputes with neighbours or boundary issues, as well as proof that all heating and electrical systems were up to an acceptable standard. She gave Serena the phone number of an experienced electrician that she’d used recently and whom she trusted to not only give a fair price, but also to do a good job. Once that was done she would start advertising the house on her website, and also here in the shop.

“Now, I was hoping that you might want to go and get something to eat before your shift starts, but I’m expecting a phone-call regarding an offer someone has placed on a property this morning, and I don’t want to have to field phone-calls in a coffee shop. So, if it’s okay with you, I’ve got some coffee brewing up in my flat and a few things that would make a passable lunch if you’re hungry?”

Serena nodded, happy to see where Bernie lived. She always liked to be able to picture the sort of environment someone was in when talking on the phone, and it was in her nature to be a little on the nosy side. After locking the door to the shop, Bernie led Serena up the narrow stairs at the back of the premises, explaining as she went that this wasn’t the only entrance to her living quarters, and that she might find them somewhat spartan in comparison to her own home.

Serena was pleasantly surprised to find a bright, light room, with a view that overlooked the canal that ran through Holby, and she would have described it as minimalist rather than spartan. True, there were very little of the trinkets and knick-knacks that adorned some of the surfaces in her own place, but it didn’t feel soulless in any way. The reason for this, in her opinion, was the number of books that were neatly arranged on proper wooden bookshelves, and some stunning photographs that adorned the walls. There were a few of landscapes and buildings, but most of them were portraits that were full of warmth and humour.

“Are these all your work?” asked Serena, a little over-awed by the obvious talent that was on display here.

Bernie answered from the kitchen, where she was busy making their coffee.

 

“Yes… well, all except the one of me, that is. It’s a few years old, before taking selfies became the thing to do.”

She walked back into the room to find Serena standing in front of it, studying it closely. She nudged her arm and handed her the mug, and then invited her to come and sit down. After one more look at the picture of Bernie, she sat on the sofa, sipping at her surprisingly good coffee, strong and hot.

“You look very beautiful in it,” said Serena, “not that you don’t look beautiful now, of course.” Serena grimaced inwardly at the clumsiness of her words and tried to explain what she meant. “It’s just there’s a…luminosity that seems to be shining from you..a glow I suppose. Was it taken by a fellow photographer?”

Bernie had blushed slightly at Serena’s words, but she shook her head.

“No, not a professional photographer anyway. Just someone I knew, that I shared my life with for a while. She always said that I took too many photographs of her, and she wanted one of me too, so I showed her how to work the camera and she produced that.”

“Is there a picture of her around here then?” Serena asked, twisting her head from side to side, eager to see an image of the person who had obviously captured Bernie’s heart at some point.

Bernie shook her head again, mumbling something about not enough room on the walls, and Serena recognised that for whatever reason, the memories were still too raw for her to face every day.

“Well, can I say that I think all of the photos are quite special, and I can’t help thinking that you’re wasting a wonderful talent if the only ones you take now, are of houses. Do you take photographs of anything else these days?”

“Not many no, but I still carry my camera with me most of the time, force of habit. In fact, after chatting with you last weekend I made a promise to myself that I would make the effort to reignite the passion I once had.”

 

Serena smiled and reached over to press her hand onto Bernie’s leg. “Good,” she said warmly. “I shall look forward to seeing what you produce.”

Bernie was beginning to notice that Serena was a very touchy-feely sort of person, and she was finding it both unnerving and appealing.

They started to talk about what Serena was looking for in her next home, and Bernie became painfully aware that she really wasn’t exaggerating when she said she didn’t have a clue. Not only was she unclear about exactly what her money was going to be able to buy in terms of size, but also had no idea which areas she wanted to look in. After about an hour, during which Bernie had heated up some soup for them both, and had had to answer two calls and make a couple more, she decided to be blunt.

“Look, we’re not going to get very far on the sort of house you’ll be able to afford, if you can’t decide the area you want to live in. I know just driving around looking vacantly up and down streets is difficult when you’ve got to keep your eyes on the road, so..if you’re free anytime this weekend I can offer to be your chauffeur and take you to look around a couple of nearby villages that might suit.”

Serena was about to protest that she couldn’t possibly expect her to do that, when she realised that she couldn’t think of a nicer way to spend a few hours, other than in Bernie’s company.

“Well, that would be helpful, but only if you allow me to treat you to a meal somewhere afterwards as a thank you.”

Bernie held out her hand for Serena to shake.

“It’s a deal,” she replied and managed to push down the butterflies that were fluttering in her stomach as their hands met.

They settled on next Sunday at 10.00am, with Bernie driving over to pick Serena up. As they returned to the shop and Bernie opened the door to let her out, Serena had a thought.

“There’s another clause I want to add,” she said, with a glint in her eye, “ you not only have to bring your camera, but you have to take at least 3 photos of something that interests or excites you.”

Bernie grudgingly agreed and smiling she watched Serena walk towards her car.

‘ _Or possibly someone…’_

 


	3. Property Search

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie takes Serena house-hunting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still finding it hard to find the time to update as regularly as I'd like. But they are getting there..slowly.  
> Thank you to everyone who has been kind enough to leave kudos and comments. As ever they are very welcome.

Chapter 3 : Property Search

 

 

Serena rang the number that Bernie had given her the very next day, and was initially surprised when the voice that answered was that of a woman. She was glad that they weren’t meeting face to face as she flushed with embarrassment at her stereotypical reaction that an electrician would be male. She had battled all through med school with the assumption that most female trainee doctors would be GP’s or specialise in obstetrics, so she should have known better.

After a brief chat it was arranged that Linda would come over on Saturday morning to inspect the electrics, and then give her recommendations and a quote within two days. Serena found herself musing over how Bernie and Linda came to know each other, wondered if they’d ever dated, and whether she would learn any interesting new facts about Bernie while she was there.

When Saturday rolled around and the woman was standing on the doorstep, two things immediately struck Serena. One, was that Linda was slightly younger than she had expected probably in her late thirties, and that she was quite…no, very attractive. The knot she felt in the pit of her stomach upon seeing her was quickly put aside when Linda explained that she had known Bernie for nearly eighteen years, not long after she had qualified. They had met at a careers fair that was highlighting the role of women in male dominated professions and Bernie had been there taking photos for a local paper. Later she had recommended her to Marcus to do some work at the GP practice, and that was also where she had met her future husband. Then, when Bernie had started working full time at the estate agents she had always given her name to any of her clients that needed work doing, and for that Linda was very grateful, as word of mouth soon brought in plenty of other jobs. Serena’s smile grew broader as she listened to her story, and as she went to make them both a coffee while Linda did a quick survey, she was trying to understanding her delight in hearing that Linda was married.

‘ _I’m like a child in a playground wanting to be sure my best friend doesn’t play with anyone else.’_

As she walked towards the lounge with the drinks she was smiling at the idea of Bernie being her friend, and was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn’t noticed that Linda was already back from her tour of the house, and she jumped when she spoke.

“You look like the cat that’s got the cream. Anything you want to share?”

Serena blushed as she handed her the mug.

“No, nothing you’d be interested in anyway. So, what have you found?”

Linda gave her a short report, promising she would email details of the work she thought would be needed plus a breakdown of the costs involved later that day. She confirmed the need for a new fuse board to bring it up to standard, which would be the biggest cost, although she did have a couple of other suggestions that might assist the sale. After a few more minutes chat Serena was showing Linda to the door and was quite unprepared for her final comment.

“I wondered at first why Bernie was so persistent in asking me to come over as soon as I could. She seemed very keen to stay in your good books, and now I understand why. You’re easy to talk to, and very easy on the eye as well. Just her type.”

And with a parting grin and wave she was down the drive and gone.

Serena closed the door and stood in the hall her eyes wide, feeling slightly out of breath.

‘ _Bernie had talked about me? What…why, and what did she mean, I’m her type? Was she saying that Bernie..?’_

Her phone rang and she was shaken out of her thoughts when she saw it was the hospital. A quick chat with Fletcher had her gathering her things together to head off to Holby. A multi car pile up on the motorway just to the north of them meant that all hands were needed to cope with the serious injuries that were headed their way. Just before leaving the house she sent off a quick text to Bernie to tell her that Linda had been, but that she was having to head into work so would be unavailable for the rest of the day. A minute or two later Bernie responded.

 

**Sorry to hear that. Will you still be okay for tomorrow, or would you rather cancel? B.**

 

As she was getting into her car she managed to send a quick reply.

 

**Definitely okay. Just hope I get back in time for a couple of hours sleep. S.**

 

When she arrived at the hospital there was another ping on her phone.

 

**I hope so too. And I hope the casualties heading your way aren’t too traumatic. Let me know if you don’t feel up to looking at potential areas for houses, we could always go in search of a country pub if you just want to relax. I’ll wait to hear from you. B x**

 

It was most unusual for Serena be smiling as she entered the hospital after being called in on her day off, and in spite of the difficult surgeries ahead of her the smile wasn’t far from her face for the rest of the day.

 

Sunday morning was somewhat overcast and Bernie hurriedly checked the weather app on her phone. She was relieved to see that cloudy but mild was the order of the day, with even the chance of a glimmer of sunshine by the afternoon. She had felt a wave of disappointment when Serena had told her about having to go into work yesterday, followed by a brief period of reassurance when Serena had insisted she would be fine for today. This morning the doubts were returning and she made a point of carrying her phone around with her, just in case Serena decided to cancel because she was too tired, or worse, was still at the hospital. It’s not as if she didn’t have things to do if her plans were scuppered, but she admitted to herself that she would be a little upset if anything stopped her seeing Serena.

As she got ready to go and pick her up as arranged, she tried giving herself a talking to, in the hope of avoiding future embarrassment.

‘ _However well you seem to be getting on it’s unlikely that she will ever think of you as any more than a friend. If you’re lucky there’s a chance you will remain friends after the house sale, and that’s the best thing. Yes, she flirts with you, but she does probably does with everyone and …… it’s intoxicating.’_

Bernie sighed as she thought about Serena’s little touches, and the smile that played around her lips when she was teasing and oh, those sparkling eyes. She ran her hand through her hair and splashed some cold water on her face.

‘ _Focus!’_ she scolded, and shook her head in disbelief. ‘ _You’re a grown woman, for god’s sake, not a bloody teenager.’_

She shrugged on her leather jacket and picked up her keys from the side table near the door.

‘ _You’ve ruined too many friendships in the past, let’s not spoil this one. You’ve had a lot of practice in keeping things hidden, so put this..extra attraction… in a little box, and throw away the key.’_

She was just about to close the door behind her when she remembered her camera, and reached back inside to lift it from the hook where she placed it every evening. A smile flitted over her features as she imagined asking Serena to pose for her, and her eyes widened slightly.

Was there ever likely to be a box big enough or strong enough to contain the affinity she felt for this woman?

 

Serena wasn’t as rested as she’d hoped she be for this mornings outing, (she hadn’t got home until nearly 1.00am) but there was no way that she was going to cancel. The main problem she currently had however, was deciding exactly what to wear. Although Spring was very much on the horizon, it could still be quite chilly when there was no sun, but she wanted a change from the trousers that she wore almost constantly when working. She looked again at the soft grey skirt she had laid out on the bed and grimaced. She hadn’t worn it for quite a while and she worried that it might cling a little too tightly to the curve of her hips. Having openly flaunted her generous figure when younger, this nagging doubt that it made her less attractive now she was older, was hard to shift, although she had to admit that it had never seemed to bother Robbie. She was trying very hard to push the thought that her indecision was due in part because she was meeting with Bernie, to the back of her mind.

‘ _How on earth does anyone of our age have a body like hers without spending hours at the gym?’_

Her mind drifted back to the day at her business premises.

‘ _When she stretched across the desk to reach for a pen….well..that was something to behold. She_ _ **must**_ _work out. It’s bloody unfair if she looks like that without even trying!’_

She bit the bullet and pulled the skirt on over what her mother had always referred to as her 'child-bearing' hips, to find that the waist didn’t seem to be any tighter than previously. Smoothing it down she gritted her teeth as she turned to look in the mirror, and almost immediately some of the tension left her body. She saw that her figure at least, still appeared to be in proportion, and that there were no ‘lumpy bits’ to draw the eye. Reaching into her wardrobe she took out a jade green cashmere sweater to pull over her head, and then checked her reflection again. She allowed herself a small self-satisfied smirk.

‘ _Hmm. That’ll do,’_ she decided, and then sat down to apply her make-up and style her hair, thinking as she did that Bernie seemed to manage those as effortlessly as her figure.

It was forty minutes later that Serena opened the door to Bernie, and they both froze for a moment at the sight of each other. Serena lost all power of speech as she drank in the image of Bernie in skin tight jeans topped with a soft cowl necked sweater which in turn was partially covered by what appeared to be a vintage black leather jacket. Bernie was also struggling to breathe normally at the way the skirt was clinging to Serena’s thighs. And when Serena finally remembered how to work her limbs, reaching back through the door for her handbag and wrap, Bernie felt her face flush as she glimpsed a sliver of skin around her waist, the sweater riding up as she stretched. To hide her embarrassment she turned back towards the car as Serena locked the door, which in turn gave Serena a very pleasant view of what she already knew to be an incredibly toned backside. Both of them were relieved when they were seated in the car ready to head off into the countryside that surrounded Holby.

“I think you said that you didn’t really want to be more than a thirty minute drive away from the hospital, even if there are good rail links to the city, is that right?”

Bernie wanted to check there had been no last minute changes of mind before she headed off.

Serena pretended to consider her answer even though this was one aspect of the move she was certain of.

“Well, I think it’s best, don’t you? I mean it’s not always that reliable, the train service, is it? Especially if you’ve had to work over because of a last minute emergency admittance. I don’t think I fancy sitting on Holby station in the wee small hours, or walking up dark lanes at the other end. And please don’t suggest resting up at the hospital until it’s light….on call rooms are not exactly salubrious you know, and I do like a comfortable bed.”

Bernie switched on the engine needing something to be doing so that she could push the vision of Serena in , out of her mind.

“Right! First stop is a charming little village which _does_ boast a station – 11 mins on the fastest train – and should only be about a 25 minute drive into Holby. Name of Backwell, a very pretty place”

Serena raised an eyebrow.

“Anyone would think you were an estate agent, trying to drum up business” she remarked dryly, and Bernie laughed as she drove away.

As it was Sunday, the traffic was fairly light and the journey only took around twenty minutes, but Serena had spotted a couple of places where she felt there could be hold-ups during the rush hour and thought the commute time would be closer to 40 minutes. Bernie drove fairly slowly around the small village so the Serena could get a feel of the place, and came to a stop outside a bungalow that was up for sale. She turned to Serena.

“Don’t feel any obligation to say yes, but I spotted this on line yesterday and in my opinion it offers good value for money, well without seeing it, it does. I checked to see if there were any viewings this morning and they have one scheduled in half an hour, and we’d be welcome to join them… but only if you want to, of course.”

When Serena didn’t say anything Bernie hastened to reassure her.

“It won’t matter if you say no, I’ve already told them that you may not want to, that I don’t even know if a bungalow is something you’d consider. I simply thought….that you might want to get an idea of what’s on offer in the scary world of house-hunting.”

Serena took a deep breath, trying to put her thoughts into words.

“It _is_ a good idea, it’s just that… well, mine isn’t even on the market yet..and I’m worried that if I see something now that I fall in love with, I might regret it.”

Bernie nodded her understanding, but recognised that it was also about taking that first step towards a significant change in Serena’s life, and her reply was given more from the point of view of a friend, rather than her estate agent. Instinctively she reached out for Serena’s hand, to try to reassure her.

“Look, if you are certain that you do want to move, then you need to start being positive about it. From what I’ve seen and heard from you, I think that in your work life you don’t shrink from making tough decisions, so you need to bring some of that into your personal life. I do understand, I promise, but looking at one or two properties early on will help you focus on what you really want in a new home. Or even if you want a new home at all.”

Serena looked down at her hand that Bernie still held and marvelled at how soothing the feel of Bernie’s thumb stroking across her knuckles was. She raised her eyes slowly to meet Bernie’s gaze and gave a soft smile.

“Okay. Sorry for making such a big deal out of it, I’m being stupid I know.”

“No, you’re not,” Bernie said gently. She reluctantly moved her hand from Serena’s and tried to inject a some energy into her next words so that she could block how much she wanted to give her a hug.

“Let’s go for a quick walk along the road for a breath of fresh air before we find out what horrors may be lurking behind that door.”

Serena chuckled, and pushed herself up and out of the car.

They walked in the direction of the main street through the village, their shoulders occasionally bumping against each other, yet neither of them felt inclined to move further apart. Serena was pleased to spot a small pub on the other side of the road before they had gone very far and commented that it would be nice to be able to walk home after a couple of drinks, instead of trying to get hold of a taxi or having to have (or be) a designated driver. Bernie took out a pen and pretended to be making a note for future reference.

“I’ll just add that fact to the list of things you want from your future home…the necessity of a public house that is within staggering distance from your residence.”

Serena gasped in mock outrage and gave her a little shove with her shoulder that took Bernie by surprise, knocking her sideways into a hedge they were passing. Serena was mortified as she tried to help Bernie back onto her feet, and was relieved to see a grin on her face.

“Bloody hell Campbell, remind me to never pick a fight with you,” she joked.

“I’m sorry, but I think that you perhaps deserved it after that snide comment about my ability to hold my liquor.”

“Tell me I’m wrong and I’ll apologise,” teased Bernie, and Serena stuck out her tongue in lieu of any verbal response.

Giggling like schoolgirls they returned to the bungalow to join the other couple that were viewing, and the estate agent who was waiting at the gate. Bernie leaned in close to Serena warning her not to say anything about her being in the business, in case they thought she was looking to poach their client. As they were shown around, Serena could see how well it was presented, and had to admit that the kitchen diner was to die for, large and open plan that meant any guests could happily chat to their host whilst they were preparing food. Serena didn’t spend a great deal of time in her own kitchen, mainly because on a regular basis she was only needing to cook for herself, but on the few occasions she did invite friends around she hated having to keep disappearing to check on things.

The garden of the bungalow was also beautiful, but Serena knew she would have to employ a gardener to keep it looking that good, and it was an expense she felt she might come to resent. She made sure to mutter these observations to Bernie so that she could hopefully get a better idea of her priorities for future viewings. The real deal breaker came over the way the bedrooms were very close together off a small hallway at the rear of the property. She held back slightly so that she could explain to Bernie exactly why she didn’t like the configuration.

“I know that Elinor doesn’t visit often,” she whispered, “and she’s usually very considerate if she brings her latest conquest along, but the last thing I would want is to hear my daughter indulging in passionate sex, whilst I’m lying alone in my own bed.”

Bernie snorted with laughter at that, which caused the other couple to turn and stare at them in amusement.

“I’m sure that would work both ways,” observed Bernie. “I can imagine that you could be quite vocal with the right person pushing your buttons.”

No sooner had the words left her mouth, than Bernie was looking wildly round to see if anyone else had heard, and the blush that crept up her neck and over her face made her feel so hot she thought she was going to spontaneously combust. Her brain felt as if it had turned to mush as she tried to say something to cover up what she had inadvertently implied.

“I mean…you know, we all can get a little carried away….you know, with the right person. And someone as attractive as you…..probably has quite a few..well, you know….” She closed her her eyes in despair and huffed.

“Sorry, sorry, inappropriate ramblings…shall we just go?”

She finally plucked up the courage to look at Serena whose eyes were wide with astonishment, but who also appeared quite amused. She nodded in agreement, and making their apologies they left, Bernie fairly flying down the path ahead of her. Once in the car, the silence was deafening, but Bernie was still shaky and felt the need to compose herself before driving off. In an attempt to relieve the tension, Serena tried to be humorous.

“Well, I don’t think that anyone would believe you were trying to muscle in on their business with a quip like that!” She sniggered slightly, and watched Bernie’s face screw up with embarrassment.

‘Honestly, don’t worry….it’s quite flattering to know that you consider I’m not past the occasional romp!” She patted Bernie’s arm.

“Now, do you have anywhere else to show me? I warn you I am already starting to feel a little peckish so I hope we don’t have too far to travel.”

Bernie felt herself relax slightly at Serena’s kind attempt to make her feel better. She was still upset with herself but was determined that it wouldn’t spoil the rest of a day that she had been so looking forward to. She started the engine before replying in as light a tone as she could muster.

“Aye, aye captain. Message received and understood.”

The only other property that she had planned for Serena to see today was on the very edge of the village in a more rural setting. As they drove down the narrow lane to it, Serena was already loving the location, and was instantly charmed by the sight of the cottage from the drive that Bernie pulled onto. It was nestled between some lovely trees that helped to hide it from the other few cottages at the end of the road, and as Serena got out of the car she turned towards Bernie, her eyes shining with delight.

“Oh, this is perfect! Are we going to be able to look around?”

Bernie grinned as she brought her hand up dangling a set of keys in front of Serena’s face.

“Really? So is it empty? How did you manage that?”

“Yes, I have the keys, and yes it’s empty because the owners are on holiday. I happen to know the manager of the estate agents, and he owed me a favour so I twisted his arm into letting just us look around today. In fact it’s not even going onto the market until the couple are back from their break. _But_ a word of warning before you get carried away with the look of the exterior. Inside will require a bit more imagination. I’m sure the decoration won’t be to your liking and he’s told me there’s an awful lot of bits and pieces that make it seem smaller than it is. Just keep an open mind, okay?”

Serena grabbed Bernie’s arm to give it a squeeze.

“Come on then, what are we waiting for? Oh, and bring your camera, I might want pictures.”

As she unlocked the door, Bernie held back slightly to allow Serena to choose her own path through the property. And Serena immediately understood what Bernie had meant about the amount of stuff that was in there. Every surface was covered with knick-knacks, and the walls had many photographs and paintings on them, which did give the rooms a crowded feeling. But Serena saw the love that this house must have been privy to, and it warmed her heart. The kitchen was smaller than the one at the bungalow and was decorated in a way that made it quite dark, but she could still see the potential. After she had checked out the three bedrooms upstairs, one with an en-suite, Bernie opened the door into the garden and Serena immediately fell in love with the view before her. The garden itself was nothing spectacular, neatly kept and not too big, but beyond the fence at the edge of the property were soft green hills with trees dotted here and there, and nothing between it and the far horizon. She wandered down to the bottom of the garden to take it all in, unaware that Bernie had held back and was snapping pictures of her as she leant on the fence. It was only when she turned around to look at the rear elevation of the house that she spotted her, and Bernie lowered the camera, slightly embarrassed at having been caught in the act. When Serena walked back towards her she started to apologise.

“Sorry, I should have asked…”, but Serena cut her off.

“It’s fine. I was the one who asked you to bring it with you, and that is certainly a view worth recording. I’m sure that with today’s technology you would be able to edit me out anyway.”

“Why on earth would I want to do that?”

Once again Bernie spoke what she was thinking before her brain was engaged, and Serena looked at her quizzically.

“I mean, lots of landscapes can be improved with the addition of your.. **a**..figure in the foreground, helps to add a focal point, makes the resulting picture more interesting. Are we done here?”

Bernie could hear the slightly panicked tone in her voice and she had seen Serena’s vaguely bewildered look. But she simply smiled at Bernie’s hurried explanation and nodded understandingly.

“For now. Although I do think I will want to come back here if it’s still available once mine is on the market.”

She leaned in towards Bernie and whispered in her ear.

“I think I may have fallen a little bit in love with it already, which is exactly what I was worried about.”

She straightened up and gave a small sigh.

“But, to more pressing matters. Where are we going to eat?”

And she went back into the house, leaving Bernie standing, somewhat breathless, in the garden.

‘ _Dear lord, this is going to be harder than I thought.’_

She gave herself a mental shake and followed Serena inside.

After making sure that she had locked everything up, and had switched off any lights, Bernie joined Serena who was already sitting in the car. She was not prepared however to see her looking so solemn, and when Serena turned to look at her she even thought she detected a tear in the corner of her eye but once she blinked it was gone.

“So, do you have anywhere in mind?” Serena asked.

Bernie hesitated for a moment before speaking.

“Huh, well, I was thinking of heading to another village I thought you might like…not to look at any more properties,” she added hastily, “there’s a pub there that does your standard Sunday lunch fare, and then I wondered if you might like a gentle stroll. Just to get the lie of the land so to speak.”

Serena said that she was fine with that and Bernie set off, slightly worried by her subdued manner but uncertain about asking her outright what was wrong.

It didn’t take too long to reach Pill, and it was a little closer to Holby, but without the rail link. They had a pleasant but not spectacular meal and their conversation was a little stilted at first, but gradually got easier over the 2or 3 glasses of wine that Serena drank in fairly quick succession. Bernie still had a gnawing doubt in the pit of her stomach that she had overstepped a mark, or at the very least made a huge mistake in persuading Serena to look at the two properties. They were strolling around a series of small lakes that were an attraction of this area, as Bernie had decided to avoid any more houses in favour of a relaxing waterside walk when Serena gave a heavy sigh and in a low voice, murmured “Sorry.”

Bernie turned to her and took her hand to lead her to one of the benches that were dotted along the trail they were following, and urged her to sit down.

“What’s wrong? I feel as if I’ve really upset you and I want to try and put it right.” Bernie’s voice wavered slightly. “I wanted this to be a _good_ day and I’ve obviously ruined it by insisting we look at places before you were ready to. I should have listened to what you were telling me. I’m an idiot.”

Serena reached across and rubbed Bernie’s arm affectionately.

“ Don’t be daft, you’re not an idiot and you haven’t done _anything_ wrong. I’m simply having an over emotional reaction to a property that it’s unlikely I’ll be in a position to buy, but it’s a situation that could happen at any time, even after I’ve sold my house. So please don’t blame yourself, I’m the one behaving like a child, not you.”

Bernie felt confused.

“So why is it getting to you so much then? You don’t strike me as the sort of person who wallows in self pity normally.”

Serena looked down at the floor, refusing to meet Bernie’s eyes.

“Ah, that’s where you’d be wrong. I’m very good at the whole feeling sorry for myself, to the point of..well let’s just say that I’ve been in some dark places in times past. And maybe I’m seeing this move as a fresh start, but one that I _have_ to get right…otherwise what’s the point?”

Serena finally looked at Bernie, who was overcome with the need to try and make her feel better. She slid her arm around her shoulder and pulled her close even though normally she refrained from any sort of display of public affection.

“Serena, I wish I could say it’ll be fine, but I can’t in all honesty do that. And if you’re only moving because you think that in some other place, your life will magically be better, then you should stop and take stock before you go any further. The thing you’ll always have to take with you is yourself, and moving house won’t change who you are or the problems you may have. But I can promise you that if you do decide to go ahead then I will do everything I can to help you get the house you want, wherever it may be.”

Serena nuzzled her head into Bernie’s neck, suddenly overcome with how caring she was being, unable to speak for fear of starting to cry. Bernie’s arm tightened as she fought the sudden urge to plant a kiss on the top of her head.

“Shall we head back to the car? It’s getting a little chilly here.”

Serena nodded slightly, and they both stood slowly up, their legs feeling stiff for having sat too long in the cool wind. Bernie held out her arm for Serena to slip her own into, and they walked back to the pub car park, huddled close together. A mere half an hour later, before it had got completely dark, they were pulling onto Serena’s drive and Bernie got out to escort her to the front door.

As she was about to say goodbye Serena grabbed her hand and smiled softly her.

“Thank you. In spite of my black mood I’ve had a lovely day.” Bernie raised her eyebrows in disbelief.

“No, no I have, honestly. I appreciate everything you’ve tried to do for me and, and…I really enjoy your company. I feel as if I’ve found a friend.”

Bernie squeezed Serena’s hand. “You have. You can get in touch with me whenever you want to, for any reason, but take the time you need to think things over about the house. Okay?”

They stood for a few moments gazing at each other, and Bernie began to feel as if an invisible thread was pulling her very slowly but inexorably closer, and her eyes flickered down at Serena’s lips just as Serena seemed to pull herself together and the tension broke.

“I’ll be in touch soon,” she said, and then darted forward to briefly kiss Bernie’s cheek, murmuring ‘night’ as she did. She turned and opened the door, disappearing swiftly from sight as she closed it behind her.

Bernie took a deep shuddering breath as she walked back to her car, her fingers momentarily touching the spot on her cheek where it seemed she could still feel Serena’s lips.

And standing in the hall Serena leant against the door, her hand over her heart as if she could slow down the rate at which it was beating.

‘ _This is a complication you definitely don’t need,’_ she admonished herself. But as she walked into the lounge she couldn’t deny that they had just shared a significant moment, and it terrified her.

 

 


	4. Negotiations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A surprise phone call leaves Serena reeling, and for a short while, Bernie and the house sale get put on the back-burner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, when I posted Chapter 3, I thought I knew exactly where the story was going. My subconscious obviously had other ideas, and before I knew what had happened this appeared. Sorry that I may have misled you into thinking this was going to be THE chapter where they stopped acting so tentatively around each other, but I hope it will still keep you interested. I promise to make no more promises about where the story will go, other than to say there will be angst and fluff .... and probably smut.  
> Thank you all for your kind comments and kudos. I do need the motivation.

 

Chapter 4 : Negotiations

 

 

Serena’s first instinct was to go and open a bottle of wine to calm her nerves, but was still trying to find the energy to push herself up from the sofa where she had collapsed, her legs feeling a little shaky. She had so many thoughts running around her head that she didn’t realise at first that she could hear her phone ringing from her handbag in the hall. She hurried to answer it half hoping, half dreading that it would be Bernie. So she was surprised, but also relieved when the caller ID showed the name ‘Elinor’.

“Hello my darling, how are you?”

If Elinor was a little caught off guard by the warmth in her mother’s voice, she chose not to comment on it. Most of the time there was a degree of hesitancy in Serena’s tone when answering the phone to her daughter, mainly because an impromptu call usually meant that Elinor wanted something that she thought only her mom would give her, and today it seemed, was no exception.

“Oh, you know, ‘comme ci, comme ca’,” she replied, forcing an air of jollity into her voice. “I was wondering if you felt like putting up with me for a few days?”

“Oh Ellie, you don’t have to ask for my permission to come home, you’re always welcome surely you know that?”

She almost faltered as she said it, remembering that as yet she had made no mention of her intention to sell up, to her daughter.

“Anyway, any special reason for the visit? It’s too early to be breaking up for Easter, surely?”

A flicker of irritation was generated by her mother’s question, Elinor immediately hearing it as criticism, and she snapped back.

“And there it is..I can hear the disappointment in your voice from here. As usual you think I'm looking for an out, because things aren't as easy as I'd thought.”

Serena was slightly taken aback by the bitterness in Elinor's voice. Though to be fair, a lot of their more recent interactions had been fairly acrimonious, but on this occasion it hadn’t been her intention to needle her. She couldn't deny it however, she had flung the apparent inability to stick at something when things got tough, in Elinor’s face, on more than one occasion.

“Sweetheart? That’s truly not what I meant. I’m concerned, that’s all. Of course I want to see you, in fact there’s something I need to discuss with you anyway, and I’d much rather do it in person. Do you want me to come and get you?”

Momentarily taken aback at the softness and sincerity she could hear, Elinor didn’t reply straightaway. Since her parents’ divorce their relationship had always bordered on tempestuous, both of them quick to flare up, often over trivial matters, but she’d always known that underneath the shouting and slamming of doors and tears, that her mother loved her. Which is why she took a few seconds to calm herself before continuing.

“No, it’s okay. I’m…already on a train, heading your way. If you wanted to I would be grateful if you could pick me up from the station? Don’t have a lot of money left for a taxi, and...I need to talk to you too.”

For one of the few times in her life, Serena was grateful she and Bernie had only ordered by the glass, a quick mental assessment convincing her that in another hour she would have little or no alcohol in her bloodstream.

“Of course. I’ll wait for you in the car park.”

As the call ended Serena’s brain started to race through all the possible scenarios that could lead to her daughter coming home in the middle of a very important term at uni. Had she been kicked off the course for some reason? Had she done something so heinous that the powers that be didn’t want her there anymore? Was she ill? It was her final year, very nearly her final term, with important exams on the horizon, surely she wouldn’t give up now?

‘ _Oh god, please, please don’t let it be that she’s pregnant!’_

She rubbed her face in her hands. She could really do with someone to talk to about this, help her get things into perspective before she freaked herself out. She thought of phoning Ric Griffin, her long time, long suffering colleague and friend, but knew that Elinor would be furious if she suspected that her mom had talked about her own daughter to someone she may come face to face with the next time she walked into AAU, and he wasn’t always the soul of discretion. She looked at her phone and was sorely tempted to ring Bernie, instinctively knowing that she could offload at her without being judged as being a bad mother, but she didn’t. No, she needed to deal with this, whatever it was, on her own, as she had with her divorce, and then her mother’s decline into dementia and her sudden death. No, when she knew what she was facing she would think about who might be able to help, but for now her focus should be on Elinor.

The train was more or less on time and when Elinor slid into the seat beside her, Serena leaned across to give her a little hug, noticing how pale and tired she looked in the harsh light of the stations’ floodlights. They drove home in silence, Elinor for once not bothering to turn on the radio, and that in itself worried Serena, but she squashed any instinct to make a joke about it, sensing it would only be met with disdain. When they got home Elinor picked up her suitcase from the car and took it straight up to her room, leaving Serena to pace back and forth downstairs, hoping that she would come back down before long. But an hour passed with little or no sound from upstairs, so she made them both a hot chocolate drink and then tentatively knocked on her bedroom door before slowly pushing it open. The room was in darkness apart from the street lamp outside shining in through the window. Elinor had got undressed before climbing into bed, but wasn’t asleep, lying on her back staring at the ceiling.

“I thought you might like a hot drink,” Serena said. “I’ll pop it down here, and if you feel like talking or just want company you know where my bedroom is.”

She placed a kiss on her daughter’s head, her heart aching at seeing her so still and silent. Right at this moment she wished they were having a blazing row, a strange thing to want, but it was a dance between them that she understood. As she turned to go Elinor grasped hold of her wrist. “Stay,” she whispered. Serena put her own mug down next to Elinor’s and sat on the bed, her hand stroking down her face.

“What’s wrong my love?” she asked gently.

Elinor gave a soft sigh.

“I’m just so tired,” she said, her voice so quiet that Serena had to lean a little closer to make sure she didn’t miss anything. “I need to tell you stuff but I don’t have the energy right now and I expect you’re at work tomorrow.”

“I was, yes. But after you phoned I started to worry, so I sent an email to Ric and Hanssen telling them I wouldn’t be in. You’re more important.”

She saw Elinor’s eyes widen in disbelief and it cut her to the quick that her past actions had made her daughter think otherwise.

“You’ve always been my top priority, when you really needed me, even if you find that hard to believe. But you have to admit that sometimes it was just about you getting your own way, which has led me to make errors of judgement along the road, I know. Remember when I sent you to school with tonsillitis, convinced you were being a drama queen over a sore throat?”

Elinor rolled her eyes and nodded.

“And the rest,” she said tartly, but Serena was too happy to see even a brief spark of life to challenge her.

“How do you feel about sharing a bed with me or are you too old for that now? We could sit and drink our hot chocolate and then try to get some rest. And then I wouldn’t feel I had to keep getting up to check you’re okay.”

Elinor gave her a small smile and nodded, and 15 minutes later they were sitting side by side sipping their drinks (that Serena had briefly reheated in the microwave), in a more companionable silence. They lay down soon after and as Serena switched off the bedside lamp she felt Elinor turn towards her in the bed.

“Thanks mom…. I love you.”

“Love you too, honeybun.”

 

Serena was up fairly early the next day, moving around as quietly as she could so as not to disturb Elinor. She hadn’t slept that well herself, her mind too full of ‘what ifs’ to allow her much rest. She checked in with Henrik to make sure that he had received her message and requested the rest of the week as A/L too. As ever he was sympathetic to her situation and promised to make himself available for surgeries if need be, to free Ric up to work on AAU for most of the week. She wavered when it came to contacting Bernie, not sure exactly what she wanted to say, and she knew she needed to focus all her attention on Elinor, until she knew what was going on. She did however send an email to Linda, accepting the quote she had sent, and asked her to let her know when she could carry out the work.

It was just after 9.00am when Elinor wandered downstairs, still in her pyjamas, but looking a little more alive than yesterday.

“Coffee?”, Serena asked. “Or tea?”

Elinor blinked, rubbing sleep out of her eyes.

“Erm..tea please.”

“What about something to eat? You can’t have eaten much yesterday at all. I have toast…or possibly a slightly stale muffin.”

Elinor didn’t really want anything, but knew that would start a whole other debate on looking after herself properly so she merely nodded.

“Stale muffin will be fine.”

They were soon both sitting at the kitchen counter with their drinks as Serena watched Elinor pull the muffin apart, noting that very little was finding its way into her mouth, and suddenly she could stand it no longer, and put her hand over Elinor’s.

“Darling, if you’re not going to eat it just leave it alone. But please, for the love of god talk to me. Nothing can be worse than what I’m imagining!”

Elinor gave a short barking laugh.

“Are you sure about that? Come on, tell me what been going through your mind then?”

Serena moved her hand away to run her fingers through her hair, feeling the familiar exasperation building up inside her.

“Oh, I don’t know. How about you want to leave university because the love of your life has dumped you and you don’t think life’s worth living? You’re pregnant, or you were pregnant and you had a termination and now your consumed with guilt?

Serena’s voice was getting higher and louder as all her fears came tumbling out.

“You’re in trouble with the police, or someone’s physically hurt you. You….you were attacked..raped? You’re ill?”

Serena’s voice cracked and she knew she was losing it.

“I don’t know Elinor, but for pity’s sake just tell me! This..is agony.”

Elinor tensed and she pushed herself away from the counter, wanting to scream back at her mother that it she couldn’t be feeling worse than she did, but once again she bit her tongue and sighed.

“Can we go and sit somewhere more comfortable?”, and she walked through into the lounge grabbing a throw so that she could curl up underneath it, her legs tucked close to her body. Feeling shaky, Serena followed her, also sitting on the sofa but allowing Elinor a degree of space. A few minutes passed before Elinor found the courage to speak, quietly.

“You did say one thing during your tirade…I, I _am_ ill”

An icy hand clutched at Serena’s heart and she inhaled sharply, already planning on finding the best specialists she could to help her baby girl. Elinor continued quickly as she saw the fear in her mother’s eyes.

“Not, not _physically_ ill exactly, but mentally, well, pretty fucked up. Very similar to the dragon you’ve fought on a number of occasions. Broad term for it….depression.”

Serena closed her eyes, conflicted in her reaction to what Elinor had revealed. On one hand there were many things she could have said that would have seemed so much worse than this, but she knew only too well that this could be a life sentence, something to battle with every time the world threw you lemons. She opened her eyes as Elinor put her hand on her arm.

“Mom, just listen, okay? My story is, and can be, so much different to your's.”

Serena blinked away tears and nodded.

“It’s hard to know when and where it started, but I guess my love of going out and having a good time was always going to catch me out in the end. Especially as I was lucky enough to be able to turn in decent pieces of work even when battling a raging hangover…well good enough to keep my tutors happy anyway. Until it didn’t. I’d started smoking the occasional joint to stop me feeling stressed out about how hard it was getting. You have no idea of the pressures of student life now. You’re made to feel that you’ll never get employment unless you get a 2:1 at least, and so many won’t settle for that. It has to be a first or life isn’t worth living. But you’re still encouraged to go out and party too if you want to be a ‘well-rounded’ person. Doubts start to kick in, and when suddenly everyone seems to be getting better grades than you, even the mediocre students, the panic starts. I thought I’d be kicked off the course and I was terrified of you thinking that I was a failure, and saying ‘I told you so’. I either couldn’t sleep or I couldn’t stay awake, either way it didn’t seem to make any difference. I smoked more weed in an effort to calm myself, and it did for a while, but it didn’t help me focus on anything. Then I found out that most of the people in my year were taking drugs like ‘modafinil’ to keep themselves awake for longer so they could get work finished on time. So I decided if I couldn’t beat them, I’d join them.”

Serena shook her head sadly, knowing that the drug was used for the treatment of narcolepsy in some patients, but she had only recently been made aware of its use by mainly young people who wanted to extend their ability to work late into the night with little apparent side effects.

“And it’s so easy to get hold of now, through the internet, so I gave it a go. Guess what..it worked! At least for a while, but I hadn’t really paid attention to the possible side effects, especially in areas of mental health. Because it’s not considered addictive I thought it would be fine. Then, three weeks ago I was discovered in a corner of the library, curled up into a ball, crying. I was wheeled into the campus surgery and then referred to a counsellor, who suggested I take a few weeks out… And here I am.”

“But why didn’t they contact me?” Serena was both scared and angry at what she had heard. “I had a _right_ to know!”

“Because, contrary to what you think, I am an adult, mom, and I told them they were not, under any circumstances, to get in touch with you at that time. I didn’t want you flying up there, all guns blazing looking for someone to blame. And I couldn’t stand to see the accusation and disappointment in your eyes when you looked at me.”

Elinor took a deep breath.

“Anyway, that’s how things stand. I’ve started a short course of antidepressants, and although my life still feels as though it sucks, big-time, I’m not feeling so anxious. To the point where I seem to struggle with feeling much emotion at all, but I’ve been assured that should resolve itself in the next week or so.”

Serena could feel tears start to trickle down her face, and she fought to remain in control. She cleared her throat to try to make her voice sound stronger.

“I’m so sorry you felt you had to do this alone…but you were right. I would have over-reacted, and I know better than most that this is a battle you ultimately have to face on your own. But I would have done anything to prevent you having to deal with this. I can’t help wondering…”

Elinor stopped her from saying anything else.

“Please mom. This isn’t about you, and you being full of self pity is hardly going to help me, is it? For whatever reason we have both fallen into this black hole, but I. Am. Not. You! My journey and hopefully how I cope with this illness is, and will be, different to yours, and treatments and the support is so much better than it was in your day.”

Serena gathered Elinor into her arms and hugged her tightly.

“Oh my poor baby,” she whispered. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I made you feel I was disappointed in you. I know I didn’t always handle the scrapes you got into very well, always quick to blame you instead of looking at the bigger picture.”

Serena pushed her away from her, but still holding onto her arms, needing Elinor to see the sincerity in her next words.

“But I am beyond proud at how you have dealt with all of this..on your own. You have my stubborn streak, but you also have your grandmother’s courage and a steel backbone. And I love you. So much.”

They stayed on the sofa, talking and hugging and crying for most of the morning until Serena decided for both of their sakes they needed to eat. The rest of the day, and the next, passed in a similar fashion, both of them sharing experiences they may never have normally divulged to each other. It was a cathartic couple of days for them both, and when Serena awoke on Wednesday morning she felt that today was the time to tell Elinor of her intention to sell the house. And that of course turned her thoughts to Bernie, and the memory of their goodbye on Sunday evening. She knew she should have contacted her before now, and she hastened to send her a text to reassure her that she hadn’t changed her mind about putting the house on the market, and to suggest they met up so she could explain her silence.

 

When Bernie had got home on Sunday evening, she had sat staring at her phone for quite a while, nursing a whisky as she did. She was willing Serena to message her or ring her, but as time crept on she accepted it wasn’t going to happen. She wanted to get in touch but doubts started to creep in the longer she put it off. Although it was Serena that had made the move to press her lips to Bernie’s cheek, she was certain that it was because she’d been scared that Bernie was going to kiss _her_.

‘ _And she was correct, if that was her assumption.’_

She decided it was best if she left well alone to wait and see if Serena would get back in touch.

‘ _She’s probably too embarrassed to speak to me at the moment. Great! How to lose a friend and a sale in one day!’_

So she put her phone away and grabbed her camera to upload some of the pictures she’d taken of the second property, thinking that even if Serena was no longer interested, she might find someone else who would be, meaning that the vendors’ estate agent would still owe her a favour. But of course there were the photos that included Serena. She found herself zooming in on her figure as she leant against the fence, recalling how her hips and skirt had swayed from side to side when she walked. The shot where Serena had turned back towards the house made her legs feel weak at the sight of her parted lips from surprise, and the visible curve of her breasts caught almost in profile… Bernie slammed the lid down on her laptop and groaned.

‘ _Thank god she can’t see me now, this is pervy, almost akin to stalking!’_

Taking a deep breath she opened it up again, just long enough to close the programme before switching it off completely. She pottered about her flat doing all the housekeeping stuff she hated, but knew she’d hate herself even more if she didn’t at least keep on top of it. She then poured herself another tumbler of whisky before going to bed, hoping to dull her senses enough to allow her some sleep. She succeeded, up to a point, but her dreams were vivid and disturbing and a recurring feature was a pair of warm brown eyes looking at her accusingly. When she went into the bathroom the following morning she was not surprised to see someone looking every bit of her 53 years and knew that a spot of tinted moisturiser was not going to be enough to disguise her tiredness. She drank two large cups of coffee before forcing herself to eat a small slice of toast, and by the time she was ready to open up she was nearly functioning as normal.

It was a busy day that had her driving around Holby for a fair part of it, once quite close to Serena’s, but resisted the urge to drive past like an hormonal teenager, thinking that it would be pointless anyway as she would most likely be at work. But every time her phone rang or a message alert came through her stomach flipped as she hastened to check the caller ID. And every time her heart grew a little heavier when she could see it wasn’t Serena. She tried to reason with herself that her last words had been to tell Serena to take time, all the time she needed, but as the hours went by the fear built up in her mind that she had lost the chance that they could have more than just a professional relationship. And even that could be in doubt.

When Tuesday also came and went without contact she already believed that Serena had made up her mind not to sell the house and that she was struggling to find a way to let her down lightly. She decided she would give it one more day and then send her a carefully worded, _professional,_ email saying that if she hadn’t heard from her by the weekend she would assume that her services were no longer required, and hoped that she would be kept in mind if circumstances changed in the future. She once again drank a little too much whisky before climbing into bed.

So when her phone pinged at around 9.30am on Wednesday morning, while escorting a client around one of the properties she had for sale, she didn’t even check to see who the text was from until nearly 11.00. Even when she saw it was from Serena she was sure it would just be the message she had been dreading. But as she read it her spirits started to lift.

 

**Bernie, I am so sorry I haven’t been in touch since Sunday. Something happened just after you left involving my daughter, and it knocked me for six. I’ve spent the last couple of days trying to make sense of it all and it’s fair to say that I haven’t completely succeeded. In fact I think it might help if I could talk about it with someone. Perhaps with you? But face to face, not over the phone. So, I’m hoping that you can come over on Friday, after work. I’m happy to cook a meal if you would like me to, or we could get a take-out. Sorry if this sounds a bit overly dramatic, nothing sinister afoot I promise. And I’d like to see you anyway.**

**Serena x**

**Also wanted to say thank you for Sunday. X**

 

Bernie felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She was anxious about what had happened, but relieved that Serena still seemed to regard her as a friend, and she sent off an hasty reply.

 

**Well, I’m certainly pleased to hear from you, but sorry that you’ve had a rough couple of days. I’d be glad to see you on Friday. I’ll bring a bottle, or two. And just ring if you need anything before then. Bernie x**

 

Serena breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Bernie’s reply and it cheered her up after the less than convivial conversation she’d had with Elinor about putting the house on the market. At first she had seemed indifferent, but then started questioning her mother’s state of mind. It must be the menopause affecting her judgement, and she was simply having a mid-life crisis. Hadn't she thought about HRT instead of looking for a project?Serena tried to be patient and explain the many and varied reasons why she wanted a fresh start without checking into a retirement village, but her temper finally snapped and she stormed out of the room saying that it seemed odd that Elinor was suddenly so fond of the place, when, since going to university she’d hardly set foot in it for more than 20 days in a year.

As soon as she said it she regretted it, and stood in the kitchen shaking with emotion, part anger and part sorrow that she hadn’t been able to control her response, especially knowing the demons her daughter was battling. She was about to go back and apologise when Elinor came and stood in the doorway.

“It’s just the only home I’ve ever known, unless you count the trendy flat where Dad and Liberty live. And my room there is tiny so I can’t make it feel like mine even if I wanted to. Plus I never feel right taking a boyfriend back there in case _she_ starts flirting with him, or Dad tries to brow beat him into confessing his intentions towards me…usually when he’s had a drop too much to drink. I mean, I know you’ve flirted with a couple but it doesn’t make me feel threatened, just uncomfortable.”

“Huh!” Serena scoffed, and didn’t know whether to be pleased or insulted, perhaps a bit of both. She took a deep breath before speaking to try and moderate her tone.

“Look, it’s not going to happen overnight, and I promise that when the time comes I’ll give you a chance to have your say on a new place. I did look at a couple of places last Sunday, one of which I think you’d really like, but until I know I have someone seriously interested in this place I won’t involve you unless you ask me too. Actually I was thinking that I might invite the estate agent handling this to come to dinner with us on Friday. you don't mind do you?”

Elinor frowned, and she looked at her mother in disbelief.

“You’re asking an estate agent to _dinner?_ ” She watched as her mother averted her eyes and blushed slightly. “Oh...you _fancy_ him! In which case definitely no thank you, I do not want to watch you flirting across the dinner table.”

Serena huffed again.

“It’s not like that. First of all it’s a _she,_ not a he, and she’s a friend as well, I hope. Well, technically a friend of a friend, but we get along fine and she’s good company and she’s been really helpful too. Anyway the offer will still stand if you change your mind.”

Elinor shrugged her shoulders.

“Not likely to happen. Maybe I could see if any of my old friends are around and go and meet up with them.”

Serena frowned this time.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean some of them were not exactly a great influence on you when you were supposed to have been studying, and alcohol is a big no with the medication you’re on”

Now it was Elinor’s turn to huff.

“For goodness sake mother, I can have a night out without needing to get drunk you know.” She paused. “I wasn’t planning on going clubbing, simply thought I’d pop over and see Claire, maybe watch a movie or something.”

Serena groaned inwardly at her own insensitivity and reached out to pull her into a hug.

“Sorry, sorry. Just your old mom having a knee-jerk reaction. Now, what would you like to do today? A little retail therapy?”

She fully intended on spoiling Elinor, but when she knew that Bernie was coming on Friday she thought she might possibly treat herself to something new as well. She pushed to the back of her mind the thought that she rather hoped that Elinor wouldn’t change her mind about going out.

 


	5. Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena is still worried about Elinor, and she's feeling confused about the dinner for two at her home  
> Can she get at least one part of her life moving forward?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to say in the notes of the last chapter that I personally have never suffered with depression but have a number of family members who do, so I have used some of their experiences for Elinor.

Chapter 5 : Moving Forward

 

 

Serena and Elinor set off on their shopping trip, but Serena was surprised when Ellie turned down an offer to add a few items to her wardrobe.

“Not really in the mood right now, save your cash to splurge on me when my finals are over, and I promise, you will need plenty then to show how proud you are of me.”

Serena hugged her.

“I’ll always be proud of you sweetie, whatever happens. And if I don’t say that often enough, remind me.”

She didn’t want Elinor to carry around the burden she had, of never feeling good enough for _her_ mother. To only find out a few months after Adrienne died, and from a random patient who had once been a neighbour, that her mother had talked her up to everyone, but had never let her own daughter know that she was pleased with her achievements.

Ellie did allow Serena to buy her a few books for her course, to which she happily agreed. She had noticed a slight upturn in her daughter’s mood since Sunday, and hoped this meant that the medication was finally starting to work. Serena couldn’t disguise the fact that she was concerned when Elinor had announced her intention to go back to uni on the following Monday, but she held back from telling her it was too soon. She had handled things pretty well up until now, and she needed to show her that she trusted her decisions.

Her own shopping proved to be a little more difficult. She wasn’t sure that she understood the dress code for a cosy dinner for two that wasn’t a date, or even remotely intended to be romantic…but that you hoped it could be both of those things if you could only gently encourage the other person to think the same way. Even Elinor, who was used to her mother’s shopping habits, began to despair that she would ever make a choice.

After a couple of hours of watching her mom parade in and out of dressing rooms with no end in sight Elinor stopped her from gathering another handful of garments to try on.

“Mom, stop, please. Most of the clothes you’ve tried on have looked great on you, but seriously, do you really _need_ anything new? It’s not like you’ve already worked your way through all the clothes you have at home, you don’t need to try so hard to get someone to be your friend. If she’s got any sense at all she’ll like you for being you, not because she admires your dress sense.”

Serena gave a small laugh as she put the clothes she was clutching back on the rack.

“When did you get to be so wise young lady? Come on, let’s go and grab some lunch, I need sustenance.”

They spent the rest of the day doing food shopping, Serena deciding she would treat Bernie to a selection of M&S finest ready prepared foods rather than have to spend most of tomorrow cooking, and then they had a ride to the coast as it was such a beautiful afternoon. They sat in the car overlooking the sea as the sun set and Serena couldn’t remember a better time spent with her daughter in the last three years.

“Fish and chips when we get home?” she asked.

“No,” said Ellie. “I want to eat them here, in the car, still looking at the waves rolling onto the beach.”

So that’s exactly what they did.

 

Friday dawned and Serena had butterflies in her stomach pretty much from the moment she awoke. She was worried about Elinor going out for the evening, in spite of her assurance that it was a simple night in with an old school friend. She wasn't convinced that Ellie understood that they had both changed a lot from when they were pals at school especially as Claire hadn’t gone on to further education. Admittedly, they had still kept in touch but she doubted it was a close enough relationship for Ellie to tell her what she had been going through. She was also certain that even a night in wouldn’t prevent alcohol from being on the agenda, and Claire might well have invited other friends too, people that Elinor didn’t even know, which could make things even more strained. She could remember how, when she had been in the grip of depression, she had tried so hard to hide it from everyone, not wanting their pity or the feeling of appearing weak in their eyes. So she spent nearly all of the morning trying to persuade Elinor to stay in this evening, saying it would be nice for her to meet Bernie, and how they could have a big discussion about moving house, and even watch a movie here if she wanted, until Ellie finally snapped.

“For god’s sake mom, do you think that the only way I’m going to get better is to stay here being fussed and cosseted over by you? We’d kill each other after a couple of weeks and you know it. Just like you, I have to learn to deal with this and I can’t put my life on hold for much longer. I’m ready to go back to uni, there’s support for me there too….. and staying here would mean I’d end up feeling stifled and resentful.”

Elinor saw her mother’s face fall and was both sorry and irritated.

“Look, I’m really grateful for you giving me the chance to be pampered for a while, feeding me and caring for me. You even used some of your hard-earned holiday to show you loved and supported me and that means a lot. But I want _my_ life back, and that isn’t here. So when Bernie comes over tonight, make sure you tell her to proceed with the sale if that’s what _you_ want. It’s time to sort out your life as well.”

Serena took a deep breath and slowly nodded her head.

“Will you promise that the next time things are getting tough for you, you’ll tell me? And I’ll promise not to drive up there and try to take over…unless you want me to. Just don’t try and hide things from me _,_ please?”

They hugged each other briefly, then Elinor went up to her room to read, and after a few more tears, Serena’s thoughts turned to Bernie’s visit that evening. The butterflies in her stomach not only returned, but there suddenly seemed more of them. She spent a little while making sure the house looked tidy and then prepped some extra vegetables to go with the lasagne she had bought for their dinner. Unable to put it off any longer she went into her bedroom to try and decide what to wear. She didn’t want to dress up too much, she was in her own home for goodness sake, and she’d already established (hadn’t she?) that it wasn’t _that_ sort of an occasion, but she didn’t want it to look like she had made no effort either. The main problem of course was that she was still struggling to understand what her feelings for Bernie were. She liked her, well in one way she’d go so far to say that she _more_ than liked her, but then questioned that if she didn’t know that Bernie was a lesbian, would she really be considering anything more than friendship? She didn't like to admit, even to herself, that when she’d been alone in her bed at night, she had imagined a few scenarios that went past the boundaries of what many would understand, even if they were _best_ friends. She groaned as she looked at the array of clothes that were covering her bed. She had actually made one decision, which was to wear her most flattering black trousers, a little more fitted that the ones she wore for work, but still couldn’t choose which top she should wear. She called Elinor to come and help her.

“What do you think Ellie, should I wear something bright,” and she held up her cerise pink shirt, “or something classy?” and she pointed to her dark green shirt.

Now it was Elinor who groaned.

“Really? You’re seriously that bothered about what to wear for an evening in your own house, with someone who _might_ turn out to be a good friend? Tell me, from what you know of her do you think she’s going to care how your dressed?”

Serena could feel herself blush and she started to feel foolish.

“Yes, yes, of course you’re right, I’m being silly, it really doesn’t matter at all.”

Elinor’s eyes widened as she took in the flush creeping up her mother’s neck and the refusal to look her in the eyes.

“Oh! Oh…, are you trying to tell me that you’re interested in being _more_ than friends? I’m right, aren’t I!”

She sat down blowing air out of her mouth with a huff.

“Where the hell has that come from? I mean, you’ve never shown any interest in women before..have you? You’ve seemed more than happy to have men following you around with their tongues hanging out, and although it seems creepy to say it, I've always had the impression that the physical side of things has also been to your liking? ”

Serena could feel her heart pounding at the barrage of questions from her daughter, as she sank down onto the bed next to her. She took a shaky breath before replying.

“I don’t know, is the simple answer. Yes, I’ve been quite happy to be pursued, and caught, by _some_ men, but if I’m honest.... I don’t think I've ever connected emotionally with them. But I admit I’m also not put off by the idea of…being with a woman. I’ve never felt this way before and…it’s unsettling.”

“Is she pretty?”

Serena rolled her eyes and turned pink again.

“Well, obviously I think she is, but that's not the point..... just because she’s gay, there’s no saying that she would find me attractive..in that way.”

“She’s gay?! Good grief mom, talk about keeping things close to your chest.”

She nudged Serena with her shoulder.

“Just for the record, _I_ think she must be blind if she isn’t attracted to you, physically at least. Ooh, would you rather I check and see if I can stay over at Claire’s tonight. Just in case..?”

“Elinor Campbell, you should wash your mouth out with soap for even thinking such a thing. And I really do not need to be having a conversation like this with my daughter.”

She rubbed her fingers over her face.

“It isn’t something I can even contemplate at the moment anyway, my life is complicated enough right now.”

Elinor coughed.

“Ahem..so why the agonising over what to wear then? You need to start examining your motives in all of this.”

Serena gave her daughter a wry smile.

“Touché. But right now I’m too confused to make clear judgements about any of this. But, can I take from your reaction that learning about this possible side to your mother, doesn’t horrify you?”

“Why would it? You didn’t raise me to be a homophobe. I think I’d feel a bit weird about it at first, I’d want to know it wasn’t some mid-life crisis brought on by the menopause, but… I’d definitely try to be happy for you, if it was what you really wanted.”

She gave an evil chuckle.

“I call dibs on telling Dad though, if and when.”

“You cheeky beggar,” said Serena affectionately, “however I still haven’t resolved my initial problem of which top to wear.”

Elinor stood up and glancing at the choice that Serena had strewn over her bed, she walked past them and opened the wardrobe to pull out a soft, light blue, cap-sleeved top that she personally loved.

“This one,” she said.

Serena looked surprised.

“Don’t you think it’s a little…tight?”

“Honestly mom, you can’t pretend that you’re anything other than curvaceous, and I’m damn sure that’s what a lot of men find so attractive about you. The fact that they can barely drag their eyes from your chest when they talk to you is evidence of that. So if you are interested in seeing where _this_ goes, then play to your strengths.”

“I know, but….she’s so slim and…fit, and has legs…that…”

Serena’s voice faded feeling ashamed at the images that flooded her brain, and looked up to see Elinor grinning delightedly.

“Who would have thought that I’d ever give my mom dating advice? And before you say you’re not dating, let me finish.

You should wear whatever you feel comfortable in, but I guarantee if she’s at all interested in you, she’ll love you in this. And if she’s not interested in that way, then it won’t matter, will it?”

With a wink Elinor returned to her own room.

“It’s not a date,” whispered Serena to herself as she rubbed the fabric of the top between her fingers.

‘ _But I kind of wish it was,’_ she thought as she pulled the same top over her head, before heading into her en-suite to apply her make-up.

 

Bernie was glad that she had been busy today, otherwise she may well have spent a large proportion of it trying to come up with a believable excuse to cancel the meal with Serena. And it wasn’t because she didn’t want to see her again. She was finding it hard to deal with how much she had missed seeing Serena over the last five days, and part of her was terrified that her hormones might lead her down a path that could have some very awkward consequences. She knew that she and Serena had a definite connection, but she couldn’t be certain that it was anything more than a wish to have a close friend, on Serena’s part. She often thought you had to have known you were gay from a very early age to have developed ‘gaydar’, because she certainly didn’t possess it. She’d never before alowed herself to set her sights on anyone who was, as far as she knew, completely heterosexual. In fact she’d _never_ been the one to make the first move in any of her relationships . Hell, she had enough trouble recognising another lesbian when they were hitting on her. Alex had had to virtually lock them both in her darkroom and stick her tongue in her mouth before she got the message that she liked her.

‘ _And even if I had it in writing, in black and white,’_ she thought, ‘ _it’s not like I’m going to start anything this evening, given that something has obviously kicked off this week that involved her daughter.’_

She sighed as she thought about Alex. It was nearly two years since she had last seen her, since she had packed her bags and left, telling Bernie to get back in touch when she had decided what or whom she wanted. She didn’t blame her for going, it still upset her when she thought about the emotional roller coaster she had put Alex through, unable to handle her new found sexuality, and the depth of guilt she felt after every encounter. The hardest thing to accept at the time was that she had lost a friend too, and that made her even more determined to reign in her urges so as not to risk whatever it was that she and Serena already had. Unfortunately that didn’t stop her stomach flipping and the hot flushes she experienced, every time she thought of that soft, curvy, sexy woman.

She may be feeling as nervous as Serena, but she didn’t take a fraction of the time that Serena did, to decide what to wear. That was due mainly to the fact that she didn’t have anywhere near as many clothes. She basically owned either fitted black trousers, otherwise known as her work uniform, or skinny jeans. She did have a couple of dresses and skirts that she used to wear when accompanying Marcus to functions, and because she could still fit into them it felt wasteful to consider getting rid of them. They were not however, what she felt comfortable in, so skinny jeans it was. She rejected a plaid grandad style shirt as she thought it screamed ‘lesbian’, pushed her white shirts to one side as they were too business like, and instead picked up her favourite black shirt which needed a quick iron. She was already running slightly late as her last valuation of the day was at a house that reeked of fried onions and she knew she would have to shower _and_ wash her hair if she didn’t want to stink for the whole evening. So when she stood outside Serena’s at 6.00pm, she could still feel how damp her hair was, and when Serena opened the door she was startled to see Bernie standing there shaking her head from side to side, a little like a puppy that has been caught in a brief shower of rain. Her mouth dropped open and her breathing hitched slightly as she stared at the blonde hair whipping from side to side. Not having realised that the door was now open, Bernie blushed as her eyes caught sight of Serena, and she stopped, smiling sheepishly at her.

“Sorry, the last house I viewed was rather smelly,” she said by means of an explanation, which in fact explained nothing.

Serena ushered her inside and took her jacket and the two bottles that she had been carrying from her, while Bernie kicked off her shoes.

“You could have rung to explain you might be a little later than planned, I would have understood.”

“Duly noted. I wasn’t sure how critical the timing might be over the food. I didn’t want it to spoil because I was running late for…”

Bernie’s voice tailed off as she realised she had nearly said ‘our dinner date’ her brain searching desperately for a way of finishing the sentence. It was even harder as Serena was by now, staring at her quite intently.

“You…find you upset because something had over-cooked,” she finished lamely.

Serena chuckled as she gestured for her to go into the lounge.

“Well now I’m the worried one because I’m afraid it’s only an M&S ready meal…I hope you like lasagne.”

Bernie grinned and assured Serena that she was more than happy with any Italian food, and for the first time since arriving she looked at Serena properly, and found it very difficult to tear her eyes away from the way the soft material of her top was clinging to her body. Serena started to feel rather self conscious about having gone with Ellie’s suggestion and she instinctively wrapped her arms around her midriff, trying to hide what Robbie had always called her ‘spare tyre.’

“Would..would you like a drink?” she asked, moving towards the bottles she had on top of a cabinet next to the dining table. She planned on nipping upstairs to cover herself up with one of her more voluminous blouses as soon as she’d passed Bernie her drink.

“Oh, erm..probably just a fruit juice if you have one, or a sparkling water.”

Serena gave her a mock glare, arching her eyebrow at the same time.

“I do have to drive home, remember? And I really would like some wine with the meal. I can’t afford to lose my licence, not with my job. Profits would soon plummet if I had to order taxis every time I needed to be somewhere.”

“Sorry, I hadn’t thought of it like that, and I’m the last person who should be encouraging you to drive under the influence… I’ve seen my fair share of tragedy caused by reckless drivers.”

Elinor chose that moment to come through the door into the lounge.

“Mom, could I have…. oh, I’m sorry, I hadn’t heard you arrive.” She said this looking at Bernie, and Serena moved swiftly back towards them.

“Bernie, this is my daughter, Elinor or Ellie. Ellie this is Bernie my… I mean our..no, my friend and hopefully the person who will sell our house.”

Elinor was amused at her mother stumbling over her words in her embarrassment. She turned to address Bernie.

“The reason for the choice of name depends entirely on whether she’s cross or upset with me. The fact that she referred to me as Ellie would indicate that I’m currently in her reasonably good books. Which might be because I’ve arranged to go out for the evening so that you two will be left in peace.”

She turned back to Serena.

“Speaking of which, could you give me some money for the taxi that should be arriving any minute now. And also enough for the journey home?”

Serena flashed her eyes at her, for daring to intimate to Bernie that this evening was special in some way.

“No _Elinor,_ you don’t need cash because I have an account with the taxi firm. Just make sure you phone them in plenty of time when you’re thinking of coming home. I also want you back by midnight at the latest.”

She did however grab her purse and pushed £20 into her daughter’s hand.

“In case you need to contribute towards a pizza or something, and don’t forget, no..”

“Drinking? Yes! I know!”

Elinor looked at Bernie again with a smile on her face.

“Did you notice the name she used then? Be warned, it’s very easy to wind her up, and she doesn’t always see the funny side.”

She moved towards the door and winked at her mom.

“Hope you both have a _lovely_ evening, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, will you?”

Serena hurriedly followed her into the hall.

“I ought to be giving you a proper telling off for that little performance,” she hissed, “but…just be sensible tonight, please?”

Elinor gave Serena’s arm a squeeze.

“You get on with your life and let me deal with mine. I know I’m not out of the woods, despite how much brighter I’m feeling but I have to find out how to manage different situations, and this is one of them. Just..give me some space, and the credit to know what I’m doing, please.”

Serena swallowed and nodded.

“See you later. Have fun.”

There was the sound of a car horn and Elinor opened the door to check it was the taxi. She turned back for a second.

“Enjoy _your_ night too, mom. And for what it’s worth you have a better taste in women than you do in men…she’s gorgeous.”

Serena took a deep breath as she closed the door behind her, feeling quite warm all of a sudden. She went back into the lounge and started to apologise when she realised she hadn’t given Bernie her drink. Bernie interrupted.

“Serena, it’s fine. And your daughter seems lovely by the way, and so attractive, with a smile that’s nearly as winning as her mother’s.”

The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, and they both felt their cheeks redden.

“Yes..well,” said Serena trying to compose herself. “Don’t be surprised if the next time you meet her she’s back to behaving like a stroppy teenager. Still manages to blow hot and cold in the blink of an eye.”

She handed Bernie her fruit juice, and tipped her head in the direction of the kitchen.

“I’m just going to put things into the oven, you’re welcome to join me, or stay here, whatever you’d prefer. Then perhaps I can tell you about what’s been happening here..if you feel up to listening to my woes?”

Bernie stood up and followed her into the kitchen, helping where she could, but mainly listening to Serena off-load all her worries about her daughter. She did her best not to attempt to give her opinion or advice, somehow knowing that this wasn’t about Serena asking for help, but just a way of getting things off her chest without fear of criticism or pity. When they sat down to the meal, Serena looked at Bernie with a slight sense of embarrassment.

“God, your ears must feel well and truly bent. I’m sorry I went on for so long, once I’d started I couldn’t seem to stop. I should have been telling Edward all of this, rather than you, but I knew he’d bring up my own battles with depression and then end up making it all about him.”

Bernie leant across the table and placed her hand gently over Serena’s.

“Don’t apologise. I’m glad you felt you could talk to me about it. It must have been hard, dealing with that on your own. And choosing to stay at home meant you didn’t have the option of work to take your mind off it, or to discuss things with your friends there.”

Serena nodded and blinked hard as she felt her eyes watering at Bernie’s kind words. After a moment or two their hands parted and they started to eat their food.

“So,” said Serena, trying to lighten the atmosphere, “what’s your week been like?”

The conversation turned to general chit-chat and a certain amount of banter, and they both marvelled at how easy it was, how they appeared to ‘read’ each other’s mood. By the time Serena stood up to make them a coffee, Bernie was feeling much more at ease, and closed her eyes letting her mind wander back to the goodnight kiss of last Sunday and she unconsciously put her hand up to lightly to touch her cheek. Serena looked at her just at that moment and she caught her breath, feeling suddenly very warm as she imagined those fingers resting against her own face. She was totally caught off guard when Bernie suddenly opened her eyes to stare straight into her own. She felt as if she were losing her balance and turned quickly back towards the counter to steady herself before pouring out their coffee. Not looking at Bernie she suggested they go back to sit more comfortably in the lounge.

Bernie sat on the sofa and then reached up to take the mug off Serena with a smile.

“You know, I don’t believe I told you how lovely you look tonight. That top really suits you.”

Serena blushed (again) at Bernie’s words, having completely forgotten her intention of covering herself up.

“Ah, well I may have to apologise to my daughter then, as she persuaded me to wear it, against my better judgement. I though it was a little too…close fitting.”

Bernie leaned in a little closer to Serena, who had also sat on the sofa, but at the opposite end, and her voice dropped slightly.

“Well, there’s no point in having all the right curves, if you don’t show them off.”

Serena felt herself tingle all over and her breath quickened. She wanted to say that Bernie looked just as gorgeous to her, but the words wouldn’t come. She put her drink down with shaky hands and moved forward until she was perched on the edge of her seat, her head dropping down as she tried to calm herself.

Bernie moved forwards too, worried that she was feeling unwell.

“Serena, are you okay? Can I get you anything? Some water maybe?”

Serena shook her head, sucking in a gulp of air before answering.

“It’s nothing…I’m fine, honestly. I think everything just caught up with me all of a sudden.”

She risked turning her head to look at Bernie, and was touched at the concern written on her face. She found it difficult to hold her gaze though, and her eyes dropped briefly to Bernie’s lips as she looked away again. Then she felt Bernie’s arm slide across her back as her hand rested lightly on her far shoulder.

“Come on, just lean on me for a while and try to relax a bit until you stop feeling so light-headed.”

Serena wanted to scream at her that everywhere she felt Bernie’s body against hers made her feel even more faint, but instead she allowed herself to be pulled backwards on the sofa, her head finally coming to rest in the hollow just in front of Bernie’s shoulder. After a minute or two she found that her breathing was slowing, in sync with the rise and fall of Bernie’s chest and gradually some of the tension started to drain away. Lying there with Bernie’s arm around her she felt safer than she had done for a very long time and as the minutes passed a strange calm seemed to spread throughout her body. Serena finally tilted her head back so that she could look at her. Bernie’s eyes were soft and a small smile played across her face as she arched an eyebrow. “What?” she said.

Serena didn’t answer, but simply continued to stare at her.

“Come on, give me a clue, I’m not a mind reader.”

Serena summoned up every grain of courage she had before speaking.

“I’m thinking how much I’d like to kiss you,” she whispered.

Bernie’s eyes widened and then she glanced down at Serena’s lips before licking her own. She was about to ask her if she was sure when she realised that Serena was already pushing herself up and her eyes fluttered closed as she felt their lips meet, briefly, softly, before Serena moved away again. They were motionless, caught in each other’s gaze for what seemed like minutes but in reality was no more than a couple of seconds, and then Serena brought her hand up to curl behind Bernie’s head pulling her back down into another soft, but longer kiss. Bernie’s arm, already around Serena’s shoulders, tightened, drawing her closer into her body, and her other arm circled her waist until her fingers were splayed against Serena’s back. This time, as they broke apart, they both felt slightly giddy and breathless, and smiles spread involuntarily across their faces as their foreheads rested against each others.

“Sorry,” whispered Serena, even though she felt anything but.

Bernie, still feeling slightly in shock, was grateful to see that Serena _was_ smiling and she hesitated over her words to try and reassure her.

“Don’t..there’s no need..to be sorry. I’ve wanted…I’ve hoped…for this too.”

They were both still smiling, and Serena’s eyes were shining so brightly that Bernie felt as if she could be blinded by them. Their grip around each other had relaxed slightly but they were still very close, and with a pounding heart Bernie moved forward to capture Serena’s parted lips once more. Just as she brushed them with her own they heard the front door close, and Serena jerked herself backwards as feet pounded up the stairs.

“Elinor?” she cried out, but there was no answer except for the slamming of a bedroom door. Glancing at her watch Serena saw it was only 9.30pm. “Shit!” she muttered as she pushed herself up from the sofa to go and find out why she was back so early. As she reached the door of the lounge she stopped to look at Bernie, who was sitting awkwardly on the edge of the seat, and she started to stand up as Serena gazed at her.

“Please,” Serena said urgently, “please, don’t go.”

“Serena,” Bernie whispered, feeling uncomfortable, “I think maybe I _should_..go, give you and Elinor some space..”

Serena choked back a small sob.

“I want you to..I _need_ you, to stay. Please Bernie, promise me you won’t leave before I come back down?”

Bernie gave a small nod and sat back onto the sofa.

“Of course…I’ll wait. I promise.”

Serena gave a sigh of relief, and with one last look she went to find Elinor.

 


	6. Misunderstandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena certainly knows what she wants, but as usual Bernie is trying to take things slowly. Serena also gets to see a little more of Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a plea to not waste time in getting to the smut, so I apologise in advance. I'm pretty certain that there will be a rating change for the next chapter though, if not I'll have to do more than beg for forgiveness.

Chapter 6 : Misunderstandings

 

It had been fifteen minutes and Bernie had heard nothing more from upstairs, other than the opening and closing of a door, and muffled voices, one of which became raised for a short while, before they went back to a soft murmur. And now, for the last five minutes silence had reigned.

She stood up and cleared the table of their plates and dishes, carrying them into the kitchen. Not being sure if Serena would bother with the dishwasher, or even entirely certain of where it was, she chose to place them in the sink and then ran some water to let them soak. She picked up her wineglass and drained it before placing it carefully in the sink too, but decided to pour out a little more for Serena, and took it back into the lounge. She sat down again, her foot tapping nervously up and down as she listened hard for any sound or movement.

In spite of Serena having exacted a promise from her _not_ to leave, Bernie was growing more uncomfortable with every minute that passed. Perhaps Elinor didn’t want her mother to leave her alone, or worse still, she wanted to come down but felt she couldn’t because she knew Bernie was still there. And on top of all that, the sweet, sweet memory of kissing Serena at last would insist in floating to the front of her mind, banishing all rational thought. When Serena had looked at her, whispering that she wanted to kiss her, it had felt as if every bit of air had been squeezed out of her lungs. And then the bliss of Serena’s lips against hers, and the way their bodies had pressed together had stirred a deep longing inside. A longing she had buried right down in her soul, after Alex had left. As much as she was on tenterhooks waiting for Serena to come back, there was an underlying fear that these few minutes apart would have given her the chance to reflect that she had made a mistake. And that would doubly hurt, because she knew that a simple professional relationship could be impossible for her to manage now. She sighed and stood up, pacing back and forth trying to come to a decision. Surely Serena would understand that she had to leave, that she couldn’t wait here indefinitely. But then she imagined how hurt Serena might feel if she came back down to find her gone, and she groaned in frustration.

‘ _Another bloody good reason to keep one’s personal and professional life separate!’_

She looked at her watch and decided that if she had heard nothing after 20 minutes then she would go. And just in case Serena was up there now waiting to hear the door close behind her before coming down, she would leave it up to her to get back in touch.

She stopped pacing, and ran her hands through her hair, knowing it would be cruel to just go without some sort of explanation as to why she had broken her promise, so recently given. She looked around for a piece of paper or even an envelope that she could leave a short message on.

Nothing..

‘ _God dammit, that woman is far too tidy and organised!’_

She had a sudden thought and went into the kitchen looking for a paper recycling box. Again, nothing. Bernie groaned, aware that since her pep talk on having the house ready for someone to view at a moments notice she had probably started to keep it in the garage out of sight. Momentarily stumped she tried to think outside the box, and had a light-bulb moment. Serena has said the lasagne had come from M&S, so at the very least it would have had a cardboard sleeve around it, and she crossed her fingers that she had automatically thrown it into the waste bin in the corner. She peered through the flap on the top and thought she could see it, but needed to take the lid off before she could be sure. She moved the top to one side and stretched her arm into was was thankfully a fairly empty bin, but a ridiculously deep one given that most of the time only one person lived here, and with a sigh of relief her fingers closed around her target, just as a voice startled her.

“If you’re still hungry you might have more success looking in the fridge, there’s no need to ferret around in there.”

Bernie shot upright, jerking her arm out as she did, her hand still clutching the packet. Unfortunately it also emerged with a couple of overripe tomatoes, and the speed with which she had moved meant that they flew off the cardboard and splatted messily against her shirt. Bernie stared in shock as they slid down her front before plopping onto the floor and when she raised her eyes it was to see Serena standing in the archway with a bemused smile on her face.

“Seriously Bernie, what on earth were you doing?” Serena asked, as she walked over to grab some kitchen towel before bending down by Bernie’s feet to gather up the tomatoes to put back into the waste container. She also pulled the lasagne sleeve out of her hand and held it up in the air in front of Bernie’s face her eyebrows raised expectantly.

“Were you suddenly driven by a need to inspect the ingredients? Do you have an allergy you hadn’t told me about?”

Bernie still hadn’t moved, and she didn’t look as if she was going to be capable of speech anytime soon either, so dropping the packet back where it belonged, Serena gave her a little shove in the direction of the lounge. That was when she took in the state of Bernie’s shirt.

“Oh good grief, you’ll have to take that off. I’ll throw it in with the dark wash of Ellie’s that I’ve got ready.”

The change in Serena’s tone seemed to spark Bernie into life.

“Erm, Elinor, how is she?” asked Bernie as she started undoing the buttons on her shirt as Serena turned away from her to throw a washing capsule into the machine.

“Oh, feeling more embarrassed and foolish than anything I think. Even though I promise I never said it, she knows that I had to stifle the urge to utter ‘I told you so’. Her voice got a bit loud I know, she doesn’t like to be proven wrong.”

“Does anyone?” responded Bernie, still somewhat distracted.

“Well, I’m hoping it’s hurt pride more than anything, and that she understands this has more to do with Claire’s childishness in trying to goad her into having a drink, than any failing on her part.”

Serena turned back to Bernie, and saw she was looking somewhat uncomfortable, holding her shirt in front of her.

“I…um…I don’t suppose you could loan me something to pop on instead of this, do you? I’d forgotten I hadn’t put a vest on underneath.”

Serena’s eyes widened momentarily as she took in Bernie’s bare arms and the thin straps and edge of what looked like a black lacy bra.

“Oh yes…..god, I’m sorry, I never thought…hang on,” and Serena moved swiftly past her to go upstairs. Bernie felt foolish and annoyed with herself, that she felt so self-conscious to be seen in just a bra. This sort of thing never normally bothered her at all, but the fact it was Serena, whom she was so attracted to, made it….awkward. Serena returned after less than two minutes and handed her a grey hoodie with the logo for HOLBY CITY & NHS, stitched onto the front. She took the shirt from her without looking in her direction, pushing it into the washing machine, trying to give Bernie chance to put the replacement top on before she turned around.

“I think it should fit okay, it’s a little on the small side for me now so you needn’t rush to return it.”

Once she heard the zipper being pulled up Serena took a deep breath and turned around. She was concerned that Bernie had seen the desire in her eyes when she had looked at her before fetching the replacement top, and she wasn’t sure how to cope with it if she had. Quickly switching on the machine she walked back into the lounge, trying to restore the conversation that had started just before the tomato incident.

“So what _were_ you looking for?” she asked lightly. “Had you thrown something away by mistake?”

Bernie coloured slightly, but felt she had to be honest.

“No…I..I was looking for something to write on..I couldn’t find any proper scrap paper, so I was checking the bin..”

Serena frowned slightly, and she raised an eyebrow as it dawned on her why Bernie had been searching for paper. Bernie averted her gaze as she saw realisation flash in Serena’s eyes, and she hastened to try and explain.

“I wasn’t sure if I should stay any longer. I thought that Elinor might be upset that she couldn’t come into the lounge because I was there…or that you were worried about leaving her alone, and I didn’t want to add to that. So..so I thought it best if I went, but I wanted to explain why so that you didn’t think it was because of..you know…before, and your house is so bloody tidy, I couldn’t find anything to write on.”

She risked a quick look at Serena’s face, spreading her arms, shrugging her shoulders in a helpless gesture, and saw a softness there she hadn’t expected.

“I didn’t know what to do..”

Serena grasped Bernie’s hands and pulled her in towards her.

“I’m sorry, I lost track of time talking to Ellie, and..I never thought how you would be feeling, how abandoned you might’ve felt.”

Bernie circled her arms around Serena, nuzzling her nose into her hair, breathing deeply in relief.

“You don’t need to apologise, she needed you, and you’re her mother. I don’t think either of us were thinking clearly when she went running upstairs. But, as long as you’re okay, I think it would be best if I left you both in peace. We can pick up where we left off another day…..if you’re sure you want to?”

Serena drew back slightly from their warm embrace to look Bernie in the eye.

“Oh no,” she muttered, shaking her head. “I don’t want you to go. _I_ definitely hadn’t finished what we’d started, and I got the impression you still had something to say as well.”

She raised her arm to stroke the hair that had fallen forwards onto Bernie’s face, pushing her fingers through it, curling them to grasp at the base of her neck, pausing for what seemed forever before pulling her forwards until their lips met again, warm and soft. Serena could not understand how with a woman, or at least with Bernie, a kiss could feel so firm, yet yielding. And Bernie could not help herself from taking little nibbles of Serena’s bottom lip each time they pulled away to take a breath. She started to manoeuvre herself backwards, still embracing Serena as she went, until she felt the edge of the sofa against her legs, and then she sank slowly down dragging Serena with her. Their kiss intensified and their bodies twisted until they were lying against the cushions, sliding even further down onto the seat, as hands grappled with each others arms and clothes, trying desperately to bring their bodies as close as possible. Then they had to pull apart, gasping for breath, lips throbbing from the forcefulness of their encounter. Bernie’s head was reeling from the knowledge that what she had spent hours thinking about was actually happening, and when Serena slid her tongue hesitantly along her lips and into her mouth, she couldn’t stop the moan that issued forth. Startled Serena withdrew only to feel Bernie chase after her, pushing past _her_ lips to explore and taste. Then their tongues were twisting together as if in some magical dance that they had always known. Hands had started to roam, and as Bernie’s fingers crept under her top to touch bare skin, Serena felt a jolt of desire that seemed to travel from the top of her head downwards over her whole body, making her spine arch, pulling their mouths apart. Bernie stilled for a moment and then pushed herself into a sitting position, managing to pull Serena with her, forcing her legs to part so that she was almost astride her. Serena’s head was still tipped away from her, and Bernie kissed along her jaw, making her whimper, and then moved down her neck sucking and kissing softly until she reached the base of her neck. She watched the rise and fall of Serena’s chest for a moment and then resumed her assault, starting to suck at the pulse point with increasing pressure, her hands now stroking up and down her spine. Serena felt quite wild with a passion that seemed to consume her, flooding her body with heat, making every erogenous zone she had, throb and tingle. Just when she felt as if she might pass out she felt Bernie easing away, pulling back until they were gazing into each others eyes, dark and full of desire.

Serena reached for the zipper on her jacket, (which, in her opinion Bernie had pulled up ridiculously high) and started to drag it slowly down, pressing her lips to each new expanse of skin that she revealed and was rewarded by hearing Bernie groan, as pushed her body towards her. Serena took her time, savouring this new sensation, but it didn’t seem long at all before her mouth grazed the edge of the black bra she had glimpsed sight of earlier, and Bernie felt her breathing hitch for a moment, making it her turn to feel faint, the pulsing between her legs becoming so strong she had to freeze her movements for fear of climaxing involuntarily. When she felt Serena’s hand edge underneath her top to splay against her naked torso she took a deep ragged breath and placed her own hand over Serena’s to stop her. Serena’s head fell against her sternum and there was a pause before she tried to pull her hand free, but Bernie held it firmly in place until in frustration Serena’s voice vibrated against her chest.

“Bernie? What…what are you doing! Don’t you want this?”

It hurt Bernie to hear the anxiety in her voice and she tipped Serena’s head backwards with a finger under her chin so she could look at her as she spoke.

“I want this _so much_ , you have no idea..but, not on your sofa, like this, fumbling our way to… pleasure.”

She rested her forehead against Serena’s.

“I’ve dreamt of being with you since you came to my home, but I didn’t dare to hope that you would want me in the same way. Then as I began to see that maybe it wasn’t just me that felt this attraction, I started to picture our first real encounter, your first time with me to be in a bed, where I could see you and feel you, learn what you like. Somewhere we both felt safe, with no fear of interruption.”

Instinctively Bernie cast her eyes upwards.

Serena shifted slightly on Bernie’s lap, groaning quietly as she did, alerting Bernie to the fact that she was possibly as aroused as herself. Between them they adjusted their positions until Serena wasn’t sitting on her lap anymore, but nestled close into her side. As they calmed, Serena spoke quietly.

“Is that true, what you said? You’re…not just saying that to let me down gently, because you’ve changed your mind? I’d rather know now if that is the case..”

Bernie’s heart clenched at the normally confident woman, sounding so unsure of herself, and hated that she had caused her to doubt. She made Serena look at her, almost losing her own train of thought as she gazed into those warm brown eyes.

“I promise you that I am currently showing more self-restraint than I would ever have thought possible. I truly, honestly want to.. _be_..with you, but this feels too rushed, not what you deserve. I’ve done that before and regretted it.”

A shadow passed over Bernie’s features.

“I don’t want to let my baser instincts stop me from getting to know you better.”

Serena gave a deep sigh, but when she spoke her voice sounded lighter and stronger than before.

“So, do you have a time frame here? How long do you think it will be before you are happy to let your.. ‘baser instincts’ take charge?”

Bernie pulled her close and kissed the top of her head.

“Well, shall we say that if Elinor does go back on Monday, and things seem to be relatively okay with her..maybe you’d let me take you out for a meal next Friday?”

“You mean, like a date?”

Bernie smiled fondly at her.

“Yes, like a date.”

“I think I’d really like that,” said Serena and she pressed her lips to Bernie’s cheek.

“But I hope that doesn’t mean we can’t talk to each other, or see each other before that, because, well, I did have a favour I wanted to ask of you, and it really needs to be done this weekend.”

Bernie looked at her with a slight frown.

“Oh, okay.Did you want to look at some houses, _with_ Elinor? Only I’m busy tomorrow morning, but I could manage the afternoon?”

“No, that isn’t the talent of yours that I’m after.”

Bernie raised her eyebrows pretending to be shocked and Serena gave her a dig with her elbow.

“Behave,” she said sternly. “What I would love would be to hire your professional photography skills. I really want to have some proper portraits done of myself and Ellie and both of us together. The ones I do have are years old, long before she went to uni, and any recent ones are just selfies that she’s taken, usually when drunk. I’d like her to be able to have a picture of me to remind her that she can come home or ring me anytime she needs to. And I want to remind _myself_ to call her more often, even if she does refuse to answer or tells me to stop bothering her.”

Bernie leant down and kissed Serena’s lips, once, twice, three times.

“I’d be honoured to, I only hope I can do you and your daughter’s beauty, justice.”

After a few more gentle kisses Bernie pulled up the zip of the hoodie and stood up.

“Let me know if Elinor is happy with your idea, and I’ll text you when I get back to the shop. I have a small corner I can set up with lights etc., if you wouldn’t mind coming over to me. But, if you’d rather it was done here I could bring the equipment over, it’s just means it would take a little longer that’s all.”

She started to head for the hall when Serena caught hold of her hand.

“Are you positive I can’t persuade you to stay?” And she fluttered her eyelashes at Bernie making her laugh.

“You could persuade me very easily, which is why I’m walking away right now,” and Bernie moved swiftly to the front door, slipping on her shoes and gathering her other jacket as she went. Once safely outside she turned to look at Serena.

“I’ll perhaps see you tomorrow then.”

They kissed once more, long and deep, both of them clinging to the door frame to keep their balance. And then Bernie was walking away down the drive to her car, knowing if she looked back she would be lost.

 

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

 

Neither of them slept well that night, although it was fair to say that Serena’s reasons were more to do with her daughter, than how turned on she had been by the glimpse of Bernie’s body…and the kissing. And when she first climbed into bed, she had given serious consideration to scratching that particular ‘itch.’ But Elinor, creeping into her bed approximately five minutes after she had switched off the light, soon pushed her physical needs out of her mind. And even though her daughter settled fairly quickly, Serena’s anxiety about how Elinor would cope if she insisted on going back to university in less than three days, prevented her from getting any proper rest.

 

Bernie on the other hand was plagued by the memory of Serena’s lips on hers and the feeling of soft skin under her fingertips. As the night drew on she was tempted on more than one occasion, to take matters into her own hands. But she couldn’t, or rather didn’t feel right about pleasuring herself whilst thinking about Serena, lying naked, in her bed.

‘ _It would feel different if we had already made love,’_ she argued with herself. _‘But any image I conjure up is just that, a fantasy from my imagination, and that seems wrong somehow.’_

It would also make her feel very awkward when she saw her again. She already felt guilty about being there that evening which had probably influenced Elinor’s decision to go out, typically bypassing the fact that the meal together had been Serena’s idea. She finally managed to get nearly 3 hours uninterrupted sleep, being woken by her alarm at 6.30am. As she dragged herself out of bed, she even found part of her hoping that Serena might be having second thoughts about the photo shoot.

Once up and dressed, making herself a strong cup of coffee, she was conflicted when she heard the message tone on her phone. When she read that Elinor had responded positively to getting some photos done, so all Bernie needed to do was text back when she was ready for them to pop over, she pushed her fingers through her hair and gave a deep sigh. Shaking her head to clear away any remaining cobwebs she set about pulling together the pieces of equipment she would need, before heading out of the door to her first appointment.

Serena spent at least an hour trying to persuade Ellie to stay at home for a few days more, but with little success. The rest of the morning was taken up with staring at her bed, that was once again festooned with a range of clothes that she discovered she now disliked intensely. By the time she received Bernie’s message that she would be back at her flat in about thirty minutes, she was ready to push the whole lot onto the floor, climb under the duvet and pretend that the world outside this room just didn’t exist. Not surprisingly Elinor was beginning to lose her temper.

“For god’s sake mother, just choose _something_! This isn’t about trying to look hot for a date, it’s about a photo that I can have in my digs that won’t cause me too much embarrassment. So, as long as it’s nothing with a leopard skin print or something with a plunging neckline it will be fine.”

Serena rolled her eyes as she stomped out of the room, but what she had said made sense, and so within the hour she and Elinor were standing at the door of Bernie’s shop, waiting for her to open the door.

Bernie ushered them in, smiling her welcome, and couldn’t resist trying to catch Serena’s fingers with her own as she pushed past her. Serena stopped abruptly and revelled in the softness of Bernie’s gaze. Neither of them had thought clearly about this moment, but they both knew that if they had been alone they would be in each other’s arms. As if on cue Elinor’s voice cut through the tension.

“Oh please, just kiss. As long as it stops you from making doe eyes at each other for the next hour, I think I can control my urge to puke.”

Bernie couldn’t help an explosion of laughter at hearing those words, which in turn started Elinor off, and in an attempt to silence at least one of them Serena grabbed Bernie and kissed her firmly, which did in fact do the trick.

Ellie was still gasping for breath.

“Oh my god, I’ve never heard a laugh like that before, it’s brilliant. You have to record it for me mom, I want to use it as my ringtone.”

The ice broken, Bernie showed them to a small area at the back of the shop where she already had her lights and reflectors set up, along with her camera fixed to a tripod. They had decided that Elinor should go first, then both of them together and finally Serena. Once they had that sorted Bernie asked them both to check their make-up to take into account the artificial light she was using and then things got underway. Serena was fascinated watching Bernie move around the space, giving clear instruction, and keeping up an easy chatter to relax them both into forgetting that she was the other side of a camera lens. There was none of the hesitation in her voice, that Serena was so used to hearing.

After approximately an hour there was only Serena’s session to be done, but it seemed as if they were flagging. Bernie felt that they could all do with a bit of a break, and asked if she could get them a drink while they all moved around a bit, to get rid of any stiffness.

“Don’t suppose you have anything stronger than tea or coffee do you?” asked Serena with a wink, and Bernie went bounding upstairs to her flat to grab a bottle of pink gin that someone had treated her to, at Christmas. As she came back down she could hear Elinor’s voice becoming raised, but when she walked into her ‘studio’, they both shut up. Bernie looked at Serena and raised an eyebrow.

“Everything alright here?”

Elinor gave an exasperated sigh.

“Mommy dearest is against me leaving you two to finish up here so I can walk back home. Apparently it’s not safe..in her opinion.”

Bernie hesitated before replying.

“Well, I can see that you might be bored….and I know I’ve got enough decent shots here.” She blanched slightly at the glare that Serena gave her, “but..I can see your mother’s point of view too, I mean..it is a fair distance.”

Now it was Elinor giving Bernie a dark scowl, and she found herself wavering, once again.

“However,” she continued, refusing to look at Serena this time, “if you walk along the canal towpath into Holby city centre, you could always get a bus from there if you felt tired. And I’m sure I’ve read that exercise is a good way to improve one’s sense of well-being, you know, endorphins and all that.”

Serena huffed and sat down, knowing she was being a bit unreasonable, and lurking at the back of her mind was the knowledge that she would enjoy a little alone time with Bernie.

“Fine, as long as you let me know when you get back, if I’m not already there.”

As Bernie let her out, Elinor leaned towards her.

“Thank you,” she whispered, and gave her a smile so reminiscent of her mother’s that Bernie’s heart skipped a beat, feeling as if she had just seen how captivating Serena would have been at that age.

As she re-locked the door, she felt Serena’s arms snake around her waist, pulling her close. She twisted in her embrace and suddenly Serena’s lips were pressing against hers and she allowed herself to sink into it, her body already reacting in much the same way as last night. A small moan escaped her lips before she gently, but firmly pushed herself away, leaving Serena with an anxious frown on her face.

“We, or rather I, still have work to do, so get yourself seated and strike a pose.”

Serena’s face cleared, and with a grin she did as she was told. Bernie busied herself re-sighting some of the reflectors, trying hard not to be sucked in by the coy looks and pouting lips that Serena was throwing her way. Once more behind the camera she quickly took a couple of shots of her being very flirtatious before she straightened up, putting her hands on her hips and attempting to be stern.

“Do you really think that Elinor wants a photo of you looking as if you’re trying to seduce someone?”

“Not just _anyone_ ,” said Serena pointedly. “Although I must be getting rusty, as it’s obviously not working.”

Bernie walked over and putting her hands either side of Serena’s head she bent down and kissed her, long and hard, dragging her tongue along those generous lips just before pulling away, leaving Serena with her mouth open, gasping.

“Definitely working, but I need to get this done if I’m going to have some prints ready for Ellie to take with her on Monday, yes?”

Serena nodded, a gentle smile on her face, and her eyes half-closed, looking as if she had just awoken from a very pleasant dream. The next ten minutes passed quickly, with Serena following Bernie’s instructions to the letter.

“Just one more,” Bernie said and, after adjusting something on the camera, she ran over and stood behind Serena leaning forwards, her arms draped over her shoulders and her cheek pressed close to Serena’s head. Serena started to turn towards her but Bernie hissed, “No, just smile at the camera.”

There was the click of the shutter and then Bernie chuckled.

“Just an up-market selfie, god knows what it will look like, but I wanted a shot of us together,” she said, suddenly feeling shy.

She straightened up and started to walk back to the camera when Serena caught hold of her hand and pulled her back, catching her off-balance. She stumbled slightly but Serena managed to manoeuvre her round, and she fell in an ungainly heap onto Serena’s lap.

“I think the effects of that last kiss have worn off,” she murmured, “I’m in need of a top-up.”

She reached behind Bernie’s head to twist her fingers into the blonde curls, guiding her lips towards her own. The many kisses that followed virtually blended into one that seemed to last eons and yet not long enough. Every time their mouths parted one or other of them dived back in to reconnect. The teasing dance would have continued indefinitely if Serena’s arms and Bernie’s back had not started to protest at the awkward angle. They broke apart, panting for breath, and Bernie got to her feet stretching as she did. She looked down at Serena, who was trying to regain some composure, but Bernie’s eyes focused on her red and swollen lips that were already calling to her.

She mentally shook her head and taking a deep breath she moved further away.

“I never did get to pour you that drink, would you like it now, before you go?”

Serena looked at her with dark eyes, and pouted.

“Sounds as if you’re trying to get rid of me, but, no not the gin. I wouldn’t mind a cup of tea though? I could come up with you to save your legs.”

Bernie sighed.

“I will happily get you some tea, but you have to stay here… I meant what I said yesterday, and my will-power is currently at an all time low.”

She swiftly pressed a kiss to Serena’s forehead before charging up the stairs to her flat.

Serena looked around her. She saw some shelves in the corner of where she was sitting and they some lidded boxes on them. She wandered over, her natural curiosity piqued, and read the hand written labels. They were all different, saying things like _‘Family’_ and ‘ _Houses..2016 – 2018’, ‘Friends’_ and ‘ _Holidays’_ and she correctly guessed that these were photographs Bernie had taken or perhaps inherited. There was also a fairly slim folder that she pulled out and her legs felt weak as she read the name ‘ _Alex’._ Even as she opened the flap to look inside she knew this was a gross infringement of Bernie’s personal life but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. She was confronted by pictures of a very striking younger woman with short dark hair and a carefree smile that lit up her face. Some of the shots were directly to camera and it made Serena’s stomach churn to see the want in those eyes that was obviously directed to the person behind the camera. She backed herself down onto the chair again, her breathing faltering, but it was the image printed on the last photo she held that made her audibly gasp. It was certainly the same woman, even though she was being viewed from the back, with just her face and upper torso looking as if she had been caught as she turned. She was partially covered by what Serena deemed to be a plain, full length net curtain, and she was naked.

A small sob escaped her lips as she acknowledged what a lovely figure Alex had. Long slim legs, a firm rounded backside, and just a glimpse of the swell of a breast coming into profile. She felt an ache deep inside as she stared at the body of a woman that Bernie had undoubtedly loved, and it hurt her more deeply than she would have thought possible, that her own body could not compare. She was sudden relieved that things hadn’t gone further last night, for she was now sure that Bernie could only be repulsed by her breasts that were starting to lose their tone, and thick thighs and soft stomach. She felt a tear roll down her cheek and her head sank down onto her chest. She didn’t hear Bernie return, and her quiet “Serena?” startled her so much she jumped up, the folder and all the pictures in it scattering at her feet. She blushed furiously and dropped to her knees desperately trying to pick up the evidence of her prying, whilst muttering “sorry, sorry” over and over.

“Stop!” Bernie said, a little more sharply than she had intended. She put the two drinks she was holding down and caught hold of Serena’s hands, pulling her upright. She then knelt and gathered the photo together, putting them back into the folder and then wordlessly returned it to its place on the shelf. As she turned to face Serena again, Serena could see the pain and sorrow that she had caused, etched onto her face. She walked back into the shop to gather up her belongings before going to stand at the door, waiting for Bernie to let her out. She forced herself to look at Bernie.

“I am so, so, sorry, and ashamed,” she said in a voice barely above a whisper. “I never intended to.. hurt..you” and then her shoulders slumped and she was staring at the floor as Bernie pulled the door open. “I’ll wait for you to…tell me..if you want…if..to speak to me again” and then she was gone moving as fast as she could towards her car, leaving Bernie standing silently in the shop.

 


	7. Differing Points of View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Bernie and Serena resolve their issues and make this work? Bernie gets to see AAU, well, the inside of Serena's office anyway. And Elinor heads back to university. Rating Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this a little later (again) than I'd planned, due in no small part from nudges to include some proper smut this time not just teasing. Which has meant the chapters are getting progressively longer. Also the rating has changed to M.

Chapter 7 : Differing Points of View

 

 

After locking the front door behind Serena, Bernie stood in the shop her face a blank mask behind which a torrent of emotions were rushing. She knew that by closing in on herself and not saying anything she had hurt Serena, but truthfully part of her didn’t care, and she didn’t know how to vocalise what she had felt when she saw her with that folder. It was a period of her life that she had pulled the shutters down on, after Alex left. She had never talked to anyone about how lost she had been in the months that had followed the end of their relationship. When this beautiful younger woman had pursued and caught her, it had been the most wonderful yet scary time of her life. The difficult decision to admit to herself and Marcus who she really was, had hardly seemed worth it during the early months following the divorce, she had been so wracked with guilt. But finding herself the focus of Alex’s attention had made sense of some of the anguish. She had allowed herself to be consumed by her, her vibrant personality and love gave her a reason to wake up each day, ready to face whatever the world was waiting to throw at her. What she hadn’t seen was how much Alex needed _her_ , and that the intensity of her love, with Bernie taking what she needed without offering the same, meant that all too quickly the flame had flickered and died. She didn’t, couldn’t hate her for leaving, but she found it almost impossible to look at photos of her without recalling the profound emptiness that she had been left with. Which was why she had hidden them away to prove that out of sight could really be out of mind, to give herself chance to heal and grow, emotionally. As time went by she admitted to herself that although she was no longer ‘in’ love with Alex, her memory haunted her, knowing that the failure of their relationship was all her own fault.

Seeing Serena staring at the nude picture had made her feel sick and wrong, on so many levels. A photo that Alex hadn’t even known she was taking until she had heard the click of the camera shutter. She hadn’t been angry, just laughed and said that at least it would be something to look at when she got old, a way of staying forever young.

She tossed her head back to blink away some tears that were already threatening to fall, and grabbing the two untouched mugs of tea she went back upstairs to her flat. She _was_ annoyed with Serena for poking into her private things but more than this she was scared that any relationship between them was now out of the question. That she cared about her was beyond doubt, that Serena had awakened feelings that she had buried deep inside for quite some time was also undeniable. She wasn’t prepared, yet, to consider that she was in love with her, but the exquisite ache that flooded over her whenever she saw Serena had given her hope that it wasn’t beyond the realms of possibility.

She thought about going to fetch the camera so that she could download the images onto her laptop, to keep her promise of letting Serena and Elinor have at least one picture each before Monday, but right at this moment she couldn’t do it. She finally sat down, put her head in her hands and quietly wept.

 

How Serena had made it to her car without falling was some sort of minor miracle. Her vision was so distorted by the tears that were filling her eyes and she was almost running to put distance between herself and Bernie, that she had stumbled twice, so staying upright had been no mean feat. Once sitting in her car she allowed the tears to fall, her head resting against the steering wheel. Gradually, knowing that the whole mess was of her own making bizarrely helped her to regain control, using techniques she had mastered over the years when she felt that she hadn’t tried hard enough to save a patient that was under her care. Blinking hard she used a tissue to blot away the wet tracks on her cheeks, telling herself to ‘ _get a grip’_. The message alert from her phone startled and momentarily panicked her, but to her relief it was Elinor, telling her that she was already home. She quickly replied, saying she needed to do shopping and should be back in around an hour. Not strictly true, but she did need time for her eyes to lose their red puffy look, not relishing the thought of being cross questioned by Ellie wanting to know why she’d been crying. By the time she pulled onto her drive she had reapplied a little make-up and was hoping that her daughter would probably be spending most of her time in her room and wouldn’t therefore notice anything untoward.

Later that evening when she was getting into bed a fresh wave of despair at what she had potentially lost through her unforgivable behaviour, swept over her. And to what end? To try and see what it was about Alex that seemed to render Bernie unable to speak and tied up in knots?

‘ _Well, you sure as hell know now don’t you? A stunningly attractive woman who appeared very comfortable in her own skin. And if the look in her eyes in some of the other pics was anything to go by, she obviously found Bernie as desirable as I do.’_

But ultimately it wasn’t just the loss of any prospective romantic relationship with Bernie that hurt the most. It was the fact that there was no way that Bernie could view her with any respect now. She would have face the humiliation of asking her to remove the house from sale, if she hadn’t already decided to do that, and that meant she would be staying put for the foreseeable future. She couldn’t envisage going through the whole palaver again with someone else right now. At least the whole mess had given her a different perspective about Elinor returning to university on Monday. She needed to get back to work and into a strict routine that would mean that for the daylight hours at least, she may be able to put to one side the fact that she really, _really_ liked Bernie.

Serena slept better than she had anticipated, but knew that it was down to the fact that she had drunk nearly a whole bottle of a very fine Shiraz late last night, rather than she was getting over the car crash that was yesterday afternoon. Fortunately Elinor hadn’t seemed to notice anything about her non-committal reply when she’d asked when Bernie was going to bring the photos over. Which meant she was currently sitting in the kitchen staring at her phone, wondering how to approach the subject with the lady concerned, before her daughter started asking more awkward questions. She was even considering with the idea of lying to Ellie by saying that Bernie had lost all the photos after downloading them to her laptop because of a computer virus, when the phone vibrated loudly on the counter top. It startled her so much that her hand shot out to grab it but instead managed to send it flying across the surface, to land with a crash on the tiled floor.

“Shit!” she exclaimed, before dashing over to pick it up, thinking how she really didn’t want to spend the morning in a phone shop choosing another one. So the relief when she retrieved it, to find that the screen was still intact was huge, a feeling that was quickly tempered by a sense of foreboding when she saw it was a message from Bernie. She was even tempted to ignore it but acknowledged that that was a very stupid and childish idea so with a clenched jaw she opened it.

 

**I have the photos ready. I’ve printed three out and put the rest onto a CD so that you can look through them together. If there are others you want printed you could take the CD to Boots or even do them yourself. If you’re going to be in this afternoon I could drop them over – the bag won’t fit through the letter box unfortunately. Or if you’ve changed your mind that’s fine, just let me know. B**

 

Serena’s stomach churned. In some ways it was even worse than she had imagined. Informative, yes, polite, yes, but so cold and detached. She imagined Bernie hoping she would say forget about it so that she could just erase them and her from her life. But she couldn’t, not without having to explain the fiasco to Ellie, something she didn’t want to do right now, knowing it would just enforce her daughter’s opinion that Serena always messed up any personal relationship. Elinor still half believed that Edward had only strayed because Serena had always put work before her marriage, and she would merely see her recent dalliance with Bernie as being part of a mid-life crisis brought on by the menopause. Before her brain became paralysed by indecision she dashed off a quick reply.

 

**Yes, I’ll be in for the rest of the day. Call whenever it’s convenient for you. Let me know how much I owe you, and, if you have time, we need to sort out things about the house too. S**

 

She hated not putting an **x** after her initial, and had wanted to say sorry all over again, but decided that Bernie probably didn’t want to hear any more apologies. She went upstairs to tell Ellie and to see if she needed any help with packing, or if she wanted any last minute supplies to take with her. Anything to try and put out of her mind that in a few hours she would have to come face to face with Bernie.

It was three hours later that Bernie was hovering at the bottom of Serena’s drive, just out of sight of her windows. She’d been sitting in her car for 15 minutes previous to this and had thought she had got it clear in her own mind how this would go. She would be polite and professional, taking from the tone of Serena’s text that she just wanted things done and dusted with the least amount of fuss. The hardest thing to explain was that she had two viewings booked for Tuesday, but couldn’t imagine that Serena would want her involved anymore. So she had written the details of the interested parties in the bag with the photographs, leaving it up to her to decide if she wanted to cancel them. Yet this straightforward, logical approach still wasn’t helping her put one foot in front of the other. Finally, deciding that if she didn’t move soon, one of the neighbours would probably report her as a suspicious person, she practically ran up the drive and pressed her finger to the doorbell. She even considered just leaving the bag there and running away, but then the door was opening and suddenly every move, every planned bit of dialogue flew out of her head. They stood in silence facing each other for a while until Bernie slowly stretched out her arm holding the bag.

“The..erm..the photos. I’ve printed what I thought were the best three, and..erm, put them into frames so Elinor can find a space for one or more of them without any hassle. Whenever she goes back. But obviously…my choice may not be yours or hers..so feel free..it’s up to you. The CD’s in there too.”

Bernie’s voice faded as Serena made no move to take the bag from her and she lowered her arm, about to just leave it on the step and hasten back to her car, when the door was pulled wide open to reveal Elinor, looking at them both in confusion.

“Why are you both just standing there? Are those the photos? Come in, I can’t wait to have a look.”

And she grabbed the bag from Bernie and disappeared back into the house. Serena still hadn’t spoken, so Bernie did her best to ease the situation.

“I’ll just go….I mean I can explain about other things…the house, by email if you’d rather?”

“No,” said Serena abruptly, and gave a deep sigh. “Come in please….I..we..need to talk at some point anyway.”

So Bernie followed Serena into the lounge where Elinor already had her mother’s Mac open on the coffee table, ready for Serena to enter her password. The three photographs that Bernie had framed were spread out on the sofa to one side of her. She looked at both of them in frustration.

“Neither of you are moving very fast today are you?”

She looked at Bernie and smiled.

“I do love these,” she said warmly, indicating the framed pictures, “but I can’t wait to see what the others look like.”

Bernie gave her a tight smile in return and sat stiffly on one of the chairs to the side so that Serena could sit next to her daughter on the sofa, watching intently as Ellie scrolled through the CD. After nearly fifteen minutes of study that was interspersed with small squeals of delight or groans from Elinor, the young lady eventually stood up and walked over to Bernie, startling her by giving her a quick hug.

“Thank you,” she said simply, “they’re fabulous, well, all of them of me anyway.”

“You’re very welcome,” responded Bernie, genuinely touched at her show of affection. "You're very photogenic, so it wasn't hard."

Informing her mother she was going to finish off her packing Ellie went back upstairs, leaving them alone.

Serena cleared her throat.

“She’s right, there are some lovely shots there. And I agree..I do think…that you’ve chosen the best ones to frame.”

There was another strained silence and then Serena gave a small choking sound before carrying on.

“I know you probably are not interested in hearing anymore, but I am _so_ sorry that my actions yesterday caused you so much pain and anger. I know I’ve ruined everything, but please believe me when I say that I wouldn’t have hurt you for the world. I wish I could change it…but..I’m sorry.”

She shrugged her shoulders helplessly and sat with her head dropped, her eyes fixed on the floor. Bernie had been listening and watching with a degree of concern.

“Serena, I wasn’t…I’m not..angry.”

The other woman’s head shot up an incredulous look on her face.

“Well, yesterday I was, for a while. Possibly more..disappointed. But I’m not angry now, not really. I know that what you saw…. must have been confusing…and hurt you too. I wasn’t _trying_ to keep that hidden from you.”

She cast her eyes upwards trying to collect her thoughts.

“I was really only hiding them from myself if I’m honest, because I never thought that there could be a time when…when I’d find someone I’d trust enough to share that part of my life with.”

She took a deep, deep breath, not sure where the courage was coming from, to ask the next question.

“If you still want to, I could explain a little more on Friday? Over our dinner?”

Serena could scarcely believe her ears, that Bernie still was willing to go on their date? Her heart started racing and with a quick glance in her direction, she nodded.

“I’d like that very much, yes…if you’re sure.”

Bernie gave a small sigh of relief, beginning to hope that not everything was lost.

“Okay. Well… I think perhaps I will go now. Give you and Elinor some peace to be together before tomorrow.”

She stood up and headed for the door, with Serena close behind her. As she stepped outside she remembered about the viewings she had arranged.

“Do..do you still want me to act as your agent? Only I’ve had two requests from people who would like to see the house on Tuesday. Is that okay?”

Serena gave her a small smile and reached out to squeeze her forearm.

“More than happy, if you are, thank you. Let me know how it goes, and then fingers crossed I’ll see you Friday evening. Just text me where and a time. I’m working until 5pm, so allow me some leeway to get back here to change.”

Bernie placed one hand over Serena’s that was still resting on her arm, and patted it gently.

“Will do.”

Walking swiftly back to her car there was a lightness in her heart that she hadn’t imagined possible when she had been driving over here. The future no longer seemed so bleak.

 

**************

 

It was a long week for Serena. Monday had been a very emotionally charged day. She had felt quite tearful as she dropped Elinor at the station on her way into work, imploring her to let her know how she was coping. But that meant that every time her phone buzzed she was filled with anxiety that it was her daughter to say she had broken down somewhere on her journey and needed her mom to come and rescue her. And the reality was that most of the messages _were_ from Ellie, most of them very short replies to a constant barrage of questions and thoughts Serena had been sending. It was around 8.00pm that she finally stopped when Ellie sent her a very terse and to the point text.

 

**F**f****s*** mother!!! I know you mean well but I promise if there’s anything you** _**need** _ **to know I’ll tell you! E xx**

 

What she found especially sweet however, and what had made quite an exhausting day a little more bearable, was a brief message from Bernie on the evening.

 

**Hope everything has gone okay…looking forward to Friday. B x**

 

When Bernie didn’t get back in touch after the viewings on Tuesday, Serena assumed that there was nothing to report. Her work at the hospital was full on, the last minute arrangements for her week off meant that her inbox was crammed with some very urgent emails that she needed to get sorted pdq. She was also scheduled for at least one elective every day, and there were quite a few emergencies that needed her expertise, meaning that the mountain of paperwork was steadily building. In an effort to get it under some sort of control most evenings saw her working overtime in her office, not arriving home before 7.30pm on any day. When Bernie sent her the details of the restaurant she had booked for 8.00pm, she made a decision to take a change of clothes with her to the hospital, just in case of any last minute emergencies.

As Friday dawned, they both had butterflies in their stomachs over their date. In Bernie’s case it bordered on being terrified. She knew if their friendship stood any sort of chance that she would have to open up significantly more than she was used to, something she had never found easy. Shutting away different parts of her life was second nature to her now, and she feared that once she took down her guard, she might not be able to control the emotions that could cascade out. But she also knew that unless she took that risk, any sort of relationship with Serena would suffer.

At 6.00pm she got a message from Serena, and she was almost afraid to read it in case it said that she’d decided not to come.

 

**Bernie, I was just about to leave when a patient was brought into the ED with a crush injury that may require my vascular surgery skills, so I’ve been asked to scrub in, just in case. I may still make it for 8.00 so if you don’t mind going ahead to wait for me there, I’ll get to you asap. If there are any other problems, I or one of the team, will ring you. Sorry. x x**

 

The thought that she may not see Serena this evening was too much to bear, so Bernie immediately put her Plan B into operation.

 

It was 7.55pm when Serena finally left the theatre, pulling off her surgical gloves and gown before removing the leopard skin print cap she always wore, and walked listlessly back to her office. She had already left a message for Bernie (speaking whilst one of the theatre nurses held her phone to her ear), explaining that she was not going to make it and that she would ring again when she got home. She was tired from a long and difficult day, but at least for now the young man she had been operating on would not be losing the arm that had been so badly injured. But the weariness in her step was almost certainly more down to how disappointed she was not to be seeing Bernie this evening, rather than exhaustion. When she walked back onto the ward, she was incensed to see Donna and Dr Duval giggling at the nurses station, his arm around the nurses’s waist, obviously whispering something entirely inappropriate into her ear. They were so engrossed in each other, they did not become aware of her presence until she was standing right behind them and when she slapped her hand down on the desk, they sprang apart in alarm.

“Dr Duval, when you are left in charge of AAU I do not expect to come across you behaving like a teenage boy unable to control his hormonal urges. Remember that I can arrange it so that you and Ms Jackson here work opposite shifts for the next 6 months if I see fit. And where would that leave your raging libido, eh?”

She turned towards her office, knowing her outburst was far more due to her own ‘raging libido’ than her registrar’s. Donna tried to speak.

“Ms Campbell, I just need to..”

“I don’t want to hear any excuses,” Serena interrupted. “I’m tired and not in the mood. I intend to go home as soon as I’ve changed out of my delightful scrubs and bemoan the fact that I have missed out on what I hoped would be a very pleasant meal.”

Donna tried again, pushing herself between Serena and the door.

“But I think I….”

A dangerous glint came into Serena’s eyes.

“The only thing you should be thinking about is whether you want to be pulling a double shift anytime soon! Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m pretty sure there’s a bottle of wine at home that has my name written on it….in large letters.”

She pushed past Donna, and throwing her theatre cap into the corner near her coat she closed the office door firmly shut behind her.

“Wow, that’s a side to Serena Campbell I’ve not seen before,” said a soft voice from the corner of the room, and whirling round Serena saw Bernie perched on the small filing cabinet in the recess, a shy smile on her face.

Serena was dumbstruck for a moment.

“Bernie? How..when.. what are you doing here?”

Bernie quirked an eyebrow.

“Well, I was obviously disappointed when you had to cancel, and I thought you might be tired enough to welcome a lift home, but not too tired to share a takeaway from a local Chinese restaurant that I have on speed dial?”

Serena sank down onto the small sofa that had recently installed into her office.

“Well, aren’t _you_ full of surprises this evening? But seriously, how did you manage to persuade anyone to let you in here? Should I be organising some extra safety training for everyone?”

Serena didn’t mean to be so negative, underneath it all she was thrilled to see Bernie, but was just having a little problem processing this turn of events.

Bernie pulled one of the office chairs from the desk to sit facing Serena.

“After I got your message, I was feeling a little frustrated that our plans had been thwarted, however valid the reason. And I still wanted to at least see you if I could. So I made my way here and spoke to the very lovely Ms Jackson,” (Serena raised an eyebrow at that comment), “and told her that as you’d had to cancel our dinner arrangements I at least wanted to be able to offer you a lift home, as you’d sounded very tired. And no, I did not give her the impression that this was a ‘date’. She refused at first, so I don’t think you need to be too concerned about your personal safety. It was only after she had checked with the nurse who had held the phone when you rang me that she allowed me in here. I did sense however that she was still a little worried, hence her attempt to warn you just now.”

Serena leant back and sighed, a small smile showing on her face.

“Well, I _am_ glad to see you. Did you mean it? About driving me home and the…meal?”

Bernie twisted her face into a small grimace.

“Well, I have to confess that I didn’t come in my car, but I am happy to take the risk of driving yours if you’ll allow that? And a big yes to the takeaway.”

Serena cleared her throat.

“Ahem, I think I’ll be driving thank you. I have seen how you drive, and I don’t think my car will take the strain of the speed you go around corners.”

Bernie glanced at Serena from underneath that wayward fringe of hers, and tentatively licked her lips.

“But you’ll let me come with you?”

Serena sucked in a ragged breath as a thrill ran through her entire body

“If you want to..then I’d be happy to take you home,” she said, and her voice then dropped a couple of octaves, “to _my_ home.”

There was a heavy silence before Bernie found the strength to push herself away from Serena, back to the desk.

“Is it okay then..if I wait here, while you get changed?”

It was at that point that Serena remembered that she was still wearing her hateful scrubs.

‘ _Oh god,_ she thought, _how could I forget that I’ve been sat here for fifteen minutes, my less than perfect body being outlined by the most unglamorous of uniforms.’_

She nodded in answer to Bernie’s question and was up and out of the door as fast as possible, with a muttered “back in two ticks” thrown over her shoulder.

When she returned Bernie was standing holding her coat ready for her to put on.

“I hope you don’t mind that I’ve already ordered the takeaway? It’s the one whose menu you have on the side of your fridge, so I asked them if you ordered a particular meal on a regular basis, and told them to deliver that.”

If Serena was surprised by Bernie’s observational capability she hid it well. As they stood waiting for the lift she looked at Bernie with a hint of nervousness.

“What about you? Did you order something for yourself as well?”

“I did,” said Bernie quietly, “but if you’d rather I didn’t stay, I can always take it home with me.”

“Don’t you even think about that,” Serena said firmly as the lift door opened.

The drive home was a silent one, both of them taken up with thoughts of how the evening would end…how they wanted it to end. Bernie was trying to cling to the belief that they should take things slowly, but seeing Serena in those scrubs, and hearing that low growl in her voice had sent her desire sky high.

Serena meanwhile knew that she had been hoping for the last few days that tonight might be the night that would involve a lot more kissing and exploration, preferably in the comfort of her bed. Although the memory of _that_ photo of Alex was burnt into her brain, she’d done a pretty good job of convincing herself that as Bernie had seemed so keen for their date to go ahead, that it all boded well. The fact that she had now seen her in those snug fitting scrubs had allowed doubts to creep back in. Her nerves were causing her to take the occasional deep breath, and she could see that Bernie was having trouble in tearing her eyes away from the exaggerated rise and fall of her chest, which in turn was making her feel very aroused as well as scared to death.

They were barely through the door, when the bell rang announcing the arrival of their meal, and while Serena busied herself getting plates and cutlery to set out on the breakfast bar, she gave Bernie a corkscrew to open the bottle of wine that she had brought with her. Finally with the range of containers spread out in front of them and two glasses of wine waiting to be drunk, Serena found she had calmed down quite significantly and she gave Bernie a quick peck on her cheek.

“Thank you for arranging all of this at such short notice. It’s so kind of you, considering everything.”

Bernie briefly covered her hand with her own applying a small amount of pressure before replying.

“I know that we can’t change what happened so I think we need to put it behind us for now. I guess we both have a fair bit of baggage we carry around with us that will gradually, hopefully, get addressed. But for now, let’s eat, yes?”

So over their food, they started to feel as if they were getting back in rhythm with each other. They chatted about their working week, Bernie reporting that one of the women that had viewed the house had seemed to like it and wanted to bring her husband and son along to see it on Sunday afternoon. And Serena told her that Elinor appeared to be coping although she was still ringing her mom every night for a quick chat, which was definitely new, but that all in all she felt as if things were still positive.

When they’d finished eating they picked up their drinks and wandered into the lounge to sit side by side on the sofa, not as close as the previous occasion, but not miles apart either.

“Anything you fancy watching on TV?”asked Serena, picking up the remote. Bernie looked at her watch.

“Erm..I think Q.I. is about to start if you’re interested? I mean, I’m not really bothered if you’re not keen.”

Serena pressed for BBC2 and settled back, fractionally closer.

“That’s fine. I enjoy this too.”

After about ten minutes and a lot of giggling at Sandy Toksvig they were even closer and Bernie had stretched out her arm along the back of the seat, before letting it slide gently down to rest across Serena’s shoulders. Serena felt her heartbeat quicken and willed herself to relax, not daring to look at Bernie. She felt as nervous and excited as she had before their first kiss, all her senses heightened because she was hoping that tonight it wouldn’t just stop at kissing. And she wanted more, oh god she wanted more.

Bernie was feeling very conflicted. Her head was telling her to slow down, to leave while she still could, but her heart wanted nothing more than to kiss this fabulous woman senseless, and then kiss her some more. She felt Serena turn in towards her as she nestled her head against Bernie’s shoulder and she bent down to press her lips to the top of Serena’s head. They were both dimly aware that the programme had ended as the music that introduced Newsnight filtered into their consciousness and then there was suddenly silence and the screen turned black as Serena used the remote to turn the TV off. The quiet seemed to grow, almost taking on a physical presence until it was filling the room, bearing down on them, as if to pressure one of them to speak or move. They were both caught up in the knowledge that if either of them said or did the wrong thing (was there even a right thing?) that the moment would shatter into a million pieces. But, scared as she was, Serena knew that it had to be her that took the risk, that Bernie was far more bound by her past to express or show her feelings in case she inadvertently caused any hurt. So Serena it was that reached up with her hand to tangle in that impossibly silky hair, grasping it in her fist as she pulled Bernie down so that she could brush their lips together. Her heart soared at this slightest of contacts and she pushed upwards eagerly as she felt Bernie respond, their mouths now locked together hungrily. When they broke apart she felt Bernie’s other arm circling her waist and then somehow she was being lifted and turned until she was lying on her back across Bernie’s lap, her head resting on the arm of the sofa and Bernie’s hand splayed across her stomach holding her there. She looked into her eyes, dark with desire, as Bernie’s hand moved up to stroke gently down her cheek, and when it reached her jaw she moved to trace softly around her ear before capturing Serena’s earlobe between her fingers and thumb, rolling and squeezing it gently.

It was if an electric current had passed through Serena’s body causing her back to arch upwards, and a groan to escape her lips. Lips that were instantly covered by Bernie’s own as she swallowed the sigh that followed into herself. It was both passionate and yet hesitant, and it made Serena’s heart ache. This beautiful caring woman was treating her as if she were porcelain, and as endearing as that was, she had to convince her that she was made of sterner stuff. When they came apart again it was Serena who touched Bernie’s mouth with her fingers, who let her hand trail down her neck and then trace patterns along her collarbone, making firm circular movements in the small dip there. Turning slightly she quickly pushed herself up and off Bernie, swinging her legs to the floor before leaning close, to whisper in her ear.

“I seem to recall that you’re not keen on ‘fumbles’ on the sofa, so I think it’s time for me to take you to my bedroom.”

And she stood up and offered her hand to Bernie. Without really thinking Bernie took her hand and then found herself being led up the stairs. She seemed to have lost all sense of coordination, stumbling twice as they climbed, but was instantly steadied by the firm grasp of Serena. When they reached the bedroom door and Serena walked in, Bernie froze in the doorway, making Serena come to a sudden stop. Bewildered, Serena questioned her, sounding somewhat irritated.

“Have I got this wrong? Am I rushing you again?”

Serena gritted her teeth as she waited for Bernie to answer.

“I’m… I’m just so scared of ruining what we have…what we _could_ have.”

“And you think I’m not?” hissed Serena. “I am _terrified_ when I think about everything that could go wrong. How I might not match your expectations, how I don’t really know who I am anymore, but I can’t carry on **not** knowing, feeling as though I’m going to spontaneously combust every time we touch..”

Her words were cut off as Bernie launched herself across the room, kissing Serena with such force that she staggered back, flinging her arms around Bernie’s neck to help keep her upright. Then they were both gasping for breath, their lips tingling, smiles plastered on their faces.

“I thought that was just me,” said Bernie, bashfully.

“Definitely not just you.”

They kissed, once, twice more their arms wrapped tightly around each other.

“So,” murmured Bernie into Serena’s neck. “What happens now?”

Serena pulled back to look at Bernie in astonishment, her eyebrows nearly disappearing into her hair.

“Well, I have to say that I was rather hoping you would take the lead here, seeing how I’m pretty new to the whole lesbian experience.”

Bernie blushed and looked down at the floor.

“I know, it’s just that..doing things in the heat of the moment, like just now, is..easier. My body takes over and stops me from over-thinking it.”

Serena sighed.

“And now you’re obsessing because you think I need it to be perfect..right?”

Bernie nodded.

“Bernie…that’s very sweet, but _stupid._ I want this to happen because I want _you._ Remember I have no frame of reference here, so I won’t be comparing you with anything. It’s me who should be panicking if anyone.”

She guided Bernie towards the bed to sit down.

“I’m scared that I won’t match up to your other partners, yes, but since when have any first sexual encounters ever been perfect, no matter who you’re with. I’m just hoping that we enjoy it enough to want to get it better..next time.”

She felt Bernie relax slightly, and she snuggled against her.

“You are right about the ‘tearing each others clothes off’, scenario making it easier to get past any awkwardness though. The trouble is I don’t think those jeans of yours are tearing off material. A hefty tug is about all I could manage, with you hopping about on one leg.”

They both grinned.

“So, how about I get changed in my en-suite, and you use the bathroom along the landing, there’s towels and at least two unopened toothbrushes in there, then come back and get into bed..and we'll see where things take us?”

Bernie nodded, reaching up to stroke and then cup Serena’s face with her hands before kissing her lightly.

“The only problem is that I’m woefully unprepared and I don’t have any nightwear with me. So I’m either going to have to ask you for a t-shirt or we agree to get into bed in our bras and pants. I, er…don’t think I just want to walk back in here naked, especially if you’re not.”

“I think that sounds like a plan..bra and pants it is,” and Serena pushed Bernie in the direction of the door as she headed into the en-suite.

Serena was relieved when she emerged ten minutes later to find that Bernie wasn’t already back, so she hurried over to the bed and covered herself quickly with the duvet. Her lack of self confidence in her body was not improved when Bernie came in through the door clutching her clothes in front of her which she draped over a chair and then walked around to slide into bed next to her. The glimpse of Bernie’s slim yet shapely body had spread a delicious warmth through Serena’s own, whilst also ratcheting up her fear that her own physique would fail to turn Bernie on at all. She closed her eyes and tensed as Bernie moved closer, draping an arm around her waist, her hand resting on Serena’s stomach. Bernie felt the flinch from Serena, and instantly worried that she’d moved too fast, she pushed herself up on one arm, so that she was looking down at her.

“You do know..don’t you, that I’m not going to go any further than just holding you, if you don’t want me to? I do remember how…overwhelming, this is. But I promise you, whatever does or doesn’t happen tonight, there isn’t anywhere else I’d rather be.”

Serena turned so that she was lying on her back and opened her eyes to see Bernie’s soft brown eyes gazing at her with such…love? Her breathing hitched and without thinking her arm moved up to pull her down into a searing kiss that lasted for what seemed like hours. She felt Bernie’s hand palm her breast through her bra and she whimpered quietly. Her own hand trailed from Bernie’s neck down her spine and she felt her tremble as it glided over the curve of her buttocks. Her fingers tightened over one cheek and she squeezed gently, causing Bernie to pull their lips apart as she uttered a deep groan. Then hands and mouths were everywhere, the urgency that they had felt earlier reignited to burn hotter than ever. Without speaking a word they were pulling and divesting themselves of their remaining garments until their naked bodies were flush against each other and any thought that Bernie might find her unattractive was wiped from Serena’s brain as her whole body became super sensitive to Bernie’s touch. Bernie’s tongue was in her mouth, her body lying on top of Serena’s, one leg pushing between her two as she rocked gently backwards and forwards, sliding their bodies together. Serena could feel a wetness on her thigh as Bernie’s labia opened with every forward thrust of her body and it blew her mind that she had caused that reaction. She also knew that her own sex was just as wet and with every push from Bernie that forced her vulva into close contact with one long slender thigh, she was getting closer and closer to climaxing. She used every bit of strength she had to bring her arms up to rest on Bernie’s shoulders pushing against them to force their lips apart. Bernie halted her movement to gaze at Serena’s face, a questioning look furrowing her forehead.

“S’rena?” she whispered, not sure she was capable of stopping for long.

Serena flushed under Bernie’s stare and she swallowed thickly.

“I’m….not going to..last much longer..I.. oh..I’m sorry.”

Bernie gave a soft low chuckle.

“Thank god for that, I’m right on the brink too, trying to draw it out..unsuccessfully I might add.”

She leaned forward to kiss Serena softly as she started to move again and they both quietly moaned into each others mouths. Serena’s hands moved down Bernie’s back until her fingers were clutching her backside pulling in time with every upward drive and downward push of Bernie’s body. Serena had been trying to keep her eyes open to see the desire shining in Bernie’s face, but as the rhythm increased, the pressure on her clit grew and her eyes closed as her whole body arched up from the mattress in an attempt to fuse their bodies together. Her legs stiffened and her fingers dug deep into Bernie’s ass as she tried to push her sex even harder against Bernie’s thigh, and then suddenly there was a white light against her eyelids and she felt herself gush, her body shaking with tremors and she came, hard, with a high pitched wail.

Bernie had watched in awe as Serena’s climax had built, noting the flush spreading upwards from her breasts (oh those gloriously heavy breasts) to cover her neck and face. As her orgasm had hit and Serena’s fingers had sunk into her backside she had pulled Bernie’s own sex wider apart against her stiffening leg, so that she too felt herself ascend to that wonderful peak, and then she was shuddering against Serena, her arms trembling, giving way, and she fell sideways onto the bed, the air surrounding them heavy with the mixed scent of their arousal.

Gradually Serena opened her eyes and turned her head to see Bernie still looking at her a small smile on her lips. She smiled back.

“Did you… I mean…” she whispered.

“Oh yes..I most definitely did,” Bernie answered. “Still feeling the aftershocks to be honest.” And she squirmed slightly as another throb caused her stomach to clench slightly.

Serena giggled. “Me too,” she admitted.

Bernie wriggled closer to kiss her gently.

“Feeling sleepy?” she enquired.

Serena pushed herself up so that she could hover over Bernie.

“Not as much as I’d imagined I would, given the intensity of my orgasm. Haven’t had one like that for some time. Thank you.”

Bernie smiled into the kiss that Serena was now giving her.

“My pleasure,” she murmured.

“So..” Serena said, looking closely into Bernie’s eyes, “ I still feel quite….well, horny I suppose. How about you?”

Bernie huffed and her eyes widened in surprise. But before she could respond Serena moved her hand to cup her breast, her finger barely touching her nipple as she whispered into Bernie’s ear.

“Only, I feel as if there’s so many parts of your body that I haven’t fully appreciated yet.” And she squeezed the nipple between her finger and thumb as she spoke.

Bernie whimpered as she felt herself flood with excitement.

“Me too Ms Campbell, me too,” she growled, “please....continue..your investigation.”

 

 


	8. Continuing Investigations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having already had her first sapphic sexual experience, Serena decides that more knowlege is better than a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter than usual, but it came to a natural break, which sounds a bit final. But for those of you out there still finding solace in happy Berena stories, I promise you there is more to come.  
> Thank you all for continuing to read and for the lovely comments you have left. Much appreciated. :-)

Chapter 8 : Continuing Investigations

 

 

Serena removed her hand from Bernie’s left breast, which caused a petulant look to cross her beautiful face.

“I distinctly remember telling you to continue,” Bernie complained.

“So you did,” Serena replied, with a smirk, “but what you didn’t know is that I don’t like taking orders, that I rarely do as I’m told and… I’m a bit of a tease.”

Bernie thought back to earlier and how Serena had torn a strip off the young doctor on AAU, and was pretty sure she did get her own way..in most things. Then she recalled that Serena had been the one to tell Bernie to take control of their 'activities' this evening, and her eyes flashed as she lowered her voice, forcing Serena to bend her head down towards her.

“So,” she whispered in a provocative tone, “if I were to push you back onto the bed and tell you to ‘spread ‘em’, are you saying that you wouldn’t comply?”

Serena’s eyes widened for a moment in shock, and then she threw back her head, laughter bubbling up into her throat.

‘ _Lord, what a sight that is’_ thought Bernie as she pushed herself up to start kissing down her neck, only just managing to resist the temptation to suck hard enough to mark her.

‘ _We’re not 16 years old after all, however my hormones are telling me different..’_

She couldn’t stop herself from dragging her teeth down to the crook of Serena’s neck though, nipping lightly, before she pressed her lips firmly against her pulse point, causing Serena’s laughter to abruptly stop. Eyes blazing she pushed Bernie back down to draw her into a passionate, lingering kiss. Hearing Bernie moan against her mouth she pulled back to look down at her, taking in how heavily she was breathing, her lips slightly apart and swollen. Moistening her own lips first (which caused another, smaller moan), Serena used her tongue to trace the outline of Bernie’s upper lip then caught it between her teeth to pull gently before she let it go. Bernie’s breathing became more ragged, and when Serena repeated the action on her lower lip, tugging even harder as she released it, Bernie groaned loudly closing her eyes in bliss.

“Bloody hell Serena,” her voice deep with desire, “I thought you said you were new to this?”

Smiling, Serena paused and moved her mouth to kiss just behind Bernie’s ear, making her squirm.

“I think you’ll find what I actually said I was a novice when it came to being with a woman. I’m definitely _not_ a beginner when it comes to sex.”

She ran her tongue around the edge of Bernie’s ear, making her grab fistfuls of the sheet below her to try and maintain some sort of control as Serena continued in a provoking tone.

“You also need to know that I’m a very quick learner, and right now I’m interested to see how _you_ respond to orders. So…how about you _‘spread ‘em’_ Ms Wolfe, huh?”

“Oh..god,” whimpered Bernie as a pulse of pure desire travelled straight to her core, which made her whole body stiffen.

' _So much for me being in charge here..I'm beginning to think I'm out of my depth'_

After a couple of deep breaths she relaxed slightly and Serena felt Bernie’s legs move slowly apart as she opened her eyes, pupils wide and dark, to look directly at Serena.

“Yes ma’am, whatever you say..ma’am,” she managed to croak.

Fireworks went off in Serena’s brain and she wondered if it was possible to orgasm again without even being touched, as her opening begin to tighten and throb, and she could feel her juices starting to trickle down her inner thigh. She steadied herself by forcing her full attention back to Bernie, kissing her again, loving the feel of her rising to meet her mouth, her tongue pushing hungrily between Serena’s lips. The sensations Serena was experiencing were threatening to overwhelm her, her heart beating so fast she was feeling giddy. Once again, in an effort to calm things down a little, she pulled back, taking a few slow breaths, all the while having her eyes fixed firmly on Bernie’s face. She grasped hold of the duvet and started to pull it away from Bernie’s body.

“I need to see you…all of you.”

Bernie closed her eyes, squeezing them tightly shut, not because she was shy or embarrassed of her body, but because she was screaming inside at how Serena kept delaying the climax that had been building steadily, even though she had barely touched her.

Swallowing with a little difficulty, she agreed.

“But there’s a condition…”

Serena paused.

“I get to see _you_.... I want to feast my eyes on your sublime body too.”

Bernie saw the look of panic that momentarily flashed into Serena’s eyes at her words, but she was determined not to give in on this, and she reached up to stroke the back of her fingers gently down her face to try and reassure her.

“I’m not going to be comparing you to _anyone_ , Serena. When I was pressed against you it felt so wonderful I want to see the body of the woman who has reduced me to this quivering wreck. Please…?”

Serena’s heart swelled within her chest at the care and love she could hear in Bernie’s voice, and biting down on her lower lip she nodded her agreement. It _was_ stupid to continue to act so coy, given what they had already done and what they were about to do in her bed. She quickly threw the duvet off them both, vaguely conscious of Bernie pushing it to the bottom of the bed with her feet.

And when Serena took in the sight of Bernie’s long slender legs that met her body with a small triangle of soft looking brown curls, her slim hips and almost flat stomach ( _not a stretch_ _mark in sight_ ), ending with a pair of perfectly proportioned breasts with small pink nipples puckering as they were exposed, she completely forgot that Bernie’s eyes were busy raking down her own body.

Bernie had felt her pulse quicken the second that Serena pushed away the cover. She derived huge pleasure in seeing those strong thighs, her mind momentarily imagining her own head being framed by them, the softness of Serena's stomach, with its silver stretch marks, and her mound covered in dark hair that she wanted to grab and tug. But what really took her breath away were Serena’s breasts, marvellously generous and shapely, topped with rosy nipples that she ached to take into her mouth.

And then all coherent thought was lost as Serena bent her head to kiss her, her hand resting lightly underneath Bernie’s breast, her thumb sliding up towards the nipple which she rubbed back and forth with increasing pressure. Serena withdrew her mouth from Bernie’s lips to use it to capture her other nipple, flicking her tongue back and forth across the tip before sucking it gently then releasing with a small plop. Bernie felt Serena’s hands and mouth swap places as she gave the same attention to her other nipple, an action she repeated 3 or 4 times (the sensations she was causing left Bernie unable to count), lavishing each erect bud with similar level of care, finishing with a small nip and pinch that set Bernie’s clit pulsing.

Serena was completely absorbed in watching Bernie’s face as she squirmed with every touch of her hands and mouth. She’d always enjoyed pleasuring her sexual partners, but nothing could compare with seeing Bernie gradually come apart at the seams at what she was doing to her, and her own gratification was heightened because of it. The gasps and humming sounds coming from Bernie’s lips were exciting her beyond belief, and for the first time in her life she was only concerned about giving the utmost enjoyment to this goddess that lay bare in front of her, with no thought of wanting anything in return.

Bernie opened her eyes and Serena saw a wildness there that seemed to be pleading with her to bring about the sweet release she craved, and she allowed her eyes to flicker down to the apex of Bernie’s thighs, which were currently clenched together, as if trying to stave off the inevitable. Fighting to stay in control of her own body but also yearning for Serena’s touch, Bernie relaxed and moved her legs apart, as she had been instructed to do what seemed like hours ago, but in reality was only a few minutes. Accepting the silent invitation Serena stroked down Bernie’s stomach making her shiver in anticipation, brushing her hand lightly over those curls before resting it gently on her thigh. She was so absorbed in watching her own fingers graze up one leg and then down the other, never quite reaching their target, anxious to learn everything she could about how Bernie reacted to different stimuli, that she was startled when Bernie’s hips bucked towards her and she heard a whimper.

“Sss’rena..,” Bernie gasped, her jaw clenched, “I need..you. Touch me..please?”

“Sorry,” murmured Serena , “you’re just so..beautiful.”

She moved her head up to capture Bernie’s mouth in a wet, urgent kiss as she pushed her hand between Bernie’s legs firmly pressing against her labia, and was delighted to hear a soft moan in response.

“Oh..” Serena whispered in awe as she registered just how wet Bernie was, her juices already coating the palm of her hand. Two fingers easily slid through those lips straight into Bernie’s centre with no effort at all, and she was rewarded with a drawn out “ahhhh!,” followed by more moans and sighs as Bernie felt herself consumed by the exquisite feeling of being filled. Totally fascinated, Serena watched her fingers move slowly in and out, keeping a gentle rhythm that continued for over a minute, until a strangled cry of “faster” followed by “harder…please” drew her attention back to Bernie’s face, observing how the cool, efficient Ms Wolfe was beginning to unravel as she increased the tempo of her thrusts.

Bernie was already lost as her whole world became centred between her legs, and she raised one of them to plant her foot flat on the bed, giving more access for Serena to pleasure her. As the speed at which those long fingers were penetrating her grew faster, Bernie felt the flat of Serena’s hand slap against her clit, and her hips surged up to meet it. The whining and mewling sounds she was making were like nothing Serena had ever heard before, and as Bernie’s back arched upwards she ground her palm onto the bundle of nerves she could feel pulsing there, instinctively curling her fingers inside her she did. Bernie felt her vagina tighten as the peak of her orgasm hit and she was vaguely aware of hearing a strangled cry as her whole body shook and she fell backwards, and then where everything had been a blazing light, there was only darkness.

Serena was watching her with a sense of wonder, never having seen anything like it before.

‘ _Is that what I look like when I come?’_ she thought, ‘ _I did that..it’s amazing…I want to do it again.’_

A giggle of joy threatened to escape her lips, and she swallowed it back as she placed a soft kiss on Bernie’s forehead. She could still feel a slight fluttering around her fingers as she gently withdrew them reluctantly, wiping her hand on the sheet as she brought it up towards her face, breathing deeply at the smell that she would forever recognise now as being quintessentially Bernie. She licked her fingers, tentatively at first, and then with delight as she tasted Bernie’s arousal for the first time, a grin spreading over her whole face.

“I take it you approve?” murmured a sleepy voice and Serena’s eyes whipped around to see Bernie with one eye open watching her fondly.

“Oh..um..yes, definitely….” Serena bent down to kiss that sensuous mouth, before continuing, “I can’t wait to…” and blushing slightly she nodded her head downwards while pushing her tongue out between her lips.

Bernie gave a loud groan, but with a smile on her face.

“My god, what have I created?” She raised her hand slightly from the mattress, waving in protest. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I could stand anymore right now..a little over-sensitive down there.”

Serena brushed some blonde curls from Bernie’s face and kissed her again.

“So I was…it was..satisfactory?”

Bernie chuckled as she pulled Serena down to rest partly on top of her.

“It was..impressive. I’m certainly glad you live in a leafy detached property, I don’t think I’ve ever made so much noise before,” blushing slightly as she said it.

“Did you... black out?” Serena asked, “you seemed to be out of it..for a while.”

Bernie shook her head slightly.

“I don’t think so, I mean I could hear you and sense every move you made.” (thinking of the sensation as Serena had pulled out of her). “I just couldn’t open my eyes, or speak.”

She smiled sheepishly.

“At least I was with the right person if I had lost consciousness.”

Serena gave her a quizzical look.

“You’re a doctor...” Bernie raised her eyebrows at having to explain, “or don’t consultant surgeons know CPR?”

Serena batted her arm as she muttered “cheeky”, and then moved to lie next to Bernie, their hands finding each other, fingers slotting together and they lay quietly for a while, lost in their own thoughts. After a few minutes Bernie started to inch her way to the edge of the bed.

“I’m just going to..you know…clean..freshen myself up a bit?” and she pointed to the en-suite.

“Oh, of course. I’ll be next.”

Serena watched Bernie stumble her way across the room, on those (decidedly shaky) endless legs, drinking in the sight of her beautifully firm backside the sight of which made breathing difficult all over again. Keeping her eyes firmly on the doorway she reached down for the duvet to cover herself, suddenly conscious of her own nakedness now that they were no longer in the throes of passion. When Bernie re-emerged all Serena could think of was how the front view was even more compelling than the rear.

Bernie slid back into bed nudging Serena’s shoulder with her own.

“Your turn. It’s a bit chilly in there so don’t hang about, I need you back pronto to warm me up again.”

When Serena hesitated, Bernie planted a gentle kiss on her cheek and gave a little sigh.

“I promise not to watch you as I know you watched me, if that helps.”

Serena groaned in despair.

“I’m sorry..but yes, it would.”

Bernie kissed her shoulder and stroked her hand down her arm before patting her bum gently, making Serena squeak in surprise.

“Go on then, you ninny,” Bernie said, wishing she could convince Serena that she found her body sexy.

Serena moved quickly, darting into the bathroom, closing the door after her. After using the toilet she stood in front of the mirror, astonished that the person looking back at her still looked the same, when in reality she felt as if her perspective had shifted and that it would never go back completely, not to the way it was before she had met Bernie. The woman on the other side of the door, lying in her bed, had managed to redefine her whole world. She splashed her face with cold water and, with only a slight falter as she re-entered her bedroom and saw Bernie’s eyes fixed on her, she walked swiftly over to the bed making no attempt to cover herself as she did.

Bernie revelled in the moment, that walk telling her that Serena was beginning to understand that whatever her shape, she was the person that Bernie wanted to be with, and she held up the duvet cover to invite her back into her arms.

They held each other close, their bodies fitting together perfectly as they gazed into each other’s eyes, smiling happily. Bernie moved in to kiss her luscious mouth before shyly asking “Everything alright?”

Serena nodded wordlessly, finding her eyes filling with tears, her emotions threatening to swamp her again. She responded with a tender kiss that soon became intimate and as their tongues brushed together again, they both felt a thrill run down to their core, making their stomachs flip with excitement. Bernie broke them apart and snuggled her head down onto Serena’s chest.

“As much as I would love to start over, I do have to be up fairly early for a viewing at another property at 10.00am, so I really should at least _try_ to get some sleep.”

Her words, reverberating through Serena, made her feel like purring with pleasure.

“Spoilsport,” she teased, kissing the blonde hair that was covering part of her upper body. “Did you want a t-shirt or something to wear?”

“Uh-huh,” Bernie said and she shook her head. “You’re all the covering I need right now.”

So they lay there, warm in each others embrace until they sleepily shifted to find a more comfortable position, one that wouldn’t result in numb limbs in the morning. They drifted off with their legs touching and one of their arms resting on top of the other, neither of them waking again until daylight started to filter through the slightly open curtains.

 

++++++++++++++++++++

 

It was Bernie who roused first, and for a second she was confused by the room she saw as she opened her eyes, and then the memory of all that had happened suffused her body with a warm glow. They had moved apart as they had slept, but their fingertips were still lightly touching, as if they had been reaching for each other in their dreams. She slowly moved her hand so that she could turn onto her side to look at Serena as she slept. Her face was relaxed, almost serene, no frown line furrowing her brow, her lips slightly parted, and Bernie’s breathing hitched as she thought about waking to this sight every day.

‘ _How did this happen?”_ she thought. ‘ _I wasn’t seeking this, and yet here I am. I don’t think I ever imagined that I could feel this way again.’_

She sighed audibly and then froze as Serena stirred for a moment before lapsing back into a light slumber and Bernie knew that she would be waking soon. She slowed her breathing and kept as still as she could to preserve this moment. Last night had been wonderful, marvellous, and many more superlative words that still didn’t describe the joy that she had felt at having Serena in her arms and in her heart. But soon she would open her eyes and look at her and she wasn’t sure how to just _be_ with her, how much of what she was feeling she should let show on her face. The previous evening, as they were both discovering each other’s bodies she had found it easy to be confident, caring and sure of herself, but she felt uncertain about how to act around someone you knew you were falling in love with. She was scared for Serena to open her eyes and look at her and see how much she needed her, and to have her say that she didn’t feel the same.

‘ _Stop it!’_ she screamed inwardly, _‘for once in your goddam life stop trying to predict what you can’t possibly know.’_

She sighed again, more quietly. That was the whole problem with the start of any relationship, not projecting your own fears and emotions onto someone else. It takes time to watch the minute reactions to a multitude of situations before you begin to understand how they think, or be able to speculate what is really going on in their mind. Recognising that she had to stop this downward spiral of negative thinking, Bernie focused once again on Serena’s beautiful face, before coming to the difficult decision that she really needed to be up and doing things. If her mind was occupied in making her body move then it had less time to tie her up in knots emotionally. With one very swift yet careful manoeuvre she slid out of the bed, grabbing her clothes from the floor and chair, before heading along the landing to the main bathroom.

When she returned about 25 minutes later, Serena was sitting up in bed with an anxious frown on her face which cleared the moment she saw Bernie.

“I heard the shower, and..wondered if you were going to sneak off without saying goodbye.”

Bernie sat on the side of the bed and picked up Serena’s hand, bringing it to her lips to kiss each finger separately, recognising that Serena was struggling with her _own_ personal doubts.

“As if I could,” she said softly.

Serena smiled with relief and Bernie thought she had never seen anything quite so beguiling.

“So, you weren’t trying to escape?” Serena asked. “You…you don’t regret, anything?”

“Never,” she exclaimed, and the warmth that flooded her body wasn’t just of desire, it was born of imagining a life where she could devote her time to making this woman smile as she was smiling now. Turning over the hand she was still holding she pressed another kiss to the palm, before cupping Serena’s face with both her hands as she kissed her mouth hungrily, relishing in the soft moans that they both made. She pulled away regretfully, letting her fingers slide, to stroke along each bare shoulder and then down her arms to end up holding both of Serena’s hands in her own.

“But I have to go now. I’m going to walk home,” and she placed a finger to Serena’s lips as she started to protest, “by which time I may need to shower again, and I certainly need a change of clothes before I meet some prospective buyers. Do you have any plans for today?”

Serena huffed and gazed up to the ceiling for a moment before locking eyes with Bernie again.

“I’m sure I did have…before last night.”

She raised an eyebrow and shrugged her shoulders.

“Funnily enough, they seem to have gone right out of my head.”

She shifted slightly.

“Will I see you, later?”

Bernie sighed deeply and her eyes flickered down to their hands, still holding onto each other.

“I think that maybe…I shouldn’t, tonight. I..I want to but…. don’t forget I’ll be here tomorrow to show that couple around, and..perhaps another night like the last one might be…a bit of a distraction.”

She gave Serena a sheepish smile, but knew that if she begged that she would come back here in a heartbeat. She watched Serena’s face carefully as a range of emotions flickered over it before she nodded.

“Okay,” she replied quietly, unable to hide the disappointment in her voice. “I’ll need to tidy up a bit anyway, and…change the bed, at least.”

She coloured slightly as she said this, images of Bernie at the height of her orgasm flashing into her mind, and Bernie pulled her into a tight hug as her body also reacted to Serena’s words.

“I will be counting the hours until I’m back here,” she whispered into Serena’s ear, “and I want to thank you..for everything about last night. It was… _you were_..incredible. So much more than I had ever imagined. And if you could see yourself, as I see you…you would be dazzled.”

When she looked at Serena again she was rewarded as a joyful smile spread over her face, and Bernie couldn’t help but capture that mouth in a long lingering kiss, before she reluctantly pushed herself up from the bed.

“If I don’t go now then…” and she spread her arms out in a gesture of defeat. “I’ll be in touch later, I promise.”

Bernie paused at the bedroom door to blow Serena a kiss, and moments later Serena heard the front door open and close. The smile on her lips faded and she slid down onto her pillow, her eyes squeezed shut as she held on for as long as she could, to the sweet feeling of Bernie’s lips on hers. She opened them suddenly to stare at the ceiling as words she had never thought she would utter, were spoken out loud.

“Serena Campbell….lesbian?”

She grinned again as she threw the duvet back to welcome in the start what felt like the first day of a whole new life.

 


	9. Second Viewings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not much here except small misunderstandings to facilitate more smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is continuing to read this. Sorry if I haven't approved comments very quickly but AO3 seems to be having problems advising me when comments and kudos are left. I hope to get that sorted soon.  
> I promise that another photo shoot will happen before too long and they'll be continuing the house hunt too. Might have to take a look at some barns....

Chapter 9 : Second Viewings

 

 

Of course the first day of what she thought of as her new life, still had all the same elements of her old life, good and bad. But somehow the less desirable aspects of it were viewed in a different light, through ‘rose tinted spectacles.’ Housework, which had never been something to enjoy, merely a basic necessity, (because she did like a semblance of order in her world) now became a type of memory game. As she moved from room to room she remembered where they had kissed or nearly kissed, or touched or looked at each other with a hunger that they had both attempted to deny. And with every memory came a tug at her heart or, as she now acknowledged freely, a fluttering in her stomach or a throb of desire, the latter occasionally making her stop in her tracks until she could compose herself. She even began to question if she still needed to move now that she had many more positive memories to counteract the negative ones she wanted rid of. But there was still the thrill of looking at new properties with Bernie, and perhaps the tentative hope of finding somewhere they both could feel comfortable, daring to imagine what the future would be like if they were together. Consequently the tidying around to make her house look as appealing as possible took far longer than normal, as some of her musings forced her to sit down to take a few deep breaths, or to wander into the garden to clear her head.

When Elinor rang in the early evening she was glad to have the distraction of her daughter’s well-being to focus on. She seemed to be coping but Serena knew her enough (and understood the unpredictability of depression), to tell that she was still trying to play the whole thing down. Whether to protect herself or her mother was less clear, but on balance Serena got the impression that she was just about coping, and fought against her maternal instinct to try and wrap her in cotton wool. She was able to understand from her own experience, that this was about Ellie finding her own way through it. So she kept her talking for as long as she could and made sure she knew that she would be welcome to come home if she needed to, even if only for a day, promising that she would pay for her travel, or visit her if she preferred. Ellie promised to let her know if things started to slip too far, and explained that she had some good friends that she had trusted with a key to her room if she didn’t surface for more than 24 hours. She still had days where she felt quite low, but assured her mother that for every step backwards she was taking two forward. Finally, in the hope of getting Serena to stop focusing totally on her, she attempted to change the subject.

“So, how are things going with the house sale? Have you been seeing much of Ms Wolfe?”

Serena suddenly found herself very glad of two things. One, was that she she didn’t embrace the new technology on her phone enough to be using Skype, FaceTime or any other video app at that precise moment, because Elinor would have seen her turn a shade of red only hitherto seen in a bottle of Shiraz. And two, that she hadn’t taken a mouthful of said Shiraz prior to the question, as it would now be covering any furniture and carpet within two feet of her. And all because an image of just how much of Ms Wolfe she had seen last night flashed into her mind. She suddenly became aware that Ellie was shouting down the phone.

“Mom? Did you hear me?........ Mom, are you okay? I know you’re still there as I can hear you breathing…. Mom!”

“Sorry, umm, I ….someone just pushed a flyer through the door….it..distracted me. So, er, yes I saw Bernie just yesterday. We shared.. _(a bed…an orgasm?!)_ a takeaway. And, she’s coming over in the morning to bring someone for a second viewing, so…fingers crossed.”

Serena hoped she had managed to navigate what had felt like a minefield without raising any suspicions in her daughter’s mind.

“So you’re still getting along okay? I mean, do you think this might go somewhere, do you still want it to?” Elinor was dying to know.

Serena however really did not want to be discussing her love life with her daughter, especially over the phone.

“Yes, we’re still..getting along. And if the couple that are coming tomorrow are serious then I may have to ask you to come up to help me look at somewhere else to live. Perhaps at the very least you could text me a list of things that you would hope to have in another house? Although please remember this is partly about downsizing, I don’t want a request for an indoor swimming pool.”

Elinor sighed.

“I’ve already told you, I don’t expect to be spending that much time back in Holby. I’ll hopefully be gainfully employed within the next 6 to 9 months, and god knows where that might be. As long as there’s a bedroom for me and it’s not completely in the middle of nowhere, I’m sure I’ll cope. Although an outbuilding of some sort where I could hold a wild party or two might not be a bad idea?”

Serena rolled her eyes and huffed, but was secretly very glad to have got away from the topic of Bernie. They chatted a while longer about various things including Edward and the embryo, or Liberty, as Ellie insisted she should be referred to, reminding her mother that she could hardly criticise her father’s taste in a partner, given her own recent revelation.

A couple of hours later Serena decided that an early night might not go amiss and was already in bed, catching up on an episode of Fleabag, when she heard the message alert from her phone.

 

**Hello you. I’m sure your house is looking immaculate by now, but I have it on good authority that the smell of baking and filter coffee is a good way to influence buyers…so if you felt like getting up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to make some bread it could pay dividends.**

**On a more serious note……..I’m missing you. B xx**

 

Serena’s face broke into a smile as she read it and she hastily sent a reply.

 

**The house is practically perfect in every way, calm and ready for its ‘close-up’. Unlike myself who kept unravelling each time I thought about what happened last night. Getting into bed alone this evening was particularly difficult, so you can guess I’m missing you too.**

**But I’m already ‘ _very_** _**_excited_ ’** _ **about seeing you tomorrow….. S x x**

 

Bernie gave a chuckle at what Serena had written, as well as feeling her cheeks grow hot. But her final comment had Bernie worried. Maybe she needed to remind Serena that although she would be at home tomorrow, _she_ would be working, and she needed to make sure that Serena understood that.

 

**I know that you’ll be there tomorrow but I take it that you’ll want me to do most of the talking, and show them around? I’ll be meeting up with my clients around 2.00pm, at your property. I’m trusting that you will be on your best behaviour. I will have my business hat on and I do need to act in a professional manner as I’m sure you can appreciate. B**

 

As soon as she sent it, Bernie wished she hadn’t sounded so formal. She’d even forgotten to put a kiss at the end.

Serena was not pleased. In fact she pouted, feeling annoyed at the condescending tone. Did Bernie really think that she would show her up in front of strangers? She had been going to suggest that she could come over and have lunch beforehand, but decided that Bernie would only think it inappropriate and refuse. Her reply was to the point.

 

**As you wish. I’ll see you at 2.00 and FYI, you are not the only professional here. S**

 

A minute later, Serena knew she had over-reacted, but that didn’t stop her still feeling a little mad. So to stop any further dialogue where she might say something she would regret, she switched off her phone. She also recognised as she did, that part of her wanted to deny Bernie the chance to explain, and admitted to herself that she was acting like a child.

Bernie was initially surprised when she read the message that Serena had sent. She immediately got an inkling that Serena had been annoyed when she sent it, but felt slightly bewildered as to why. Whatever she had written, she didn’t think it warranted that terse a reply. She looked over the messages again, trying to read them as Serena might have done, and it dawned on her that it was as if she was instructing Serena on how to behave in her own home. She decided to ring Serena to explain, even apologise, to avoid any more misunderstandings, but was disappointed when it went  straight to voicemail. After trying a couple of more times she left a short message on the answerphone before going to bed

 

Serena hadn’t slept very well, partly through self-righteous anger when she first lay down, and then later on because she actually missed Bernie lying next to her. Which was quite separate from the yearning she also had, wanting Bernie to be holding and touching her. She was down in the kitchen, already dressed, thinking whether or not to have breakfast, when she remembered that she had switched her phone off the previous evening and it was still in the bedroom. Panicking slightly she ran upstairs, berating herself for not thinking that Elinor may have wanted to contact her during the night. So when she saw she had a voicemail message she was at first quite relieved to see it was from Bernie, not Elinor. Then she began to think of all the reasons that Bernie might have called, not least of which was the unwelcome idea that she was going to cancel today. Gritting her teeth she pressed play.

 

‘ _Serena I am so sorry… I've just realised I gave you the impression that I didn’t think you could control yourself around me. God, even saying that out loud sounds so…stupid.. and arrogant. I think I was projecting how…weak_ _my_ _restraint is when I’m near to you. I am truly sorry. I hope you know that you…you mean a lot to me. See you soon. I….bye.’_

 

By the end of the message Serena’s face had softened, especially when she thought she could hear a little kiss as Bernie hung up. Knowing that Bernie had probably been hoping to speak to her before this, she quickly sent her a message back.

 

**I’m sorry too. Sorry that I acted like a child and switched my phone off in a fit of pique. There’s really nothing for you blame yourself for. Looking forward to seeing you. S x x**

 

Serena meant what she said, but as she sat in the kitchen drinking coffee, the devil crept into her thoughts, so she hatched a little plan to see if she could push Bernie’s ability to stay professional when faced with Serena Campbell in full flirt mode. Not by trying to touch her or by using suggestive words and phrases as if in a Carry On film, and not because she was still angry, but simply because she rather enjoyed teasing people. Especially Bernie. And she does find her rather adorable when she gets flustered.

Bernie met Mr and Mrs Adams at the foot of Serena’s drive, and in spite of the butterfly farm that seemed to have set up residence in her stomach, she managed to exude her normal air of confidence as she led them up to the front door. When Serena opened it she felt a huge grin spread over her face as she introduced the couple, and was pleasantly surprised to see Serena dressed quite casually in a fairly baggy jumper and a well worn pair of jeans, even if she had got liberal amounts of flour dotted over her face and clothes. She had to fight an overwhelming urge not to reach out and wipe her thumb over her cheek to remove it. The reason for the flour excess was obvious as Serena led them into the kitchen where they were greeted by three wire racks full of biscuits that were not long out of the oven.

“Sorry about the slight mess in here,” said Serena with an apologetic smile. “There’s a fundraiser at the hospital tomorrow and I promised to make some of my famous shortbread in support. You’re welcome to try some if you wish, I do have plenty. But don’t ask for the recipe, it’s a closely guarded family recipe.”

She winked at them all as she said it and Bernie’s stomach flipped.

‘ _She really could charm the birds out of the trees,’_ she thought, _‘and it appears so effortless.’_

Bernie couldn’t deny her envy of Serena’s ability to engage with anyone, understanding completely how easy it must be for colleagues and patients alike to fall under her spell. She suddenly realised that Serena was speaking again.

“Please excuse me for a few minutes while I change out of these clothes. If you could just allow me ten minutes to change and freshen up before you come upstairs, I’m sure Ms Wolfe will show you around the ground floor.”

And with another beaming smile she headed for the stairs.

It was just under the ten minutes when Serena heard a knock on her bedroom door, and she heard Bernie asking if it would be alright to bring Mr & Mrs Adams up soon, as they’d finished the downstairs tour and they were currently looking around the back garden.

“No problem,” shouted Serena through the still closed door. “I’ll be down in just a second.”

There was a small part of her that knew she was going to be pushing things here, but as well as wanting to tease Bernie a little, she also hoped it would show her how much she _wanted_ her. There was one bit of her brain that focused on common sense, that told her she could be making a huge mistake but she managed to shut it down for the time being.

Timing was of the essence, so she loitered just outside the bedroom until she heard the others start to climb the stairs, at which point she hurried forward ready to descend. Bernie’s reaction as she caught sight of her was everything Serena had hoped for.

Bernie stopped speaking as she caught sight of Serena with her foot on the first step down. She was wearing a figure hugging red jersey dress that had a neckline that wasn’t exactly plunging, but it certainly revealed the gradual swell of two of her most attractive assets. After clinging seductively over the curve of her hips it finished just below the knee to display two very shapely legs. Bernie’s mouth had gone completely dry and she even worried that a small amount of drool would start to run from the corner if she didn’t pull herself together and close it. She saw Serena’s eyes glitter and a small but triumphant smile flash over her face as she noticed Bernie’s discomfort.

“Oops,” she said coquettishly, “ Sorry, I’ll just wait up here for a second.”

So she turned around and with a slight twitch of her hips she moved out of the way, to allow them to continue their way up the stairs. Bernie knew exactly what Serena was doing, and although she was exasperated by her, at that precise moment she felt unable to move, her hand gripping the banister and her eyes were glued to the roll of Serena’s backside as she swiveled, to head back towards the landing. It wasn’t until Mrs Adams cleared her throat quite loudly that she managed to shakily resume moving, bringing her ever closer to where Serena was patiently waiting. To allow the couple behind her to get onto the landing, Bernie was forced to stand very close to Serena (who was refusing to move any further away), and she was now certain that this was payback for her comment about maintaining a ‘professional’ air. Once everyone was safely up the stairs Serena squeezed past Bernie making sure their bodies touched briefly before she started to go down. Then in a slightly breathless voice, quite reminiscent of Marilyn Monroe, she addressed them all.

“So sorry to have held you up. Ms Wolfe, please continue. Oh, and if you have any questions when you’ve finished, join me in the kitchen, where I’d be happy to make you coffee or a cup of tea.”

She had nearly reached the bottom step, before she heard Bernie stutter back into life, her voice sounding slightly higher pitched than normal.

‘ _It’s good to know there’s life in the old dog yet. My sapphic awakening might have come a little later than most,’_ Serena thought smugly _, ‘but I guess flirting is flirting, whatever the gender.’_

She went straight to the kitchen to switch on the coffee machine, hoping the aroma of fresh coffee would entice the Adams’s to have a drink before they left. That should give her at least 5 to 10 minutes longer to test Bernie’s resolve. . she knew damn well that Bernie was far too proficient and experienced to try or say anything untoward, but she had to admit she liked watching her squirm. And she could feel her own desires beginning to surface which made it all the sweeter.

Having finished the tour of the house everyone agreed that a cup of decent coffee along with one of the biscuits, would be very welcome. As Serena moved around the kitchen, playing the perfect host she made sure she stretched a little more than necessary, making her dress ride up so she had to tug it down again, each time with a little wiggle. Moments later she deliberately dropped something on the floor, and angled herself towards Bernie as she slowly bent over to pick it up. She was very careful not to give Mr Adams any reason to think that her little display was for his benefit, in fact she hoped it was so subtle only someone already invested in her (Bernie), would pick up on it. And she was under no doubt that Bernie had, watching her lose her train of thought on more that one occasion when she was speaking, and noting the slight flushes and hand wringing that was going on.

Not too long after Serena was standing by her open door saying goodbye to the trio, two of whom were smiling and saying all the right things about her home, promising to let her know their intentions as soon as possible, and third was glaring at her, but with eyes so dark Serena knew her little plan had succeeded. She waited until they were half way down the drive before calling out.

“Oh Ms Wolfe? Could I have a quick word before you go?”

Bernie asked Mr & Mrs Adams if they would wait by her car for a moment and she strode purposefully back to Serena.

Serena leant forward and in a low voice continued to tease.

“On the whole you were very _professional_ today, although I did notice some minor stuttering going on. Perhaps you still need a little more practice in keeping yourself focused on the job in hand?”

The icy, steely look that was on Bernie’s face made Serena flinch, and she felt her own breathing stutter slightly. She wondered somewhat belatedly that her little game might have over-stepped the mark.

Bernie, noting a hesitancy in Serena’s manner, suddenly realised that she now had the upper hand, and replied coldly.

“Very clever Ms Campbell, I applaud your ingenuity and you’re right, I did find it or rather you, quite..distracting.”

An almost menacing tone entered her voice.

“I’m just going to say goodbye to your prospective buyers as the professional I most _definitely_ am..and then I shall return to discuss _in great detail_ how I think this viewing went, so…leave the door open.”

She raked her eyes up and down Serena’s body with a look that could only be described as predatory.

“And then I think we should visit the question of my fees. I may need to take a little ‘on account’. So I’d like you to stay just where you are.”

She stared straight into Serena’s eyes and then licked her lips before turning tail to walk back down to say goodbye to her clients.

Serena had been holding her breath as Bernie spoke and when she turned away from her she finally took a ragged gasp of air, her legs suddenly feeling as if they might give way. She backed away from the door, (but didn’t close it, as per instructions) until her back came to rest against the newel post at the bottom of the stairs. This was a side of Bernie she hadn’t seen before, and the warmth that was collecting in the pit of her stomach suggested that she found it quite..stimulating. She had her hands behind her grasping hold of the wooden banister and every second seemed to increase her heart rate. The wait felt interminable and she was even considering that perhaps Bernie was teasing _her_ by having already left, when the rap on the door (which had swung to in the breeze, leaving only an inch or two gap)) made her jump. Swallowing thickly she managed to utter a single word.

“Yes?”

“I’m waiting for you to open the door for me,” said Bernie in a measured tone.

Serena pushed herself away from the stairs on shaky legs to pull the door open, and her breathing hitched as she took in the dark glance from Bernie as she slipped past her into the hall. Serena’s ability to think clearly froze, along with all of her limbs, as she felt Bernie come and stand close behind her.

“You can close the door now Serena,” Bernie said in the same low voice, but was unable to keep the hint of a smile off her face. “But don’t turn around.”

Serena did as instructed and when Bernie moved even closer and put her hands flat against the door either side of her head, she had to bite her lip to stop herself whimpering.

Bernie was finding that breathing was becoming as hard for her as it appeared to be for Serena, but she was enjoying telling this normally very confident, in control woman, what to do. However, ever chivalrous, she needed to make sure that Serena was happy for this to continue.

“Are you okay with this?” she whispered softly into Serena’s ear, causing goosebumps all over her body at the puff of air that accompanied her words, as well as the inference behind them.

Serena had to clear her throat before she could speak.

“Ahem…definitely.” And she nodded her head.

Bernie took a deep breath and moved away for a moment to shrug off her jacket and shoes and to unbutton her pale blue shirt. Then her hands were back against the door with a slam that made Serena jump. She pressed her lips to the back of Serena’s neck smiling at the small sigh she heard. She was still nervous as she planted kisses all around the small patch of skin that was on show at the nape of her neck, but until Serena told her to stop, Bernie was intent on taking this as far as she could. She kissed up towards her ear, and then she moved her hands from the door to rest on Serena’s shoulders. She lightly stroked down her arms and then lifted Serena’s hands to place them palm up against the door. Her own hands she placed on Serena’s hips, smoothing down the fabric of her dress and then slid them round to cup the cheeks of her backside, squeezing gently, before moving them back to rest around her waist.

“So tell me,” she murmured, her mouth still pressed against Serena’s ear, “does this very snug fitting garment have any hidden zips or fastenings I should know about?”

Serena’s head fell forward striking the door with a small thud.

“No,” she gasped.

“Okay. Next question. Are you wearing any underwear? Because I’m damned if I can feel any knickers or see any bra straps.”

Serena felt her legs buckle slightly as she nodded.

“Yes.”

“Elaborate,” Bernie ordered.

“I…er..I’m wearing a strapless bra, and..and a..a thong.”

This last admission came out as little more than a squeak, and Bernie chuckled.

“Oh Ms Campbell, you didn’t strike me as a thong person…I still have so much to learn about you.”

She lowered her voice as she moved her body closer, giving little tugs to the side of her dress, inching it up her thighs.

“I bet it’s already soaked, isn’t it?”

Serena moaned and involuntarily pushed her bottom back against Bernie. “Yes.”

Bernie grabbed her hips pushing them back towards the door.

“Easy tiger,” she growled.

Bernie was surprising herself. She didn’t normally take this much control in a sexual encounter, usually preferring a more equal footing between partners, but she couldn’t deny that she was finding it a huge turn on. And from the quiet but guttural noises that Serena was making, she believed that Serena was getting as much out of it as she was. She moved her hands back up to Serena’s shoulders and in one quick move she sn her round so they were face to face. Pulling on the neckline of the dress she slipped it off her shoulders to further expose the swell of her breasts that were rising and falling with every ragged breath Serena took. Bernie looked at her flushed face and dark eyes and launched forwards, crashing their lips together in a bruising kiss. It lasted for minutes as tongues asked and were granted entry, twisting and turning around each other in some sort of primal dance. When Bernie finally moved back they were both gasping for breath, and Serena seriously thought she might collapse as her legs started to tremble. She was aware of Bernie tugging at the top of her dress again pulling the stretchy material first to one side and then the other so as to ease her arms free, before rolling it down over her chest to her waist. Serena thought she had heard a seam rip but didn’t care as she reached out to pull Bernie back towards her. Their lips met again, a little more tenderly, small brief kisses interspersed with tugs and nibbles and quiet moans. Bernie began to kiss along Serena’s jawline and down her throat and sternum, only pausing as she reached the cleavage where her bra was pushing her breasts together. She kissed and sucked gently at the swell of each breast and then raised her head to look at Serena, making sure she wanted to continue. Serena quaked at the depth of desire she could see reflected in her eyes, but gave her head an almost imperceptible nod as she recognised the silent question.

“Take it off,” Bernie demanded huskily, her mouth pressed up against Serena’s neck, as her hands gave the smallest tweak to the bra. Serena pushed herself away from the door, and Bernie gripped her waist when she saw how much she was shaking. Reaching behind herself for the clasp Serena managed to undo it on her third try, but still held it in place until Bernie took it from her grasp.

Bernie took a deep breath as she looked at Serena exposed in front of her and allowed her own shirt to slide down her arms and onto the floor. She gathered Serena’s breasts into her hands squeezing then dragging her fingers roughly over her nipples, pulling at them between her fingers and thumbs, listening intently to Serena’s gasps of pleasure. She sucked at each one in turn and then raised her head to capture Serena’s lips in a hard, unrelenting passionate kiss, unable to remember a time when she had wanted anyone more than this. She was dimly aware of Serena’s hands on her back, feeling for the fastener on her bra, and then it too fell away and their breasts were sliding against each other. Bernie pushed away again, trying to control her breathing as she watched Serena’s eyes flicker open in frustration, her lips red and swollen with kissing, her hands reaching out, but did not follow Bernie as she stepped back. In a desperate attempt to control the constant throb low down in her belly, Bernie sat down on one of the stairs to take in the voluptuousness of the woman in front of her. She watched in fascination at the spread of the flush that was covering the whole of Serena’s upper body, the puckering around her nipples making them stand proud. Bernie wanted to take a photo of the indecent sight of her standing there stripped to the waist her eyes full of adoration and lust.

Serena felt as if she was losing her ability to reason, unable to explain why she was still standing against the door when the woman who had captured her heart and body was seemingly resting a few feet away. And yet she still made no move, despite how aroused she was by the sight of her, knowing that she was exactly where Bernie wanted her to be. She also knew that if the person in front of her now had been any of her previous male partners, there was no way that she would have relinquished this level of control to them. With Bernie she felt safe and she trusted her implicitly, as certain as she could be that there was no hidden agenda, that Bernie was there for _her_ and not herself. Lost for a moment in her thoughts, she suddenly realised that Bernie was speaking.

“Lift up your dress so I can see the rest of you.”

Her words were spoken so softly that Serena did not react immediately, so Bernie stood up and walked over to her, standing as close as she could but not touching. Without sounding threatening or raising her voice, Bernie repeated her request.

“I asked you to pull up your dress, so….please, do as I ask.”

Serena heard herself whimper as she reached for the hem, slowly easing it up over her thighs. Bernie started to circle around the areola of each breast with just one finger as she watched Serena do as she was told, and when the dress was resting on her hips and she could see the triangle of hair that the thong could not hope to cover, she pressed her fingers onto each nipple and said, “Stop.”

Serena dropped her hands to her sides and her head fell back against the door as she closed her eyes.

Flicking her fingers against the prominent peaks of Serena’s breasts, Bernie dropped to her knees, where she could see the evidence of Serena’s arousal glistening on the inside of her legs and along the small amount of fabric that was stretching back between her thighs. Her hands reached up to grab hold of the sliver of material around her waist, with every intention of pulling the thong down and off, but at the last moment stood up, tugging gently upwards as she did. The pressure forced the sodden strip between Serena’s outer lips and she cried out, her hands clutching Bernie’s arms as pleasure flooded her body.

“Ahh…god….Bernie..oh…”

Serena’s voice broke as she exclaimed, not sure that she hadn’t just come, but knowing it wasn’t anywhere near the release she needed.

Bernie dropped to her knees again, pulling the thong quickly down and removed it along with her shoes. She paused for just a moment to inhale the scent emanating from Serena’s sex and then she was standing again, holding Serena’s face between her hands and placed a long lingering kiss on her lips, sliding her hands around her back pulling her in close, one leg easing its way between Serena’s.

“I know…it won’t be long now my darling, I promise.”

Barely registering that Bernie had just called her ‘darling’ Serena let her head fall forward onto Bernie’s shoulder with a sigh. She put her hands on Bernie’s waist, her fingers fumbling with the button on her trousers as she moaned. “Off..please?”

Coming to her aid, Bernie quickly divested herself of them, which left her clad in a pair of black lace briefs that hugged her figure perfectly. She slid her hands round to grip Serena’s ass as once again she knelt before her. Bernie pushed Serena’s hips forward and her nose pressed into the wiry hair covering her mons, before taking her head lower nudging Serena’s legs wider apart, to start kissing the inside of her thighs wet with her juices. Using her tongue she licked and then hummed at the sweet taste and Serena clutched wildly at Bernie’s head, threading her fingers through her hair in a effort to keep herself upright.

She felt Bernie’s hands slide around to the front and then fingers were gently prising her labia apart causing her breathing to stutter as Bernie blew softly over her clit. She didn’t think she had ever felt so open and exposed in front of a lover before, and when the tip of Bernie’s tongue ghosted across what was right now the centre of her universe, her hips thrust forward, desperate for a firmer touch. Bernie held her still as she slid one finger into Serena, continuing to circle around her clit and with each pass she added another finger until three were buried deep inside. She started to move them slowly in and out causing Serena to wonder if her breathing would ever return to normal as she gasped and moaned with every thrust. Bernie gave one last firm lick against her clit as she felt the first fluttering around her fingers and she stood up kissing her mouth hungrily, allowing Serena to taste herself as her tongue pushed roughly between her welcoming lips. She pushed her leg against her hand to add leverage as her fingers continued to pump in and out of Serena at an ever increasing rate.

Serena felt her legs start to buckle and she threw her head back gulping for air, as Bernie’s thumb pressed hard against her clit, and she climaxed, almost silently, but with an intensity she knew she had never experienced before.

As Bernie felt Serena start to shudder with the power of her orgasm, she encircled her waist with her free hand to help keep her standing, slowing the movements of the hand still between Serena’s legs. As the tremors receded Bernie gently removed her fingers from Serena’s core and wrapped her arms together around her, pulling her close, wishing she had the courage to express what was in her heart.

“Thank you,” she whispered into Serena’s ear. “You are so..beautiful. Let’s get you upstairs, hmm?”

So, stumbling and still shaky, Serena allowed Bernie to half carry her upstairs to her bedroom where she gently removed the dress that was still bunched around her waist.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think that it’s repairable,” she said apologetically, as she pulled it over her head.

A small smile flickered over Serena’s face.

“Well worth it,” she mumbled, her eyes fluttering open for a second to look at Bernie as she sat down beside her on the bed.

“How about a nap, eh? I’ll come and wake you in an hour if you haven’t surfaced. Then you can have a shower if you want.”

As she spoke Bernie lowered Serena until she was lying on her side, head on the pillow, covering her with the throw from the bottom of the bed.

Serena forced her eyes open again to look at Bernie and reached out to take her hand.

“What about you? I haven’t…done anything for..you.”

Bernie leaned over and stroked her hair before placing a brief kiss to her forehead.

“Oh my sweet, you have done _so_ much for me today, don’t think that you haven’t. And there’s still plenty of time later if we want to… continue.”

“What are you going to do now then? You could always join me..” and Serena patted the space next to her.

Bernie eased her hand out of Serena’s and bent down to pick up the dress.

“Well, I think I at least need to collect up the various pieces of clothing that are still adorning the floor of your hall. Wouldn’t want Elinor to discover them if she chose to pay you a surprise visit, might set her back months. And then I think a strong hot coffee is in order.”

“Sleep is better,” muttered Serena, “well it is if you’ve just been given the greatest orgasm ever.”

Her voice tailed off and her eyes closed as the sweetest smile Bernie thought she had ever seen adorned her face.

Breathing deeply Bernie left the room grabbing a t-shirt on the way to at least give her a degree of modesty should anyone come calling. Picking up their garments from where they had fallen she dropped them all into the laundry room and made herself a drink. She perched on one of the stools at the counter shaking her head in wonder at what had unfolded in the 45 minutes since Mr & Mrs Adams had left. She could hardly get her head around the fact that what had happened had taken less than an hour from start to finish, although, she confessed to herself, _she_ strictly speaking _hadn’t_ finished. She squirmed slightly as the ache between her legs that had begun when she first saw Serena in the dress, began again. Putting her mug into the sink she went back upstairs and into the en-suite to use the toilet, dropping her rather damp knickers into the laundry basket. She padded over to Serena, watching her sleep, thinking for the millionth time how lucky she felt to have met her. Walking around to the other side of the bed, she lay down next to her, pulling the cover over her lower body, carefully laying her head against Serena’s back. Confident she wouldn’t nap for more than thirty or forty minutes at most she closed her eyes and allowed the steady rise and fall of Serena’s rib cage to lull her to sleep.

 


	10. New Horizons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still smut, but fluffy too as they move ever closer to admitting their love for one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the lovely comments you have been leaving and I promise that a certain photo shoot is getting ever closer.

Chapter 10 : New Horizons

 

Serena woke up, and glancing at her clock was amazed to see that it was 6.30pm. She turned carefully and smiled as she saw Bernie almost face down into her pillow, small snuffling noises coming from her partially visible mouth and nose.

“So much for waking me after 30 minutes,” she whispered fondly, gently brushing a few blonde waves back towards her ear, all the better to see her face. She was still having trouble believing that she was in bed with a woman, in a _relationship_ with a woman…a gorgeous woman…who this afternoon had literally rocked her world. She wanted nothing more than to stay lying next to her, but she was very aware that she needed the toilet, and ideally a shower, yet didn’t want to disturb her sleeping beauty. Because she knew that could signal the start of Bernie thinking she had to return to her own home, and Serena really did not want that to happen. However the call of nature was proving too hard to ignore and so, by degrees, she started to make gentle movements towards the edge of the bed. She got as far as sitting up, ready to push herself onto her feet when she heard Bernie stirring beside her.

“Is it raining?” Bernie mumbled with just one eye cracked open, peering at Serena, who frowned, a quizzical look on her face.

“It’s very dull in here,” Bernie said, by way of an explanation.

Serena rolled her eyes.

“Well, that’s because the sun is just setting you fool,” and she chuckled as Bernie’s eyes suddenly flew open.

“Shit…no! Oh…that wasn’t supposed to happen, not what I’d planned at all..bugger!” and she groaned in frustration.

“I’m sorry, you’re going to have to wait to explain that, as I’m desperate for the loo. Back in a tic.”

Serena pushed herself up, onto legs that were still feeling wobbly with the after effects of their antics in the hall, and headed for the en-suite. When she emerged a few minutes later, Bernie was disappointed to see she had wrapped a bathrobe around herself, and instead of getting back into bed, she merely perched on top of the duvet her legs trailing over the side. She took hold of one of Serena’s hands, turning it as she did so that she could plant a kiss on the palm. Serena smiled and moved it to rest against Bernie’s cheek and then pushed through her hair so it was cradling the back of Bernie’s head, and bent down so that she could softly kiss her lips.

“So Ms Wolfe, what exactly did you have in mind before you fell asleep and failed in your duties as my personal alarm clock?”

Bernie sighed and pulled a pouty face which Serena found very sexy.

“It’s not _all_ my fault,” she said in a small voice. “I had planned on taking you out for Sunday lunch with perhaps a little drive around, seeing what other potential properties were out there. But you had to tease me into…satisfying you. Which has now led us to this point in time, both of us nearly naked in or on your bed.”

Bernie started to kiss along the inside of Serena’s arm.

“Which is definitely a problem, because if Mr & Mrs Adams put in a decent offer on this place, and you haven’t found anywhere to move to, you could find yourself in a camper-van parked in a lay-by, or on Holby City Hospital car park. Unless they’d let you camp out in an on call room.”

Bernie raised her eyes to meet Serena’s with the hint of a smile playing on her lips.

Serena pulled her arm from the back of Bernie’s head and glared at her, pretending to be outraged at such a suggestion.

“So are you telling me Ms Wolfe,” she said, raising an eyebrow, “that you couldn’t find it in your heart to offer me a roof over my head…and a place in your bed, for however long it takes?”

The silence hung heavy between them as it dawned on Serena that she had just suggested, however jokingly, that Bernie should allow her to move in. Even on a temporary basis, that was a big ask, especially of someone you had only met for the first time, a mere two months ago. She gave a nervous laugh and Bernie sensing her discomfort sat up in the bed to pull her into a hug.

“I would invite you into my home in a heartbeat if you needed somewhere to rest that very lovely body,” she said quietly, her mouth disturbingly close to Serena’s ear.

“However, I would not have room for Elinor or your very extensive wardrobe,” she said in an amused tone, “although I do believe after today you are already down _one_ dress.”

Relief flooded over Serena at Bernie’s attempt to lighten the mood, and she playfully swatted her arm.

“Speaking of which, I don’t think I thanked you for…...” Serena’s voice petered out as her whole body flushed with warmth at the memory of their earlier encounter.

“The greatest orgasm you’ve ever had?” said Bernie a smirk on her face. “Or do you want to retract that, now that you’ve had time to reflect?”

Serena went an even darker shade of red.

“Yes, I mean no……I mean it _was_ ……oh lord..”

She buried her head into Bernie’s neck so that she could continue without having to look at her and see the expressions on her face.

“I’ve never been with anyone who was so…selfless,” she was struggling with what she wanted to say, and Bernie stroked her hair pressing her lips to the side of her head.

“I did get quite a buzz from it myself you know,” she said softly, “so maybe I’m not as noble as you’re making me out to be.”

Serena used her mouth to nibble and kiss Bernie’s pulse point making her arch her neck in delight.

“I have never..handed over that much control to any other…..lover. Never even considered it or wanted it before you." Serena was starting to cry. "You were able to make me feel..safe. I know I can trust you.”

Serena huffed out the last few words and the puff of warm air that accompanied them did all manner of things to Bernie. As if she could read her mind Serena seemed to gain confidence and started to kiss her way up that elegant neck.

“And don’t think that I’ve forgotten that I didn’t offer you anything in return,” she said, her voice now much surer, stronger.

She lifted her head to look at Bernie before she moved her kisses along her jaw towards her mouth, and then their lips met, tender and soft. Serena thought that kissing Bernie was one of her favourite pastimes now, briefly wondered if it was like this whenever one kissed a woman, so intimate and caring. She quickly pushed that thought aside, knowing that what she felt was for Bernie alone, that if she had nothing else in her life, as long as she was allowed to taste this woman’s lips on hers she could be happy. They carried on kissing like this for a few minutes, each time they parted to breathe the next kiss became a little more intense. When Serena finally pulled her head back her eyes were dark with want.

“I need to shower…. would you care to join me?”

Bernie’s eyes flashed with desire, but to Serena's disappointment she shook her head slowly.

“I do..but, not this time,” she said quietly, not noticing the anxious look that flashed over Serena’s face. “I do however need some clean clothes if you have something I could borrow? I don’t really want to be arrested for indecent exposure whilst driving home.”

Serena frowned.

“Of course, but why? I mean I know that yours might have got a bit crumpled but…”

Bernie ducked her head shyly.

‘ _God, why do I still feel so embarrassed talking about how she affects me, after what we…I did earlier?’_

“Yes, okay, I suppose I could retrieve my bra and blouse from your laundry room, but..my briefs and trousers…I’d rather not put back on, if I’m honest…”

She looked at Serena from under her fringe (another thing that Serena adored about her) and gave a light shrug of her shoulders.

Serena felt so stupid as she realised what Bernie was trying to say, and felt her face grow warm.

“Oh, god..um, yes, sorry, yes…of course I have something …either mine, or Elinor’s.”

She gave a small sigh before feeling brave enough to say what she was feeling.

“I have to tell you, I was hoping you might want to stay for the night.”

Bernie looked apologetic, and she pulled Serena’s hand between her two, stroking gently.

“I’m sorry, I have a really early start tomorrow. I have to be in Radstock for 9.00am so I need to make sure I’ve got everything I shall need (including clothes) all ready tonight. The rush hour traffic will be horrendous on a Monday so I think it’s best..?”

Serena was battling to fight off the insecurity she was experiencing as Bernie seemed to be rejecting her for the second time in as many minutes and she couldn’t hide her disappointment rubbing her free hand over her face in frustration.

“Sod’s law I suppose. Because I don’t need to be in until 10.00am.”

She tilted her head to one side and with a small smile she gave it one more try. “Are you sure I can’t tempt you?” Nodding her head towards the en-suite.

Bernie still shook her head, but not wanting Serena to be upset she offered an alternative.

“I don’t suppose..you might consider, coming back to mine instead? If I went now I could sort everything I’ll need for tomorrow, you could take your time over your shower, and if you wanted to go to work straight from mine I’ll give you a spare key so you can lock up behind you.”

She thought that her idea would cheer Serena up, but she didn’t seem particularly taken with it. Pulling her hand free of Bernie’s she went out of the room, returning a couple of minutes later with a couple of pairs of knickers, some jogging bottoms and a pair of leggings which she placed on the end of the bed.

“These are all Elinor’s. I’m not sure if the trousers will be long enough though.”

Serena couldn’t help but glance at Bernie’s legs, stretched out under the bed-cover. Another part of Ms Wolfe that she found so alluring.

“If they don’t fit you’re welcome to look in the chest of drawers over there, but I suspect that may only swap the length issue to one of width.”

Serena gave her a quick smile, but Bernie was concerned. Reaching for a pair of the knickers she sat on the other side of the bed and pulled them on, then walked around to where Serena was standing.

“Serena?” she said quietly, “what’s wrong?”

She slid her arm around Serena’s waist, wanting to pull her closer, but resisted, aware that it might be too much. Serena shook her head looking as if she were about to burst into tears. She couldn’t bring herself to meet Bernie’s gaze but rested her forehead against her shoulder while she attempted to find words to explain the turmoil she was in.

“I’m being stupid…again. I’m struggling to..understand just how much I _want_ you. And when you said no, to the shower.. oh god I sound pathetic, it felt like you were rejecting me.”

Bernie’s grip around Serena’s body tightened but she didn’t say anything, sensing that she hadn’t finished.

“I’m 53 and I haven’t felt this way for so long that it doesn’t seem right….no, I mean it doesn’t feel real. I keep wondering if I’m kidding myself about this… connection I feel towards you. And I’m terrified, that if things don’t work out then I’ll be broken and won’t know how to fix it..fix myself. I can’t believe how one minute I feel like I’m on top of the world, and then the next minute the most idiotic thing can make me feel like shit.”

Bernie was at a loss to know what to say. It wasn’t as if what Serena had said was at odds with her own feelings. But she’d already decided that this relationship was a risk worth taking and right now she had to find some way of convincing Serena of that too. She took a deep breath.

“I hope I don’t say the wrong thing here but you know me…not the best at communicating, so don’t fly off the handle if it doesn’t come out the way I want.”

She gave a shy smile.

“I think you can guess how much of a mess I was after Alex…and part of me swore that I’d never let myself be that vulnerable again. And yet here I am. Because we all need to connect with people, don’t we? Some interactions are led by an intellectual need, some are for friendship or companionship, others for a much more _basic_ reason,” she couldn’t resist giving Serena a squeeze as she said this, “and then, if you’re incredibly fortunate, which is how I feel right now, you get to experience them all with one person.”

She took another, deep, ragged breath.

“Umm…you know…you can understand, I hope, that I can’t give you any guarantees..right? Nobody can tell what the future holds.”

She stroked the side of Serena’s face with her free hand.

“But, especially given our virtually identical ages, life’s too short not to take a risk now and then don’t you think? Otherwise just think of what we might miss if we’re intent on saving ourselves from any hurt.”

She kissed Serena’s cheek and tried not to feel too panicked at the lack of response from her.

“You go and have your shower, and I’ll head off home. I will be overjoyed if you follow me there later, but I won’t think it’s the end of the road for us if you don’t. I’ll simply accept that you need a little more time to process this, unless you tell me otherwise. The last couple of days have been rather intense, I know. If..if you don’t come to mine…promise..please promise me you’ll ring?”

Bernie was pleading with her now.

Serena nodded, blinking hard as she raised her head to look at Bernie.

“I promise,” she said thickly.

Bernie led her towards the en-suite.

“I’ll speak to you later, one way or the other,” she said as she pushed her inside, closing the door behind her. She pulled on a pair of the jogging bottoms and ran down the stairs, stopping only to put on her shoes and grab her bag before leaving the house, deciding that being bra less and chilly in a short sleeved t-shirt was better than staying around collecting her other clothes, which might give Serena time to tell her she wanted out of this. She sat in her car for a couple of minutes however, before she drove away, still unsure if she’d done the right thing in leaving.

 

It was nearly 9.00pm when Serena found herself standing outside Bernie’s flat, also wondering if she had made the right decision. She still didn’t understand how she could go from almost begging Bernie to have shower sex with her, to being a complete emotional wreck, all inside of five minutes. She wanted to put it down to the menopause and her raging hormones, which indeed may have played their part, but underneath she recognised it as a convenient excuse, a way of denying her growing dependence on this woman. Because after Bernie had left, the house had felt empty, _she_ had felt empty…so here she was clutching a pizza by way of a peace offering, ready to take that risk. Before she could overthink things any more she rang the bell and was genuinely startled when the door was flung open almost instantly to reveal Bernie wearing a huge grin, which she desperately tried to contain, schooling her features into a simple welcoming smile, before the grin returned, lighting up her whole face, showing her relief.

“I’ve got to admit you had me a little worried, the time it took you to ring the bell.”

Serena raised her eyebrows in surprise, and Bernie blushed.

“I’ve been staring out of the window for over an hour, so when I spotted your car and you getting out, I charged down the stairs to wait for you to press the bell. When it didn’t happen for so long I thought you’d had second thoughts and gone home.” Her grin faded for a moment, letting Serena see how much losing their connection would hurt Bernie too. In the next instant it was back and Bernie continued her babbling.

“But all that matters is you’re here, and you’ve bought food too. Maybe I should let you get inside instead of blurting out my every move since I got back…and this will be getting cold,” as she took the pizza box from Serena, “so just follow me, not that you don’t know the way of course.”

Serena couldn’t help but find Bernie’s nervous energy somewhat engaging, and she gave a smile as she climbed the stairs after her. When she arrived in the lounge she was greeted by the sight of Bernie practically bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet. She shook her head in disbelief.

“You’re a bit like Jekyll and Hyde, aren’t you? Either struggling to get a word out and so laid back you’re virtually horizontal, or like a hyperactive 10 year old with verbal diarrhoea.”

Bernie moved over to her and grabbed both of her hands, pulling her close.

“Sorry, I’m just so happy you came,” she said, a little more calmly. “I really wasn’t sure if you would.”

Serena gave a rueful smile.

“Honestly? Neither was I, right up to the moment when I was standing outside. I’m sorry about the wobble earlier and I can’t promise it won’t happen again, but I’ll do my best to keep my reactions less OTT. It’s just been a lot to take in…you’ve turned my life life upside down so suddenly that I’m not sure I recognise myself anymore.”

She took her hands and rested them lightly either side of Bernie’s waist, pulling them even closer to each other.

“But you’re right, I don’t want to spend the life I have left wondering ‘what if’. It’s no fun trying to control everything and everyone around you and..I’m happy when I’m with you..if I let myself be, instead of waiting for something to go wrong. And I’m sorry that I’m still making this all about _me_..”

Her words were cut off as Bernie launched herself at Serena, their lips colliding with a fair amount of force and then hands were clutching at clothes and hair as they both grappled to bring their bodies closer. When they broke apart they were both gasping and grinning like Cheshire cats. Bernie gently pushed Serena down onto the sofa and then headed into the kitchen to collect a couple of wine glasses and a bottle of Shiraz. She opened the pizza box and put a plate in front of Serena, telling her to help herself as she poured them both a glass of wine. She sat herself down on another seat and they remained fairly silent as they satisfied their physical hunger, exchanging smiles and the occasional heated glance. As they sat relaxing and holding hands across the small gap between their seats Bernie suddenly looked worried.

“I’ve just realised you don’t seem to have brought any sort of change of clothes with you,” she observed, biting her bottom lip. “Does that mean you, erm, have decided _not_ to stay over?”

Serena looked self-conscious.

“I didn’t want to assume that you’d want me to, given how I’d behaved.”

She watched Bernie huff and throw her hands up in the air in despair.

“So..so I left my bag in the car until I was sure things were going to be okay between us. Didn’t want to make things even more awkward.”

Bernie held out her hand.

“Keys!” she demanded. Once Serena realised what she meant she fumbled in her bag for her car keys and handed them over.

“Back in a tic,” she announced, then she was pounding down the stairs, leaving Serena feeling slightly stunned, but smiling, a warm feeling starting to build in her stomach.

When Bernie reappeared she marched straight into the bedroom to put the bag down and then came to sit next to Serena again, breathing heavily.

“Could we have some music on?” Serena suddenly blurted out. “I mean, if you don’t mind.”

Bernie looked at her in surprise.

“Yes, sure…anything in particular?”

Serena smiled. “Well, I’m not really in the mood for the Red Hot Chilli Peppers,” thinking of what had come blaring out of the car stereo the first time she had ridden in Bernie’s car, “so I was thinking something a little smoother, some blues perhaps. Maybe something we could dance to?”

Bernie’s eyebrows virtually disappeared under her fringe.

“The music is no problem…but I’m not too comfortable dancing to be honest. Always felt too gangly and..self conscious.”

She looked at Serena apologetically as she said, “Alexa, play Ella Fitzgerald.”

It was Serena’s turn to look surprised.

“How did you know I loved Ella?”

“I do believe you may have mentioned it when you were criticising my choice of CD in the car.” Bernie laughed, thankful to have steered Serena away from the subject of dancing. “I like her too, my choice in music is quite eclectic.”

Serena felt such a rush of emotion as she realised how much attention Bernie had seemingly paid to an off-hand remark made a couple of weeks ago. It helped to convince her that this relationship was one that they were both invested in. She got up from her seat and walked over to Bernie’s chair and held out her hand.

“There is no way that you are refusing to dance with me,” she said, her husky voice sending shivers up Bernie’s spine. “I’m not asking you, I’m telling you.”

As Bernie put her hand in Serena’s she was pulled to her feet and into her arms. Serena draped her own arms around Bernie’s neck as Bernie tentatively slid her own arms around Serena’s waist.

As Ella and Louis Armstrong crooned the words of ‘Dream a Little Dream’, Serena’s head rested into the crook of Bernie’s neck and her hips started to sway gently from side to side. As they shuffled their feet around the small space in the lounge, Bernie found her own hips moving in time with Serena’s, and lost in the moment she slid her hands further down to rest on the curve of her ass, pulling their bodies even closer.

“See,” murmured Serena, ‘it’s easy.”

Bernie rested her head on top of Serena’s, placing a kiss into her hair.

“It is with you,” she mumbled.

As the track finished they stayed glued together, bodies still swinging from side to side to a rhythm in their heads until the next track, ‘Summertime’ began. Serena was becoming more and more conscious of how seductively their bodies were rubbing against each other and a now familiar sensation of arousal had started to build in her belly. At almost the same time she registered that Bernie’s slightly stumbling steps were steering them closer and closer to her bedroom. She raised her head from where it had been resting on Bernie’s chest and gazed into her beautiful brown eyes, their movements stilling as their lips met in a sweet yet insistent kiss. Breaking apart Bernie rested her cheek against Serena’s, her mouth now very close to her ear.

“Shall we?” she asked, her voice low and sultry.

“Please.” came back Serena’s soft reply, and as they temporarily separated, Bernie kept hold of a hand to lead her over to the bed. Serena’s mind was taken over by considering the difference in Bernie, the way she was treating her now, compared to this afternoon. Although she had known that the same level of care for her had been present then, it was exhilarating to experience it in a much gentler way, an affection as deep as this.

There was a moment of bewilderment as she became aware that hands were now moving inexorably over her body, divesting her of her clothes at what felt like an alarming rate, although not in a frantic way. She ineffectually tried to do the same for Bernie, but her hands were gently batted away as she took care of it herself. It seemed only a matter of seconds to Serena before they were both naked and back into a close embrace, their hands stroking up and down their spines, still moving in time with the music they could hear through the open door. Serena had to stifle a giggle when she caught sight of her overnight bag in the corner of the room, thinking that she could probably have just brought a toothbrush and a clean pair of knickers with her, instead of carefully considering what nightwear to bring. She couldn’t imagine not wanting to be skin on skin with Bernie.

The friction from their bodies moving against one another was firing all manner of synapses in Bernie’s brain and she was beginning to have problems with her coordination. When she felt the back of her legs hit the edge of the bed she couldn’t stay upright and sank back onto the mattress with as much grace as she could muster given that her hands were still full of Serena’s backside. As they landed in a heap, she couldn’t stifle a cry of ‘ooh’ as the breath was knocked out of her. They lay there for a split second until one of them started to giggle quietly, triggering the same response in the other.

“Oh good grief Bernie,” wheezed Serena in an effort to stifle her laughter, attempting to move off her, “Are you okay?”

Bernie made a valiant attempt to compose herself before replying, but refused to let go of her hold on Serena.

“I’m fine..but this is not how I envisaged getting you into my bed. Shall..shall we get a little more comfortable?”

This started Serena giggling again.

“Yes please,” she lowered her voice slightly, “ but that probably means you’re going to have to release your hold on my bum.”

Bernie groaned but did as she was asked and in no time at all they were lying on their sides facing each other, heads on the pillows.

“Sorry,” whispered Bernie, “I feel as if I’ve slightly killed the mood here.”

“No,” murmured Serena, “ not for me you haven’t.”

Blushing slightly (she hoped she would soon get past this awkwardness when she initiated anything sexual between them, not knowing that this was just one of the many things that Bernie adored about her) Serena put her hand on Bernie’s cheek, turning it slightly to trail her fingers down her neck to her shoulder, pulling her into a light kiss. Bernie responded, keeping everything slow and hesitant as they shared small caresses, their lips barely brushing against each other, until gradually their bodies were once again pressed close together and their mouths became hungrier. It was so different to earlier, so tender that Bernie could feel tears come unbidden into her eyes and she had to blink a few times to stop them from falling. Their bodies were still subconsciously moving to the strains of Ella’s singing and Serena started making small humming noises in her throat as she felt her arousal building. Slowly Bernie turned Serena onto her front and then eased herself on top of her, kissing behind her ear, down the nape of her neck before gently fixing her teeth onto her shoulder, biting down at regular intervals.

Serena’s moans grew louder as she felt Bernie’s nipples harden against her spine, and suddenly wanted to turn onto her back so that she could see her. She pushed her ass up towards Bernie making her gasp and arch her body which allowed Serena the space to flip herself over. Surprised Bernie sat up so that she was straddling Serena’s hips and then Serena’s hands were reaching up to stroke gently over her breasts, cupping them, a look of wonder on her face. Serena could feel Bernie’s heart pounding against her ribcage, and watched as her lips parted, panting, and then she was pushing her body against Serena’s hands, mewling as her nipples were captured between fingers and thumbs. Bernie leaned down to kiss Serena, her mouth wet and welcoming, any music now fading into the background of their minds as the small moans and whimpers they were both making, filled the air around them.

Serena slowly moved her hands down Bernie’s body, resting briefly at her waist encouraging the slight rocking movement that Bernie had begun, then curling around her hips, fingers digging into the soft flesh of her buttocks, before finally coming to rest on her thighs. There was no sense of urgency, no grinding furiously against one another, no screams waiting for release, but rather deep sighs and delicate, affectionate kisses that moved from mouth to neck to breasts. They took it in turns to bestow these tokens of love, pausing occasionally to gaze into each other’s eyes, looking to see if their own devotion was reflected back. As the needs of their bodies increased, Bernie’s movements became stronger and more determined and Serena instinctively pushed her fingers between herself and Bernie’s sex, marvelling at the wetness she found there, also aware that her own juices were flowing, coating her inner thighs. She watched with joy as Bernie gasped at her touch, biting her lip, making a low guttural noise as Serena’s fingers slid over and around her clit. All Bernie’s senses became focused on Serena’s hand as it teased her, pushing gently at her entrance, fingers only fractionally finding their way inside before her own rolling motion caused them to slip out, to once again glide over that sweet spot that was aching with want. Eyes closed she managed to reach behind her with one hand to push between Serena’s legs and slide her own fingers into the slick velvety core, before dragging them up to travel the whole length of Serena’s slit before returning to her warm pulsating centre.

As they travelled inevitably towards the climax, their movements quickened, but the crest of the wave they were riding seemed endless, and they were happy to keep it that way for as long as they could, searching for a connection that went beyond the physical act. For a split second they both opened their eyes, each seeing the other as the peak of of their shared orgasm broke, and whether one came before the other they couldn’t say or care, as in the next instant heads were thrown back in ecstasy, mouths open in soundless cries and the released tension from their bodies made them tremble and shake. Bernie, unable to hold herself upright started to fall forwards, managing to twist and roll sideways at the last moment, so that she collapsed lying next to Serena, gasping for breath.

After a few moments they gravitated towards one another, their lips meeting in a languid kiss that deepened gradually, both of them trying to pour all the emotion they were feeling into that one act. When they broke apart to look at one another they both felt exposed and even embarrassed at what they had shared.

Bernie smiling sheepishly, spoke first.

“That was….ummm…very…good?”

Serena chuckled in the delicious way she had.

“Berenice Wolfe, queen of the understatement.” she huffed. “But you’re not wrong, that was very, very good.” She twisted her fingers into Bernie’s hair, pulling her back into a hot and luscious kiss.

“It was so…special,” she murmured, fatigue already catching up with her as her eyes closed.

Although Serena couldn’t see her Bernie nodded, and then gently turned Serena onto her side so that she could wrap herself around her. Her eyes felt heavy and she nuzzled her head into Serena’s neck.

“It's you...you’re so special,” she whispered softly her eyes finally closing as she too drifted off to sleep.

 

 


	11. Offers and Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie and Serena are continuing to learn about each other and Serena feels it's time for her work colleagues to know that she is in a relationship with another woman. Some find it easier than others to accept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have struggled with chapter, not least because of the Easter holidays giving me less opportunity to order my thoughts, and even less time to write. Be gentle, please. :-)

Chapter 11

 

 

When Serena arrived at work on AAU the next day, Donna remarked to Zav that she thought Ms Campbell was looking remarkably happy, borderline smug, especially given that it was a Monday morning. And if Serena had heard her, she would have agreed whole heartedly, and it may even have ratcheted up her smug rating. Waking up this morning, to the sound of Bernie singing in the shower was amongst her top ten moments to date. _What_ she had been singing was still unclear, but she had been pleasantly surprised at the sweet notes that were filtering into the bedroom. When she had rolled over in the bed so she was facing the bedroom door, ready for Bernie’s entrance, she had also been momentarily surprised to find that she was still totally naked. And then images of their love-making flooded her brain and she had closed her eyes, her stomach twitching and her thighs clenching at the memory.

“My, my, don’t you look like the cat who got the cream…and a lot more besides,” came the husky tones of one Berenice Wolfe.

Serena’s eyes had snapped open and had been completely unprepared for the glorious sight of her lover leaning against the door jamb dressed only in her bra and pants. All witty repartee fled away and the most she managed was a low groan at the vision before her. The noise seemed to have sparked something in Bernie and she had virtually bounded over to the bed to envelop her in her arms, kissing her passionately. As Serena had chased after her lips the duvet hiding her body had slipped to expose her breasts, making Bernie groan as she grabbed at the bedclothes to cover her back up.

“Argh... oh god, Serena,” she said, pushing her hands through her still damp hair in frustration. “I really do have to be out of here in the next 15 minutes.” She had jumped to her feet and virtually ran out of the door before she succumbed to Serena's bounteous charms.

Serena, now standing in AAU, thought again of the desire that had been building, only to be squashed at Bernie’s words. She had watched Bernie return to quickly dress, refusing to look in Serena's direction before disappearing again. Serena had waited for a few more minutes prior to getting out the robe that was in her overnight bag, finally accepting that Bernie had meant what she said. When she’d walked into the other room, she saw that Bernie had made her a cup of coffee that was standing, gently steaming, on the table. Bernie had put her now empty mug down and they had found their way into each other’s arms again, murmuring how much they would miss each other, Serena promising to ring when she got home that evening. It had still been many minutes and lots of warm heady kisses later that Bernie reluctantly had found the strength to push them apart and head out of the door.

The smile that had sparked Donna’s speculation grew even wider as Serena walked into her office hearing her message alert and seeing a message from Bernie.

 

**Arrived safely at destination. Even the traffic didn’t irritate me as much as usual. I used the time to daydream about you. Hope your day isn’t too stressful, and I’m already looking forward to speaking to you later. B x x**

 

And the day did seem to go well. Any shift that finished nearly on time and without the loss of a patient was always a good one, and today had been no exception. The only difficult moment had been when, near the end of her shift she had been chatting to Ric Griffin, and under questioning had admitted that there was someone new in her life. She missed the slight grimace that had crossed his face, and had blushed furiously when he said he thought that there was something different about her today and that whoever the man was, he was a very lucky man. It had been on the tip of her tongue to correct him, but she didn’t want it to lead to a whole load of other questions, when all she really wanted to do was to get home and be talking to Bernie. So she simply promised him they would be introduced at the first possible opportunity.

When she arrived home and was locking the door, she felt her breath catch in her throat as she remembered the feeling of Bernie’s body pressing her against it, and the warmth of her breath on her neck as she had told her what she had in store for her. Hurriedly shrugging off her coat she went through to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine and to make herself a very hasty sandwich. The only thing she was really hungry for was to be talking to Bernie from the comfort of her own bed.

Bernie had also decided to go to bed early after a day of networking with other estate agents and brushing up on the latest industry examples of best practice. Something she normally avoided like the plague, but as this latest conference was close to home she felt it her duty to attend. Even if it wasn’t the career she’d envisaged for herself, she would always want to do it to the highest possible standards. Arriving home at about 5pm, after politely refusing an invitation to the evening social at a local hotel and bar, she was mentally exhausted but had a lot of nervous energy coursing through her body having been relatively physically inactive for most of the day. She had grabbed a towel and swimming costume and taken herself off to the local baths to spend an hour speeding up and down the length of the pool until it started to get a bit crowded as swimming lessons forced some lanes to be shut off. She showered there and then grabbed a bag of chips on the way home, most of which had been consumed by the time she let herself back into the flat. When she’d climbed into bed at about 8.10pm she had looked soulfully at the space next to her that Serena had occupied last night. At nearly 8.45pm Serena’s name flashed up on her phone screen and she grinned in delight, answering it before it had barely rung.

“Anyone would think you’d been waiting for me to call,” Serena observed.

When Bernie replied, Serena could imagine the smile she heard in her voice.

“Of course I have. In fact I’ve been lying here for at least 20 minutes just staring at my phone willing it to ring.”

Serena laughed.

“So I take it you’re in bed…like me?”

“Um…yes.”

There was a few moments silence, that hung heavy between them as they both thought about how much they wanted the other to be lying next to them right now.

“So,” said Bernie in an attempt to lighten the mood, “ how was your day?”

Glad to be on more neutral ground, Serena gave a brief run down on how things had gone on AAU, and Bernie also shared the trials and tribulations of the property industry, and how insufferably pompous some of the people at the top were. As the general chit chat dried up there was another pause until Bernie ventured, in a small voice, to say what they were both feeling.

“I’m missing you….”

Serena felt her eyes fill with tears for no other reason than hearing the want in Bernie’s voice.

“Me too,” she echoed. “Can we...do you want to arrange something, like a …a date?”

They compared their work patterns for the week, neither really wanting to go a whole 5 days without seeing each other, but both of them reluctant to admit that having the other one around was fast becoming a need, rather than a want. Bernie was struggling with the fact that at her age she felt she should be able to control the carnal urges that overwhelmed her whenever she touched, or saw or even thought of Serena, and Serena herself still had an underlying fear that if she at least didn’t _try_ to resist the magnetic pull that Bernie had on her, that she would soon have satisfied her current craving for her and then move on to someone else. After they had talked around in circles Serena finally offered a compromise suggesting that perhaps Bernie would like to join her and some of her friends from work at their local watering hole called Albie’s, on Wednesday evening.

“Are you sure?” Bernie asked. “I’m worried that I will act in a way that will suggest that we’re more than just friends, without even realising it. I wouldn’t want to embarrass you in front of them.”

“It’s fine, honestly. I think that they’ve all noticed a change for the better in me recently, and I think it’s about time I showed them who is responsible for that. If you don’t object, of course?”

Bernie smiled to herself and felt a huge sense of relief washing over her as she registered she wouldn’t have to hide her attraction to Serena, and was more than happy that Serena was beginning to feel relaxed enough about her recent sexual awakening to no longer want to hide it from her workplace friends. She asked Serena to text her when her shift finished so that she could meet her there, and after a few more minutes chat they reluctantly wished each other a fond goodnight.

In an effort to prove to herself that she could control her libido, Bernie made a vow that she wouldn’t instigate a conversation between them before Wednesday, unless there was an urgent reason to do so. She did however give in to sending a last minute text on Tuesday evening, wanting tell Serena how much she was looking forward to seeing her.

As she left the hospital the following day on her way to Albie’s, Serena sent Bernie a message as promised, and Bernie’s stomach started to churn. She had been ready to go for the last 45 minutes, but found that it took another 5 minutes of pacing to and fro before she calmed enough to call for a taxi, feeling quite unnerved by how much she wanted this evening to go well. She was very conscious that Serena was taking a big step in introducing her as her…. Bernie froze for a moment as the taxi transporting her through Holby was getting close to its destination.

‘ _Bloody hell,’_ she thought. _‘We’ve not had that talk. I have no idea what she’s going to say.’_

She took a deep breath, telling herself that in the scheme of things it didn’t really matter, she would go along with whatever Serena chose. If there was anything that happened tonight that she was uncomfortable with that would be a discussion they could have later, in private.

Serena too, had a bad case of the jitters, but was managing to hide it fairly well as she joined in with the normal friendly banter of her team from AAU. There were a few others from the hospital there too, including Ric, whom she had invited as soon as possible, given their conversation on Monday. But she couldn’t deny that he was the one person whose reaction she desperately wanted to be a positive one, and therefore the one that she was most worried about. She was still wearing a slight frown as she watched him at the bar ordering a round of drinks, when Bernie walked in through the door. Serena spotted her before she saw Serena, and waved her hand to catch her attention, smiling as she watched her weave her way across the room to where she was sitting. Serena patted the seat next to her on the small sofa and Bernie sank down thankfully (her legs were a little shaky) and nodded hello to Donna, who was the only one of about 6 people that were sitting close to Serena that she recognised. She smiled a little self-consciously at Serena who, to her utter joy, immediately slid her hand into Bernie’s and pressed her lips to her cheek whispering “I’m so glad you’re here,” into her ear. Not letting go of her hand, and with a pounding heart, Serena introduced her to them all, reciting names that Bernie was quite sure she would only recall a handful of, finishing with the words, “and this is Bernie Wolfe, my estate agent and also my…..girlfriend?” There was a slight querying tone in her voice as she said the word, as like Bernie, she hadn’t thought too much about labelling their relationship, but acknowledged that ‘friend’ would have not been enough and ‘partner’ was a step too far in the other direction. Bernie was so overcome by Serena announcing publicly that she was _more_ than just a friend that she missed the collective gasp and the widening of eyes from some of the people around them. She couldn’t however miss the whoop of delight from one of them, (probably Fletch) as Serena followed her statement with a chaste kiss to the lips that made Bernie blush.

A rather suave male voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Here is your Shiraz my dear Serena, and I what may I get you Miss…?”

Ric was standing in front of them with a rather strange look on his face.

“Bernie is just fine,” she responded, “and just a small glass of the house white would be lovely, thank you. And you are..?”

Ric arched an eyebrow and gave Serena a look that was only a couple of steps down from a glare.

“Ah, I see Serena has been as reticent about discussing my qualities and place in her life as she has about your…existence. I’m Ric Griffin, consultant general surgeon and occasional co-lead on AAU with this very lovely lady.”

Bernie smiled politely but was already on her guard, not exactly sure how to react to what she interpreted as mild hostility. Before returning to the bar Ric couldn’t resist one further little dig.

“If you intend hanging around for any length of time, may I suggest you learn to love a full bodied red, just to keep in tune with our Ms Campbell.”

“Umm..not sure _he’s_ too keen on us being an item,” Bernie observed. “He’s not one of your many conquests is he?”

Serena laughed in an attempt to cover up the disquiet she had also felt at Ric’s words.

“Ric? Bless you no…but, we have been friends a long time, I think he’s just being a bit over protective. Plus he’s probably a bit miffed that when I told him there was someone I was seeing, I omitted to mention that..”

“That I’m female,” Bernie concluded with a little shake of her head.

“Sorry.” Serena said quietly. “I promise it wasn’t really intentional, I was just in a rush to speak to you, and I really didn’t want to get caught up in a long discussion about my newly acquired sapphic tendencies. Forgive me?”

Bernie huffed a bit but said no more about it. She still thought there was more to Ric’s attitude than being kept out of the loop, but didn’t want to sour the evening for Serena. As time went on Bernie did catch him watching her very closely, especially when Serena snuggled in a little closer to her, or if she was absentmindedly stroking her fingers down her arm. The rest of her colleagues were very friendly, and Bernie loved seeing the affection they obviously had for Serena, first hand. After a couple of hours and one more small glass of wine, Bernie decided that she ought to be leaving as it was a ‘school night’. Serena pulled a face for a second and then nodded her agreement, announcing to the the ones that were still there that she was leaving too and she would see most of them in the morning. She had consumed around 4 glasses of wine compared to Bernie’s two, and was in a state that wasn’t exactly drunk, possibly best described as merry, but she had definitely consumed too much to drive so was going to share a taxi with Bernie. Just before they left Serena decided it might be politic to visit the toilet first, so Bernie told her she would wait for her outside. She went to lean against one of the tables set out in front of the bar for anyone foolhardy enough to brave the still chilly evenings and was thinking over how the evening had gone, when Ric came out of Albie’s and stood next to her.

“So you’re ‘the one’ are you?”

“I beg your pardon?” Bernie said, a little taken aback.

“The ‘one’. The person who has stolen the formidable Ms Campbell’s heart?”

Bernie could hear the blood rushing through her ears as the hackles on the back of her neck stood on end. She became annoyed with herself when she felt her face flush from a mix of anger and awkwardness, not wanting to get into an argument with one of Serena’s ‘friends’.

“I think that you are rather overstating our relationship at the moment,” she replied in a measured clipped voice, “and I’m struggling to understand why it’s anything to do with you….or why indeed you you think you have the right to comment on it?”

A flicker of doubt crossed Ric’s mind that maybe he had misjudged the mettle of this woman.

“Yes, well be that as it may, you should know that she has a lot of friends here, who would be very upset to see her get hurt.”

They were standing face to face, neither one of them breaking eye contact and so they had failed to notice that Serena was standing in the doorway to the bar, listening very intently to their exchange.

Bernie took a deep breath to try and calm herself before she spoke again.

“I don’t know you very well, for which I am making allowances, and I know that you have known Serena for much longer than I, but that almost sounded like a threat to me. However, I'll choose to ignore that, and simply inform you that she is my friend too…possibly the best one I have ever had, and that I have no intention of ever hurting her.”

Bernie could feel herself trembling, and it crossed her mind that if the object of Serena’s affection had been male, this conversation would not have been taking place. Much to her surprise Ric nodded his head, and although his gaze was still far from friendly, his tone softened.

“I apologise if I’ve offended you…this has nothing to do with you being a woman I promise you. It’s simply that Serena is not as strong as she would have people believe, and I am _very_ fond of her.”

Bernie understood then that her supposition had been correct and that he did have some unresolved feelings for Serena, but while she sympathised, she was not going to allow him to dictate to her in any way.

“As am I,” she said firmly. “But I appreciate your concern, and maybe she’s very fortunate to have a friend as loyal as you. However, I don’t take kindly to being warned off by someone who knows nothing about me. If you are really concerned for Serena’s welfare perhaps you should talk to her about it, not me.”

Ric saw in that moment something of the inner strength in Bernie, that Serena was obviously drawn to, and he gave a brief smile before turning tail to go back inside, almost walking into Serena as he did.

“Sorry…oh..” Ric suddenly felt very uncomfortable indeed, wondering how much Serena had seen or heard of his little exchange. He certainly was not immune to the wrath of Serena Campbell and the quiet but steely tone that crept into her voice sent a chill down his spine. She closed her fingers around his forearm and leaned in close so she could be sure he heard every word.

“While I _might_ appreciate the motive behind your comments Ric, don’t ever do anything like that again. Whatever you think of my emotional state, I am more than capable of fighting my own corner if necessary. And what I feel for Bernie, or she for me, is _entirely_ our business, not yours. I’m disappointed in you Ric, I thought you’d be happy for me.”

Removing her hand she walked past him towards Bernie, who had looked up when she had heard Serena’s voice. Scooping up Bernie’s arm in her own she started walking in the direction of the hospital as fast as she could, wanting to distance herself from someone she had always considered would have her back. Bernie had to step it up a gear to even stay alongside Serena, rather than be dragged in her wake and knowing how upset she was she hesitated to pull her back, but as they reached the car park she did just that.

“Serena! Where..where are you going?” she asked anxiously, worried that she was going to try and drive home.

Serena stopped abruptly and looked at Bernie as if she’d forgotten she was there.

“I’m, I’m not sure,” she said shakily, sounding very close to tears. “I just wanted to get away.”

Her lip trembled with suppressed anger.

“How _dare_ he talk to you like that. That display was.. uncalled for and unacceptable.”

“Serena…it’s okay. He thought...he was just looking out for you, that’s all.”

Serena’s eyes flashed as she rounded on Bernie, too far gone in her slightly inebriated state to think clearly.

“Don’t, don’t you defend him. He was out of order and you know it. Acting as if he had some god given right to speak for me, like I’m a child who doesn’t know her own mind.”

She started to pull away but Bernie held on and guided her over to a bench in the corner, sitting her down, holding both her hands in her own.

“I know Serena, he did cross a line there..but I do believe it was from the best of motives. He just chose the wrong way or the wrong time to express his concern. Please try to see that. I think… well, that perhaps he’s a little more smitten with you than you realise, and that caused him to speak without thinking.”

Serena stared at Bernie in amazement as she carried on.

“I know that if _I_ thought someone was going to hurt you I’d use whatever means necessary to keep you safe.”

Serena’s eyes softened at Bernie’s words and she took a couple of calming breaths before leaning forwards to rest her head on her shoulder.

“Hmm.. okay, rant over, but I’m not going to forget this. It’ll take a while for him to regain my trust. And I’m not buying into the whole ‘he fancies you’ scenario as any sort of excuse either.”

Raising her head she put her arm around Bernie’s neck and pulled her into a kiss. When they broke apart she mumbled, “what now?”

Bernie pulled her to her feet and started walking her to the taxi rank, where luck would have it on a Friday night, a taxi was sitting there it’s engine idling.

“Well, let’s get you home first, and then they can take me back to mine.”

Serena started to protest but Bernie would not be dissuaded.

“You get the house looking good for tomorrow’s viewing and I will concentrate on where I’m taking you on Friday evening for our second proper date.”

Serena’s face brightened.

“Ooh, another lovely dinner perhaps?”

“I’m looking for a something a little different, although food may well be involved. And if you consider yourself suitably impressed, I’m sure you’ll be able to think of a way to show your appreciation?”

They only stopped kissing when they drew up outside Serena’s house and Bernie nearly gave in and got out with her, but mustered all her will power and helped her out of the taxi to her front door before continuing her journey.

 

 

 

Thursday had brought some good news about the sale of the house, as there were now two parties interested in purchasing it, and both had made ‘reasonable’ offers, but not as close as Bernie would have liked, given what she believed the house was worth. They had had a brief discussion over the phone about what they both felt would be a realistic offer and Bernie had conveyed this to the would-be purchasers and left it in their hands to get back to them. Serena was adamant that she was not going to cause a bidding war, and if they both came back with a similar offer then she would choose which of the two she felt was in a better position to proceed.

However on a grey Friday morning Serena was feeling a little frustrated that Bernie had not yet given her any information about their date this evening. Not only did she not know where they were going, she had no idea of the time Bernie was planning on picking her up or what sort of thing she should wear. Because she was doing a normal shift today she did want to have at least 2 or 3 options ready and waiting in case she was held up at the last minute. Needing to get ready for work she sent off a hasty text to try establish if there was in fact anything concrete in place.

 

**Morning. Sorry for the hurried message, but could you give me any clue as to what time I need to be ready for, this evening, and what style of clothing I should be thinking of? I don’t want to get dressed up to the nines, to find you have an evening of ten-pin bowling planned. That’s if the date is still on the cards? S x**

 

When Bernie read the message she slapped her forehead in annoyance at herself, having forgotten how Serena needed to plan her day, in the excitement of arranging a surprise for her. She responded quickly.

 

**I’m so sorry, I was so taken up with keeping it a secret, I forgot that there were definitely things you needed to know. Clothes-wise, a bit dressy but nothing over the top. And ideally I’d like you to be ready to pick up from your house at 6.00pm or even a little before, but don’t worry if that’s not possible.**

 

Then a second later she sent another message.

 

**The dress you wore last weekend, the one I …destroyed, would have been perfect.** **But I know you’ll look gorgeous whatever you choose. B x x**

 

Serena rolled her eyes and laughed out loud, happy in the knowledge that she did have other similar style dresses to choose from. She pulled 3 out of the wardrobe to lay carefully on her bed confident she would have time to make up her mind later after getting home from work. But as luck would have it, at 3.00pm Ric asked her to scrub in for an RTC that needed the skills of two experienced surgeons, and she found herself arriving home only minutes before Bernie was due to pick her up, so she sent another hasty message to her, telling her that she had left the door unlocked and to let herself in, and she’d be down as soon as possible. When Bernie pulled onto the drive only 30 seconds later she sighed in frustration as she read the text. Guessing correctly that ‘asap’ would still not be in time for what she had planned for the whole evening, she swallowed her disappointment and stayed in the car to cancel the dinner reservation she had made for them, prior to their visit to the theatre.

She went into the house, calling up to Serena that she was here and moved into the lounge to wait, hoping that they would still manage to leave by 7.00pm at the latest, so that they might take their seats in plenty of time for ‘curtain up’ at 7.55. It was nearly 6.30 when Bernie heard a shout asking her to come up and give her a hand. As she entered the bedroom ready to give Serena a hand with a zip she stopped dead at the sight in front of her.

Serena was standing in front of her full length mirror holding a beautiful midnight blue dress against herself. Bernie was able to take in the fact that it had a deep V neckline and a skirt that would softly drape her shapely hips, and when Serena pointed to another dress lying on the bed, that was black with a sweetheart neckline and more of a swing skirt, it was obvious that she wanted Bernie to help her choose between them. She could even reason (up to a point) that either would simply enhance her beautiful figure, but all she could actually do was stand transfixed at the vision of Serena Campbell, wearing only a pair of blue lace knickers that sat low on her hips, revealing the two little dimples that she had just above her plump, glorious backside. Serena was watching Bernie through the mirror, vaguely amused and very flattered by the effect she was obviously having on her, but she still needed her opinion so asked, with a slight edge to her voice, “Well?”

Bernie gave herself a shake , managed to croak the words “blue one”, and then fled the room before she gave into temptation and pinned Serena to the bed, all thoughts of a nice cultural evening thrown out of the window.

When Bernie saw Serena coming downstairs in the dress she had chosen, her heart started to beat wildly once again. The vision of the woman, nearly naked, that was burned into her memory was only enhanced when she saw, by the way her breasts were moving as she came towards her, that she wasn’t wearing a bra. The only support she had was offered by the design of the dress the material criss-crossing over her chest before wrapping around her waist. Bernie’s legs suddenly felt weak and she sat down abruptly on the arm of the sofa. There was a quizzical bemused look on Serena’s face, and Bernie knew she needed to pull herself together if they were going to get to the theatre in time.

“You,” she stopped to swallow thickly, “you look …wonderful. I’m going to be the envy of everyone tonight.”

Serena’s eyes danced merrily at the compliment, and for the first time that night she looked away from Bernie’s face to take in the little she could see of Bernie’s attire past the long black coat she was wearing.

“Do my eyes deceive me? Bernie, I can see your legs! You..you aren’t wearing trousers..”

Bernie blushed and stood up, shuffling awkwardly.

“I do own dresses you know…I just don’t wear them very often. Only on special occasions.”

Serena grinned delightedly at the inference that this date was such an occasion.

“Well I’m very glad that you’ve chosen to show off your lower limbs, and I can’t wait for the big reveal of everything else you have hidden under there.”

She grabbed her own coat from the hook in the hall.

“Hadn’t we better get going?”

Bernie nodded, and then gave in to her baser needs and pulled Serena close so that she could kiss her. Smiling, Serena opened the door to usher Bernie out.

“Come on, I want to hear want you have planned for us.”

So on the journey into Holby City centre, Bernie explained how she’d had to cancel the dinner reservation, but they were going to see the play ‘Home, I’m Darling’ at the Theatre Royal, and she hoped they’d be able to find somewhere to eat afterwards. Serena squeezed Bernie’s thigh to show how pleased she was, but realised, after a sharp swerve of the car, that this was a move she should not repeat without warning.

When they arrived at the theatre, they went straight to check in their coats and it was Serena’s turn to be struck dumb as she took in the sight of Berenice Wolfe in a figure hugging, dark green, sleeveless jersey dress. Bernie was always going to feel self-conscious when she was exposing more of her body than normal, but knew from the look on Serena’s face that she had made the right choice tonight. Serena moved closer to brush her lips against Bernie’s as she murmured “You look stunning.” She reached for Bernie’s hand and held on tight as they walked to their seats.

The play was very good, excellent in fact, but Bernie had to confess that she hadn’t given it the attention it deserved. Every time Serena shifted in her seat she could see her breasts moving against the confines of her dress. On one occasion during the interval, they had had to stand to let someone past and Bernie had lost her balance for a moment, so had grabbed Serena’s upper arm to steady herself. Unwittingly the back of her hand had brushed against the soft yielding flesh of Serena’s breast making her gasp, and Bernie could feel and see the nipple harden as it pushed against the fabric.

After the play was over they walked back to the car, holding hands, which for Serena was an incredible feeling. It was liberating finding that she was more comfortable than she would have thought possible, being seen in public as a couple. Bernie was trying to find out where she might like to eat, but when they were both in the car Serena turned to Bernie with eyes that were dark and wanting, her pupils dilating even as she spoke.

“There’s something or someone that I’m hungrier for than food if I’m being honest.”

She placed her hand on Bernie’s cheek before stroking it lightly down her neck, halting for a moment when it reached the buttons on her coat. She slowly started to undo them and Bernie felt as if some invisible force was pinning her to her seat, scarcely able to even breathe. When Serena pulled the coat apart she leaned awkwardly across the gap to kiss down from her throat over her sternum, only stopping when she reached the edges of her dress. She pulled back slightly to watch Bernie’s reaction as she moved her hand down over the gentle swell of her breasts, smiling as Bernie’s mouth opened with a silent inhalation of breath, and then continued its journey over her stomach and down her thighs until it reached the hem. Her eyes glinting wickedly she slid her fingers under the fabric rubbing gently along and up her thighs until suddenly Bernie’s hand shot forward to grasp her wrist firmly.

“Serena..” Bernie managed to croak, feeling as if she were about to pass out. “No further…not, not here.”

Serena gazed steadily at Bernie but didn’t move her hand.

“I don’t think you really mean that do you? Don’t think I hadn’t noticed you staring at my chest for most of the night, so I’m sure that you’re as turned on as I am right now.”

Bernie moaned quietly but relinquished her hold on Serena’s arm.

“But…. we’re in a car park Serena, it’s..too risky.”

“We are in the corner of a dark parking lot, but with enough other cars here for it not to look odd. And I’m right, aren’t I, you do want this?”

Bernie’s eyes fluttered shut as she whispered, “Yes.”

Serena kissed her slowly catching her bottom lip between her teeth as she pulled away shrugging her own coat off as she did.

“Take your coat off and slide your seat back as far as it will go, and recline it too.” She pushed her own seat back to match and reached her hand over to cup Bernie’s face.

“I promise to stop immediately if you get concerned. And I won’t…expose you too much, okay?”

Bernie felt incapable of saying anything, but she smiled at Serena and looked her directly in the eyes, trying to convey that she trusted her. She was already so aroused that she doubted it would take much more than the gentlest of touches to make her come. Serena leaned over her and kissed her softly but with increasing desire and her hand cupped one of Bernie’s breasts over her clothes. Knowing that she was wearing a strapless bra, Serena slid the same hand under the neckline of her dress and pushed the bra down and was rewarded with feeling the nipple spring free, already hard. Capturing it between finger and thumb she rolled and squeezed it and Bernie gasped, her back arching upwards pressing herself into Serena’s hand. After a short while she relinquished her teasing hold and bringing her hand out Serena smoothed the fabric back over her breast as she moved it downwards until once again she was grasping the hem of Bernie’s dress. Her heart pounding she moved slowly up underneath it, giving little pinches to Bernie’s thighs as she went, spurred on by the quiet moans and groans that Bernie was making. When her fingers finally met the fabric of her panties she reached up to clutch firmly at the top of them.

“Darling, can you raise your hips slightly? Just a little?”

Bernie could see all sorts of coloured lights under her eyelids as she pressed them tightly shut.

“Just a minute,” she managed to pant, needing a moment to try and damp down the throbbing between her legs. A matter of seconds later Serena felt her push upwards off the seat and she tugged quickly, pulling Bernie’s knickers a short way down her legs, enough to give her sufficient access to bring be able to bring her to her climax. With her heart pounding and her hands clutching desperately at the coat she was lying on, Bernie forced herself to relax her legs so that they parted slightly allowing Serena to reach between them. As Serena’s knuckles brushed against her pubic hair she was startled to find her juices already liberally coating them. Bernie knew the noises she was making were getting louder and she bit down hard on her lip in an effort to stifle them. Seeing Bernie’s fear of attracting too much attention Serena tried to calm her.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be quick I promise,” she murmured, her lips brushing against Bernie’s. “I’ll help too,” and she covered Bernie’s mouth with her own as she pushed her fingers through her slippery folds to rest against her clit that she could already feel pulsing. Dragging her fingers once the entire length of her, marvelling at the wetness pooling at her entrance, Serena returned to the bundle of nerves that she knew would give Bernie the swift release she so badly craved. Rolling and flicking at it as fast as she could she pulled slightly away from her mouth, to pant, “now, Berenice, don’t hold back, whenever you’re ready.”

Bernie was hovering on the brink, part of her wanting this sensation to never end, unable to hear anything but the blood rushing through her ears, and then she was there, arching off the seat, a strangled groan echoing into Serena’s mouth as she slowed the movement of her hand, easing away from the now incredibly sensitive nub. Bernie could feel her hips and stomach still twitching as Serena pulled her fingers clear and she couldn’t help but try to chase them by raising herself up, but Serena laid her hand gently on Bernie’s pubic bone pressing her gently back down as she listened to her whimpers filling the small space surrounding them. Serena kissed her gently and brought her hand from under the dress towards her face. As both of their breathing slowed Serena found herself smiling and then a small giggle escaped causing Bernie to open her eyes in bewilderment.

“Sorry, sorry,” Serena said, her eyes staring at her own hand. “I’ve just never, I mean did you know how….wet you are? I, I didn’t even go inside you.”

Bernie looked at Serena, at the evidence of her arousal still glistening on her lover’s fingers and she blushed deeply before returning Serena’s smile.

“You always affect me like that,” she mumbled, “but this evening, this….setting just added something extra, a….” Bernie ran out of words, her breathing faltering once more. She was suddenly overcome by what had happened, what she had _wanted_ to happen, and was startled to find that her desire was building again. She adjusted her seat so that she was more upright and took hold of Serena’s wrist, bringing the hand that had recently been nestled between her legs to her mouth, pushing her tongue out to lick the taste of herself from Serena’s fingers. She watched as Serena’s eyes grew wide and black before letting go, and, reaching under her dress to pull her knickers back up, she moved herself into the driving position before cracking open the windows to clear the condensation on the windscreen. She leaned over and kissed Serena hungrily, letting her taste her own juices that coated her tongue, grabbing Serena’s lip between her teeth giving her a sharp nip. When she pulled away she whispered into Serena’s ear.

“You might want to fasten your seatbelt,” she whispered, “this night is far from over, and it's likely to be a bumpy ride.”

 


	12. Lessons in Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter continuing the date. With new revelations and once again pretty smutty. You have been warned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For reasons I am not going to explain or even question myself, this chapter I found a lot easier to write than the last one. Which possibly tells you more about me than I should be sharing.  
> The next chapter should advance the story again, but don't be too concerned. Once the smut has begun, I find it very difficult for them to keep their hands to themselves. :-)

Chapter 12 

 

 

Serena was still trying to adjust her chair and engage her seat belt when Bernie pressed heavily on the accelerator, and bounced the car over the kerb, out of the parking lot and into the road.

“Hey, steady on,” Serena protested, “wherever we’re going I’d like to get there in one piece, and preferably not via the ED dept of my workplace, if it’s all the same to you.”

As she finally succeeded in locking the seatbelt into place, she glanced across at Bernie, noting the firm set of her mouth and the steel like grip of her hands on the steering wheel. She could still see a lingering flush suffusing Bernie’s face and neck and thought that the adrenaline from her orgasm must still be pumping through her veins for her to be driving so recklessly. (She sincerely hoped it wasn’t because she was mad at her.) She came close to putting her hand on Bernie's thigh in an effort to ground her, and then remembered in time the reaction that had caused earlier, and managed to check herself. She decided to try and talk gently, with the aim of making her aware of what she was doing.

“Bernie,” she said quietly. “Bernie please slow down, just a little. You’ve said before that you couldn’t risk losing your licence, and the way you’re driving right now is asking for the police to pull you over. At the very least they’ll book you for speeding or driving without due care and attention.”

Bernie took a deep shuddering breath before taking her foot _slightly_ off the gas.

“So what?” she said defensively, “it’d be a fine or points on my otherwise clean driving record, nothing more.”

Serena raised her eyebrows in disbelief at Bernie’s words, and her own voice took on a sharper edge.

“I rather think that depends on how fast, and whether you manage to hit someone or something in the process.”

Serena stopped and took a deep breath before speaking again as she didn’t want this to escalate into an argument over nothing. She tried to soften her tone.

“And, believe me Bernie, we do not want to get pulled over by some nosy copper who’s just doing his job. The car reeks of, well…sex!”

Bernie slowed the car even more as her mouth turned upwards into a small smile, and then she was giggling.

“It does, doesn’t it? And whose fault is that then Ms Campbell?”

She made a quick left turn into a side street, coming to an abrupt halt as they both started to laugh even louder. Bernie was the first to get her breath back.

“I can’t believe I’ve just had sex, in my car, in Holby city centre,” she stuttered. “Congratulations, that’s a first for me.”

Serena took a moment to carefully dab at her eyes, where tears of mirth had collected.

“And I can’t believe that I suggested it,” she said with just a trace of embarrassment.

“But I won’t be held entirely to blame, a lot of it is your own fault. You look so....hot, in that dress.”

Bernie turned to stare at Serena incredulously.

“Wait, are you really trying to put the onus onto me?” she asked indignantly. “And if we’re talking about sexy, did you take a look at yourself before you came downstairs this evening? I don’t know how I didn’t just drag you straight back upstairs to ravish you there and then.”

She raised her eyebrows and gave a nonchalant head bob trying to indicate that she was the innocent party in all this.

“And yet somehow, and may I say with great difficulty, I managed to curb _my_ enthusiasm _,_ all evening.”

Serena gave a huff of indignation.

“Well, in my defence, I expect you’ve had a lot more practice at controlling your sapphic urges than I have."

A knowing smile crept over her face as she thought of a way to score a point.

"And it honestly didn’t seem such a big deal as it wasn’t a first for me.”

Bernie was startled to feel a pang of jealousy at those words, even though she guessed (and fervently hoped) that it was a fair few years ago.

“Really? So who was the lucky fellow? Or is public sex something you indulge in regularly?”

Serena raised an eyebrow in mock outrage.

“Hey! It was many, many years ago when I was in the USA. And it was only the once I’ll have you know.”

A far away, slightly wistful look came into her eyes.

“Say what you will about the Americans, they do build cars big enough to have a good old romp in.”

At the thought of Serena lying spread-eagled in the back of a Cadillac took hold of Bernie’s brain, she felt a thrill run down her spine and her eyes darkened. She released her seatbelt to lean across and kiss Serena with increasing intensity, and when she pulled away, Serena’s lips were throbbing from the pressure. Bernie moved her lips down to Serena’s jaw, placing light kisses all along it until her mouth was next to her ear, and in a low, smooth voice she turned Serena’s legs to jelly.

“I’m sure that I remember you coping pretty well with the less than saloon like interior of this car only 15 minutes ago. And I certainly have no complaints about your technique, however constricting you found it.”

She ran the tip of her tongue all around the shell of her ear.

“And in spite of your attempts to distract me, I seem to recall that it was my intention to pay you back for that…in kind.”

Bernie straightened up and re-fastened her seat belt, having left Serena somewhat breathless and speechless.

“Now, I could extend your own ‘in’ car experience to twice, not including what just happened, right here and now, if that’s what you’d like. But I confess to being a little concerned that we’re in a residential area, and you can be fairly…vocal when you climax, I think you’ll agree? But, it’s your choice, here, or another location of my choosing. It’s really up to you.”

Serena’s breathing had become increasingly shallow as she listened to Bernie’s words. She put a hand to her throat as she tried to calm herself.

“I, erm, whatever you think is..best,” she managed to croak.

“Right answer,” replied Bernie with a smirk, knowing exactly the effect her words were having on Serena. She started the engine, signalled, and this time pulled carefully away from the kerb.

Having no idea of where Bernie was taking them, Serena found thoughts racing around her head twice as fast as the car she was travelling in. She still marvelled at how her body reacted to this woman. The prospect of what lay ahead for her this evening was causing her vagina to become so aroused that her knickers were becoming wetter with every passing moment, and the friction of her dress against her breasts every time they took a corner was causing a degree of sensitivity that she would never have imagined, given that they hadn’t been directly touched. Coming to a halt at a set of traffic lights she saw Bernie look appreciatively at her chest.

“You look like you’re having a good time all on your own there,” Bernie said quietly as she noticed a firm peak pushing against the material. She moved her hand towards it, only for the lights to change, forcing her to reluctantly place it back on the wheel.

“Now that’s a shame,” she muttered, and Serena couldn’t help but agree with her.

She worked out quite easily that they were heading out of the city, but was too caught up in her imaginings to be able to pay much attention to the direction of travel. She couldn’t decide if she was hoping they would arrive at their destination as quickly as possible, or whether she wanted the anticipation to keep building, mile after mile. She was certainly hoping they didn’t go anywhere ‘off-road’, as she was having enough problems surviving the occasional pot-hole.

Any street lighting was now behind them, and the number of cars they were seeing were definitely declining in numbers. Serena was taken completely unawares when Bernie hastily signalled left and then pulled sharply into a small lay-by that she had spotted just ahead of them. Before Serena could even translate what had happened in her head, Bernie had released her seat belt and lunged across the gap between them, her mouth covering Serena’s in a kiss that was both urgent and passionate. Serena, still pinned in place by her own seatbelt, could only sink into the kiss, her hands curling around Bernie’s back to try and pull her closer. When Bernie eventually moved away, gasping for breath, trying to regain some control over herself, Serena was still clutching at her arms valiantly trying to bring her back into her embrace. She looked at Bernie in confusion as she watched her struggle to extricate herself from the tenuous grasp she had on her. It wasn’t until she looked at her closely, that she realised this wasn’t a form of rejection on Bernie’s part, but rather a conflict that was going on inside her own head.

Bernie had been so certain she knew how she wanted the rest of their evening to pan out, and had then found herself totally overwhelmed by the sexual magnetism of the woman alongside her. She was ashamed of how little restraint she had shown and how forceful she had been, so she decided it was necessary to ask Serena again, what it was that she would prefer.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I just lost control for a moment, and now I feel I need to stop, and ask what you would like to happen.”

She averted her eyes from Serena’s gaze as she continued.

“I could take you home now and then go home myself..” Before she could say anymore Serena growled.

“That is _not_ going to happen,” she said firmly, “so think carefully about any other options.”

Feeling ever so slightly relieved to hear that Bernie carried on.

“We..um, could finish this here and now if you wanted to? There’s not a great deal of traffic, and a very good chance that no one else will need to park up here as well.”

Her eyes flickered down to Serena’s chest, and in particular to the nipple that was still pushing out against the fabric, noting at the same time how Serena’s breathing was becoming ragged. She moved her hand so that it rested along the edge of the neckline, letting her fingers gently stroke the warm skin just beneath it.

“Or… we could prolong the tension just a while longer, if you think that’s something you’d like,” and Bernie eased her hand further under Serena’s dress until it was resting on the gentle swell of her breast.

“Just somewhere a little more secluded, where you could make a bit more noise..if that’s what you want.”

Bernie moved her hand down until she was cradling Serena’s breast, the nipple pressing against the centre of her palm.

“Or we could just go straight home and deal with this there…. it really is entirely up to you.”

The whimper that came from Serena was so delightful that Bernie could not resist the temptation to elicit another one. She dragged her hand back and forth with increasing pressure against the sensitive nub, and Serena felt herself flood again with desire. She grasped Bernie’s wrist to still her movements, and swallowing hard she tried to speak.

“Umm…how, how much further…longer, are we talking about?”

Bernie did her best to keep the smile off her face, inferring from her question that Serena was choosing to continue their next encounter in the open, enjoying being teased as much as she was enjoying being the teaser.

“Oh..only about 10 minutes away.”

In spite of Serena still gripping her wrist, Bernie managed to tweak her nipple with her fingers which made Serena squeal.

She lowered her voice even more. “So, just to be sure, which option are you going for?”

Serena was having great trouble thinking about anything clearly other than the intense heat that was travelling over her body in waves. The mounting anticipation was so fierce and emotional, part of her was eager to spin it out for as long as possible. She was almost sobbing as she managed to tell Bernie that she wanted to be taken to the as yet undisclosed location.

“Good choice,” Bernie observed, and as Serena let go of her hand she pushed the material away from her breast and bent her head to gently lap the nub with her tongue, thrilling to the sound of Serena’s moan. She then moved back into her driving seat and started the engine. Serena moved her hand up to cover herself again and was startled when Bernie interrupted her.

“Don’t….. I’d rather you left it,” she said tentatively.

Serena’s eyes widened in shock.

“Bernie!” she hissed, “we’re about to pull back onto the road. I do not want to be exposing my body to all and sundry.” But even as she said this, the throbbing between her legs increased, and not for the first time she wondered if this willingness to submit to another had always been there, but she just hadn't met the right person.

“There’s no street lighting, very little traffic and our headlights will be dazzling any oncoming vehicles,” Bernie argued gently. “You know yourself that driving on unlit roads involves a lot of concentration on how the way ahead is unfolding, you don’t have time to focus on the interiors of approaching cars. Besides, if I remember rightly it was you encouraging me to take a risk not that long ago, so now it’s your turn. Isn’t it?”

Serena felt as if she was in the middle of some bizarre alternate universe where sexual gratification had taken over her whole life. She pondered on the fact that perhaps she should be worried that her whole body seemed to crave to be touched by her, but she wasn’t. She pinched her lips together and silently nodded her agreement, her whole body thrumming with excitement as Bernie drove out of the lay-by to join the public highway once again.

She couldn’t help but flinch at first whenever a vehicle passed them on the opposite side of the road, their headlights illuminating the interior of their car, and her pale breast peeping out from the confines of her dress seemed to be highlighted by the beam. But then she would see Bernie glance across, a loving smile on her face as she watched the bounce and jiggle of her exposed flesh, and the warm damp sensation between her thighs would expand, tenfold. They were both in a high state of arousal, and Bernie drove carefully, praying to some unknown deity that they would both manage to last a few more minutes. Although she was no stranger to experiencing more than one orgasm over a short space of time, Bernie couldn’t remember being at this level of sexual excitement, so soon after having come. They soon reached the outskirts of a small village and Bernie slowed even more, reluctantly telling Serena to cover herself as they hit street lighting once again. Before long they turned onto a very narrow lane, and Serena was startled when Bernie killed the headlights.

“What? Why did you do that?” she asked. “I can’t see the road at all.”

Bernie gave a low chuckle.

“Well, fortunately I can see enough to know that I need to turn into this driveway, right here.”

Bernie turned the wheel to the right and they came to a halt alongside a house that Serena instantly recognised.

“Bernie, what the hell are we doing here?” There was an edge of panic in her voice.

Bernie turned off the engine and looked at Serena with a soft reassuring smile.

“I switched off the lights because I didn’t want to alert any of the neighbours further down the lane that a car has just pulled onto the property of an empty house.”

“How, how do you know it’s still empty?” Serena queried, her voice sounding a little shaky as her brain started to register what was about to happen.

“Because, my dearest,” Bernie said quietly, stroking her hand down Serena’s cheek, turning her head slightly to place a soft kiss on her forehead. “Because the keys to this place are in my handbag, as we are supposed to be viewing it again tomorrow, to see if you like it as much as you did the first time.”

She undid Serena’s seatbelt as well as her own and leaned in to kiss her properly, as her hand cupped her breast again, noting with satisfaction that Serena was already squirming in her seat. She moved her mouth to kiss along Serena’s jaw line and then whispered into her ear, needing to be quite sure that she was not pressuring her into this.

“If you’re happy, shall we continue? Or would you rather just go home? I promise I will do whatever you wish, with no recriminations.”

All the time she was speaking, Bernie was gently caressing Serena’s breasts through the soft material of her dress, then she slid her hand down over the gentle curve of her stomach before returning to squeeze and knead the soft pliant flesh of her bosom.

Serena was intoxicated with the thought of being taken here, in the dark, and she was certain that she wouldn’t be able to last the journey back to her home. One thing she was very certain of was that she wanted to come at the hands of this strong and tender woman, and not by the result of hitting a bump in the road. With eyes that were black and glittering with want, she pulled Bernie’s face close to her own.

“Here,” she said, in a voice so deep it was almost a growl, and she crashed their lips together with such hunger that Bernie was gasping for breath when she let go of her a couple of minutes later. She took a moment to gather herself as she released the catch on the side of Serena’s chair so that she could push her down towards the rear seat, and then reached between Serena’s legs to pull the lever that would slide her right back as far as the chair would go. Serena began to understand how powerless Bernie must have felt a mere thirty minutes ago in the car park. And although her whole body was burning to be touched, she knew she would feel a moment of self-consciousness when Bernie discovered just how wet she was.

Bernie adjusted her own seat too, and was now hovering over Serena, watching with joy the rapid rise and fall of her chest, making her breasts appear as if they were trying to escape the confines of their garment. She placed light butterfly kisses all over Serena’s face, brushing their lips together not lingering, kissing down to her sternum as her fingers played along her collarbone making Serena shiver. She then draped Serena’s arms around her own neck as she lifted her carefully so that she could loosen the tie that held her wrap around dress together. Serena took the opportunity to run her fingers through that impossibly soft hair, before making sure their lips connected again in an urgent, wet, sloppy kiss. For a moment Bernie’s hands stopped in their fumbling as her brain seized, and then the desire to see her revealed before her won through, and she eased Serena back as she succeeded in undoing the fastening. She pulled the dress apart and gazed hungrily down on her body. Serena closed her eyes as the cool night air swept over her naked flesh and she felt her nipples harden as the areola puckered around them. She heard Bernie’s breathing hitch, and then warm breaths were covering her upper body as Bernie’s mouth came with centimetres of each proud peak, and the ache between her thighs became almost unbearable. She felt Bernie’s hands ghost down her sides until they were resting firmly on her hips and time seemed to stand still. Then suddenly, Bernie’s mouth was everywhere, capturing one nipple and then the other, sucking and lapping gently at first but with ever increasing pressure. Serena could hear herself groaning, her hands clutching Bernie’s shoulders in a vain attempt to control what was happening, but as Bernie’s mouth worked its way down from her breasts to her stomach she let go, her hands flailing as she searched for something, _anything,_ static to hold onto, to stop the feeling that she was falling into a bottomless pit.

Bernie was now kissing along her hipbone and her hands were stroking along the edge of her knickers. She paused and raised her head to look at Serena, waiting for her to open her eyes. She didn’t have to wait long as Serena, frustrated by the unexpected lack of contact, searched out Bernie’s face, needing to know what was causing the delay. She saw Bernie smile and raise an eyebrow questioningly as she gave a small tug to the fabric under her fingers, and she smiled back, raising her hips. Bernie slid them down her legs and as they reached her ankles Serena eased one foot out of them so that she could spread her legs as wide as the car would allow. Bernie put her hands back on her hips as she resumed kissing and nibbling the flesh that led towards Serena's very core, but found to her annoyance that no matter how far she could push her own seat back, the steering wheel was preventing her mouth from reaching her target. She gave a small sigh of exasperation and she kissed her way back up Serena’s body to once again whisper in her ear.

“Darling, I can’t manage what I wanted to do right here,” her voice, low and full of heat was giving Serena palpitations, “I know I’m being selfish but I want you to move into the back seat.”

Serena brain was struggling to make sense of what Bernie was saying. As far as she was concerned all Bernie needed to do was push her fingers into her and she would climax within seconds. Then through the fog that was clouding her brain came a moment of clarity as she thought about the progression of Bernie’s mouth over her body and the realisation hit her like a thunderbolt. Her brow furrowed in concentration as she nodded her understanding, hoping that she could last that long.

Bernie moved swiftly returning both seats to their original positions and then ran around the car to open both the front and rear doors on the passenger side. She scooped Serena to her body to assist her with the few steps necessary and then she was gently lowering her down so that the tops of her thighs were at the edge of the back seat. The sight of her sublime body in the pale moonlight made Bernie gasp, and then Serena was reaching towards her with her hand.

“Bernie….for god’s sake..please.”

The pleading tone of Serena’s voice and her outstretched hand shook Bernie out of her reverie, and entwining her fingers with Serena’s she bent over her to kiss her longingly. Her mouth then resumed its previous path downwards, her tongue laving along each curve and swell of Serena’s body, feeling her tremble with the knowledge of where she was headed.

Kneeling down on the grass just outside the car, Bernie lifted Serena’s right leg over her shoulder, pushing her other leg as far apart as she could. She nibbled and sucked all along her thigh until her mouth was poised over Serena’s sex, and she inhaled the heady scent that was pervading the air all around her, before she pushed her tongue through the swollen lips to taste Serena properly for the very first time. Spurred on by the mewling noises that Serena was making she lapped at the juices that were pooling at her entrance, humming in delight at the sweetness she found. She was encouraged to feel Serena pushing herself forward to maintain contact with her mouth. There was a moments panic as Serena felt Bernie pull back, but within seconds she was filled with two long skillful fingers sliding into her and she felt the wall of her vagina instantly clamp around them. Then Bernie’s fingers were twisting and turning inside her and the tip of her tongue pushed upwards to connect with her clit, flicking rapidly back and forth until Serena forgot how to breath. As Bernie sucked that small bundle of nerves into her mouth, the tip of her tongue still fluttering across it Serena crashed headlong into the strongest orgasm she could ever remember (including the one against the front door) her mouth opening in an almost silent scream. The sensations went on and on for such a length of time that Serena’s world consisted of only the area below her pubis and she felt the edges of her vision begin to dim. She was vaguely aware of a sense of loss as Bernie’s fingers withdrew from her, and felt Bernie moving up towards her face and then her lips were covering her own making her head reel again at the taste of herself in Bernie’s mouth. She heard Bernie softly repeating her name over and over again as she wrapped her dress around her, her limbs feeling heavy and unresponsive as she struggled to stay upright, Bernie cradling her, murmuring in her ear.

“Serena, it’s okay, you needn’t move anymore. I’ll strap you in here and I’ll get you home now, yes?”

Serena opened her eyes for the first time and nodded her agreement, a small smile curling her lips. And then her eyes closed again and she entered a dreamlike state where she was barely aware of anything other than the sound of the engine starting up and then the hum of the tyres on the road. Bernie drove as sedately as she could given her own throbbing need that she was trying to cope with, deciding to deal with that as soon as she had Serena safely home.

 

……………

 

As Bernie stopped the car on Serena’s drive, she turned to look at her, the dress barely closed about her form, eyes heavy lidded but just about open, and a serene smile lurking on her face. Her heart swelled with the love she had for her, and knew that before too long she would need to confess how deeply her feelings ran. But for now she needed to get her inside and see what they both wanted to happen now, given that in under an hour, tomorrow would become today. Serena unbuckled her seatbelt and was looking down at her legs, muttering.

“Anything I can help with?” asked Bernie, turning in her seat, slightly amused to see a blush creeping up Serena’s neck and face.

“I, er..I don’t suppose you could pass me my knickers could you?” Serena replied without meeting Bernie’s eyes. After a few moments of scrabbling in the front of the car Bernie’s head reappeared wearing an apologetic grin.

“Sorry, they don’t seem to be anywhere here. So if they’re not with you I suppose that means…..”

Serena groaned as Bernie got out of the car and went around the open her door to help her out.

“Don’t worry, there’s every chance we’ll find them in the morning, when we return to the scene of the crime,” she teased, making Serena blush again. She helped her up, taking the keys from Serena’s bag so that _she_ could concentrate on holding her dress closed as she walked on rather unsteady legs into the house. Once inside she sank down onto the stairs and Bernie came and sat beside her.

“You okay?” Bernie asked, her hand rubbing in circles on her back.

Serena nuzzled into the crook of Bernie’s neck and sighed.

“I’m fine, more than fine, but I think my aged joints are trying to tell me I’m not made for back seat shenanigans any more.” She giggled. “And I’m bloody hungry too!”

Bernie joined in with the giggling and rested her forehead against Serena’s.

“If anyone asked me about the play right now, I wouldn’t be able to remember one damn thing.”

Their laughs gradually subsided, and Bernie was wondering what to do next when Serena spoke.

“I don’t suppose you’d go and run me a bath would you? I’ll go and see if I can rustle up a sandwich or two, and maybe a glass of wine or a whisky?”

Bernie pressed a kiss into Serena’s hair as she stood up. “Wine is fine,” she called over her shoulder as she climbed the stairs. Once in the bathroom she started to fill the bath, pouring in some fragrant bath oil that she recognised from Serena’s skin whenever she held her in a close embrace. She still wanted to take the edge off the throbbing ache in her sex before she could fully relax, but having no idea how long it would be before Serena would make an appearance, she stopped short of touching herself to bring that relief. The bath was just about ready when she heard Serena coming up the stairs and she followed her into the bedroom in time to see her placing a tray of food and two glasses of wine onto the top of the chest of drawers. Serena grabbed a nightie out of the top drawer and kissing Bernie lightly as she passed, told her if she was hungry, she could start without her, promising not to be long as she headed to her bath. Bernie decided that she would slip into the en-suite for a cool shower, hoping that she could calm herself that way, and be back and in bed by the time Serena returned. She peeled off her clothes and slipped into the shower shivering as the first cold spray hit her. After a couple of minutes she increased the number on the dial to give her a bit of warmth so that she wouldn’t feel like a block of ice when Serena sat next to her in bed.

Serena was surprised when she went back to her room to find it empty, but, pausing she heard the sound of the shower running and realised where Bernie was. She put their glasses of wine onto the small tables either side of the bed, along with a sandwich each and then walked over to the en-suite to let Bernie know she was back.

As soon as the warm water had started to cascade over her, Bernie knew that her attempt at damping things down hadn’t really worked. If she didn’t do something about it now, she wouldn’t sleep, especially having the woman of her dreams lying next to her. She made the quick decision to sort herself out in the relative privacy of the shower, rather than in the more intimate setting of the bed, waiting for Serena to go to sleep. The images to help her reach her climax were burned into her brain, and she shuddered as her fingers reached between her legs, recalling how she had abandoned her modesty in the car park, remembering the thrill of feeling Serena’s fingers stroking through her folds, imagining that her own fingers touching herself now, belonged to her. As she circled her clit, teasing herself just a little, she closed her eyes and pictured Serena, who had trusted her completely, lying back in the car, as she had worshipped her with her mouth, hearing again whimpers and moans, not even sure whether they were in her memory or coming from herself. As the pressure started to build she began to pant, and spread her legs wider to help keep her balance, her other hand braced against the glass of the cubicle, and she was tipping over the crest as she heard a noise from the direction of the door. Startled, her eyes opened to the sight of Serena standing there, looking shocked, but she couldn’t stop it, her whole body trembling as the orgasm hit, and in spite of her precautions she slid shakily to her knees, gravity finally forcing her to break eye contact. There was a moments stillness save for the sound of the shower cascading over her, and then the emotions of the evening flooded her whole being, coupled with the mortification of having been discovered masturbating to the memory of making love to the woman standing before her, and it became too much. Bernie began to silently weep.

 

 

 


	13. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of fluff, more of a fill chapter to get us to more smut.

Chapter 13

 

 

Bernie wasn’t exactly sure how long she was kneeling in the shower before she felt Serena brush past her to switch it off, the logical part of her brain telling her it was seconds rather than the minutes it felt like. She knew that she was willing herself to move, to crawl on her hands and knees if necessary, but the part of her brain that controlled her limbs didn’t seem to be working. And then something soft was being draped over her shoulders and she could hear Serena urging her to stand as she wrapped her arms around her in an effort to help her to her feet. She awkwardly managed to get upright and then Serena was easing her arms into what she realised was a bath robe as she coaxed her to walk back into her bedroom to sit on the edge of the bed. The tears that had been flowing so freely down her face a matter of minutes ago were now drying on her cheeks, and she could feel Serena’s hand making soothing circular motions on her back. After a couple of minutes Serena stood up and fetched an oversized t-shirt from her chest of drawers and a pair of sleep shorts from Elinor’s room and pressed them into Bernie’s hands.

“Why don’t you slip these on while I go and get a hand towel so you can dry your hair a bit.”

Bernie put out her hand to pull her back onto the bed.

“It’s okay, I’ll go in there to do it,” she said, indicating the en-suite. “I’ll try and mop up any mess too.”

“There’s no need,” Serena protested as Bernie shakily got to her feet.

“I want to,” she said as she picked up the nightwear Serena had provided, giving her hand a quick squeeze as she walked away.

Serena let out a big puff of air as Bernie closed the door behind her, already thinking that if she hadn’t reappeared in 5 or 10 minutes she would be following her in there. She quickly changed out of her now rather damp nightgown, into another, as her mind tried to make sense of what had just happened. It wasn’t the sight of Bernie finding some relief at her own hand that had shocked her, but rather the apparent breakdown of someone she had considered to be so strong. She heard the sound of the door opening and slid swiftly into bed before Bernie appeared, still looking lost. When she didn’t move for a moment Serena patted the space next to her and Bernie walked over and climbed into bed, sitting stiffly, staring straight ahead. When the silence surrounding them both started to feel oppressive, Serena gently placed her hand over Bernie’s, before saying quietly, “I’m sorry.”

Bernie’s head whipped round to look at her then, confusion written all over her face.

“Why? What do _you_ have to be sorry about?”

There was a bitter tone in her voice that made Serena flinch.

“No more nor less than you feel, I’m guessing.”

She gently rubbed the back of Bernie’s hand with her thumb before intertwining their fingers together.

“You gave me so much of yourself tonight, and I became so lost in my own pleasure that I didn’t think of what your needs might be.”

Bernie shook her head.

“No, you didn’t owe me anything, I mean you had already…. I’m just worried that you might think you’re not enough for me, just because I couldn’t control myself.”

She gave a deep sigh as her head dropped again. Serena gave her hand a little tug.

“Come on, please get into bed and eat something. If you don’t want any alcohol I’ll go and make us a cup of tea..if you’d rather?”

Bernie gave a small nod and moved under the duvet to sit next to Serena. She picked up the glass of wine to take a sip.

“This is fine thanks.”

They both nibbled at their sandwiches, but soon put them to one side, barely touched. Serena took a good gulp of wine before finding the courage to speak.

“Well, this wasn’t quite the end to our evening that I’d imagined,” and then mentally cursed herself as she felt Bernie flinch beside her. “Not because of you..but because the way I virtually forced you into having sex in a car park. I mean, I don’t know what came over me.”

“Are..are you saying you wished it hadn’t happened? Any of it?”

Bernie’s voice sounded tremulous even to her own ears.

Serena could see that Bernie was retreating into herself, unable to accept that she wasn’t the only reason for their awkwardness.

“God, no! How could I regret what happened when it made me feel so alive? More alive than I’ve felt in months, if not years? But what I don’t understand completely is where this is coming from. I’ve always enjoyed sex, but with you…it astonishes me, the way it makes me behave. The chances I feel I want to take.”

She pulled Bernie’s head around to face her, wanting her to focus on what she was saying.

“I wish you could have told me that you needed to be…looked after too. But if you are struggling to understand this..us.. the way I am, then I’m assuming that it gets too intense to cope with sometimes?”

Bernie nodded, beginning to relax slightly as Serena showed that she was battling with her emotions too. She tried to explain.

“But it’s not just the physical aspect of wanting you. My emotions have been running high ever since we met, and things…memories….doubts.. have just bubbled to the surface, and..”

“And you thought you should protect me…from you?” Serena asked gently.

Bernie’s stomach was churning and she steeled herself to try and say what she knew was causing her so much turmoil, even though she feared it might drive Serena away.

“I thought you were beautiful the first time I saw you, but I’d be lying if I said that I’d never felt an instant attraction before. Then, as I got to know you, with every meeting I found I liked you more and more. Even started to..hope, that you liked me too. But I kept my guard up, because you appeared to be….as straight as they come, and every fibre of my being was screaming at me to back off.”

The panic that she had held down so successfully so far, started to rise, and she could feel her legs twitching, as if they wanted to be running as far away as possible, but she pushed through it, knowing that things would never improve if she didn’t say what was in her heart.

“Then we kissed, and it was as if my whole life made sense again.”

There was a long pause and Serena wanted to interject, to tell her everything would be okay, but sensing this was a pivotal moment for them both she merely rested her hand on Bernie’s forearm, stroking it softly to try and reassure her.

“You know….you do know, that I…that I’m..in love with you?”

Bernie’s voice was little more than a hoarse whisper, and it felt as if the words she had finally spoken were hanging in the space around them, not sure where to settle.

Serena gave an internal sigh of relief and she nuzzled her head into Bernie’s neck, feeling the tension that was running through her as she waited for her reaction.

“Well,” she said, her voice wobbling with emotion, “I was bloody hoping that was the case..given that I love you too. Very, very much.”

Bernie could scarcely believe her ears and she tilted Serena’s head back, needing to see in her eyes what she had just heard. And there it was, shining out, so much joy on her face that Bernie thought her heart would burst. And then Serena’s hand was reaching up into Bernie’s hair, pulling her down to capture those delicate, soft, warm lips into a heartfelt, intimate kiss. They both poured their souls into it and it became the most fulfilling kiss they had ever shared, a kiss that neither of them wanted to end. When they eventually broke apart, their lips tingling, they were not gasping for breath as had happened so many times before, but were smiling, neither of them quite believing what had just happened. No words were spoken as they pulled each other close, sliding down onto their pillows, limbs entangled. They shared a few more loving kisses, hands and eyes locked, both of them sure that the adrenaline pumping through their bodies would mean that sleep would be a long way off. But as their breathing slowed a calmer air settled over them and gradually first Bernie, and then Serena let sleep overtake them, only to meet again in their dreams.

+++++++++++++++++

 

When Bernie awoke the next morning she had a moment of confusion, as the room seemed lighter than usual, until she realised she had slept much later than normal. There was also a small moment of panic when she looked in the direction of the en-suite but this paled into insignificance when her eyes settled on the woman lying next to her in bed. She was filled with utter joy, and a little disbelief, as she recalled how they had both finally admitted their love for each other. Not wanting to disturb her straightaway she carefully slid out of bed to visit the bathroom, and then went downstairs to make them both a mug of coffee. On her return she was surprised to see Serena sitting up in bed, an anxious frown on her face, holding her phone in her hand.

“Morning,” she said, as she moved the glass of wine and half eaten sandwich from the bedside table, to replace it with the coffee. “Is everything okay?”

At both seeing and hearing Bernie, Serena’s face relaxed a little.

“Good morning to you too,” she said, smiling warmly, tilting her head back in anticipation of a kiss that Bernie was only too happy to provide.

Bernie looked pointedly at Serena’s phone and raised her eyebrows questioningly. Serena gave a small sigh.

“I’ve just had a text from Elinor to say she’s on her way home for the weekend. And so of course I’m worried that she’s not coping.”

Bernie climbed into the bed, pulling Serena close to her side, her arm curled around her waist.

“Did she say anything about why she’s coming home?”

“Not really. Something about wanting a bit of space before her exams start next week. But I’m not used to being her first port of call in this sort of situation. Normally she would just want to go out with her mates and have a good time.”

Bernie took a mouthful of coffee and considered what to say. Never having had children of her own, she could only try to offer an opinion based on how she had felt at that age.

“It’s not really that odd though, is it? I mean given everything that happened surely it’s a good sign that she sees your home as a safe haven, somewhere she can be herself, warts and all.”

She slotted her fingers into Serena’s hand.

“Does she say what time she’s arriving?”

Serena grimaced.

“Yes, and unfortunately it’s in about an hour so I should already be up and getting dressed so that I can meet her at the station.”

She locked eyes with Bernie and pouted.

“As much as I love my daughter, I was hoping to show a certain someone just how much I love them too.”

She moved a little closer to Bernie and licked her lips seductively before collapsing in a fit of giggles, much to Bernie’s bewilderment.

“Sorry? Did I miss something here?” she asked, feeling as if she’d skipped a whole step in the conversation.

Serena was still giving muffled snorts as she tried to compose herself.

“It’s nothing to do with you,” she said, dabbing at her eyes with the edge of the duvet. “I’d been doing a little research into um..what women find..um sexy in other women.”

Serena was by now wishing she hadn’t started this.

“Anyway, it appears that…moistening one’s lips, amongst other things, is quite high up the list when it comes to seduction techniques, so…”

Serena rolled her eyes and spread her hands helplessly.

“Stupid I know.”

Bernie couldn’t stop the grin that spread over her face, and she bent her head so that her mouth was only a few millimetres from Serena’s.

“In case you hadn’t noticed, you seduced me quite some time ago…and the research is much appreciated.”

And then she kissed her, softly at first and then with increasing passion as they slid back down onto the bed. Hands started to roam under t-shirts and nighties as they rolled back and forth, their lips still pressed closely together. As they broke for air they both groaned with frustration.

“We really don’t have time for this do we?” Serena asked, somewhat plaintively.

“Well you certainly don’t,” observed Bernie, “so I guess I lose out too, even though my morning client has just cancelled on me. I suppose I can use the time to freshen up the interior of my car.”

Serena swatted her arm. “Cheeky.”

They decided to use separate bathrooms to avoid any further delays, and Serena gave Bernie the clothes she had washed for her, from the last time she’d stayed over, commenting that perhaps she should leave a few items here in future, in case of emergencies. After repeated kisses at the front door, and an assurance from Serena that she would let Bernie know how things were with Elinor, Bernie finally got into her car and started the drive home. Although a little deflated at not spending the weekend together, there was a lightness in her heart every time she thought about how she had found the courage to express her love. She just hoped that Elinor was still coping with things, and that Serena would be able to talk to her about how her feelings for Bernie had moved on since the last time she had been home.

Serena certainly had to rush to get to the station in time, even though she knew that Ellie was quite capable of getting a bus or even walking home. But she wanted her to know that she had meant what she had said previously, that she would always be there for her. It did cross her mind that she would have loved Bernie to be there as well, but knew this next step in their relationship was in its early stages, and this was a talk that she needed to have with her daughter quite soon, but not today. She had texted Ellie to tell her she would meet her in the car park, and after sharing a brief hug they got in the car and set off home. Elinor confirmed what Bernie had surmised about her visit. That she just wanted a break from the pressure of the coming exam fortnight, and also from her friends who were just as stressed as she was but were choosing to drink their anxieties away. Serena breathed a sigh of relief, realising her wild at heart daughter finally seemed to be sorting her life out. She was so caught up in her own thoughts she missed Elinor’s query as to how her own personal life was going.

“Sorry, what?”

Ellie repeated her question.

“I wondered how things were with you… the house…Bernie?”

Serena felt herself blush at the mention of Bernie, it was all she seemed to do these days when someone said her name. Elinor grinned at the sight of her mother’s obvious feeling of awkwardness.

“So, I gather your apparent embarrassment means that things are still okay between you?”

“Yes,” said Serena, rolling her eyes at her daughters glee seeing her discomfort. “Everything’s fine, thank you.”

It suddenly occurred to Elinor that maybe her mother had plans with Bernie this weekend and hoped her sudden arrival hadn’t interfered with them.

“Are you seeing her today?”

Serena shrugged, not wanting to make her feel guilty about coming home.

“Nothing concrete,” she fibbed. “We had thought about going to view a property or two as, fingers crossed, I may have an offer for the house on the cards next week, but there’s plenty of time.”

Ellie pouted, feeling a bit disappointed.

“I seem to remember you saying that we could look at prospective houses together?”

“Yes, and I recall how you said it wouldn’t be necessary as you weren’t intending to spend much of your future in Holby?” Serena replied tartly.

Elinor gave an eye roll worthy of Serena’s best.

“Okay. But that was when I thought you meant me to come home specifically to do that. I’m here now and if it’s still possible I’d quite like to see what sort of thing you’re considering. It might help take my mind off the coming weeks.”

Serena felt a surge of joy that she would get to see Bernie again, however briefly, and that her daughter was actually interested in what was going on in her life. When they got home she rang Bernie, while Elinor went to grab a cup of tea and some toast, to ask if there was any chance of still visiting at least one house this morning, and Bernie was just as delighted to say yes. They arranged to meet up at the property they had visited only yesterday evening, and Serena could only pray that they both would be able to control their blushes when they saw each other again.

 

When they arrived at the house in Backwell, Bernie was already there and Elinor could not miss the sparkle in both her mother’s and Bernie’s eyes as they greeted each other. What was even more telling in her opinion was how they seemed to be making a big effort not to touch each other, or even stand too close and she began to speculate just how far their relationship had progressed. She didn’t comment though, and instead tried to focus on Bernie extolling the virtues of the property as well as some of its drawbacks before encouraging them both to have a good look around, and for Serena in particular to think about how her things would fit in this property, to imagine it as a blank canvas. Bernie stayed in the kitchen and used the time to ring a couple of agents to ask if they had any properties nearby in case Serena found that on the second viewing this place wasn’t all she had hoped for. When they returned to join her it seemed as if her fears had been unfounded as they both had smiles on their faces, though Elinor seemed concerned that her mother would feel a little isolated there on days off. The knowing smile on Serena’s face was not missed by Bernie, and she too grinned at the prospect of them spending a lot of their free time together. Ellie decided she wanted a quick look outside at the garden, but Serena declined saying she had already had a good look around, and she was barely out of the back door before Serena was wrapping herself around Bernie, pulling her in for a lingering kiss. Bernie’s head swam as she felt Serena’s tongue swipe against her lips and it took all of her reserve to push them both apart.

“I’m sorry,” murmured Serena, still trying to press herself close to nuzzle into Bernie’s neck, “it’s so hard not to be touching you, holding hands, and I know that’s stupid, that we could do that anyway but..”

“I know,” replied Bernie pressing a kiss into Serena’s hair, hugging her tightly. “After last night touching you seems too much and not enough. And if this is the only time we’re going to see each other this weekend, I don’t think I can wait a whole week to see you again.”

Serena looked up to kiss Bernie again.

“I do have Wednesday off, if that helps.”

“Perfect,” said Bernie smiling, and she was just about to press Serena against the counter in order to kiss her with a little more purpose when they heard Elinor’s voice calling for them to come outside.

They hastily broke apart to go and see what it was she wanted as she motioned for them to follow her around the house to the side gate, asking Bernie if she knew how long the house had been empty.

“Oh..around 4 weeks I think, but it’s not technically empty. The owners are just on an extended holiday visiting family in New Zealand, and should be back in about a fortnight I believe….why?”

Elinor pushed open the back gate.

“It just looks to me that someone local is using this as a place to….” and she gestured to a pair of navy blue lacy knickers that were lying half-hidden, near to a small shrub. “I thought you should perhaps inform the agents, before it turns into a ‘dogging’ spot. You can see that a car has been parked up here recently too.”

She turned to her mother.

“If you do decide to try for this house, you might want to consider getting some decent gates to the drive.”

Serena was frozen to the spot, and she was pretty sure she had stopped breathing when she had seen what Ellie was pointing to, grabbing at Bernie’s arm in panic.

“Yes, I’ll certainly let them know. But I rather think it’s probably just a young couple having a bit of fun on the spur of the moment,” Bernie replied dismissively, and Serena was astounded that she could even talk let alone be so coherent. She knew she was blushing furiously and was praying that Elinor wouldn’t notice when she heard her laugh.

“Honestly mom, you look so embarrassed. Are memories of your own misspent youth coming back to haunt you?”

Startled, Serena’s eyes grew wide with astonishment.

“What?”

Her daughter was grinning cheerfully.

“Do you think that Dad has has never shared some of the little escapades you two got up to? Not in any detail,” she hastened to add as her mother’s eyes grew even wider, “that’d be gross. He just wanted to give me some ammunition in case you tried to take the moral high ground over any of _my_ exploits”

Bernie had watched the little exchange with growing amusement at seeing Serena’s discomfort but decided it had gone far enough.

“Okay, well thank you Elinor, I will pass on your concerns.”

She then discovered she couldn’t resist one last dig at Serena as she turned to look at her.

“After all, you wouldn’t want to be the one to discover a couple so horny that they couldn’t wait until they got home, after you had finished a 12 hour shift would you?”

She gave a short bark of a laugh as she ushered them through the gate again, which turned into a gasp as Serena jabbed her forcefully in the ribs.

Once back inside the house they had a quick discussion about moving on to view other properties, but Serena declined, saying that as long as there was a chance of hers selling very soon, she would like to make an offer on it next week. When they were back outside and about to go their separate ways Elinor turned to Bernie.

“I don’t suppose you’d like to come over later and have dinner with us?” She looked at her mom to check this was okay before continuing.

“I’m sure you had both arranged to spend at least some of the weekend in each others company, and I don’t want to feel guilty that I’ve ruined any of your plans.”

After a quick glance at Serena to make sure she was happy with this, Bernie smiled and nodded.

“Thank you. I would like that very much.”

 

So, at 7.30pm they were all seated around the dining table at Serena’s, tucking into a family sized lasagne, courtesy of M&S food hall, a big bowl of salad and a half decent bottle of wine, even though it wasn’t a Shiraz. And waiting in the fridge, should anyone still be feeling hungry was a rather indulgent Millionaires dessert.

Now that Bernie had time to look at Elinor closely, she looked a lot better than she had a few weeks ago, and seemed to be making a lot more effort to be polite and friendly towards herself. Serena was feeling quite buoyed up by this new _adult_ version of her daughter, but still kept waiting for the waspish barb that she was sure must be lurking , ready to strike when they least expected it. Much to her relief it never came, and when Elinor excused herself from their company about two hours later and they had said their goodnights, Serena looked at Bernie in amazement.

“Good grief, does this mean that my drama queen of a daughter is actually starting to grow up?”

Bernie smiled broadly as she took Serena’s hand in hers and stroked it gently.

“Well I for one am very grateful to her for today, in spite of knicker-gate,” fighting down a snigger as Serena glared at her. “I was fully prepared that I may not have seen you for another week, so this has been lovely.”

She brought Serena’s hand up to press a kiss to her palm.

“But I’m thinking now that I should say goodbye.”

“What?!”

Bernie was fascinated at how that word uttered by Serena could convey so much. She heard pain, sorrow, confusion, anger and shock in just one syllable.

“I thought you’d be staying…please, say you’ll stay?”

Serena was clutching at Bernie’s arms as if she thought she was going to flee out of the door. Bernie grasped her hands and drew back slightly so that she could look at her face.

“Serena, I promise you I really want to stay and I know that Elinor has been very kind and supportive of you..us..today, but I don’t think she’s fully aware of how _intimate_ our relationship has become.”

Serena huffed, giving Bernie an exasperated look.

“She might be young but she certainly isn’t naïve. I’m positive she knows our connection is past the holding hands and lingering looks phase.”

“Thinking it is one thing, but being faced with the irrefutable knowledge that your mother is having sex, quite vocally, (Bernie raised her eyebrows and looked very pointedly at her) in the room next to you is on an entirely different scale. Not to mention the awkwardness on the following morning when you’re all sitting around the breakfast bar.”

She gathered Serena back into her arms.

“Plus, you need to focus on Ellie tomorrow and I don’t want either of you to feel you have to include me.”

She bent her head to kiss Serena tenderly, fully intending to then stand up and go, but her mind and body (for once in complete agreement with each other), decided that the best thing to do would be to stay right there and explore a little further. They were both making little whimpering sounds as their lips pressed together with more urgency. Bernie began to kiss down Serena’s neck with soft, barely there touches, her mouth ghosting along her collarbone before she nuzzled into her neck for a moment. She loved hearing the raggedness of Serena’s breathing, feeling the rise and fall of her chest against her cheek. She resumed her journey back up towards her mouth, catching just the corner of it with her own, and then she was moving again along her jawline until Serena could feel her warm breath by her ear, her whole body thrilling to the sensation of being worshipped by the woman she loved. All this time a thought had entered Bernie’s head, an idea she had buried ever since Serena and Elinor had been to her place to have their photos taken. She used the tip of her tongue to trace around her delicate lobe which elicited a deep moan from her, and she thought she would never stop wanting to hear that sound from Serena’s lips, knowing that she was the cause of it.

“S’rena,” murmured Bernie, “I want to ask you something, something I’ve been think of for some time now.”

She paused long enough to kiss softly just behind her ear, making Serena gasp.

“Could I….would you allow me to take some photos of you?”

Serena, squirming under Bernie’s ministrations was confused.

“Of course,” she moaned, “you already have…what do you mean?”

Bernie slowly used her mouth to caress her way back to Serena’s lips, pulling the lower one between her teeth to nibble on. Serena felt as if she was on fire with the intimacy and love she was being shown. Bernie took her courage in both hands to continue.

“I would love to take some more…personal shots. If you feel you can trust me enough.”

She felt Serena stiffen slightly but she didn’t pull away.

“Do you mean..nude pictures?” Serena whispered, a little tremble in her voice.

“Not necessarily..not completely.”

Bernie was starting to feel anxious, worried she was pushing Serena, scaring her.

“You obviously don’t have to…I mean I don’t want to pressure you. It’s just..one of the little fantasies I have about you. The thought keeps popping into my mind..when I think of you in my arms and I hear you..moan.”

Bernie knew she was gabbling, was worried she’d made Serena uncomfortable and she started to pull away. Steeling herself she forced herself to meet Serena’s eyes and was relieved to see nothing but warmth and love for her, shining out of them. Serena moved forwards and kissed her passionately.

“Leave it with me,” she muttered in a low, teasing voice, before pushing Bernie back to lie along the sofa, grabbing a cushion to place under her head as she did. She kissed her again, pushing her tongue into Bernie’s mouth, as she writhed underneath her, and it was the work of a moment for her to push her thigh between Bernie’s legs.

“So, you have more than one fantasy about me? As in plural? Perhaps I should share some of mine, about you.”

Now it was Serena’s turn to take control as she kissed her way down Bernie’s elegant neck, fastening her lips around her pulse point, gently licking and sucking, until all she could hear were subdued groans as Bernie desperately tried to hold them back. She pushed her thigh firmly against Bernie’s sex making her gasp as she flooded with desire.

“Serena, stop…you have to stop,” Bernie pleaded. “What if Elinor came back down?”

Serena kept her leg exactly where it was, but stilled her movements, taking a moment to consider Bernie’s words. She placed her mouth next to Bernie’s ear and whispered her intentions.

“My love, I will of course stop if that’s what you really, really want..but I would like to find my release here, _with_ you and not by my own hands later, when I’m in bed..alone.”

Bernie blushed with memories of yesterday and bit her lip.

“And as I think that you want this as much as I do, then I don’t think it’s going to take very long..is it?”

She nibbled at Bernie’s earlobe as she awaited her reply, her hand pushing her blouse up a little so that her fingertips scraped the skin around her waist. She hovered above her for a moment, taking in the pink flush that was spreading over her face and neck, and then her heart started to beat faster as she moved slowly down to kiss her, a fierce, sloppy, luscious kiss that made her feel dizzy. She vaguely heard a mumbled “Hmmm” from Bernie which she took for assent, and both of their bodies started to rock back and forth, riding each other’s thighs as the pleasure built and built. Serena felt one of Bernie’s hands slide under her top to splay against her spine her nails digging into her skin as their movements became stronger. Lips finally parted as the need to take deeper breaths grew and with their eyes fixed firmly onto each other the only thing they could hear was the blood rushing through their ears…and then they were both coming with groans and whimpers until Serena fell forwards onto Bernie unable to support herself any longer.

They lay together trembling until Bernie started to wriggle beneath her.

“Could you move your knee?” she muttered, “I’m really sensitive down there.”

Serena tried to coordinate her limbs and eventually they were lying side by side their breathing steadying as the aftershocks subsided.

“Well, at least Elinor won’t find any random pairs of knickers on the floor in the morning,” Bernie observed. “I don’t think I’ve ever had sex wearing so many clothes.”

She turned her head to capture the corner of Serena’s mouth with a small peck.

“Thank you,” she said, “for not allowing me to persuade you to stop. You were right, I definitely needed that.”

A smile spread over Serena’s face, and a wicked glint came into her eye.

“Might I be able to persuade you to sleep over as well then?”

Bernie sighed and shook her head as she pushed herself upright, wincing as she did. Serena noticed and sat up quickly rubbing her hand over Bernie’s back.

“Sorry, is it your back? Not the best location for amorous adventures at our age I know.”

Bernie started to chuckle, just about stifling her usual bark of laughter.

“Darling, none of our last few encounters have been anywhere suitable for our age. This was very comfy in comparison. My back is fine.”

“So why the grimace?” asked Serena, watching a flush colour Bernie’s cheeks.

“Because my jeans and pants are still causing quite a bit of friction,” Bernie admitted, turning even redder, and she stood up pulling at her crotch to relieve the pressure on her clit.

Serena stood up too and Bernie pulled her into her arms. They kissed with rather less urgency than before but an electric undercurrent was still there, tantalising them both. They walked to the front door and kissed again until Bernie regretfully pulled away.

“Ring me, when Ellie’s gone. I don’t want to leave it until next weekend before I see you again.” She rested her head against Serena’s.

“I love you”she said softly.

“Love you too,” Serena whispered. “I promise to think about the photo thing too, okay? I won’t keep you hanging.”

They kissed once more and then Bernie slipped out, before her heart could convince her to stay.

 


	14. Holiday Snaps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena and Bernie head for Wales

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken so long, I know I always say that but I do mean it. It hasn't helped that Gentleman Jack finally appeared on our screens.  
> And the promised smut isn't here either, it would just have made this chapter ridiculously long. So I'm really hoping you'll stick with it.  
> And thanks to everyone who are still leaving such lovely and encouraging comments. ;-)

Chapter 14 : Holiday snaps

 

Bernie was nervous. She was also excited, apprehensive and she suspects (in medical terms) tachycardic. It had been nearly three weeks since she had admitted to Serena that she loved her, the same number of weeks since Serena had told her the same thing. It still felt as if her head might explode every time she thought of this, and she thought of it often, starting with it being her first waking reflection each and every day. She couldn’t quite believe that she, Berenice Griselda Wolfe, had found someone that she wanted to _be_ with for the rest of her life. And that alone was enough to terrify her, imagining the many ways she might fail Serena, because of her own insecurities. Even more scary was the thought that any day now Serena might decide that this little dalliance with the fairer sex had run its course and that she was ready to move on…or back, to men. The fact that she knew that this way of thinking was stemming from her own self-doubt still didn’t stop the nightmares which always came to the surface on the days and nights they were apart.

But she couldn’t deny that most of things in her life at the moment were quite positive. For one thing, barring unforeseen circumstances Serena’s house was now sold, and she in turn had put in an offer for the house in Backwell. It was nearly £10,000 less than the asking price, but Bernie was still very hopeful, that with a little bit of haggling, it would be Serena’s for considerably less than the vendors had put it on the market for. She had been nearly as relieved as Serena when Elinor’s exams were over, and Serena had paid for her to spend a week in Scotland with a couple of close friends. (She’d offered to fund a trip to France, but Elinor had reluctantly admitted that actually being out of the country, and therefore further away from her mother, was still a step too far.)

This Friday morning however, Bernie was anxious for a whole different reason. She had been up since 5am, (it was still only 7am) and in just one hour she would be going to pick up Serena, to go away with her for a long weekend. For nearly four days and three nights, they would be spending every minute together and it seemed a big deal, worrying about how both of them would cope with spending all this time in each other’s company. Missing someone when you didn’t see them for a couple of days was one thing, but this could be taking their relationship to a whole other level. Serena had left all of the arrangements up to her, and there was another reason to be tense. She wasn’t completely sure how much Serena would like being off the beaten track in the middle of Wales, but she had at least made sure that the cottage itself was of a pretty high standard with all the mod cons, even boasting a good WiFi connection. The views seemed to be pretty amazing too, so she had decided to devote some room in the back of the car to her photographic equipment, leaving the boot empty for the excess luggage she was fairly certain Serena would be bringing. She’d tried to hint that apart from one dressy outfit, jeans and walking boots might be the order of the day, which hadn’t gone down particularly well at first.

“I do not intend to spend the whole of the weekend walking through muddy fields,” Serena had said with a stony glare.

Bernie’s heart had sank slightly at her words, but she’d put on a brave face.

“Fair enough,” she lightly replied. “We don’t have to spend every minute in each other’s pockets do we? And I expect I’ll be able to nip out to capture some shots very early in the morning, so we can still spend time in more civilised places, if that’s what you’d prefer.”

Now it was Serena’s turn to feel bad.

“Sorry, I’m excited and thankful for all the effort you’ve put into this, I really am . I just want everything to be right, you know? For us to be happy together..we deserve that, don’t we?”

Bernie had kissed her softly before pushing her down onto the sofa.

“I expect we’ll both have to make some compromises, okay?” She paused to push her hands underneath Serena’s top, dragging her fingers across her stomach. “But I’m pretty sure that we’ll agree about how we want to spend the nights.”

And then in case Serena hadn’t grasped her meaning, Bernie had shown Serena exactly what she meant, in great detail.

 

Serena hadn’t had quite so much time for reflection that morning, having worked a late shift the night before, so she had collapsed into bed more or less as soon as she’d arrived home. That meant that she had less time than usual to agonise whether she had put in enough of a range of clothing to cover every eventuality. When Bernie had arrived at hers she had raised her eyebrows at the amount of luggage but had wisely chosen to say nothing. When they were both seated in the car, Bernie looked at her with shining eyes and a big smile on her face.

“Ready?”

Serena nodded.

“More than ready.”

They leaned towards one another and kissed, and then Bernie started the car and their short holiday began. Bernie had deliberately chosen a location not too far into Wales, figuring that in the event of any emergency they could be back in Holby in an hour and a half at most. Calves Cottage, where they would be spending the weekend, had a check in time of noon, so when they arrived at 9.30am Bernie had already planned on a short ramble, and Serena had happily agreed as she took in the beautiful landscape around them, changing her flat ballet pumps for something a little sturdier.

Retrieving her camera from the car Bernie suggested that they took a route across the rolling countryside to Offa’s Dyke, promising that there was a pub not very far from there that would provide them with coffee and refreshments until they had the energy to walk back. Serena refrained from commenting that she probably had a lot more stamina than Bernie, having to spend many hours on her feet, day in day out, at the hospital. And in fact the ramble was a lot slower than either of them had anticipated as Bernie couldn’t resist stopping and taking photos at every opportunity. Serena was puzzled by some of the things she was snapping, when all she could see was piles of rotting wood or small sections of stone walls. On those occasions she carried on ahead, giving Bernie even more photo opportunities when she noticed Serena leaning against a tree or gazing at the horizon, not to mention becoming hypnotised by the sway of her hips as she walked

It was nearly 11.00 when they arrived at the public house and they were both glad of two large mugs of strong, hot coffee and a selection of Danish pastries. They were seated at a small table and Serena reached down to entwine her fingers with Bernie’s, looking at her shyly.

“Thank you for arranging all of this, it’s a beautiful place. Have you been here before…I mean, is it an area you know well?”

Bernie guessed that Serena was imagining her with Alex or Marcus, and she hastened to reassure her.

“I’ve visited the Brecon Beacons before, when I was doing my degree. There are very dramatic landscapes to be seen around here that I needed for some of my coursework. But…you’re the only person I’ve ever shared them with. The only one I thought would see their beauty as much as I do.”

Serena darted forward to give her a quick peck on her cheek.

“I did notice a fairly vast array of photographic equipment in the back of the car. I hope you’re planning on focusing a little bit of your time just on me?”

Bernie felt her face grow warm at the image that grew in her mind at the question.

“Oh, I’m sure that there will be plenty of opportunities for both of my favourite hobbies,” she said in a low voice, making Serena squirm in her seat. She moved herself even closer, and the suggestive tone in her voice had left Serena with no illusions as to what she was implying.

“Perhaps there might be a way of combining the two?” Serena said, raising an eyebrow seductively and Bernie suddenly found swallowing to be rather difficult.

“I don’t know, would you like me to..think about that?”

Serena felt herself blush as their eyes locked and their breathing became a little ragged.

“Erm….possibly this isn’t the best place to have this conversation?” she said squeakily.

Bernie tightened her grip on Serena’s hand and she stood up quickly almost yanking her to her feet.

“Ready to go?” and without waiting for an answer she was moving, dragging Serena in her wake. They were almost halfway up the green hill from the pub before Bernie slowed her pace, taking a small detour to stop on the edge of a small clump of trees, pushing Serena back against one of them.

“You seem to be in a hurry to get back…” Serena said teasingly, but she was cut off as Bernie’s mouth descended on hers, robbing her of any other coherent thought. She moaned softly as the kiss deepened and she placed her hands on the back of Bernie’s head, fingers tangling in the soft waves as she felt Bernie’s body press her hard against the tree. When they drew apart, their hearts were beating wildly and eyes were bright and shining. They stood for a moment until their breathing steadied and then hand in hand they continued back to the cottage. But for the moment the urgency had gone, safe in the knowledge that there was nearly four days of being together, of time to be spent doing whatever they wished, whenever they chose. Serena felt light-headed at the anticipation of three days when she would awake to the sight of Bernie lying next to her, knowing that neither of them had any other demand on their time. She promised herself to treasure every precious minute, and was relieved to find that in knowing they could be as intimate as they wanted with very little fear of interruption, had helped to lessen her constant need to satisfy her sexual desires every time they touched. Their walk became a saunter, both of them stopping every now and then to marvel at the view around them, Bernie taking photos and Serena mesmerised by the play of patterns made when sunlight shines through the young green leaves of the small copses they pass. Bernie turned to watch her, and struck by the soft dappled shadows playing over her face she lifted her camera, and began to walk slowly towards her, pausing occasionally to take a picture.

Serena had closed her eyes looking upwards, seeing the light flicker through her eyelids, when she suddenly felt Bernie’s palm against her cheek, startling her, and her eyes shot open to see Bernie gazing at her with such love it made her throat tighten. Then her hand slid down Serena’s neck and she was being pulled gently forwards into an intimate, long and heated kiss. When Bernie eased herself away, Serena couldn’t stop a small moan escaping her, eyes still closed as she reached out with one hand, clutching at air in an effort to bring Bernie back into her embrace. When this failed she slowly opened her eyes to see Bernie with the camera in front of her face, pressing the shutter rapidly. She smiled at Serena and took hold of her outstretched hand.

“Come on, let’s get back now. I want to see inside what will be our home for the next few days.”

Serena smiled back and nodded, her heart clenching slightly at the term ‘our home’ and this time their pace was a little faster as they continued their journey.

The cottage turned out to be everything they could both have wished for. It was immaculate and beautifully furnished, and Bernie watched with amusement at how many times Serena’s fingers trailed across the surface of the elegant modern four poster bed as she walked back and forth across the bedroom, decanting her clothes from suitcase to dresser and to the wardrobe. As she hung up her last item of clothing Serena turned to Bernie and raised an eyebrow as she patted the mattress, as if inviting her to come and sit on the bed. Rolling her eyes Bernie shook her head and went back into the living area to sit on the sofa, a very sulky looking Serena trailing behind her.

“I thought we should discuss how we are going to spend the rest of the day,” Bernie said gently.

Serena glared at her.

“I thought that my idea was a perfect way to spend the next few hours,” she said, sounding very disgruntled as she nodded her head back towards the bedroom. Bernie sighed and pulled Serena down to sit on her lap, but she slid off leaving a decent gap between them on the sofa. Bernie sighed again.

“It was..it _is_ a brilliant way to pass the afternoon, but I thought that we could look around a bit first, maybe head off to Abergavenny to pick up a few things and then come back…to pursue other interests?”

Serena huffed a little, but when she looked at Bernie her eyes were soft.

“I just… it’s a..need, not just a want. I don’t ..understand it, really.”

“I know,” murmured Bernie, nuzzling in towards her. “I feel it too. Perhaps over these few days we could somehow find a balance?”

Bernie moved even closer, wrapping her arms around Serena and hugged her tightly, smoothing her hands down her back.

“The wonderful scenery out there wasn’t the only reason I took my camera you know. At least half of the pictures I took had you in them. So that when I look at them I can see how much more beautiful the view is when you’re in it.”

Her face hidden in the crook of Bernie’s neck, Serena grimaced.

“Still don’t quite understand what it is you see..I think that’s part of the problem. Maybe my need is born of constantly wanting to make sure you still fancy me.”

Serena’s voice had grown quite quiet as she spoke and Bernie pulled her head back so she could look at her properly, which caused Serena to redden.

“It’s silly, I know.” She raised her eyes towards the ceiling and then avoided looking back at Bernie. “I don’t doubt you love me, I just can’t quite believe I could be this lucky.”

Then she did meet Bernie’s eyes, and the love she saw there made her catch her breath.

“You ninny,” Bernie whispered. “I’m the lucky one. My mom would have been so proud, because isn’t it every mother’s dream, that her daughter would catch herself a doctor? And here I am with a surgeon no less.”

She felt Serena relax slightly at her attempt at humour and she gave her a grateful smile. Bernie shook her head in wonder that she still didn’t see herself as all that desirable. Ducking her head she pressed her lips to Serena’s revelling in her soft sweetness, and had to pull away sooner than she wanted before she got swept up in the moment.

“Ready to venture forth?” she asked, and this time Serena nodded.

 

They spent a pleasant hour or two wandering around the market town of Abergavenny, often referred to as the ‘Gateway to Wales’, and found a wonderful coffee shop called The Fig Tree, where they ate a late lunch. Serena finished with a slice of pistachio and raspberry cake, whilst Bernie couldn’t resist a very indulgent oreo cookie caramel mocha bar, which she refused to share with Serena, saying it was just too good. After paying, they headed back to the car, and as soon as they climbed inside Serena launched herself at Bernie, her tongue pushing straight into her mouth licking at every nook and cranny until she broke away laughing, her eyes sparkling. Bernie’s face was a sight to behold, her own eyes wide with astonishment, her lips still parted as her tongue reached after Serena’s.

“That Ms Wolfe, is what happens when you deny me a taste of your dessert, especially when I’d already let you have a mouthful of mine.”

Bernie’s eyes darkened as she pulled Serena close.

“In that case, I’m never sharing anything with you again, if that’s what happens,” and this time _she_ took control as she pressed their lips together in a long, luscious, open-mouthed kiss. It seemed minutes passed before they broke apart, panting, not caring that their passionate embrace had caught the attention of a young couple who were staring at them with apparent admiration. Giggling they strapped themselves in and Bernie pulled away much faster than normal commenting that the sooner they got back home the better.

Serena had scarcely put the food she had purchased into the fridge at the cottage, when Bernie spun her round and grabbed her hand, pulling her into the bedroom. Too eager to tease by slowly undressing each other, they divested themselves of their clothes in record time, and fell naked onto the bed, hands roaming wildly over each other’s bodies. In no time at all fingers were firmly wedged between each other’s legs, sinking through warm wet folds to push and stroke in almost perfect rhythm, their eyes locked together, trying to gauge when and where to apply more pressure as their bodies screamed for release. Which of them shouted the loudest they couldn’t tell as they crashed into their orgasm, neither of them stopping the stimulation until they both came again, gasping for breath. Serena pulled Bernie in so that she could rest her head on her chest, listening to her heart thump within her rib-cage, knowing her own was doing exactly the same. Bernie stroked Serena’s hair, and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“I rather think I could do with a nap after that,” she murmured. “How about you?”

“Sounds like one of your better ideas,” Serena observed, licking down the valley between her breasts before sucking briefly at the soft flesh there.

Bernie hissed slightly as she tried to pull the cover over them both. “Stop it,” she admonished, “I need time to recuperate even if you don’t.”

“Sorry,” smiled Serena, not really sorry at all, but she turned onto her side facing away from Bernie, to help her resist temptation, and her smile grew even broader as she felt Bernie move a little closer, draping an arm across her body. Then, temporarily sated, they both gradually fell into an easy slumber.

It was early evening before either of them considered getting up again, and it was only the rumbling of Serena’s stomach that forced the issue. They both decided that it was pointless to get dressed again, so they donned their nightwear, and as Serena cooked a very acceptable chicken stir fry, Bernie sat down with a map and guide book to jot down some ideas for the following day. When Serena brought the two plates of food over she waited impatiently for Bernie to make some space on the sofa so she could sit down.

“I do hope that not all of the activities you have planned for tomorrow require us to be in the great outdoors,” she observed, raising her right eyebrow suggestively.

Bernie inhaled involuntarily just as she’d taken a mouthful of food, and spent the next thirty seconds coughing and spluttering in an attempt to stop herself choking.

“Good grief Serena,” she finally managed to gasp, “you are insatiable, do you know that?”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Serena smirked, and then her deep rooted anxieties kicked back in.

“It’s not is it? I mean I was only teasing, but I don’t want you to think that’s all that we are, or all that I think about in relation to you. You mean far more than that to me, although…”

Her voice trailed off as she saw Bernie grinning at her discomfort. Bernie put her plate on top of her itinerary for the following day, so that she could reach Serena’s lips, brushing them with her own.

“I could quite happily spend the next couple of days in the confines of this cottage with us wearing as few clothes as possible, and I would always want more,” she said softly. “However I also think it would be a shame if we didn’t see a little bit of the world outside these four walls. And I like being with you…I like the world to see that I’ve got the most gorgeous, kind woman who is happy to be seen with _me._ And I promise we’ll be back by 3.00pm, should you need a nap.”

Bernie snorted at Serena’s outraged expression at her last words and she gave her another quick peck to her cheek before picking up her plate to resume eating. Serena, realising that Bernie was teasing and implying a lot more that just a nap, also relaxed and continued with her dinner. When they’d finished Bernie made a few more notes as Serena poured them both a glass of some local wine they had bought that afternoon, which, in spite of it being white, she found rather pleasant and was quick to top herself up. Bernie declined the offer, and as soon as she had completed her agenda she snuggled into Serena’s side her fingers toying with the hem of her camisole top.

“They say it’s going to be very warm tonight you know,” Bernie said, allowing her fingertips to ghost above the skin of Serena’s stomach, making her shiver.

“Right,” she replied. “So are you suggesting that we go to bed a little earlier than usual in case we get too hot to sleep?”

Bernie put her mouth near to Serena’s neck, and blew gently over her pulse point and then up to her ear, keeping very close but not actually touching, making Serena’s insides feel as if they were turning to jelly.

“Hmmm,”she hummed, “something like that. I was probably counting on not sleeping that much if I’m honest.”

Serena made sure her wine glass was safely placed on the side table and stood up.

“In that case Ms Wolfe, I think you’d better lock up and turn out the lights, because I’m already far too warm.”

And with a cheeky grin Serena whipped off her top and disappeared into the bedroom faster than Bernie could scramble off the sofa. She hurriedly made sure the place was secure before following Serena, determined to show her exactly how irresistible she found her.

It was well after midnight and following what was quite possibly their fourth or fifth orgasm since midday, that they both admitted defeat and rolled apart to lie on their backs breathing deeply.

“So,” panted Serena, “any plans for tomorrow, oops today, that you’d care to share with me?”

Bernie chuckled breathlessly.

“Well you can be damn sure there won’t be much walking…I doubt my legs will be functioning normally for at least the next ten hours. Have you been googling lesbian sex by any chance, because that was quite some empirical research you’ve just carried out.”

Serena was glad that the only light coming into the room wasn’t enough to expose her blushes as she made some non-committal noise in her throat.

After their vigorous exercise they were far too hot for spooning, but Bernie edged a fraction closer to Serena and their fingers brushed together. Sated and exhausted their bodies and minds relaxed, gradually drifting off into a deep and relatively dreamless sleep.

 

As usual, Bernie was the first to awake on Saturday morning, and she stretched carefully, not wanting to disturb Serena if she could help it. She turned to look at her, wondering if the ability to sleep quickly and almost anywhere is a habit her body has learned from nights spent in a busy hospital, having to grab whatever rest might be available in between hours spent in an operating theatre. She smiled at her fondly as she slipped out of the bed to head for the bathroom, grabbing her t-shirt from the floor as she went. The daytime temperatures were quite high by midday, but the early part of the morning still felt chilly and it wasn’t as if she had that much flesh on her bones to act as insulation. It was lovely to cuddle up to Serena on cool evenings, felt a bit like having her own portable radiator but wouldn’t tell her that, because she knew it would make her over-sensitive about her body again. She made a detour into the lounge to pick up her camera so that she could scan the pictures she had taken yesterday, to delete any that she wasn’t satisfied with. Switching it on, she sat on the edge of the sofa only to realise she was actually shivering and decided to risk returning to the bedroom to borrow Serena’s bath robe. Camera still in hand she carefully pushed open the door hoping there would be no creaks or groans from the hinges that might rouse her, however the only groan she heard was the one from her own mouth as she took in the sight in front of her. Serena had obviously moved since she had left and maybe she had been reaching for Bernie because, where the cover was slightly askew from her leaving the bed, there was now exposed to sight, the ample curve of Serena’s breasts. And one rose red nipple was poking above the cover, erect from the cooler air, although the smile on Serena’s face made Bernie wonder if there were other factors at play. She stopped where she was and instinctively brought the camera up to her face unable to resist the chance to immortalise such a sight. She took a couple of shots, the early morning sun filtering in through the window bathing the whole room in a soft romantic light, just perfect for capturing the beauty that was laid before her. The noise of the shutter caused Serena to stir, and the smile on her face faded as she grasped at the duvet to pull it up turning slightly as she did. Bernie had frozen in place, holding her breath but Serena was obviously not ready to wake, and her breathing evened out once more. Bernie decided she would try to slip back into bed herself and was surprised at how easy it was, Serena scarcely reacting to her weight pressing down on the mattress. Once she was sure that Serena settled she started to scroll through the photos, smiling at some, frowning at far more, becoming so engrossed in her task that she didn’t really register that Serena was moving around.

“Anything worth keeping?”

Serena’s sleepy question made Bernie jump so much that she nearly threw the camera onto the floor, managing at the last moment to register that the voice was from the woman beside her and nothing to be afraid of. Her heart pounding she turned to look down at Serena with her eyes open and a grin on her face.

“Surprise,” she said playfully. “You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.”

Bernie took a deep breath.

“You scared the living daylights out of me,” she said accusingly. “Not funny.”

Serena sat up in bed gathering the cover up underneath her arms, and leant her head on Bernie’s shoulder.

“Sorry, but you did wake me up when you got back into bed, so I thought you deserved a bit of a shock.”

“You mean you faked being asleep, just so that you could make me jump?”

Bernie had been feeling contrite over disturbing her, but was now wishing she’d woken her sooner. Serena pouted.

“Don’t be so miserable on such a gorgeous day, come on let’s have a look at what you spent most of yesterday doing ,” and she reached over to take the camera out of Bernie’s hands. Bernie sighed and rolled her eyes, refraining from the obvious comment that what she had spent most of the previous day doing had taken place in this room. Instead, heads together she moved the display back to the beginning, to allow Serena to have her opinion on each picture.

Serena made lots of comments to start with, but gradually she said less and less and Bernie nudged her.

“I know, there are a lot that are very similar. You don’t have to continue if you’re getting fed up. And you are allowed to say if there’s any you don’t think are very good.”

Serena cleared her throat.

“No, honestly, most of them are good..very good in fact. There’s just quite a lot with me in them..” Serena’s voice was getting quieter and as she reached the photo that Bernie had taken as she stood amongst the trees, eyes closed, head tilted up towards the sun, she couldn’t stop a soft ‘oh’ from escaping her lips.

Bernie reached her hand across her shoulder, pulling her in close.

“Everything okay?” she murmured, kissing Serena’s cheek.

“Um, yes..I guess.”

Bernie waited.

“It’s just.. I look, well, not too bad there I suppose.”

Bernie kissed her cheek again.

“Bit of an understatement I think, but yes, you do look ‘not too bad’”

Bernie was smiling, taking it slowly, but underneath was desperate for Serena to see the person she was so in love with. It was a split second too late that she remembered that the next shot was the one she had taken this morning, as Serena had already seen it.

The “oh” was a lot louder this time and Bernie felt Serena turning to her with an accusing stare.

“Bernie! What…why would you…No matter, just show me how to delete it please.”

Bernie gently lifted the camera out of Serena’s hands and put it down by the side of the bed.

“No,” she said firmly.

Serena spluttered.

“What do you mean no? You have no right to keep a photo like that on your camera, especially as it was taken without asking. Have you taken others like this that I don’t know about?”

Serena was getting herself worked up as she thought about the picture of Alex that she’d found, the one that Alex had never known had been taken either. It was then that Bernie realised that this wasn’t about the nature of the photo, but the fact that Serena thought she was hiding it from her. She reached for Serena’s hand but she was having none of it and pushed herself up and out of bed, gathering the clothes she had worn yesterday as she stormed out of the room. Bernie, still sitting in the bed, leaned forward and put her head in her hands and gave a deep sigh.

‘ _How on earth did I manage to fuck this up so quickly and spectacularly?’_

She shook her head and got up, quickly pulling on some clothes so that she could go and find Serena, to apologise. Picking up the camera she walked into the lounge expecting to see her sitting there, but there was no sign. The door to the bathroom was open so she could see it was empty and a little tendril of fear started to worm it’s way into her stomach, making it churn. She had a vision of Serena getting into the car and driving away, leaving her no way of following her and she ran through to kitchen flying through the door into the small garden and almost cried with relief as she saw Serena sitting on one of the patio chairs there. Serena’s head had shot up as Bernie burst from the house, but had just as quickly turned her head away indicating she did not want to speak to her. Bernie ignored this slight and walked over to stand by the small table next to her. She switched her camera back on and pushed it across to Serena.

“I know you’re upset and disappointed with me, and I’m not going to try and justify what I did, but I do hope you’ll listen to me. Firstly, I’m sorry I’ve hurt you, I hope you know that I would _never_ knowingly do that. I’m also sorry I stopped you from deleting the photograph when you wanted to. That came from a purely selfish place because I love the way you look there, and I wanted you to see yourself as I do.”

Bernie pinched her lips together and closed her eyes, swallowing hard before continuing.

“I realised too late that you would make a connection between the photo and the one of Alex I had back at my flat. That was taken in a moment of weakness when I’d already known that I was losing her and I was stupid enough to want to remind myself of what I had lost. This one,” pointing at the camera, “I took because…I wanted to somehow capture everything you are…to me. But I can understand that you feel….that I’ve overstepped a mark. It’s a bit too late, but please delete it if you want to. In fact look at all the photos on there of you and get rid of any you’re not happy with, for whatever reason. Just don’t disappear without talking to me, please?”

Bernie choked back a sob, but stood there until Serena met her eyes and nodded her agreement, and then she walked back into the cottage and curled into as small a place on the sofa as she could, her stomach and mind churning over at the thought that once again the mess was entirely of her own making. Every minute that passed seemed like an hour, and she was certain that by the time she felt Serena sit down next to her and heard the clunk of the camera being put on the coffee table, it was at least midday.

She slowly unfurled herself and sat up, and although she hadn’t been crying her eyes were red and her face pale. Serena’s heart clenched at the sight, but she needed to say a few things too, before they could move past this.

“Erm..not quite the turn I was expecting this weekend would take…. you neither I’m sure. I accept your apology that you never meant to hurt me and I _have_ deleted the last shot, but not to punish you. I’ve also been through all of the pics you’ve taken since we met and I couldn’t quite believe how many there were with me in them, admittedly most of which I did know about, but still quite a lot that I didn’t. And I _can_ see that most of them are because you felt that a figure somewhere would help the composition?” She raised a questioning eyebrow and Bernie nodded briefly.

“I was surprised to see myself in the photos you took the first time we visited the house I’m buying, and I don’t think my presence adds anything to the shot so I do wonder why, on what was possibly only the third time we’d met, you felt compelled to do that?”

Bernie shifted uncomfortably but did her best to answer honestly.

“I think…I _know_ I’d already started to feel a connection with you, and found myself wanting to include you in the picture without registering exactly why. I did look at them, at you, many times after that, as my attraction to you grew. They helped me to recall things you’d said, and yes, now I’m saying it out loud it does make me sound a bit like a stalker, but I struggled at first to understand and accept the emotions you aroused in me.”

Serena watched Bernie’s hands twisting together as she talked and she covered them with her own in an attempt to soothe the turmoil she could see in her eyes, from the brief glances she had shot her way.

“Now it’s my turn to apologise,” Serena said firmly, putting a finger to Bernie’s lips as she made as if to interrupt her.

“My response to that picture was the way I would have reacted if I had discovered any of my other sexual partners had taken a similar snap. As something they would have shown to others to boast about their prowess in getting me into bed. Even Edward,” she scoffed.

“And that’s why I’m sorry, because I _know_ that you would never do that, that you’re just not capable of behaving in that way. And that makes you better than I am because your mind isn’t wired that way, would never jump to that kind of a conclusion.”

There was silence for a moment or two.

“So..erm, why…hmm, why did you delete it? Did..did you hate it…the way you looked?”

Serena blushed.

“Far from it,” she said quietly, “the way it was framed, the light…it was probably the most attractive I’ve seen myself in recent years.” She squeezed Bernie’s hand tightly. “Which made up my mind that if you did still want to do a proper photoshoot of me, without…many clothes on, then I’d like that too. So I thought that if I got rid of that one, we could do it properly, the way you hoped. Because I trust you, completely, and I do want to learn to love myself again, warts and all.”

Bernie’s heart was pounding wildly, which seemed to be a regular occurrence when she was near to Serena, and she could feel tears start to prick at her eyelids.

“Thank you,” she whispered, hastily wiping her eyes before any tears could fall. She’d been so good at burying her emotions over the years, she supposed that letting her guard down to let Serena in had made an irreparable hole in her defences. But she was glad. It was good to feel again, to care about someone so much that you’d do almost anything to make them happy. Even arguments and disagreements and misunderstandings like this that were hard to deal with at least made her feel part of the world again. Living rather than existing.

“I would love that, as long as you’re sure.”

Serena leaned in towards her and kissed her softly, as Bernie wrapped her arms around her.

“So, shall we see if we can salvage what’s left of the morning?” Bernie asked tentatively, looking at her watch for the first time since 6.30am. She was astonished to see it was still only just after 10.00am, which prompted her to jump up, pulling Serena to her feet.

“Come on, you need to go and get changed..I’m assuming you don’t really want to go out in yesterday’s clothes. I think we can do most of what I’d planned and still be back mid-afternoon.”

Serena was already halfway to the bedroom.

“That’s fine by me, but you’d better have us back here on time. I think that to get past this completely we need to make up properly if you catch my drift,” Serena observed, winking as she disappeared from sight. Bernie exhaled slowly, very tempted to shelve her plans and just follow her to show just how repentant she was. She gritted her teeth and turned away to retrieve the itinerary she had prepared yesterday, already imagining how she could make Serena beg _her_ for mercy.

 


	15. Definitely Not Holiday Snaps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a pleasant few hours in Hay-on-Wye, Bernie wants to show Serena how much she loves her 'warts and all' and finally persuades her to pose for her camera.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back to the smut..surprise I know.  
> However I think I've been affected by the courtship techniques of the great Anne Lister, (otherwise known as Gentleman Jack), so on the whole there's a lot more sighing and breathing and tenderness involved.  
> (At least that's the image I had in mind when writing it)

Chapter 15 : Definitely Not Holiday Snaps

 

 

Bernie sat quietly in the car waiting for Serena, her fingers tapping lightly on the steering wheel. The outward façade of calm was just that..a façade. Her mind was going over and over, asking how many times, in their relatively short relationship, one of them had managed to get hold of the wrong end of the stick and then used it to beat themselves up with it. Given how quickly their friendship had progressed she was inclined to think that occasions like these were inevitable, that there was still so much for them to learn about one another in spite of the intimacies they had shared.

‘ _Would things have been any different,’_ she mused for the umpteenth time, ‘ _if we had met before this point in our lives? Or would we have been too consumed by other things, other people, to have been able to really_ _ **see**_ _each other?’_

She shook her head in frustration. The ‘what ifs’ didn’t matter. They were here, now, and the fact of the matter was that she loved Serena with a passion she had believed she wouldn’t feel again, and she wanted nothing more than to make her happy. She was so lost in her thoughts she hadn’t registered that Serena had already slipped into the passenger seat, and so was startled when she felt a hand close over her own, still drumming with nervous energy.

“Stop it,” said Serena quietly.

Bernie’s head whipped round at the touch and the words.

“Sorry?”

“Stop over-thinking it. We’re two different people who react to things in different ways. Disagreements and arguments are inevitable, but not terminal. When you’re in love with someone you’re still allowed to get annoyed or disappointed with them sometimes.”

She smiled fondly at Bernie and brushed a kiss to her cheek before reaching to put on her seat belt.

“Let’s just promise each other that we will make an effort to talk about things if they’re bothering us. Unless it involves religion or politics, I think we should keep those off the agenda for the time being.”

Serena’s eyes crinkled at the corners in amusement and Bernie smiled ruefully.

“Point taken. I will disengage my brain, apart from the bit that I need to drive this car safely and to tell you how lovely you look.”

She kissed Serena briefly.

“I love you,” she said. “Just wanted to remind you.”

Serena nodded, her cheeks pinking as she managed to stammer, “I know. I love you too,” and misunderstandings put to one side, they set off to explore Hay-on-Wye.

Bernie had long wanted to visit this ‘town of books’ and seeing it for the first time with Serena, it did not disappoint. After parking the car they first chose to wander some of the side streets and were captivated by the small but cozy looking houses that nestled closely to each other. Serena stopped outside one of them which had the name plate of Lavender Cottage. She leant towards Bernie as she slipped her arm through hers.

“Maybe somewhere like this would be my final move,” she said teasingly, “when I’m ready to turn my back on paid employment. Do you think they have a W.I. around here?”

Bernie roared with laughter causing Serena to pout, and she tried to contain her mirth.

“Sorry,” she spluttered, “I just had an image of you in a tiny kitchen making jam, swearing like a trooper, with splashes of red, sugary syrup all over the walls..and your face.”

She bent her head to kiss her briefly.

“I’d happily come and lick it off for you.”

Serena raised an eyebrow. “All of it?”

“Off your face…not the walls,” Bernie hurriedly added. “Shall we look for somewhere to have brunch?”

Serena accepted the sudden change of subject with good grace, and a few minutes later they were walking hand in hand into Richard Booth’s bookshop, that also housed a very pleasant coffee shop. Serena loosed hands as soon as they entered, still a little uncertain about showing affection in some places. She wasn’t ashamed, but she hadn’t previously spent her life feeling under close scrutiny about whom she had chosen as a partner, and she found herself looking around, trying to gauge other people’s reactions. Outside, in the street she found it easier, but when faced with strangers at close quarters she couldn’t stop the feeling that she was being judged, even though she so far had no evidence to prove that.

‘ _I wonder if my fear is because I tend to judge others rather too easily?’_ she thought, not liking that idea at all. She took a deep breath and took Bernie’s hand back into her own, and was rewarded with a beaming smile.

After coffee and substantial slices of cake, they started to look around a number of the bookshops, idly perusing the shelves…at least Serena was, Bernie however seemed to have a definite agenda in mind, anxious to quickly move on when she didn’t find what she was looking for. Serena trailed around in her wake, happy enough to peruse the bookcases with no real intention of buying anything, but in the third shop they visited, she found a shelf full of Mary Webb novels and a memory of reading Precious Bane when she was in her late teens came flooding back. Recalling how much she had enjoyed it at the time she pulled a copy from the shelf, along with 2 others that she thought she might enjoy, Gone to Earth and Seven for a Secret. As she went to pay for them she heard a squeal from behind another row of bookcases, and poking her head around the corner she saw Bernie practically dancing with delight, holding a fairly weighty tome to her chest.

“Looks like your quest has been successful,” she observed. “Can I see?”

She walked towards Bernie who held out the book to her, swapping it for the three paperbacks that Serena was clutching, giving her the chance to study the book she was so happy to have found.

Serena looked briefly at the cover, 'Robert Mapplethorpe – The Photographs', and then turned a few pages to see what had got Bernie so excited. After a couple of minutes she looked up at her, a bemused look on her face.

“Some very interesting images in here,” she remarked. “I’m not sure that I would have considered them to be _quite_ your sort of thing..”

Bernie rolled her eyes in mock exasperation.

“Just because I prefer the female body in my own life, does not mean that I can’t appreciate the male figure, especially when it’s so artfully portrayed.”

Serena nodded and turned her attention back to the book, paying close attention to the male nudes she had been referring to. Bernie watched her staring hard at them with what she considered to be in very close detail, and she opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it, struggling to voice what she had been thinking.

Serena had noticed and waited patiently for her to sort out what she was wanting to say.

“You know you’ve only recently..discovered..erm, your attraction to women. Would you..? Um, do you…still, you know, think or want…?”

Blushing, her voice tailed off as she realised that Serena’s answer to her question might not be what she wanted to hear. Serena took pity on her and smiled fondly, placing the book back on the shelf for a moment as she pushed Bernie against the bookcase.

“Are you trying to ask me whether I still fancy men? Or whether I miss having sex with a man?” she murmured quietly.

Bernie’s breathing hitched as she felt Serena’s breath near her ear, but her eyes couldn’t hide the anxiety she was feeling. Serena pressed her body against Bernie for a brief moment before pulling away with a smirk on her face.

“I don’t really think here is the place for a conversation like this, is it? Come on, let’s pay for our books and head back to the car. I seem to remember someone promising we’d be back by 3pm, although I'm sure I don't why, and we’re cutting it a little fine.”

Serena turned on her heels, and walked towards the counter giving her hips an extra wiggle as she did. At the end of the shelving she turned to look over her shoulder at Bernie who was still standing there with a dazed look on her face. She raised her eyebrow provocatively. 

“Earth to Bernie,” she said heading for the till, and Bernie sprang back to life grabbing her book to follow her. Minutes later they were on the street and Bernie set off at a fast pace, back to the car park in Oxford Rd. By the time Serena caught up with her Bernie was already seated in the car, and as she climbed into the passenger seat she started the ignition.

“Hey, steady on there, let me at least catch my breath,” Serena said.

Bernie relaxed her grip on the steering wheel.

“Sorry, I…you..” Bernie looked bashfully at Serena and tried again. “Those hips…I think you know what effect that had on me.”

“Uh huh, I think I get the idea,” she said with a smile. “But let’s just have a leisurely drive back, and make sure we arrive in one piece, yes?”

When they arrived back at the cottage Bernie put their purchases on the coffee table in the lounge whilst Serena made them both a cup of tea, and then joined her on the sofa.

“So, do you really want to know if I still fancy men, or are you regretting asking me that?”

Bernie tipped her head to the side considering her reply.

“Right now? Yes I am regretting it, it was a stupid thing to say.”

“In that case would you rather forget it? Pretend you hadn’t spoken?”

Bernie sighed and then shook her head.

“No..because it’s the sort of thing that will eat away at me and then in my head it’ll end up being much more that it should.”

Serena leaned forwards brushing her lips against Bernie’s cheek.

“You’re learning,” she said softly, as she considered her answer.

“I still find some men attractive, and I perhaps do think occasionally about sex with a man. And if _we_ were to fall apart..for whatever reason..would I consider a man as a future partner?”

She gave a small shrug.

“I really don’t know, I can't say for certain that it would be off the table. But if you’re asking if I dream of being with a man, or a woman, instead of you, then the answer is no…a million times no. Because I cannot conceive wanting _anyone_ more than I want you, in fact I can no longer imagine my life without you in it. I love you and that is something I wouldn’t trade for anything.”

Bernie felt tears slide down her cheeks, even as she smiled, and picking up one of Serena’s hands she pressed the palm to her lips.

“Fancy a nap?” she mumbled, too overcome to say anymore, and standing, she gently pulled Serena to her feet as she walked slowly towards the bedroom.

Serena chuckled. “Why do I have a feeling that taking a nap is the last thing on your mind?”

Bernie slid an arm around Serena’s waist and raised both eyebrows invitingly.

“I wouldn’t say that, we might need one…afterwards.”

They had reached the bed and turning, Serena enveloped Bernie in her arms, so that her head came to rest in the crook of her neck, their hands splayed against each others back. It felt so comfortable, so right to be together, and minutes passed with the only sound either of them could hear was the beat of muffled hearts and slow, steady breathing. Without any words being spoken they slowly released their hold on each other and began to undress, mere inches apart but not touching, until they were both naked. Bernie threw back the cover and sat on the bed, and putting her hands on Serena’s hips she pulled her in so she could rest her head against her body. Serena’s fingers tangled through Bernie’s hair as she pressed kisses onto the top of her head, and then her hands dropped down onto her shoulders and Bernie felt herself being pushed gently backwards to lie on the bed. Serena lay down beside her and their hands moved slowly over each others bodies, touching and soothing, but subtly seeking out those spots that started their pulses racing. Bernie hovered slightly above Serena, their lips almost meeting before Bernie veered to one side to whisper softly about how much she loved to feel Serena’s body responding to her. She gasped in turn as Serena dragged fingers down her side and then curled them to dig her nails into the flesh of her right buttock. But it was when Bernie’s hand trailed lightly up Serena’s right leg to rest against the triangle of curly hair at the apex of her thighs that everything moved up a notch. Serena’s lips parted as she gave a breathy moan, and her legs opened, inviting Bernie to slide her hand down between them. Bernie watched a rosy blush suffuse Serena’s chest and face, as her fingers pushed through swollen labia, to feel how wet with arousal she was, a condition she knew was mirrored in her own body. They arched towards each other, sighs and groans filling the air as Bernie slid two fingers straight inside Serena, the closeness of their bodies causing the heel of her hand to brush against her clit, making Serena tremble with desire.

“Christ,” she whispered as Bernie’s hand began a steady rhythm of thrusts in and out, but this time she took care not to put any pressure against that tiny bundle of nerves. She noticed, with a small degree of detachment, that Serena was scrabbling frantically at the sheet below her, as if trying to find purchase on the neck of a runaway horse, whilst her hips moved ever higher from the bed as she chased every slight withdrawal of Bernie’s fingers.

Although never silent, Bernie didn’t think she had heard Serena be quite so vocal before, as breathy exclamations of ‘yes’ and ‘don’t stop’ and ‘faster’ echoed around the room. Then the shouts became whimpers as Serena pleaded for her release, ‘please Bernie’ and ‘oh god’ and finally ‘more’. Bernie bent down to murmur in her ear.

“Is another one enough, my darling,” she asked, a third finger hovering at her entrance as she waited for Serena’s reply. “Tell me, please..”

Serena mewled as Bernie ceased all movement and she nodded desperately as she pulled Bernie’s lips to hers, managing to gasp ‘yes’ into her mouth, and was instantly rewarded as she was filled once again, burning at the stretch. This time, with each thrust Bernie allowed her hand to strike against Serena’s swollen clit and watched with utter joy as Serena arched her back and positively screamed, her legs stiffening as she convulsed against Bernie, soaking her hand in her ecstasy.

Moments passed and neither of them moved. Serena could feel tremors as her vagina still gripped Bernie’s fingers and she wondered if she had orgasmed a second time, so strong was the fluttering going on inside her. She groaned as Bernie slowly withdrew her hand, and squirmed slightly as she felt a little sore. Opening her eyes she saw Bernie’s face looking at her with concern.

“Are you okay?” she whispered anxiously, “I haven’t hurt you?”

Serena reached up to stroke Bernie’s face before pulling her down into a gentle kiss.

“Never,” she murmured, “unless you were to tell me that that was the last time you’d make love to me.”

Bernie eyes were glistening with tears again as she returned the kiss, unwilling to contemplate such an awful thought. The kiss deepened and their tongues entwined, as their bodies pressed close and their limbs intermingled. Bernie allowed Serena to push her backwards so that she was now in the dominant position, loving the heavy feel of Serena’s breasts as they moved against her own.

“Well, you certainly came good on your promise from this morning,” Serena said, her low velvety voice causing Bernie’s stomach to quiver in anticipation. She ran her tongue down Bernie’s neck, pausing at her pulse point to kiss and nibble at the skin there, then she kissed all along her clavicle to her shoulder, which she nipped with her teeth making Bernie whimper.

“You know,” she said matter of factly, “I rather think I’m in need of a shower after your  _incredibly_ welcome attentions. Care to join me?”

Serena quirked her right eyebrow before pushing herself up from the bed heading for the bathroom. Bernie stumbled after her, not willing to let her out of her sight.

“Um..are you sure?” she tentatively asked, before smiling broadly. “I thought baths were more your thing?”

Serena was already in the shower turning it on, and she held out her hand for Bernie join her.

“Oh you’re right, I do like a good soak, but I think I want to offer you something a little more…vigorous, at the moment.”

She pulled Bernie under the stream of warm water and wrapped her arms around her waist, kissing her passionately, reveling in the feel of their bodies sliding together. Breaking apart she picked the soap and proceeded to work up a lather between her hands, noting with satisfaction that Bernie seemed mesmerised by the sight.

“Shower gel on body buffers and sponges is all very well,” Serena said seductively, “but I don’t think you can beat the sensation of fingers against skin…to be sure you reach every nook and cranny.”

She stroked her soapy hands down Bernie’s arms and then back up, pushing them up over Bernie’s head so that she could brush her armpits with the back of her hands before kissing them briefly. Bernie tried not to wriggle as the sensitivity there bordered the line between sexy and being tickled, and then nearly lost her balance as Serena pushed her gently towards the wall of the shower, gasping as her back met the cooler tiles. Serena proceeded to soap her hands again and then started to massage Bernie’s breasts, her palms dragging against her taut rosy nipples causing her to give a strangled cry of pleasure. Serena dropped her hands lower onto Bernie’s hips and then stroked across her belly, noticing with delight how it quivered at her touch.

“Ohh,” came the breathy sigh and then Bernie was being turned again, this time her front was pressed to the wall as Serena smoothed her hands up and down her spine before firmly grasping her backside. Bernie’s legs buckled slightly as Serena pulled her cheeks apart and she felt the water from the shower trickling between her legs, mixing with her own juices that she knew were pooling there. Feeling as if she needed to claw back some control Bernie cleared her throat as she attempted to speak.

“Erm,” she croaked, “I thought it was you than needed the shower, rather than me?”

Serena removed her hands from Bernie’s ass, giving it a playful slap and squeeze as she did. Spinning Bernie back around she picked up the soap once again and took a step backwards.

“You’re right, of course” she said with a smirk, “could you just stay there for a moment? This won’t take long.”

Serena stepped under the full flow of the shower and started to rub the soap all over her body, paying particular attention to her own breasts, her nipples hardening as she did. The soft almost desperate moans coming from Bernie as she watched, spurred her on and she took the soap lower over her stomach and then lower still. She widened her stance and massaged the soap over her thighs moving upwards until it disappeared from sight between her legs. The edge of it caught the tip of her clit that was still swollen enough to be peeking through her outer lips, causing her to gasp and drop the bar on the floor of the shower.

“God…Serena,” panted Bernie her eyes wide and black with desire, and Serena moved swiftly back to her, ignoring the throb between her own legs. She turned her once again but this time she pulled Bernie in so that her back was pushing against Serena’s front, and the feeling of her nipples dragging over Bernie’s spine made Serena breathless too.

She cupped Bernie’s breasts with her hands, rolling both nipples between her finger and thumb and was rewarded by Bernie pushing her backside into her, rocking backwards and forwards, which sent bolts of electricity to Serena’s core. Leaving her breasts for the moment Serena slid one hand around Bernie’s waist and with the other she cupped over her mons, her fingers just toying with the top of her vulva. Bernie groaned and put a hand out to grasp the towel rail in an effort to steady herself, at the same time pushing her feet further apart so that Serena could reach between her legs. As Serena’s fingers dragged through her lips and over her clit, Bernie started to whimper and her other hand covered Serena’s as she sought to make her press harder every time she swept from her opening upwards to her nub. Knowing how desperate she was for release Serena kept her fingers on Bernie’s clit, kneading it roughly and Bernie’s hand fell away trying to find purchase elsewhere in an attempt to stay upright as she teetered on the edge of her orgasm, her breathing coming in ragged grunts as the pressure built. She came from a final tweak from Serena’s finger and thumb throwing her head back with a guttural cry. Serena tightened her grip around her waist and at the same time fastened her lips to the base of her neck kissing and sucking with no small measure of force. As Bernie slumped forwards, her forehead now resting against the shower wall, Serena (with a final flick to her clit which caused another twitch and moan) withdrew her hand from between her thighs and turned the shower off.

“Hang on there..hmm? I’m just getting us both a towel.”

Bernie’s legs buckled slightly as Serena removed her supporting arm from around her waist, but she managed to stay upright and it was only moments later she felt herself being wrapped in a luxurious bath sheet, and then led gently to sit back down on the bed. As she felt Serena sit down beside her, Bernie began to smile, and she leaned over to kiss her still damp shoulder.

“That was,” she puffed her cheeks and exhaled softly, “surprising, and wonderful. You really are the most seductive woman I have ever known.”

Serena blushed and to cover her embarrassment she went back into the en-suite to get a hand towel for Bernie to dry her hair with.

She opened her own travel bag and took out her hairdryer, which she plugged in next to the bed.

“You’re welcome to use this after me, if you want. My hair goes as flat as a pancake if I don’t fluff it up a bit.”

Bernie was already vigorously towelling her hair dry, and she waived her hand dismissively.

“It’s fine, you know me..messy hair is sort of my thing.”

She nudged Serena, and they both started to laugh. Turning to face a small mirror Serena switched on the hairdryer just as Bernie stood up from the bed to go and sort out something to slip on for the rest of the day. Bearing in mind that they weren’t planning on going out again, she settled on a t-shirt she often wore to bed and a pair of joggers. When she turned back to look at Serena her breathing hitched as she took in the sight of her, naked from the waist up; the towel that had been secured around her having worked loose as she dried her hair. Tiptoeing back towards the lounge Bernie picked up her camera before returning to the bedroom in time to see Serena putting the hairdryer down as she pulled the towel up ready to stand up.

“Don’t move,” she blurted out, and Serena looked around, startled, then noticed the camera in Bernie’s hand. She didn’t say anything, waiting for Bernie to explain her outburst.

“Could you..would you mind, just looking back towards the wall?” she stuttered. “You have such a beautiful back, and your shape is so…” Bernie took a deep breath. “I want to take a picture, if you’ll allow me to.”

Serena stared at Bernie for a moment, a mixture of emotions running through her mind, and then deciding to be brave, she nodded.

“Okay.”

Bernie waited for her to resume the pose she had been in when she had come into the room and raised her camera to her face, taking a steadying breath or two to make sure there would be no camera shake when she pressed the shutter. She took three pictures in quick succession and then asked Serena if she would use one of her hands to brace herself against the bed so she could lean to the right. She explained she wanted to show the curve of her spine to create another angle for the soft sunlight streaming into the room to bounce off. With just a moments hesitation, Serena did as she asked, butterflies dancing in her stomach as she realised that the position would reveal more of her bum and the swell of her breast as well. She heard the camera click a number of times, also aware that Bernie was moving around as she snapped getting ever closer to her. Then she felt Bernie’s lips pressing a kiss to the nape of her neck, her breath causing goosebumps as moved her mouth close to Serena’s ear.

“If I take away the towel, and ask you to lie down with your arm just curled under your head, still with your back to me, would you be alright with that?”

Serena huffed and turned her head slightly so that she could look at Bernie, as more anxieties surfaced.

“Erm.. I’m not sure…I mean my huge ass and hips will be on full display won’t they?”

Bernie nuzzled into Serena’s neck.

“I promise you, your behind is in no way _huge,_ it’s incredibly womanly, and very, very sexy. If you think you could let me take some shots, I will delete them instantly if, when you look, you hate them, any of them. But if you say no, that’s fine too. I don’t want you to think that I will be disappointed in your decision..it’s your body.”

Serena could hear the love in Bernie’s voice and she had meant what she had said that morning about trusting her, so she reached underneath her pulling the towel free and dropped it to the floor.

Bernie swallowed and whispered a barely audible “thank you”, before manoeuvring Serena so that the golden light was highlighting all her curves in the softest way possible.

She took half a dozen shots before placing the camera onto the floor and then slid onto the bed wrapping her arm around Serena’s waist, spooning her, kissing delicately across her shoulders as she murmured over and over how much she loved her. She felt Serena slowly relax into her embrace, even trembling slightly as the tension she had been holding inside began to dissipate. Finally she turned towards Bernie, so that they could kiss properly.

“Am I forgiven for pushing you a bit further than you wanted?” Bernie asked breathlessly when they broke apart.

“I guess..,” Serena answered. “If I’m honest, in spite of my misgivings, it was quite..um...well, exciting?”

She blushed and averted her eyes from Bernie, looking for all the world like someone who was far more innocent and chaste than the woman who had ravished her only thirty minutes ago.

Bernie grinned and pulled Serena’s chin up to force her to look at her.

“Are you trying to tell me that you got a little bit turned on by it, eh? Should I check on that?”

And teasingly she moved one of her hands down over Serena’s stomach, her fingers tapping suggestively as they got lower, until her wrist was suddenly caught in an iron like grip by Serena, a dangerous glint in her eye.

“That will not be necessary,” Serena said in a firm voice. “Things are still a little ‘jumpy’ down there, thank you.”

Bernie gave a short bark of laughter and put her hand back around Serena, drawing her close to pepper her face with kisses. She felt Serena shiver involuntarily, and realised she felt quite cool to the touch.

“Come on, find yourself some clothes while I go and start cooking something for tea. And perhaps we can look at the photos after, if you want to?”

 

It took a little longer that Bernie had thought it would, before they were curled up together on the sofa, due mainly to Serena insisting that they washed up and put stuff away before they sat down. Bernie got the impression that she was trying to stave off the moment, but when she could prevaricate no longer, she allowed Bernie to go and get the camera. She could feel the tension in Serena, and she took hold of one of her hands and stroked it gently.

“Would you rather I left you to look on your own, or I could load them onto your laptop, they might be clearer on that.”

Serena raised her eyebrows in disbelief.

“Seeing any picture of me made bigger is not going to help my anxieties right now.” She softened her voice. “And I want you to stay please.”

Bernie put the camera in her hands and pressed the playback button, placing a quick kiss to Serena’s cheek and rested her head on her shoulder so she could look at the same time.

There was silence for a while as Serena looked at all the photos, with just the occasional sharp intake of breath from both of them. She looked at them again, and then for a third time before placing the camera to the side of her. Still silence. Bernie waited to see if she would say anything, but the quiet was beginning to feel oppressive and she felt her limbs start to twitch with the effort of keeping still. She jumped when Serena finally spoke.

“What did you think of them? Did you like them?”

Bernie swallowed with difficulty, and her voice sounded strained when she replied.

“It’s not really about what I think, is it? It’s about how you feel about them….isn’t it?”

Serena sighed and shook her head a little.

“I just want to know what you saw when you looked through the viewfinder and whether it’s any different to what you captured in the photos.”

Bernie uncurled her legs from the sofa and stretched them out, trying to relieve the tension that was flowing through her body. When she spoke her voice was quiet, but full of sincerity.

“When I looked at you with the camera in my hand, I saw the woman I love, and felt how much I wanted to preserve the image before me. When I look at the pictures I took, first and foremost I still see the woman I love. But I also see the shape of you and the beauty of your body, the light reflecting off your skin and all the dips and hollows that I have traced with my fingers and my mouth. Am I happy with them…yes. Do I think I could have made them better? Always..because I could never be satisfied with anything that is less than the person in front of me.”

Serena’s eyes grew wide as she listened and she could feel her chest tightening as Bernie’s words spilled out of her, thinking she had never heard her so eloquent before. She reached across to wipe the single tear that was making a trail down her lover’s cheek before folding her hands over Bernie’s.

“In that case, I should tell you that I like them too.” She paused. “And I’m also sorry, because I don’t think I’ll ever _love_ my body in the way you want me to, but you have helped me see that there can be beauty in the most ordinary of things. And I’m certainly not ashamed of how you have portrayed me. Especially the last few shots, which were the ones I was dreading.”

Hearing Serena say that she no longer felt so uncomfortable about her body as before, made Bernie’s heart soar and she gathered her into her arms hugging her for all she was worth. When Serena finally broke away, needing to breathe without feeling as if her ribs might crack, both of their faces were rather damp. Rubbing Bernie’s arm affectionately, Serena had a challenge of her own for her.

“Even if I’d hated myself in your pictures, there is something that I’ve wanted to raise for a while and I feel we should talk about it. If not today, then soon.”

Bernie gave Serena a wary look, not sure where this conversation was heading.

“You’re a good photographer, no, a _really talented_ photographer, and I think it should be a much bigger part of your life. Using your skill to just take photos of house interiors feels like such a waste of this creative side to you. It should be more than just a hobby.”

Serena’s words echoed in Bernie’s head, and her stomach clenched at the thought of risking her livelihood for what she had long thought of as a mere indulgence; she had buried that part of her for so long she’d grown used to ignoring it. It had only been since she had met Serena that long felt wants had begun to re-surface. Sensing the turmoil going on within her, Serena curled her hand around Bernie’s neck and pulled her in for a long languid kiss.

“Will you promise me to think about it? I know it’s not something you could do overnight or maybe not even full time but I’d be willing to bring my Harvard MBA into play if you wanted business advice.”

Sighing Bernie brought her forehead to rest against Serena’s.

“Okay, I promise to give it full consideration, but, first things first.”

She started to nibble at her ear and her hand slid under the camisole top Serena was wearing, until it was resting against the underside of Serena’s left breast. She blew softly into her ear and down her neck, noting with delight the sight of Serena’s nipples suddenly visible against the silky material covering them.

“What do you think about having an early night?”

 


	16. Good times are here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last day of their mini break, and neither of them are looking forward to returning to Holby and reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not quite as long as previous chapters, but with some angst on the horizon I thought I'd give you some sweet fluffy smut to build you up.  
> I've also noticed a few more 'Hmm's' in this chapter. Gentleman Jack still influencing me. ;-)

Chapter 16 : Good times are here

 

 

Bernie turned over lazily, stretching as she did, and winced. A satisfied smile spread over her face as she looked fondly at the woman lying next to her, recalling how their seemingly insatiable need for each other had lasted well into the early hours, and that her body was now protesting a little at the range of activities they had indulged in. Her eyes travelled up and down the shape of Serena’s body, delighting in the fact that even though every curve was currently hidden from view, the naked image of her was indelibly burnt into her brain. When the first tendrils of desire stirred between her legs again, she couldn’t stop the soft chuckle that escaped her lips as she closed her eyes for a moment, thinking that she needed a little longer to recover before she went there again.

“Well you sound pleased with yourself,” came the sleepy voice of Serena, who had just managed to force one eye open.

Bernie shuffled closer and placed a kiss onto the bare shoulder nearest to her.

“I think we _both_ have good reason to be pleased with ourselves,” she murmured. “I haven’t spent a night like that for….well, ever.”

Serena’s eyes opened wider in amusement.

“Hmmm. In that case, before you get any other ideas, I need the bathroom and a coffee. Can I get you one too?”

“Please.” Bernie said, and watched as Serena pushed herself up and off the bed, unable to hide the grin as she heard an ‘oof’ and saw the grimace that crossed her face.

“You okay?” Bernie asked innocently.

Serena turned, and gave her a withering stare when she saw the smirk on Bernie’s face.

“Don’t kid me that you aren’t every bit as sore as I am, Berenice.”

Bernie loved it when Serena used her full name, like a school mistress admonishing an errant pupil, and gave a small gasp as another throb between her legs told her that there was a fantasy still to be explored. She winked at her and nodded.

“Worth it though.”

She watched Serena walk carefully to the en-suite and waited patiently until she emerged wrapped in a bathrobe, to go and make them coffee. Moving just as gingerly as Serena had before her she went into the bathroom, picking up her t-shirt from the floor on the way, and was back in bed before Serena returned holding two mugs, one of which she passed to Bernie as she slid in next to her. For a few minutes they sat and drank in silence.

They both put their empty cups to one side and snuggled into one another. Serena rested her head on Bernie’s chest.

“Do you have anything planned?” she asked.

Bernie cupped her hand under Serena’s chin to tip her head back so she could kiss her gently. Barely moving her lips away she blew softly across to Serena’s ear.

“No major plans,” she whispered, “ just something to occupy you for about forty minutes.”

She saw the smirk on Serena’s face and rolled her eyes.

“No,” she said in a firm voice that belied the fact that she was gently stroking Serena’s hand, “this only involves _you_. I was thinking of something to soothe and relax any aching..muscles. I thought you might like to luxuriate in a nice hot bath.”

Serena’s eyes gleamed.

“Does sound heavenly, but I’ll only agree if you share it with me.”

Bernie started to protest but Serena pressed a finger to her lips.

“You’ve already intimated that you are also experiencing some _discomfort_ from our recent activities so, at our age and as a doctor I advise you to listen to your body and admit that you are in need of a good soak as well.”

Bernie inclined her head and pursed her lips in acknowledgment of the truth of Serena’s words.

“Alright, _but_ I veto anything more intimate than sharing the same bath. At ‘our age’, as you so delicately put it, we also need to recognise that our bodies take longer to recover from rigorous exercise. I’m sure that the doctor in you would agree. Hmm?”

It was Serena’s turn to roll her eyes, but nodded her agreement eagerly. It would be interesting she thought, to to see if they could manage that feat, and knew that she wouldn’t be too bothered if they failed.

As the tub slowly filled Serena swirled in a handful of her favourite bubbling bath soak from Body Shop (which contained argan oil), into the hot water. She inhaled the rich spicy Middle Eastern aroma, and slipping off her bath robe she sank into the soapy water with a sigh. Bernie had already stripped off her t-shirt ready to join her, but as she looked at Serena lying there she suddenly ran from the room, much to Serena’s astonishment. It was on the tip of her tongue to call after her, but when she returned moments later clutching her camera, Serena shook her head and sighed.

“May I?” Bernie asked tentatively, and then smiled broadly as Serena gave a wry smile to indicate her (reluctant) consent. She asked Serena to close her eyes and rest her head against the back of the bath, taking a few shots to include the slope of her breasts, hardly visible through the foam. When she bent over the edge of the tub to blow away some of the bubbles so that her nipples could be seen, Serena opened her eyes and gave her a very critical look, and then a few moments later started to laugh. After taking a couple of shots, Bernie frowned and took the camera away from her face.

“What?”

Serena composed herself.

“I’m sorry darling, but the sight of you, naked except for a camera round your neck, just made me smile, I mean, I’ve heard that photographers like to put their subjects at ease but that seems to be taking it to the extreme. Please, put it down and join me.”

Bernie, shrugging her shoulders, did as she was asked and slid into the bath. The water was still very warm and after a bit of jostling to get comfortable, she relaxed back against Serena, who slid her arms around her waist to stop her from moving too much and creating too many waves. The water was already pretty high with the two of them in there and she didn’t want to spend the rest of the morning mopping up the bathroom. They stayed like that for a fair few minutes until Serena was the one to give into temptation, and she moved one of her hands to cup Bernie’s breast, bringing her thumb up to graze the area just below her nipple.

“Serena,” growled Bernie, warningly, trying to ignore the beginnings of arousal that her action had caused.

“Sorry, sorry,” muttered Serena, “you’re just so irresistible, and I know I laughed but I got a little turned on by you wearing only that camera.”

Bernie turned her head slightly to press a kiss to Serena’s jaw.

“I find you just as enticing and sensual and sultry…I could go on..and on,” she whispered, “but,” her voice growing stronger, “on this occasion I really did mean what I said, so I will remove the temptation by taking myself out of the equation.”

She levered herself out of Serena’s embrace and the bath, and wrapped herself in a towel, smiling at the pout on Serena’s face. She leaned over to give her a quick kiss.

“You stay as long as you like, I’ll go and get dressed and make us another coffee and see what there is for breakfast.”

Bernie was surprised that less that fifteen minutes later Serena appeared from the bedroom to see a range of fruit, yoghurt, bread and cereal on the kitchen table. She had wanted to stay longer in the bathtub but within a couple of minutes of Bernie’s departure she missed her presence and found herself unable to fully relax, so, cursing her wandering hands she hauled herself out of the water to get dressed and go in search of her love. As they ate they talked about what they wanted to do today and both agreed that driving anywhere was not very high on either of their agendas, so decided to spend the morning going for a leisurely ramble from the cottage, to take in the sights and sounds of the beautiful countryside.

Bernie of course took her camera, and as they walked she constantly snapped away, the thought of making a part-time living by working more in the photographic field, playing on her mind. Every so often she would ask Serena to pose, wanting to capture a certain look, or move her into place to help with the composition of a shot she had in mind, and Serena willingly allowed herself to be manoeuvred into position. On one occasion, as they were walking back towards the cottage, Bernie had been hanging back having become distracted by a clump of glorious red poppies, and Serena had chosen to wait for her, leaning back against a five bar gate set in a dry stone wall. When Bernie looked up to see where Serena was she felt her mouth grow dry and her throat seized up at the sight of her, one foot on the lowest bar, resting her elbows on the top bar and her eyes closed, head flung back exposing her neck and face to the warm spring sun. She was overwhelmed by the sight and flew across the relatively short distance to capture her in her arms, kissing her passionately. Serena was panting when they broke apart, having been taken completely unawares, and they stood with their foreheads resting against one another. Bernie’s eyes were fixed on Serena’s breasts that were rising and falling with every gasp and the usually taciturn photographer couldn’t stop her thoughts from tumbling out of her mouth.

“This is one of those times I wish we were younger,” she murmured. “I would love to take you now, pressed against this wall, one of your legs hooked around my waist.”

Her own breathing got heavier as the scene played out inside her head.

“You would beg me to kiss your breasts and to put my hand in your pants, to touch you there.” She pushed her thigh between Serena’s legs and kissed her again.

“Can you picture it Serena, can you feel the exhilaration, the freedom?”

Serena stroked her hand through the soft blonde waves and exhaled deeply.

“Darling, I think we’ve already proved that adventurous isn’t just the prerogative of the young, and what you are proposing in broad daylight might result in a complaint of indecent exposure….by them.”

She gently pushed Bernie away and indicated, with a nod of her head, the small group of hikers that were cresting a hill about 200 yards away. Bernie’s familiar laugh rang out, echoing over the Welsh landscape as she bent down to retrieve her camera, but couldn’t resist pulling Serena in for another deep kiss, before hand in hand, they walked on. Bernie pushed her head close to Serena’s, for once needing to have the last word.

“Doesn’t stop me from imagining it though,” she said softly. “Something about you and how you make me feel when I’m with you, encourages me to take risks.”

Returning to the cottage for a late lunch, the atmosphere between them was tangible and it came as no surprise to either of them that little touches and sidelong glances turned into caresses and smouldering looks. Without saying anything out loud they held hands as they walked into the bedroom and it wasn’t long before clothes had been shed and they were lying in each other’s arms. Serena finds out that she loves the way that Bernie never fails to check with her, either by a touch or a look, that she is happy for things to progress, not wanting to take anything for granted. Their love-making was languid and tender, full of endearments and soft kisses and Serena thinks, not for the first time, that this is what she always imagined true love to be. She can’t even regret not having found it sooner, because experiencing it now is everything, and part of her heart aches to think that there are people who never find it. Turning towards Bernie, feeling her warm yielding lips against her own she gives a sigh, making Bernie pull away to look at her questioningly, but seeing only pleasure reflected back at her she relaxes in turn. Their climaxes, (and there were certainly more than one or two that afternoon) were slow to build and less sudden to release, more like gentle ripples rather than crashing waves which sometimes made it impossible to separate one from another, to determine when one finished and another one started. As Bernie felt Serena’s hand sliding up her thigh and over her hips for what seemed the millionth time that afternoon, she was startled to feel the stirrings of arousal, low in her belly, and she couldn’t stop a small chuckle from escaping her lips.

“What have you done to me Ms Campbell?” Bernie asked in a low seductive voice. “I should only be ready for a nap right now.”

Serena kissed her way up Bernie’s neck and along her jaw until her lips were hovering above that beautiful face.

“So,” she asked breathily, “should I stop?”

Bernie’s groan and slight shake of her head were enough for Serena to press their lips together, gently pushing her tongue inside Bernie’s mouth as her hand inched once more between Bernie’s legs. The climax that followed was gentle but no less fulfilling for that. Bernie offered her thanks into the void that this incredible, warm and vibrant woman had come into her life, as Serena similarly was offering her own appreciation and praise to the heavens, for the sensual female lying next to her, who was still trembling from her attentive hands.

A little while later after a much needed forty winks they had another respite from the pleasures of the flesh, as their bodies decided that they needed some sustenance. They made an ad hoc meal from whatever was left in the fridge that required the least amount of time and effort, and although they both knew the sensible thing would be to get some packing done that evening, as the sun sank lower in the sky they found themselves back in bed. They delighted in each other’s bodies, limbs wrapping around each other as if trying to meld into one. The security and comfort they derived from being close was like nothing either of them had ever experienced before.

Serena nuzzled her way into the crook of Bernie’s neck, wishing she could capture and bottle the feeling of bliss this whole weekend had conjured up.

“Thank you,” she whispered, ‘this has been magical.”

Bernie sighed softly.

“Next week is going to be so hard,” she muttered. “Not waking up together.”

Serena wrapped her arms around her and pulled her in close, hoping she knew how much she was loved.

“I’m sorry my rota next week is so demanding,” she said. “It’s the price I pay for spending a last minute few days away from the cash strapped NHS.”

Bernie huffed.

“At least your career is fulfilling and important. The loss of my skills to the planet, or even Holby would go pretty much unnoticed.”

Serena pushed herself up onto one arm and glared down at Bernie.

“How can you say that? If it wasn’t for your job we would never have met and that doesn’t bear thinking about as far as I’m concerned. And you aren’t _just_ anything. You are intelligent, kind and creative and when you help people buy or sell a house you make a huge difference to their lives. We all touch others in different ways, and who’s to say one is more valid than another.”

“That’s sweet of you to say, but we both know it doesn’t compare to what you do, saving lives, or making someones quality of life better.”

“I don’t always save a life,” she said. “And I know there have been times when if I’d done something slightly differently then the outcome could have been better for everyone concerned.”

She stroked Bernie’s hair away from her forehead to kiss the frown there.

“And I am a _much_ better, nicer person for having met you, believe me.”

She smiled with relief as she saw Bernie’s face relax, and bent down to give her a heartfelt kiss.

“Oh, and there was one quality of yours that I forgot to mention, but which is the most important thing,” she said. “You.. are.. incredibly… sexy. But that’s one attribute I don’t want you sharing with anyone else.”

Bernie laughed then and pulled Serena down and for a few moments they rolled from side to side as they both fought to take control. Serena gave in first and let Bernie pin her to the bed, pressing her down with her own body, at first moving in a leisurely but measured way, becoming gradually firmer until her hips were grinding and thrusting as she breathlessly whispered all the ways that she loved her, loved making love to her. Their moans intermingled as they edged towards their orgasms, feeling a warmth starting low down, with little jolts of electricity every time their clits rubbed against each other, and then ripples of pleasure were rolling in never ending waves through their bodies as they clung tightly together. Sated, they finally cuddled into one another’s bodies as they slowly slipped into sleep, feeling safe in each others arms.

 

The following morning was a hurried affair to leave the property by 10.00am, given that their sexual activities had meant that nothing had been packed, dishes had been left in the sink and Serena was anxious to leave the property looking pristine. Bernie pointed out that the reason for them needing to vacate the cottage so early was to allow time for cleaners to move in to make it ready for the next couple of holidaymakers, but Serena would not be dissuaded from cleaning every available surface and stripping the bed.

“You are going to need another couple of days off to recover, if you don’t reign yourself in.”

Bernie was trying to help but Serena kept telling her to just go and put everything in the car so that she could get on with moving things back into place. After she had taken the last of their luggage to force into the boot she returned to see Serena staring at her phone intently and then looking around the room before returning her gaze back to the phone, a deep frown on her face. Fearing that she had some bad news from Elinor, Bernie moved swiftly to her side, just in time to see a photo of the room they were standing in, before Serena sensing her presence, switched it off. Bernie put her hands on her hips and gave a disbelieving stare.

“Please tell me that you did not photograph every room when we arrived so that you could put it back to exactly the same state?” she asked, a smile pulling at the corner of her mouth.

Serena felt herself flush with embarrassment at being caught out, but bristled when she saw the amused look on Bernie’s face.

“So what if I did? Is it that wrong to want to give people a good impression of me..us?”

Bernie, realising that Serena was genuinely upset and that this was something that really mattered to her, she pulled her into her arms. She pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“Anything I can do to help?” she gently asked.

She felt Serena shake her head slightly and her muffled voice muttered “No, I’m nearly done.”

Bernie gave her a quick squeeze before stepping back.

“Okay, I’m just going to do one last scout around to make sure I’ve got everything, and then I’ll wait outside if you like.”

Serena nodded and went into the bedroom and en-suite to complete her checks, still feeling foolish and not wanting to meet Bernie’s eyes.

Five minutes later she pulled the door of the cottage closed behind her and walked sheepishly to where Bernie was waiting, leaning against the car. Bernie opened her arms and Serena walked into them resting her head on Bernie’s chest.

“Sorry I snapped at you,” she said quietly.

“I’m sorry too, I didn’t mean to make fun of you.” Bernie ran her fingers through Serena’s hair.

“I’ve seen your office, I know that you like things ‘just so’, I just wasn’t thinking.”

Serena finally raised her head to look Bernie in the eyes.

“I’ve had a wonderful time here. Shall we come again sometime?”

Bernie held Serena tightly and swung her off her feet.

“Just try and stop me.” She kissed Serena on the tip of her nose and opened the car door for her.

“Come on Ms Campbell, your carriage awaits.”

 

*********************

 

They made it back to Holby in good time, not stopping anywhere on route as Bernie knew that Serena had a very early start on Tuesday. She also wanted to check up on a couple of house sales that were at the exchanging contracts stage, and she needed to make sure that everything with Serena’s sale and purchase were still on track. When they arrived at Serena’s, Bernie insisted on carrying her luggage into the house, so Serena also insisted that she at least stayed for a coffee. Bernie took the suitcases upstairs into her bedroom and then wandered into the kitchen where Serena was standing clutching a mug of coffee staring out of the window onto the back garden.

“Penny for them,” she said, nearly making Serena spill her drink.

Serena glared at her as she put her mug on the counter, her gaze quickly softening as Bernie looked at her with such an innocent expression.

“We’ve only been back in Holby for 5 minutes and it already feels as if the last few days were just some wonderful dream,” she said quietly. The sound of sadness in her voice made Bernie feel as if her heart was being squeezed in her chest.

“But it wasn’t a dream, was it? Everything we remember really happened. And.. I know things back here are a little hectic for you, with the house and work and Elinor, but it will all be okay I promise. I’ll be there whenever you need me.”

Serena sighed.

“How about right now? Will you stay if I ask you, because I really don’t want you to go and I know that’s selfish but..”

Before Serena could say anything else, Bernie had launched herself at her pressing their lips together with an urgency she couldn’t contain, but when she finally pulled away there was an apologetic look on her face.

“You know I love you, at least I hope you do, but I do have to go home at some point. We simply need to find our rhythm again, and I’m sure once you’re back on the ward things will fall back into place.”

Bernie noticed the hurt look on Serena’s face and she desperately wanted to cheer her up.

“How about we both get on with our own stuff for a few hours, and then I’ll take you out for dinner this evening. To finish off our getaway in style, hmm?”

Serena smiled gratefully, once again overcome with emotion at the thought of how much Bernie tried to look after her.

“I don’t deserve you…this. I’m always asking so much of you and you always rise to the occasion. Even when I know I’m being unreasonable and foolish.”

She reached for Bernie’s hand and brought it to her lips, kissing each finger in turn before pressing the upturned palm to her cheek, placing her hand to the back of Bernie’s neck to pull her in for another sweet kiss. Bernie smiled into it and as she felt Serena relax against her.

“You make it sound as if it’s a hardship, wanting to make you happy. And I can never forget that you were the one who accepted me without question, turned your life on it’s head when you decided to take the risk of being in a relationship with a woman. I’ve been there and I know how huge that is, and that’s what makes me want to be a better person for you…so, I’ll pick you up at 7.30pm, okay?”

Serena could feel tears pricking at the back of her eyes and nodded.

“You make loving you so easy,” she whispered. “Now go, before I drag you upstairs and into my bed, never to let you out of my sight again.”

One soft kiss later and Bernie was pulling Serena’s front door closed behind her, thinking that only one thing could make her life any better, and if she could be patient for now, maybe that moment wouldn’t be so far away.

 


	17. Running Scared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie has some devastating news that has her running, and Serena is worried when she won't tell her what it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, I'm sorry that this has more angst that I had anticipated, but on the upside it means that we've still got a chapter to go.

Chapter 17 : Running Scared

 

In spite of Serena not wanting Bernie to leave, she actually found plenty of tasks to occupy her time, and the prospect of a romantic evening ahead was enough to spur her on. It also helped that she was 99.9% certain that she could tempt Bernie into staying the night, in spite of their individual work schedule the following day.

She managed to have an actual conversation with Elinor, who assured her she was still enjoying her holiday despite her (in Serena’s opinion) subdued manner, and there seemed to be the hint of a budding romance with one of her ‘friends’, but refused to name names as it was still quite a delicate balance. After she ended the call Serena sat back and wondered how her daughter was managing to be far more careful about relationships that she had ever been at her age. Hopefully Ellie had observed enough disasters from her own mother to never want to make the same mistakes.

Once all her chores were completed to her satisfaction, Serena gave herself the luxury of a long hot soak in the bath. Lying there she cast her mind back to yesterday morning and a satisfied smile spread over her face, even as she felt herself blush at the memory. She fought hard against the urge to allow her fingers to move between her legs, convincing herself that a little abstinence now would make the pleasure this evening, all the sweeter. She spent a little while searching for something to wear, the day had been a hot one, but she wanted something more formal that the casual clothes she’d taken away with her. It was even more awkward as she still had no idea where they were going, but finally settled on a dark blue sundress with a silver and grey wrap to cover her shoulders and upper arms. She didn’t think Bernie would choose a place with a dress code without telling her, but decided rather to be safe than sorry. It crossed her mind that she hadn’t heard anything from Bernie since she’d left this morning, but it didn’t really bother her as she was very aware that communication from her was always on a ‘need to know’ basis, and she had in truth, given all the necessary information already. And it was quite normal for Bernie to switch off her phone completely, unlike herself who _never_ turned it off, choosing instead to mute it. But when 7.30pm came and went without any sight or sound from her, Serena picked up her phone, toying with the idea of sending her a message just in case she’d got the time wrong. It was nearly 7.45 when the doorbell rang and Serena breathed a sigh of relief as she grabbed her wrap and handbag on the way to the front door.

“I was beginning to think you’d forgotten, or stood me up,” Serena chided as she opened the door. “I’m trusting we’ll still be able to get there in time?”

Bernie was shifting nervously from foot to foot.

“What? Oh, yes, yes, I think so. Are you ready then?”

And to Serena’s amazement she turned on her heel and walked back to the car, climbing straight into the driver’s seat and buckling up. Slightly concerned Serena followed her and once she’d also put on her seatbelt she tentatively put her hand on Bernie’s knee which was jumping up and down as if impatient to be off.

“Is everything okay?” Serena asked gently. “You seem distracted. We don’t have to go anywhere if you’re not feeling up to it.”

Bernie seemed to relax slightly at these words and she looked a Serena and gave her a small apologetic smile.

“Sorry, things have been a bit hectic for the last couple of hours.” Noticing Serena’s troubled look she tried to reassure her. “It’s fine, I’ll explain some other time.”

Serena felt a little better at Bernie’s attempt to dispel her worries, but as they drove off she still had the impression that the issue wasn’t quite as unimportant as Bernie was trying to make out. But she attempted to put her apprehension to one side and hoped that a glass of wine and some good food might put Bernie in a better state of mind. One that would allow her to tell Serena what had happened in the few hours since they’d last seen each other.

The restaurant they arrived at was a new one that was beginning to earn a decent reputation, and tonight they were hosting a taster evening of 7 small courses, that allowed customers an introduction to the range of food they offered. The service was good and the sample glasses of wine that came with the different courses were excellent. Serena was not surprised when Bernie only gave each of them a cursory sip as she was driving, but she was surprised at how little food she was eating. She might have an enviable trim figure, but Serena had learnt very early in their friendship that Bernie enjoyed food, often amazed at how much she could consume at one sitting. Serena often thought that for Bernie, eating was a very sensual act. So alarm bells started ringing as she watched Bernie pushing the food around her plate to make it look as if she was eating more than she was. A ploy she had witnessed first hand with Elinor on a number of occasions when she was younger.

They had just been served with the first of two sample desserts when Serena felt she had to say something. She reached across the table and put her hand over Bernie’s, which startled her into dropping the spoon from her other hand.

“Bernie…darling, however much you want to hide it from me, I know that _something_ is wrong. Please, talk to me..or let’s just pay and go somewhere less public. I can’t bear seeing you so uptight.”

Bernie’s breathing hitched as she tried to pull her hand away, her eyes darting everywhere like a trapped animal.

“I’m.. _it’s_ fine, honestly..or it will be soon. I just don’t want to bother you with it, I’m the one who needs to deal with it.”

She took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry I’ve ruined the evening, know I should have cancelled but I wanted to see you. I will tell you, I promise..just not right now.”

Serena began to feel the stirrings of irritation and annoyance in the pit of her stomach. She was just about to insist, very firmly, that Bernie stop all this nonsense and tell her what was going on when Bernie’s phone began to ring. Snatching it up from the tabletop Bernie glanced at the caller, muttered an ‘excuse me’ in Serena’s direction and headed for the door.

Serena watched her with a mixture of disbelief and fear. She wasn’t sure what to do. She could scarcely run after her (the restaurant would think they were avoiding paying) as Bernie had made it as clear as she could that she didn’t want to share whoever was calling, with her. Now feeling physically sick with anxiety, Serena signalled to the waiter that she wanted the bill, and asked them to call her a taxi as well, all the time having one eye fixed on the door in case Bernie reappeared. When the manager informed her that the taxi was outside she handed him Bernie’s clutch bag, asking them to keep it safe until she returned. She also left her contact details just in case it wasn’t collected. By now she was having difficulty in taking a proper breath and, recognising the beginnings of a panic attack she forced herself to take a few deep breaths of fresh air before opening the door of the black cab that was waiting. She suddenly heard a cry of ‘Serena!’ and pounding footsteps behind her. Serena paused, schooling her features into a neutral expression before turning slowly round to face a distraught looking Bernie.

“I’ve paid the bill, and your bag is being kept behind the counter,” she said levelly, her voice sounding ten times stronger than the rest of her body felt.

“Ring me, when or if you want to talk.”

Bernie clutched her arm to stop her getting into the cab.

“Serena, I’m sorry. Let me at least drive you home.”

Serena fixed her with as firm a stare as she could muster.

“If I do, will you come in and talk about what’s going on here?”

Bernie’s eyes dropped to the floor under Serena’s gaze and she shuffled her feet. When she looked back up Serena could see a lone tear rolling down her cheek.

“I can’t..not right now. I promise I _will_ explain, but…just trust me?”

Serena’s stern resolve crumbled at those words and she used her thumb to wipe away the tear.

“I want to, I really do but this doesn’t make any sense. I love you so I’ll be waiting, when _you’re_ ready, to trust _me.”_

She got into the taxi and blurted out her address to the driver, refusing to look back at the forlorn figure standing on the pavement.

 

_§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§_

 

When Serena arrived on AAU the following morning she was sure that someone would comment on the fact that her holiday had left her looking in worse shape than before she went away.

‘ _I’d like to see the person brave enough to try that,’_ she thought, ‘ _I could do with the chance to vent my frustration somewhere.’_

When she had got home last night she had waited for at least two hours in the hope that Bernie would either ring, or better still, knock at her door. She had finally put the lights out downstairs and was getting ready to get into bed when she heard the ‘ping’ that denoted a message waiting on her phone. With trembling hands she opened it and started to read.

 

**Serena, I’m sorry I let you down tonight, and I hope you aren't too angry. I have to go away for a few days, so if you don’t see or hear from me it won’t be because I don’t care about you. I love you dearly but something’s happened that I have to deal with, and I need to face it and deal with it myself, before I can find a way to tell you. I’m sorry for being a coward, please forgive me. x x**

 

She’d cried then. She cried for Bernie who was facing something big on her own, and she cried for herself because Bernie wouldn’t let her help, and it hurt to think Bernie was scared to share it with her. When she had calmed enough to try and sleep she had been very restless, and now, standing in her office she wondered if she ought to have come in, everything felt very dreamlike and unreal. She summoned up all the strength she could, ready to turn on the infamous Campbell glare for anyone who said the wrong thing, and knuckled down to the paperwork and emails that had arrived over the weekend. She was pleased to be called into theatre on a couple of occasions and it was only there that she managed to shake off her worries for a few hours, grateful of needing to focus her complete attention on her patients. By the time she came out of the last surgery it was late afternoon, and sitting in her office she stared once again at her phone that had no new messages. She hadn’t been able to gather her thoughts enough last night to reply to Bernie and it occurred to her that maybe Bernie needed to know how she was feeling. It took her over thirty minutes before managing to find the words she wanted to say.

 

**Hi. I hope I’m not intruding on what seems to be a difficult time for you. Don’t worry yourself about last night, I’ll survive. Maybe you think I overreacted but it was only because I’m worried about you. Please don’t feel you have to do this alone. Like I said, I’m here waiting for you if you need any help. And never forget that I love you, no matter what. x x**

 

As soon as she pressed send she remembered something else she wanted to say.

 

**Please keep letting me know you’re okay. I couldn’t cope with radio silence. Even if it’s just a thumbs up.** **❤** **️**

 

She sat staring into space for a while and was shaken out of her reverie by a knock on the door. She called ‘yes’ as she put her phone back in her bag and looked up to see Ric hovering in the doorway.

“Are you okay?” he asked tentatively

He and Serena were nearly back on a normal footing since his ill-judged actions all those weeks ago, but he still felt he needed to tread carefully around her. “You’ve seemed a bit preoccupied today. Is something worrying you, or is it just post holiday let-down?”

Much to his dismay he saw Serena’s eyes fill with tears, so he grabbed a chair to bring over to her desk and reached out to pull her hand into his.

“Hey, it can’t be that bad can it?”

Blinking hard and with lots of sniffles Serena found herself telling him about what a wonderful few days away she had had with Bernie, and then shared as much as she felt able to about what had happened yesterday evening. Ric’s first reaction was one of anger towards Bernie, but as he listened to a rough gist of the text she had sent he calmed down and rested his hand on Serena’s shoulder.

“Serena, I know this is hard, not knowing what’s going on, but it sounds to me that the reason Bernie hasn’t let you know exactly what has happened is because she’s struggling to cope with it and doesn’t want to have to worry about you as well.”

Serena gave a shaky sigh.

“I know, but I can’t imagine that I would shut _her_ out if the tables were turned. Ric, I love her, and if it was me I’d want her by my side helping me. What if she doesn’t love me as much as I thought?”

Fresh tears were beginning to appear and Ric pulled her into an awkward embrace.

“Look, until yesterday you never doubted her feelings for you, did you?”

Serena shook her head.

“So cut her some slack, Serena. Whatever this is must be pretty big and it’s obviously thrown her off kilter. Give her space, but make sure that you remind her, gently, that you’ve got her back. And if she still doesn’t come around, I promise I will hunt her down and hurt her as much as she’s hurt you.”

Serena smiled through her tears and gave Ric a peck on the cheek, feeling a little calmer now that she had unburdened herself to her friend.

The next few days passed in a blur, and even though Bernie made an effort to send a text once a day to reassure her that she was alright, Serena still didn’t know where she was or when she’d be back. The main thing that she took solace from was that each message ended with a couple of kisses or a ❤️ emoji. She kept her own replies as brief as she could, simply reminding her that if there was anything she needed her to do she’d be happy to help. But this sitting around waiting did not suit her. However she certainly didn’t want to add to the situation by letting her know how difficult she was finding the whole thing or how frustrated she was at being kept out of the loop.

It was Friday evening and Serena was wearily getting ready for bed, her mind not able to let go of the fact that she hadn’t heard from Bernie all day, when her phone started to ring. She saw the name **Bernie** on the screen and she sank like a rag doll onto the bed, her hands shaking as she swiped to accept the call.

“Serena?” said Bernie, in a voice so quiet she could barely recognise it and she held her breath waiting for her to speak again. When nothing more was said she panicked that Bernie would hang up and forced herself to speak.

“Hey you,” she said gently, trying not to sound too tense, “it’s good to hear your voice…how are you?”

“Erm..upset, confused…maybe a little scared.”

Serena’s breathing hitched at that, but before she could respond, Bernie continued.

“I can’t remember, are you working this weekend?”

Serena sighed inwardly.

“Tomorrow..yes. Then I do have Sunday and Monday off. But if you need me sooner I’m sure Ric would cover for me.”

“No, no that’s fine. I’m not going to be back in Holby until midday tomorrow anyway.” Bernie’s voice was beginning to sound a little more sure, stronger. “I’d like to come over on Sunday morning if that’s okay?”

Serena ran her hand over her face and through her hair in a despairing gesture and she couldn’t keep the exasperation out of her voice.

“For pity’s sake Bernie, you don’t have to ask and you don’t have to wait until Sunday. Come over Saturday evening..I need to see you, to be sure that you’re…that _we’re_ okay.”

There was a small pause and a slight huff from the other end of the phone.

“Thank you, I think I’d quite like that.”

This time Serena let out a very audible sigh of relief.

“Thank god! I’ll text you when I’m home and you can come over whenever you’re ready. Hell, I don’t mind if you’re sitting on my doorstep when I arrive back from work.”

There was a short silence and Bernie sounds quieter again when she spoke.

“I’m, I’m not certain I’ll be ready to..talk right away, about everything. Might need your presence and the night to order my thoughts. I’ve missed you…so much.”

“Same here,” Serena whispered. “All I want is to hold you, make sure you’re safe.”

With murmured words of love between them, Bernie finally hung up and Serena lay back on her pillow, torn between the elation of seeing Bernie again and a sick feeling to find out what the hell had happened.

The next day on AAU was unusually quiet, given that the ED was normally inundated on Friday evenings with drunken partygoers having got themselves into scrapes, many of which were often referred up to her ward for further investigation. She was only needed in surgery once and the rest of her time was split between report reading and organising the nursing staff to discharge those patients who had obviously only needed somewhere to sleep off the excesses of their evening out. It never failed to frustrate her that it was only when they were sober that they could effectively check whether the alarming symptoms some had displayed were serious, or merely the effects of having over indulged in alcohol and/or drugs.

As her shift finished she sent a quick text to Bernie to say she’d be home in an hour and to come when ready. She needed to stop off to pick up a couple of pizzas and a packet of ready washed salad. She wasn’t sure how much either of them would want to eat, given the way her own stomach was churning, but was determined to try and get some food into Bernie, almost certain that she would have missed quite a few meals over the week. She could imagine that filling her stomach had not been very high on Bernie’s list of priorities recently.

She’d been home around thirty minutes when the doorbell rang, and jumping up from the sofa she felt quite lightheaded as she rushed to open the door. The sight of Bernie clutching the doorframe as if trying to keep herself upright made her stomach flip. Instinctively noticing how pale and tired she looked Serena held out her hand and pulled her gently into the hallway, gathering her carefully into her arms. A deep sigh shook Bernie’s slender frame and as she held her, Serena could feel her trembling. Gradually her hold loosened and she ushered her into the lounge where they both sank gratefully onto the sofa. Bernie raised her head to look properly at Serena and gave her a small smile.

“It feels good to be here,” she whispered. “Thank you.”

“It’s good to have you back,” said Serena, “and there’s no need for thanks.”

“It did help you know, that you kept telling me every single day that you were here, waiting. Grounded me, on more than one occasion.”

Serena leaned forwards to press a kiss to Bernie’s cheek.

“I love you,” she said, as if this explained everything, which it did.

“I know,” said Bernie, “and I love you.”

And then they kissed softly, pulling apart after only a few seconds to check that they were both still okay, before they relaxed into a warm embrace that helped to restore their equilibrium. Before too long Serena insisted on popping one of the pizzas into the oven, and made them both a cup of tea while they waited, dismissing Bernie’s protests that she wasn’t hungry.

“That’s as maybe,” Serena replied. “I’ve been at work all day and I’ll soon start to feel sick if I don’t get something into my stomach. And you already look as if you’ve lost weight that you couldn’t afford to lose. So just give it a try, please, to humour me. You don’t want me to go all ‘tiger doctor’ on you, do you?”

In the end Bernie managed to eat a couple of slices of pizza as Serena regaled her with tales of her working week, emphasising how caring Ric had been, and also told her that Elinor seemed to be developing stronger feelings than just friendship for one of the group she was on holiday with.

“Not that I don’t respect how strong an emotion that friendship is,” she said as she intertwined her fingers with Bernie’s. “I will always value that initial connection with you.”

She stood up, still holding Bernie’s hand and gave it a little tug.

“Bed?” she asked

Bernie gave her a brief anxious look before she dropped her gaze towards the floor, so Serena knelt down in front of her.

“Nothing more, if that’s what’s concerning you. I’m tired and you look exhausted. I thought perhaps being close might help put some demons to rest, for both of us. But if you’d rather not I’ll understand, I just…”

Serena couldn’t finish the sentence but Bernie knew exactly what she was trying to say and nodded, helping Serena back to her feet, then following her upstairs.

When they slid into bed Serena could feel the tension radiating from Bernie, so she chose not to close the gap between them. She rested her hand on her shoulder, and gave it a small squeeze.

“I’m here, if you need me. Don’t worry about waking me, there’s nowhere I need to be tomorrow, except with you.”

Bernie merely glanced at her to give her a small smile as Serena switched off the lamp.

 

Two hours had gone by and Bernie was still awake, lying stiffly on her back. She wanted so much to relax and welcome the oblivion of sleep, but this week had taught her that it didn’t last for long and nearly always resulted in her bolting upright in bed, her heart pounding and her skin clammy, even when she couldn’t remember what image had invaded her dreams. She wasn’t sure if Serena was asleep or not, but doubted it as she was far too still and quiet compared to other nights they had shared a bed. As if she had heard her thoughts she felt Serena moving, shuffling closer until her arm draped itself lightly across her waist. Bernie made as if to move her arm until Serena spoke.

“Let me just hold you, my love. I know I can’t stop the nightmares but I can help you through them, if you’ll let me?”

“How did you know I’ve been having nightmares?”

“No one lies that rigid unless they’re trying very hard not to sleep. And the only reason I can think of is that being asleep is worse than staying awake, however much you want to escape.”

Serena moved a little closer and tried to manoeuvre Bernie to turn onto her side with her back to her, which Bernie did, eventually, but still maintained her unyielding posture. Serena stroked very lightly down Bernie’s arm before slipping her hand under it to encircle her waist, being careful not to apply any pressure. She pressed her lips to the nape of Bernie’s neck and hummed quietly, feeling her shiver with the vibration. She rested her head against her back and started to deep breathe, in the hope that Bernie might unconsciously imitate the rhythm of ‘in through the nose and out through the mouth’ that can help to lower stress levels. It didn’t take too long for her to feel Bernie’s spine relax slightly and she took the opportunity to pull her gently back so that she could start to spoon her, still taking care not to make any sudden or restrictive movements. They lay in this position for nearly an hour, and though neither of them were asleep, the hesitant tension between them seemed to have disappeared and warm memories of nights spent together, in each other’s arms, invaded their thoughts. Serena suddenly heard Bernie say something under her breath, but didn’t quite catch what she said.

“I’m sorry love, I couldn’t quite hear. Can you say it again?”

Still muffled, but a little stronger, Bernie repeated it.

“It’s about Alex.”

Serena’s blood ran cold for a moment and she had to fight against a very visceral urge to be sick. Her brain clung desperately to the fact that whatever she meant, Bernie was here, with her and _not_ with Alex. Hoping her voice wouldn’t shake too much she steeled herself to speak.

“What do you mean Bernie? Is she alright? Or is she bothering you in some way?”

Stopping to take a breath she immediately apologised.

“Sorry, those questions don’t matter right now. It can all wait.”

And then Bernie was turning to face her and she could see her pain and the tears that were running silently down her cheeks. Bernie took a ragged breath.

“She’s been in an accident and she’s in some sort of coma, but they don’t think she will recover, and even if she does then her brain might not work properly. They keep doing checks but nothing seems to be improving…you probably understand more about it than I do.”

Bernie ran out of steam then and buried her head into the pillow to try and hide herself from Serena’s scrutiny.

Serena was devastated. She’d had lots of different thoughts about why Bernie had left that night, some of which were totally implausible, but the worst case scenario had always been that Alex had wanted to get back with her. Even then she’d known that she would fight tooth and nail to convince Bernie that they belonged together, not with Alex. But this…this was a situation she had never considered. She didn’t know how you competed with someone lying helpless in a hospital bed.

“Are you going to go back?”

Bernie shuffled around.

“I don’t know, I mean I’ve said I will, but I don’t know if I can. Her mother seems to think that I am the love of her life, that she’s never loved anyone like she loved me, which is why she called me. I think she truly believes that if Alex hears my voice, and knows I’m there it would give her a reason to live.”

“And if she does come round…what then?”

Bernie sighed.

“That’s the whole problem for me. I don’t have any idea if what her mom says about how Alex feels about me is true, but how do I deal with this if it is true. By going, I’ve dug myself a hole that just seems to be getting deeper. If I don’t go back and she never recovers I’ll always feel guilty, and if I do go and she wakes up, how do I tell her, _when_ do I tell her…about us?”

Serena felt a surge of hope as she took in Bernie’s words. So it was not a forgone conclusion that she would lose her to the younger, more attractive woman, that it was more a sense of duty that was driving the ever noble Bernie to try to do the right thing. She pulled Bernie’s body in towards her own, cradling her in her arms.

“Oh my love, I had no idea. How..how about if I come with you? Perhaps not tomorrow, well today now, as I think we both need some time to sleep and adjust, but Monday? I could possibly speak to the doctor in charge of her case, or at least interpret what they aren’t saying, if anything. If her family agrees, of course.”

Bernie stared at Serena incredulously.

“You’d do that? For Alex?”

“Oh Bernie, you idiot. I’m not doing it for Alex or her family. I’m doing it for you, for us. I was so scared you were going to tell me that you’d realised that you still wanted to be with her. Hell, I was prepared to walk over hot coals to keep you with me, so this is easy.”

She paused to think about what she’d just said and felt she needed to qualify it.

“That sounds flippant, sorry. This isn’t easy for you, and whatever the outcome for Alex, it’s never going to be something you can just push to one side. So I want to support you however I can.”

Bernie pulled Serena down onto the bed, tears falling again, but this time they were with relief.

“Thank you,” she whispered in between light, chaste kisses to her eyes, nose and mouth. “Thank you.”

As the tears dried up they snuggled into one another and slowly, gradually they both found the ability to drift into a sleep with no nightmares to haunt either of them, for the first time since they had returned from Wales.

 

 

Sunday turned into a day for sorting a few things out. Bernie needed to meet up with a couple who had left her quite a few messages over the week about selling their house, and she wanted to apologise to them face to face for being unavailable for so long. She felt incredibly lucky that they hadn’t chosen to go elsewhere, and because she had been able to get a few hours rest last night, she at least looked halfway human that morning. Serena meanwhile was doing a little investigating to see if there were any favours she could call upon when they travelled to London on Monday. Depending how Alex was doing, as long as she was stable, she was keeping her fingers crossed that she might be able to get her transferred to another hospital where a former colleague, Roxanna McMillan, was now head of the Neurology Dept.

She did some clothes washing for Bernie, and sent an email to Hanssen, the CEO at Holby hospital to forewarn him that there was a very slim chance she might need Tuesday off as well as Monday, but promised it would only happen if there was no other way. When Bernie returned late afternoon they sat and ate a late lunch and Serena was very relieved to see Bernie looking more like her normal self, even if she still had dark rings round her eyes. She reached out and grasped Serena’s hand, bringing it to her mouth to kiss tenderly.

“I don’t know how I would have coped if you weren’t with me,” she said a little tearily.

“Don’t be daft, and don’t start crying again. You need to conserve your energy, because no matter what the outcome there is no easy solution here. Especially not tomorrow when we have to show a united front to Alex’s family and friends.”

She tugged Bernie to her feet.

“Come on, we need an early night given how little sleep we had last night and that we need to catch the 8.10 to Paddington. I checked with the hospital and we should be able to get there whilst the doctors are doing their rounds.”

Bernie protested.

“But surely we’re not allowed on the wards until after that?”

Serena raised her right eyebrow in disbelief.

“Do you really think that I wouldn’t be able to inveigle our way past a nurse or two? Plus, if she’s still on the ICU, or even the HDU then normal visiting hours won’t apply. Have you been in touch with Grace, to let her know we’ll be coming?”

Bernie nodded, but looked a little uncomfortable.

“Berenice, what aren’t you telling me?”

“I have told them, honestly,” she protested. “I just may not have said anything about _us_ yet.”

When Serena started to argue, Bernie interrupted her.

“I didn’t want them to say that they didn’t want you there. I promise once you’ve had chance to talk to them and the doctors I will explain our relationship . Trust me.”

Huffing a little, Serena conceded that this might just be the best way of dealing with it, and insisted once again that they need to go to bed now. In less than an hour they had a small hold-all packed with everything they might need, including extra clothes for Bernie and a change of underwear and some nightwear for Serena..just in case. Slipping into bed they kissed affectionately for sometime, but when Bernie’s hand started to slip underneath Serena’s nightdress to gently stroke her smooth, bountiful backside, Serena was quick to reach behind her and grab her by the wrist.

“I suggest we save it, until we are both more relaxed, and not so in need of a decent sleep. Because once we start something, I’m not sure I’d be able to stop for quite a while.”

Bernie gave an exaggerated sigh but removed her hand.

“Turn round then, I want to spoon you for as long as I can…until you get too warm.”

Serena did as she was asked and gave a little wriggle and a small moan as Bernie moulded her body around hers, turning her head so she could rest it against Serena’s upper back. Both of them had their own reasons to be anxious about tomorrow, but were equally determined to see it through together.

 


	18. The End....and also The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter, where Serena finally meets Alex, and she gets to move into her new home. But will Bernie still be with her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very glad to manage to get this posted before the Episode of HC we are all dreading is aired. I will probably need a small break to recover from how emotional I will be, but I promise that I will do my best to continue to write for Berena.  
> I hope that this doesn't feel too rushed and that it will offer some solace to offset the mess that the writers and producers have caused. Long live our beautiful ladies.

Chapter 18 : The End…. And also The Beginning

 

 

The morning came all too quickly. Fortunately at Serena’s insistence they had everything to hand for the day ahead, and combined with the fact that Bernie was far too preoccupied and tense to be more than momentarily distracted by Serena wandering around in her bra and pants, it meant they were sitting down in their seats on the train a full 10 minutes before it was due to depart. She had also reserved seats in the first class section of the train, and was hoping that by ordering breakfast at their table, she might coax Bernie into consuming a little more than just copious amounts of tea and coffee. Her little ploy worked for a short while, and she watched with relief as Bernie consumed half a bowl of porridge and a banana before her anxieties kicked in once more, and she pushed the remaining food away from her. Serena spotted the flash of panic in her eyes, and moved round the table to sit next to her, holding her hand, stroking the back of it with her thumb.

“Try not to let it overwhelm you darling. We can get through this, and then focus on how else you can help her, which I’m assuming you will want to.”

Serena was not feeling anywhere near as brave as she hoped she sounded. She was still scared that if or when Alex recovered, that the history and hold she had on Bernie that had existed long before she had come on the scene, would spark back into life. But the alternative seemed to offer no more solace. If Alex died would the guilt that Bernie was obviously feeling, start to consume her, leaving no room inside for loving anyone, let alone her.

Bernie, listening to Serena’s words, stared at her, so overcome with the care she was being shown that she couldn’t find her voice to tell her how much it meant to her, having her by her side. She momentarily wondered if Alex was alert enough to feel as trapped in her own body as she did in that second of time. She had the ability to hear and to move but her brain seemed to have lost the capacity to translate anything she was feeling into words. She managed to squeeze Serena’s hand and leant her head against Serena’s for a few seconds. Anything more demonstrative was beyond her, but when she did sit upright again she still kept Serena’s hand in hers. If Serena was perturbed by Bernie’s lack of vocal response she pushed it to the back of her mind. She could feel that Bernie was as taut as a bowstring and guessed that the wrong word would cause her to snap, so they continued the journey in a companionable silence, together, but locked inside with their own thoughts and fears.

By the time they arrived at the hospital it was just after 10.30am and as they stood outside the doors to the ward waiting to be admitted, Serena felt Bernie stiffen slightly, drawing her shoulders back as a soldier might do on a parade ground, her eyes fixed on a point in the distance to help her stay focused. When the door release was pushed she strode ahead, leading the way to the private room where Alex was. A couple of the nursing staff seemed to recognise Bernie and they smiled and nodded their heads as they walked along the long corridor but Bernie barely acknowledged their presence. She didn’t falter until she put her hand on the door handle and then she turned towards Serena, her eyes wide, looking for assurance. Serena moved close enough so place her hand in the small of Bernie’s back.

“You can.. _we_ can do this.”

She saw a ghost of a smile cross Bernie’s face as her head dipped in a small nod, and taking a ragged breath she pushed the door open.

The first, and most ridiculous thought that crossed Serena’s mind as she took in the pale slight figure lying in the bed in front of her, was that she looked older than the young woman in the photo that Bernie had, and she stupidly felt a small lessening of tension with that realisation. Next she took in the various machines that were hooked up to Alex, listening to the steady beeps and watching the figures and patterns that were showing on the screens that monitored everything from her heartbeat and blood pressure to the brainwaves that she was generating. She understood how scary this must have looked to Bernie when she had walked in here on the first day she arrived. Even now she was holding back, standing behind her just inside the door, as if waiting for permission to move.

“Come on,” Serena said quietly, “grab a chair and sit by her. Just do what you’ve been doing all last week.”

Still looking distinctively uncomfortable, Bernie moved past Serena, pulling a chair with her and sat at the bedside. Serena stood behind her, placing her hands gently on Bernie’s shoulders, her thumbs exerting a small amount of pressure to try and ease the tension she could feel there.

“I usually…I’ve been holding her hand too,” Bernie muttered.

“Then hold it, talk to her, let her know you’re back. From what I can see she looks to be pretty stable at the moment, and if you think you’ll be okay I want to go and see if I can speak to her consultant. I did send him an email to explain who I am, and why I’m here today, asking for a few minutes of his time this morning.”

She bent down and pressed a kiss to the top of Bernie’s head, giving her shoulders a gentle squeeze at the same time, and then she swiftly exited the room. Once the door had closed behind her she sagged against the wall, her legs suddenly feeling weak, her heart pounding.

“Man up Campbell,” she murmured to herself, “pull yourself together.”

Taking a deep breath she headed off to the nurses station to try and locate the whereabouts of the consultant, Mr Jackson.

When Serena returned to the room, she saw Bernie standing looking out of one of the huge windows that overlooked the hospital grounds, and that her place on the chair had been taken by an older woman whom she correctly assumed was Grace, Alex’s mother. At the sound of the door opening, both women had looked up, and she noticed the relief in Bernie’s eyes when she saw her. She had to force herself not to go over and give her a hug, and instead walked over with her hand outstretched towards the other woman.

“Hello, I’m Serena Campbell, a very good friend of Bernie. But I’m also a doctor, a surgeon at Holby City Hospital and if you have any general questions that you don’t want to trouble the staff here with then I’d be happy to help, if I can.”

Grace gave her a small smile and shook her hand briefly, but Serena didn’t miss the small frown she shot at Bernie, who lowered her eyes unable to meet her gaze. Then, for the next few minutes Grace asked Serena all manner of questions, mainly ones about the various machines that Alex was hooked up to even though Serena knew that she would have had things explained to her already, by the nursing staff here. But she also appreciated that when people are under stress, some facts refuse to stay in the memory for more than a few hours. She answered them as best as she could, explaining that the more detailed, personal queries would have to wait for Mr Jackson. When the questions ran out, Grace looked closely at Serena and then turned towards Bernie.

“So, when and how did you two meet? I wouldn’t have thought your social circles were at all similar.”

Bernie fidgeted.

“Oh, a friend gave her my number, when Serena decided she wanted to sell her house. And we..got on quite well, and had similar interests so…”

She shrugged her shoulders and Grace’s eyes narrowed.

“Hmm. You must be _very_ good friends I would think, for her to take a day off and come here today, when you asked?”

Serena was getting annoyed at being referred to in the third person, as if she wasn’t even in the room.

“I actually offered to come, I wasn’t _asked._ ”

Grace glanced briefly in her direction and then turned back to look at Bernie who was twisting her hands together as she took a deep breath.

“Serena….she’s my best friend, and I’m not sure I would be here today, if not for her support.”

She was still avoiding looking at anyone, her eyes swivelling up to the ceiling, but she felt Serena move to her side and felt her put her hands over her own, trying to still them. Serena knew she had to speak.

“There is also the fact that, as I’m sure you must have realised, I love Bernie and she loves me.”

Serena spoke gently, but firmly. She did not want Alex’s mother to misunderstand the situation any longer.

Grace stared almost angrily at Bernie, her face contorted by a frown.

“Why didn’t you tell me, all of us, that you were in a relationship? And if it’s true, why spend all of last week here, pretending you care about Alex? Or is this just some _game_ to you?”

Bernie went very pale and then she stiffened, and grasped Serena’s hands tightly, her voice much stronger than Serena would have thought.

“I came because Alex had meant a lot to me and I loved her. The fact that I’m not _in love_ with her anymore, doesn’t change that. I…blame myself for us splitting up and I didn’t want you or her to think that I don’t care what happens to her. I’m sorry..”

Bernie’s voice petered out, all her strength gone, and her legs sagged as she leant into Serena. Grace turned away from them to gaze at her daughter.

“Then I think you both should go,” she said bitterly, “before my daughter wakes up and thinks that you’re here for her and not yourself. She doesn’t need her heart breaking again.”

She glanced at Serena.

“And I strongly suggest that you get as far away from _your love,_ as you can, before she abandons you as well.”

Bernie sobbed as she pulled her hands free from Serena’s and rushed from the room. Serena desperately wanted to run after her, but instead walked over to stand by the bed, putting her hand on the back of the chair where Grace was sitting.

“I know from experience that people can say cruel things when they’re upset but Bernie didn’t deserve that. I don’t doubt for a second that she loved..still loves your daughter, and I have to live with that if I want to stay with her..which I do, very much. She came here because _you_ asked her to, and she stayed because she needed to.”

She risked gently placing her hand on Grace’s shoulder.

“Honestly, has Alex met no one since Bernie? Or been unhappy the whole time they’ve been apart? I mean, it must be what..ten or twelve years ago?”

Grace shrugged.

“She’s had girlfriends, yes. But they’ve been nothing like when she was with Bernie.”

“Did she tell you that? Or is it because _you_ approved of Bernie? Someone more mature who might have tamed your wild daughter. Someone who made it seem that being a lesbian was a little more respectable, more than just an experiment. Someone who you felt you could have accepted as your daughter’s partner?”

Serena sat carefully on the edge of the bed.

“Bernie wasn’t the only one in the relationship, and the reason for her ending it, wasn’t just down to her. It certainly wasn’t done on a whim, or because she’d found someone else, and Alex would probably tell you that their future together wasn’t as rosy as you seem to think. And more importantly what happened to Alex, this accident, is not Bernie’s fault, and the fact that she _and_ you seem to think it is, is wrong, and very unfair.”

Grace didn’t say anything for a few moments, and when she did, her voice was less bitter.

“So..she’s the love of your life, is she?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure she feels the same?”

“As certain as I can be. But there are no guarantees, ever, so I intend to grab whatever happiness I can, when I can, and that means taking on the bad with the good. Just as she has to accept my demons, I accept hers. We’re neither of us angels.”

There was silence, and the next time Grace spoke it was about Alex, and whether she stood any chance of recovering, and what did Serena really think about that. So Serena told her about her friend Roxanna who was one of the foremost neurological consultants in the whole of Europe, and how she was prepared to take her as a patient in one of her clinics as soon, and if, Mr Jackson felt that she was stable enough to be moved.

“You don’t have to worry about costs, she owed me a pretty big favour that I called in.”

Grace turned to look at her, tears trickling down her face.

“Why are doing this? You don’t even know her.”

“No. But I know Bernie and if this will help to bring her some peace of mind then that’s all I want. But I don’t want her to know about this right now, I will explain when things are a little less fraught.”

Serena stood up and sighed as she moved towards the door.

“Now I need to go and find her. I wish you and your daughter the very best possible outcome, but I’m sure you understand when I say that I hope I don’t have to see either of you again.”

Serena walked out of the room, out of the ward with her heart pounding and her legs rapidly turning to jelly. As soon as she caught sight of some seats near to the lifts she sank onto one of them and dipped her head right down to her knees, to counter the sensation that she may pass out. She needed to gather her thoughts to try and work out where Bernie might have gone. She didn’t think she would have gone too far, but the hospital was huge and she worried that they might pass like ships in the night if she didn’t try to think logically about it. Knowing that Bernie liked to exhaust herself physically before she could get her brain to engage, she avoided using the lifts and headed to the stairs reasoning that if she were on the way back to Alex, this was the most likely route she would take. She had only gone down two of the six flights when she spotted her sitting in the corner of the stairwell staring into space. Trying not to startle her she slowed her pace and walked quietly up to her, holding out her hand.

“Shall we head down to the coffee shop here and have a chat? I’m afraid if I sit on the stairs I won’t be able to get up again with any degree of dignity.”

Bernie’s eyes softened at seeing Serena and she allowed herself to be helped to her feet and then carry on down to the ground floor. Over a good, strong cup of tea Serena tells Bernie that she’s talked in some detail with Grace over what could happen next with Alex’s treatment, and explains that after liaising with her consultant she believes there is a case for cautious optimism.

“So, are you ready to go, or are you planning on staying for a few days?”

Serena kept her voice light, but could feel her lip trembling as she waited for her answer.

Bernie stroked her thumb along Serena’s forearm.

“I think I at least need to go back and say goodbye for now. Will you wait here, or would you rather come up as well.”

“If it’s okay with you, I’ll wait here, I’ve already said my piece.”

Bernie nodded in understanding and headed back to the stairs, whilst Serena went to order another tea, and then sat back at the table where she systematically shredded a serviette as she waited and waited. Nearly an hour later Bernie reappeared, her eyes red, but actually looking calmer than she has done since Serena saw her on Saturday evening. She reached out to take Serena’s hand and they walked out of the hospital to head straight for the station. As they waited for the Holby train, they said very few words to each other, but Bernie slid her hand around Serena’s waist and pulled her tightly towards her. Serena won’t ask yet what was said, and Bernie is not in a place where she feels able to share, things are too raw. When they finally get out of the taxi in front of Serena’s house, Bernie holds back as she opens her front door.

“Serena..I..”

“I know, you need some space. It’s been quite a day, for both of us.”

“I just need to get things back on track…myself, the business….us. I don’t know how I would have managed today, without you. I’ll ring you later, and everyday, I promise. I won’t disappear on you again.”

Serena pulled her close and ran her fingers through her hair.

“You’d better not.”

And then they were kissing, softly at first but with increasing ardour, and then just as swiftly Bernie was heading to her car, driving off without daring to look back. Serena gave a ragged sigh, and quietly closed the door behind her.

 

“””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””

 

Gradually, over the next couple of weeks the previous pattern of keeping apart during the week and together at the weekends began to re-establish itself. After their wonderful weekend in Wales it felt like a step back to Serena, but she didn’t want to crowd Bernie, to put any extra stress on her. And she’s also preoccupied as her house sale and purchase are both going through with a completion date of only three weeks away. She and Elinor have been packing things into boxes and taking other bits and pieces to the local refuse tip and various charity shops. She’s got rid of a lot more than she thought she would because she doesn’t want to simply replicate her old house inside the new one, and choosing only essential items to fit in there means that she can take her time before she makes new purchases. Elinor was happy to learn that in spite of everything, she came away with a very creditable 2:1 in her English and Journalism degree, and although still living at home, is happily looking for employment anywhere in the country. (Her holiday romance had stayed at just that, neither of them feeling that the time was right to be thinking of becoming involved in the long term.) Serena was secretly very relieved to hear it. She wanted her daughter to be happy but knew that jobs in her speciality were few and far between, and she had to feel free enough to go wherever the opportunities were.

Her own relationship with with Bernie was still strong, and they constantly expressed their love for each other, but there seemed to have been a shift in the dynamics and in Serena’s opinion things had become…. muted. It wasn’t that they didn’t make love, but more that it was always _all_ about Bernie treating Serena as if she were porcelain and about to break. And often, far too often, Bernie would only ‘give’ not allowing Serena to show her how much she appreciated having her in her life. There were times that Serena just wanted to tear Bernie’s clothes off and pin her against a wall or a table or _anything_ that would end in Bernie begging her to finish her off, and then, when Bernie was completely and utterly spent she would do it all again. She was also desperate for Bernie to tease her, to draw things out rather than just give her the sweetest of orgasms and then snuggle together until they fell asleep. And although she was aware that she could simply just talk to Bernie about this, Serena wanted to _show_ her how wrong she was, to excite her, and started to formulate a plan to show Bernie what she was missing.

Bernie still could not believe how lucky she had been when fate had brought Serena into her life. The way she had supported her through the mess of Alex being hurt, and how she had stood by her, holding her up when she’d felt that her own small world was crumbling. She wanted to spend the rest of her life showing Serena just how special she was and how she would never intentionally hurt her again. It scared her sometimes, the intensity of her emotions, and felt she should step back so as not to force that overwhelming desire onto her, when all she deserved to was be adored. But when Serena started to distance herself a little, alarm bells sounded in her head. With only a week and a half until Serena was due to move, she explained to Bernie that she was taking on some extra shifts so that she could have more time off afterwards to get things straight in the new house.

“I’ll be very grateful if you have any time on your hands when you can help shift boxes and such like, but I’m thinking that possibly the physical side of our relationship needs to take a back seat for a couple of weeks. I’m going to need all my energy for other, more pressing reasons,” Serena had said with a smile and a wink.

Bernie of course nodded her agreement but couldn’t help feel a little unnerved. Sex had always been high on Serena’s list of priorities, and Bernie loved the way that she moaned and groaned under her careful and studied ministrations. It certainly had never seemed to matter whether she was busy or had an early start, Serena seemed to regard making love on a regular basis as essential as drinking Shiraz.

‘ _It wouldn’t be so bad,’_ Bernie thought after just a couple of days of abstinence, ‘ _if she would stop being so..touchy feely all the time. Why is she constantly trailing her fingers over me and smoothing her hands over my backside if she doesn’t want it to go anywhere?’_

She gave herself a mental shake. It was just the way Serena always was she reminded herself, and she had no right to read sexual motives into every gesture and touch. But to Bernie’s surprise she was the one finding that keeping her libido under control was proving quite hard. Which was exactly what Serena had been hoping for.

Serena went shopping for some sexy lingerie. She treated herself to a set of a lacy low cut, push up bra and a matching set of rather skimpy lace panties. Not the most comfortable of underwear but she wasn’t planning on wearing them for long. It was all about getting Bernie’s blood pumping. Another set she bought was more like her normal underwear in terms of the amount of skin covered, but both bra and pants were very sheer, practically see through, and it was this pair that she wore when she asked Bernie to come over and help her move some boxes from upstairs into the dining room, ready for the moving men to pick up the following day to go into storage.

She put them on under one of her older white t-shirts that was a little on the tight side, smoothing it down over her upper body. She was satisfied to see that even her own hands brushing against her breasts had caused her nipples to harden and push forwards, in fact they were so noticeable Serena was certain that the deep rose colour of her areola was visible. She then found an old pair of jogging bottoms that had a tendency to slide down her hips, hoping that the bending and lifting involved would soon help gravity take its course. A pulse of desire shot to her core at the thought of Bernie trying to stay in control and failing miserably. She moaned softly, lost in lustful thoughts of being ravaged in the most inappropriate location, only to jump nearly four feet in the air when the doorbell rang. Hurrying downstairs she opened the door to see Bernie, waiting with a smile on her face, which froze for a moment as she took in what Serena was wearing, and the sight of a single bead of sweat nestling into the valley between her breasts. Not giving her time to over think it Serena pulled her inside briefly pressing her lips (and body) to Bernie’s, before releasing her just as quickly to run back up the stairs. Bernie, still trying to regain her equilibrium, could only stare at the rear view of Serena’s backside, jiggling slightly, as she disappeared out of sight. It took a sharp, school ma’am shout of “Berenice, where are you?” to startle her out of her fantasies and then she was moving, taking the stairs two at a time, to arrive in the doorway of the spare bedroom still piled high with boxes.

“Good grief Serena, I thought the object was to de-clutter?”

“Excuse me,” said Serena haughtily, “if you look closely you will see that nearly half of these boxes have red stickers on which mean they’re destined for a number of local charity shops. They need to go into the hall. The rest have green stickers so need to be put into the dining room. So snap to it, we don’t have any time to waste.”

It was nearly two hours later before everything was relocated downstairs, and they were both panting, not just with the effort of carrying boxes. As good as her idea had been, to get Bernie lusting after her, Serena had forgotten that the impact of perspiring bodies and form fitting clothes worked both ways, and she’d had to swallow a sigh or two on more than one occasion as they’d brushed up against one another on the narrowing hallway.

“Cold drink?” she asked lightly as she walked towards the kitchen.

“Erm..yes, thanks,” Bernie replied, whilst thinking that a cold shower might be more use to her right now. She followed Serena and arrived in time to see her bend down to get some ice cubes from the bottom drawer of the freezer, and audibly gasped as Serena’s trousers slid over the curve of her hips, revealing the top of her luscious rear encased in what seemed to be see through knickers.

“Good god,” she muttered breathily as Serena straightened up and turned to look at her, the right eyebrow arched quizzically.

“It’s..um, very warm work isn’t it?” she babbled as Serena handed her a glass of lemon squash, dropping a few pieces of ice into it as she did.

“Oh yes,”Serena agreed, “very warm.”

She still had an ice cube in her hand, and watching Bernie from the corner of her eye, she dragged it around her neck, pausing at the pulse points, and then right across the upper part of her chest before tossing the sliver that remained, into the sink.

“Right, let’s get that stuff to the charity shops, it shouldn’t take long to load my car, I’ve folded down the rear seats to make more room.”

Serena, as focused as ever went through to the hall and opened the front door barely containing a grin as she watched Bernie’s eyes come back into focus as she moved very slowly after her. When the car was loaded and they were standing in the hall again Serena gently stroked her hand down Bernie’s arm.

“You’ve been a star, thank you so much. I don’t know what I would have done without you. Are you okay to come with me to help me offload as well, or do you need to get going?”

Bernie hadn’t said very much since the performance with the ice, and she fully intended to lend a hand, but right at that moment she was fixated on Serena’s top and her nipples that were clearly visible through it. Once again she seemed to be having problems swallowing, but knew she had to say something about Serena's attire.

“Um…do you think maybe, a change of clothes might be an idea? Before you walk along the high street?”

Serena feigned surprise as she looked down.

“Do you really think so? I mean, it seems silly to mess up another set of clothes, ill be back here in under 30 minutes.”

She sighed and looked at her top again pretending to reconsider.

“You know, you’re probably right, this top does look rather grubby, and I wouldn’t want my joggers to end up around my ankles would I? Tell you what,” she continued as she started to remove the two items in question, “can you throw these into the washing machine while I pop upstairs to grab something else.”

She handed the clothes to Bernie, did a little twirl to make sure Bernie got a good eyeful, and then walked sedately up the stairs hiding a smirk at Bernie’s reaction.

Bernie was frozen to the spot with Serena’s clothes hanging from her outstretched arm her mouth opening and closing like a goldfish. Images were playing out in her brain, the full breasts, the dark patch at the apex of her thighs that had been clearly visible, that wonderful plump bottom.

‘ _Dear lord, she might as well be naked…’_

In her bedroom Serena was fighting her own battles of desire as she shrugged her way into a looser fitting dark top and a pair of black linen trousers. She was certain that given the opportunity Bernie was ready to ravish her right here and now and if she was honest that's what she wanted too..…oh lord, how she wanted it, so much. But she decided to stick with her plan to play these little games over the next few days, until they were so hungry for each other that all self control would be lost. Or at least, that was she was hoping would happen.

So Serena engineered their meetings very carefully as the moving day got closer. She made sure to deliberately brush against her at every opportunity, and each time Bernie felt a white hot charge shoot through her and it took every ounce of willpower not to just take what she desperately wanted. But she respected and loved Serena, and she accepted almost without question her request for sex to be put on the back burner untIl she was settled into her new home, it was the least she could do for after the way she had supported her when she was coming apart at the seams over Alex. So every day she waited until she was back in the privacy of her own flat before dealing with ‘things’ with her own hands, in an attempt to reduce the likelihood of spontaneous combustion.

 

Moving day arrived and it was all hands on deck. Elinor, who had been spending time with her Dad and step-mom rather than continually have to negotiate a course around boxes to even get to her bed, arrived bright and early to find her mom and Bernie already loading up both of their cars with small but essential items such as towels, bed-linen, and suitcases full of clothes. There were also a few of the more precious or fragile items that Serena didn’t want to trust to the removers.

“This way, if any of these get damaged I will only have myself to blame,” she patiently explained to Bernie, who considered it an unnecessary fear. “This way there won’t be any danger of my getting arrested for assaulting a number of removal men.”

Bernie shrugged in resignation.

“Then please make sure none of them find their way into my car,” she said.

“Although being hunted down and chastised by you does have a certain appeal.”

Serena turned away to hide a smile. She was aware that Bernie was suffering under the ‘no sex’ rule, as was she, but she had definite plans for them both before the day was out. As moving house was supposed to be one of the most stressful things you could do, with any luck what she had in mind would be the perfect way to relax. She had also engaged a firm of professional cleaners to come and do a deep clean of the house once everything was on its way to her new home, as she didn’t want to expend any energy she might have left on anything quite so mundane as housework. Her Harvard business training didn't just extend to her workplace and she had drawn up a detail list and plan of where the boxes were to go to in the new house and had asked Bernie to take Elinor over there to be in charge of that end of things. She waited until the removal firm arrived on the doorstep, and Bernie made sure that they understood that if they did a good job here, she would have no problem in recommending them to some of her other clients, in the hope that they would not try to take advantage of Elinor’s youth. Although from what little she had seen of her, she was certain that like her mother, she did not suffer fools gladly. They started off well, by offering to take Elinor in the van with them, to save Bernie an extra journey.

When Bernie went back inside she found Serena upstairs looking out of what had been her bedroom window. She placed her hands gently on Serena’s hips and rested her chin on her shoulder so their cheeks were touching.

“Not too many regrets I hope?” she asked quietly.

Serena shook her head.

“No, not really. But you’ve helped me have better memories of this place,” she said as a glint came into her eyes. “Particularly in this room.”

She turned to face Bernie and kissed her ardently, her hands threading through her hair, pulling her firmly towards her, then letting them drop onto Bernie's shoulders so that her arms could envelop her. After a moment's hesitation Bernie responded, wrapping her arms tightly around Serena, her senses reeling. As they broke apart, breathing heavily they heard the front door open, and someone was calling Serena’s name, announcing they were the cleaners and were they okay to start bringing in their machines. Serena moved across to the door with Bernie following, shouting down the stairs to let them know she wouldn't be long. She turned back to face Bernie as she closed the door to the bedroom again, with them still inside it, and catching her off guard she spun Bernie round, eagerly pushing her against it, using the element of surprise to keep her pinned there with her body. She licked her lips and Bernie could see a devilish look in her eyes.

“What about it then Ms Wolfe? Do you think we have time for one last fuck here, before they make their way upstairs? Hmmm? Do you remember how you made me come, pressed against the front door, until I was virtually screaming with pleasure?”

All the time she was speaking Serena had been kissing and giving little nips down her throat and Bernie realised with a sudden shock that Serena’s hand was pushing down the front of her sweat pants, her fingers pressing her knickers into the dampness that was already collecting in her sex.

“So what do you say? Should I pull these down (and she tugged at the crotch of her pants) now, and have you, quickly, to see if you can keep quiet enough when you come over my hand?”

Bernie’s head thudded back onto the door.

“Oh, god..Serena, I…oh..”

And then suddenly Serena’s hand was gone and she was pulling away from her, patting her gently on her hip before reaching for the door handle.

“No..you’re probably right. Not the sort of thing that two respectable middle-aged women should be doing. Much better to wait until we’re safely in bed and can behave in a more decorous manner don’t you think?”

Serena brushed past and went quickly downstairs to have a word with the cleaners, leaving Bernie panting with desire, leaning against the door jamb, trying to compose herself before she followed.

Only thirty minutes later they pulled up onto the drive of the new house in their respective cars. As they stood on the drive their eyes met and they knew that they were both thinking of that night when Serena had lain exposed to Bernie’s gaze in the back of her car. Serena’s eyes grew dark, a smile playing around her lips watching Bernie face flush as the memory prompted her body to throb with arousal, making her feel almost embarrassed. Serena walked over to snag Bernie’s hand with her own.

“Hey, relax. We didn’t get caught and it was good, wasn’t it? At least it was for me. Even at our age aren't we allowed to have fun and push the boundaries sometimes?”

Bernie nodded but still looked uncomfortable.

“It’s just that..oh, I don’t know…. At the time it was _wonderful_ , but in retrospect I just feel I wasn’t as..considerate of you, or as tender as I should have been.”

“Oh, Bernie…I’ve told you before, I’m quite capable of telling you if I’m not happy with something. And I’m no shrinking violet, I'm far more likely to upset or shock _you_ than the other way round.”

She lowered her voice as she leant in towards her.

“In fact I like it when you take control, tell me what to do. It’s sometimes refreshing not to be the one making all the decisions. I get enough of that in my job.”

She was just about to pull Bernie into a passionate kiss when they heard Elinor shouting from a window upstairs.

“Please, can you keep your hands off each other for five minutes? There’s still a stack of things to be done in here and I was planning on going out tonight, so I'll need to get back to dad's in about an hour.”

Bernie turned a little pink as they went into the house, she still wasn't too certain of what Ellie truly thought about this recent development in her mom's sexuality.

‘ _My house’_ thought Serena excitedly as she entered. ‘ _I, or rather_ _ **we**_ _definitely_ _need to christen it tonight.’_

It was more like two hours before Ellie asked for a lift back to her dad’s place so that she would have time to shower and get changed before meeting up with some friends. Bernie offered as Serena was still ripping open boxes in the kitchen deciding what would go on which shelves. They travelled over half the way in silence, but eventually Elinor cleared her throat to ask Bernie a question.

“You are serious about Mom, aren’t you? I mean _really_ serious?”

Bernie's answer was firm and immediate.

“Yes of course. She’s _very_ important to me.” Bernie paused. “And that makes you important to me as well. I...well, I want you to know that I’ll be available if you ever need someone other than your mom, to talk to..about anything.”

“Do you think you’ll ever get married? Would you want to?”

The air came our of Bernie’s lungs with a small ‘whoosh’ sound and she gave a nervous laugh.

“Well, I did not see that coming. Erm..I .. it’s not something we’ve ever talked about, so it's hard for me to say. We’ve both been married before and it didn't work out so well, so…I don’t know, maybe it’s not for us.”

Elinor made a tutting sound.

“Talking about skirting the issue. Look. If mom wanted to get married would you try and talk her out of it? She’s a woman who’s had to be strong and she is strong, but she’s a romantic at heart.”

They pulled up outside Edward’s house and Bernie switched off the engine. She stared out of the windscreen for a few moments.

“I hope you know that I love your mother dearly. And if I’m honest with myself I would love to be able to call her my wife, but I won’t push her towards it. It will always have to be her decision.”

Elinor opened the door.

“Just don’t forget she might be waiting for you to make the first move. She’s not going to risk losing you by asking for more than she thinks you’re able to give. And for the record, I’ve never seen her so happy, so if you need it, you have my support.”

She leaned backwards to place a quick peck on Bernie’s cheek and then she was disappearing into the block of flats where her dad lived. Bernie exhaled slowly, gripping the steering wheel so that she could hide how much her hands would be shaking if she let go of it. Another deep breath and she started the engine, ready to go back and show Serena just how much she meant to her.

 

As Bernie had driven away, Serena ceased worrying about unpacking any more boxes and made her way upstairs to her bedroom. She quickly made up the bed and opened one of her suitcases that contained mostly underwear. She had a very quick shower and selected her new bra and pants she had purchased, and then slipped on the same outer clothes so that Bernie wouldn’t suspect a thing. As soon as she heard her pull back onto the drive she poured two glasses of wine for them in the kitchen, and then went to open the door.

“Everything okay with Ellie?” Serena asked as she walked back to where the wine was waiting.

“Yes, in fact she seemed in a pretty good mood to me,” replied Bernie. “So what do you need me to do next?”

Resisting the temptation to say ‘ _me_ ’ Serena held out the full wineglass.

“I think we have both earned the right to a breather. And I’ve got the essentials unpacked so I think we should just call it a day and relax a little. There’s no point in over exerting ourselves…is there?”

“Oh, okay..as long as you’re sure?” Bernie took the drink, and leaned against the table. “I’ll just finish this and then I’ll get home to shower, feeling a little grubby if I’m honest.”

She looked at Serena from under her untidy fringe as she sipped her wine, and gave her a gentle smile as she raised the glass in a toast.

“Welcome to your new home…may you have many happy memories here.”

She took a step towards Serena and gave her a lingering kiss. Serena smiled but didn’t say anything, just locked eyes with her, watching them grow dark the longer she stared. Bernie was beginning to feel her stomach churn and she hurriedly put down the wine and cleared her throat.

“So…if you’re sure you’re done for the day, I’ll be off. Do you want me to come over again in the morning?”

Serena downed her drink in one and walked purposefully towards Bernie forcing her backwards until she was trapped against the kitchen counter.

“Don’t tell me that you intend to leave me alone…in a new place…with not even any WiFi connected or the TV set up?”

She put her hands on Bernie’s hips, pulling her t-shirt free from her trousers so that she could drag her nails across the skin of her back, as she firmly pressed a leg between Bernie’s two. Bernie felt herself flush with desire, and she slid her own hands around Serena’s waist as Serena blew gently into her neck, hovering but not quite touching.

“So, do you want to stop over?”

Serena’s lips barely grazed Bernie’s ear as she spoke, and the warmth of her breath made Bernie’s knees buckle.

“Yes…I’d like to,” she gasped.

“Good,” said Serena matter-of-factly, and she pushed herself away from the counter. “Would you like a shower while I send out for a pizza? There’s plenty of towels up there, and some of your clothes that you left at mine a couple of weeks ago are in the top drawer of the bedside table.”

Bernie nodded and made her way up the stairs, still trying to fathom out exactly what games Serena was playing at. When she came back downstairs 20 minutes later she saw that Serena had filled up their glasses of wine and put them on the kitchen table, and it was only a few minutes after that she appeared with two large pizza boxes.

“Sorry, I just went with Margherita and Ham and Mushroom. Hope that’s okay?”

Bernie pretended to pout.

“No pineapple?”

Serena glared at her and then they both started to laugh before tucking in, realising they were quite hungry. Thirty minutes later, when they'd eaten their fill Serena pulled Bernie to her feet and walked through the patio doors into the garden. Serena stared out into the dusk and Bernie stood behind her, arms round her waist.

“It was this space out here that made me want to buy this place, you know,” Serena said softly.

“Hmm, I remember how pleased you were that you could see for miles, with nothing interrupting your view, from the bottom of the garden.”

Bernie nuzzled into Serena, placing warm wet kisses at the base of her neck.

“Shall we take this inside?” she asked.

Serena shook her head and led Bernie over to the garden seat, where they sat watching the sky turn dark. Some minutes passed in silence and then Serena stood up and she pulled her t shirt off in one swift movement, dropping it on the floor. Her hands hooked into the waistband of her sweat pants to push them off too when Bernie squeaked in surprise and grabbed her wrists.

“Serena, stop, you can’t...not out here,” she managed to stutter.

“Why not? Even the people in the closest house can’t see us, as close to the house as this. They’d have to be at the bottom of their garden on a step ladder to see over that hedge.”

She moved out of Bernie’s grasp and quickly stripped off her trousers, and putting her hands on her hips she raised an eyebrow and smiled.

“You can't tell me you don’t want this, right here, right now,” said Serena, “because I won’t believe you.”

Bernie brain felt on fire as she took in Serena’s curvaceous figure encased in skimpy black lace underwear, and unable to stop herself she darted forwards, but Serena stretched out her hand bringing her to a halt.

“I want you in the same state of undress as me,” she told her hoarsely, and Bernie stripped to her undies, barely faltering in her need to be close. It was only when she was within a hair’s breadth of their bodies touching that Bernie stopped and raked her eyes up and down the gorgeous woman in front of her.

“God you’re so….irresistible. You’ve driven me mad today, I nearly didn’t come back after dropping Elinor off because I didn't think I would be able to control myself if you carried on with your teasing. Especially as I was certain you were going to ask me to go.”

She made a growling noise in the back of her throat as she moved her hands up and around Serena, following the curves of her body but not actually touching her. Serena was already having trouble breathing and she tried to step into her embrace but Bernie swayed backwards refusing her the contact she so desired.

“You are a temptress Ms Campbell. You’ve been blowing hot and cold around me for a couple of weeks now. Aloof and distant. Telling me not to share your bed. Hot kisses with a hint of more to follow, but not delivering anything.”

She bent her head slightly to whisper in her ear.

“So do you really want me to touch you, kiss you…everywhere? Or are you going to wind me me again?”

She moved her mouth so that it was hovering over Serena’s so that she could almost feel their lips touching, but not quite.

Serena groaned and closed her eyes, unable to look at Bernie as she answered.

“Of course I want you to touch me. That’s what this whole two weeks of holding back has been about. Ever since we came back from seeing Alex you’ve been treating me like I’m made of glass, that I’m going to break if you put any pressure on me.”

She opened her eyes and Bernie could see how black her pupils were.

“I wanted you to feel like you were burning with desire unable to take the teasing anymore.”

Bernie smiled slowly.

“Well, it worked. Congratulations. But now I think it’s my turn to tempt you, make you beg, don’t you? So why don’t you be a good girl and move back until you are flat against the glass door, placing your hands against it too.”

On distinctly wobbly legs, Serena did as Bernie asked, her heart beating so fast she was scared she might pass out before a finger was laid on her. Bernie followed closely nodding her approval and brought her mouth to ghost over her shoulders, across her chest, hovering briefly over her breasts, so close that Serena could feel her warm breath centred over each nipple in turn, and then moved lower as she crouched in front of her. She pushed her nose close to the apex of Serena’s thighs and breathed deeply as the scent of her arousal filled her nostrils.

“Legs just a little further apart…please.”

Serena moaned loudly but did as she was bid, biting her lip as she felt herself flood against the small amount of material between her legs.

“Oh my, you liked that didn’t you? Being told what to do. I can smell how turned on you are. I think that those very attractive knickers are going to be ruined after just a couple of hours wear. You’re very wet down there aren’t you?”

Bernie straightened up again so that she was looking directly at her face.

“Open your eyes and look at me and answer my question please.”

Serena’s eyes fluttered open and she blushed under Bernie’s steady gaze. When she didn’t reply Bernie quirked an eyebrow and waited.

“Yes.” Serena voice was high and breathy. Bernie waited again.

“Yes, I’m wet..very wet. Please..just touch me. I want you _so_ much”

“Well, well, well. Now you know how I felt with your hands down my trousers back at your old house.”

“Oh for pity’s sake Bernie, I’m going to pass out if you don’t just take me soon.”

Bernie chuckled in delight. She was at a point where she thought she could come with just imagining Serena’s hands pushing hungrily between her legs, but she was enjoying this so much, rediscovering this side of their relationship.

“Take off your bra,” she instructed, “slowly. I bet that lace really rubs against your nipples doesn’t it?”

With trembling hands Serena reached behind her to undo the clasp at her back and then slowly pulled the straps down her arms before dropping it onto the ground. Her nipples that had already been prominent seemed to stand to attention in the cooler night air. Bernie sucked in her breath at the sight.

“Hands back where they were please,” she managed to utter, as she brought both hands up and gently scraped her nails down each slope towards the nipple, before repeating the action from underneath, still stopping short of their target. When her thumbs finally brushed across each peak Serena arched forwards and her legs were shaking underneath her and she had to fight to stay upright. She felt Bernie’s hands gently grip her waist to support her.

“It’s okay,” she murmured, “I won’t let you fall.”

After a couple of deep breaths she steadied and looked into Bernie’s eyes again.

“You didn’t come then, did you?” Bernie asked tenderly.

Serena shook her head. “Nearly, but no.”

Bernie slid her hands down over her hips until her thumbs were hooked inside the top of Serena’s panties.

“Let’s get rid of these then, while things are a little calmer.” And she pushed firmly downwards as Serena gripped onto her shoulders for balance, stepping out of them as they fell around her ankles. Bernie kicked them to one side as she stood up again.

“Back against the glass again,” she said, but without making it sound like an order.

Bernie stood back to take in the full sight of Serena naked, waiting with bated breath for what would happen next.

“I wonder what the village here would think if they knew their new _esteemed_ resident was currently naked, in her back garden, just waiting to feel my hands between her legs. You do still want that, don’t you?”

Serena gave a strangled cry.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

Bernie reached around her own back to undo her bra, and just as swiftly she peeled off her pants as she moved closer to Serena. She reached for one of Serena’s hands and brought it to her lips to kiss her palm and then placed it on her waist. She pressed their foreheads together and whispered.

“You are okay with this? I need to be sure that I’m not..forcing you to be standing here.”

“I’m fine with it,” said Serena huskily. “More than fine.”

And at last Bernie pulled her close so that their bodies were moving against each other kissing her deeply, her tongue pushing straight through Serena’s open lips, swallowing the whimpers that Serena was making as she slid her thigh against the curls at the base of her stomach. She pulled back from the kiss and spoke again.

“Tell me what you want…what you want me to do”

Serena groaned again in desperation.

“For god’s sake I want you….I _need_ you to fuck me..please.”

“How?” Bernie stroked down over Serena’s stomach, over the front of her thighs, then circled around so her fingertips were tracing patterns on the inside of her leg.

“Oh my…you’re even wet right down here, are you that close?” She paused momentarily, to watch Serena squirm, her hips pushing forwards to manoeuvre Bernie into to touching her. She carried on teasing, moving her hands around to cup her buttocks, digging her nails into the soft pliant flesh, listening to her moans.

“Are you ready to feel my fingers inside you, yes?”

Serena was gasping, virtually sobbing by now.

“Yes, now! No more teasing please, I feel like I’m about to explode.”

Her head fell forward onto Bernie’s shoulder, and she felt her legs being forced further apart by one of Bernie’s feet nudging against her own and then two strong, lithe fingers pushed through her swollen labia, and straight inside her. The wail from Serena seemed to fill the evening air, and Bernie felt her bite down along her clavicle.

“Oh my love, that’s not enough is it? You’re so slick I’m sure you could take another with ease,” and Bernie pulled her fingers back out, before adding a third as she thrust back in, making Serena rise up on her toes with the suddenness of her return. The juices that were running over Bernie’s hand every time she drove her fingers back into Serena, made her consider adding a fourth, but with what little part of her brain that was still functioning, she decided to save that for another time. The speed of her thrusts increased along with the amount of force behind them and she felt almost possessed as she listened to the grunts from Serena getting louder as the edge of her thumb started to strike against her clit.

“You’re nearly there,” she said breathlessly into Serena’s ear, “I can feel you tightening around my fingers, hold on.”

Bernie’s arm was aching but she still managed to increase the tempo and Serena felt herself rising up and up, and then with a muffled scream she crashed over the edge of her orgasm sinking down onto the soles of her feet, her sex still twitching and jumping around Bernie’s fingers.

As they both regained some composure and their breath, Bernie carefully withdrew and looked in wonder at how coated her hand was. She saw Serena glance down too and watched her eyes widen and her face flush again.

“Hey, don’t feel embarrassed, it was breathtaking to feel you so turned on by me.”

She gathered her into her arms pressing kisses all over her face.

“Let’s go inside and clean up, because I’m feeling in need of a lie down.”

 

A little while later they were lying face to face on the newly made up bed, and Serena was gently pushing Bernie’s hair away from her cheek, tucking the longer strands behind her ears.

“Are you okay? I want to give you something in return for that amazing orgasm, but I’m not sure I have enough energy left.”

Bernie lowered her eyes to look at Serena through her lashes and Serena thought she had never looked more adorable. Bernie placed a tiny kiss to the tip of Serena’s nose.

“Consider it a house-warming present,” she said with a wink, “and I promise in future to not constantly treat you as if you are a rare, fragile ornament. But I hope you’ll forgive me if I still do that occasionally because you are the most precious thing in my life.”

Serena’s heart started to beat a little bit faster and she grasped the chance to say something that she’d wanted to say for quite a while. She brushed her fingers over Bernie’s hand and took a deep breath.

“You know how much I wanted to live here, and you helped me achieve my wish, and tonight you have given me a memory that will live with me forever.” She took another, steadying breath. “But I expect that Ellie will be heading off soon to another city to follow her own dream, and I can’t help thinking that I’m going to feel that even this house will start to feel too big for me..”

Bernie pushed herself up on her arm with a shocked look on her face.

“Serena Wendy Campbell, do not tell me that you’re thinking of your next move already?”

Serena shook her head.

“No, well, not exactly.” She pulled Bernie back down and bit the bullet.

“Berenice Griselda Wolfe..Bernie, I would love it if you would move in with me. So this could be our house, our garden… our bedroom. I want you to be part of my life always. You’re in my thoughts constantly and the idea of coming home to see you every..”

Serena didn’t get to finish the sentence as Bernie lunged forwards to kiss her forcibly, her hands circling around her, holding her so tightly that when they broke apart Serena struggled to take a breath.

“Is that a yes?” she asked shakily, and Bernie looked at her very seriously as if pondering deeply about her answer before her face broke into a huge grin.

“Yes, yes, a thousand times yes,” she replied, and they kissed again, more tenderly this time and then rolled onto their backs staring at the ceiling, their hands entwined between them. After a few minutes as they both lay quietly, contemplating the future, Bernie felt Serena turn onto her side and start to stroke her foot slowly up and down her lower leg, and then her hand pressed flat onto her stomach, a finger gently tracing some shapes along her waist.

“You know what I said earlier about being exhausted?” Serena murmured as she pushed herself up slightly to look down on Bernie.

“Err..yes,” agreed Bernie, suddenly arching up from the mattress as Serena’s mouth fixed onto the nearest nipple.

Serena smiled against her breast before letting it go.

“Well, I think I’ve just received an energy boost from somewhere, so if you’re ready, how about we start round 2?”

 

Bernie’s joyful shout of ‘YES’ echoed throughout the house, _their home,_ out into the garden and beyond.

 


End file.
